July 30, 2010
Happy Friday! I got me some questions for my Happy Friday. What did you all get? I have one plan this Friday, this Fri-day, this Fri-night – I am seeming Dinner for Schmucks. I am seeing that! I can’t wait. It looks great. I wish I had a date. The kinds I could ate. Not a person I need to pay for their trip to the movies date. I’m kidding I would take either or both date.
I’m definitely seeing Dinner for Schmucks. I am a big fan of The Dinner Game, the French film the movie is based on. As Americans tend to do, Dinner for Schmucks looks to be a lot more ridiculous than The Dinner Game. The original French movie appears to be the basis of the movie, but they blow that idea up and expound upon it greatly. Nevertheless, The Dinner Game is a solid rental for those who have not seen it and can read subtitles.
My only other plan is to keep watching videos of The Ohio Players and their appearances on Midnight Special. This show should be repackaged and sold on DVD.
Arcade Fire? Yay or nay? –
Nay. I will have to say “nay” on this new Arcade Fire album. In general, I love Arcade Fire. Or I love their first two albums: Funeral and Neon Bible. It has become abundantly clear they will never make anything as genius as Funeral again. That album is unbelievable. Neon Bible is a great album as well, but already shows that they are not going to be a fuzzy chaotic band anymore. So the new album? I gave it a run through the other day and I didn’t really like any of it. There were two songs that showed promise, but that’s it. Promise. I don’t think they delivered on the promise, but they showed some. I am very disappointed in the album.
To put it crassly: the songs are a melancholy handjob where you never get to cum.
And that is for the “good” songs. Some of the songs just are not good at all. The “good” songs have a lot of buildup and tension at points, but then they never have the FREAK OUT that all bands need. There needs to be a point in the song where the band kind of loses track of what song they’re playing and goes off. Sometimes that is called the “breakdown”. Like think about “Hey Jude” by The Beatles. All “Hey Jude” is is a repeating escalating song for 3 minutes and then the FREAK OUT. Imagine “Hey Jude” without the last 3 minutes of the song. What would be the point? And “Hey Jude” is my favorite Beatles song for all of you keeping record.
So, I’m not sure what you are looking for in terms of music. Maybe you want a melancholy handjob where you never cum. I don’t know. If you’re looking for rock music that rocks that was made recently, I would suggest The Ponys.
Is it possible to make a good Hulk movie?
I completely believe so. The two Hulk movies that have come out are not that crazy different from each other. I think the second Hulk movie had a better idea, but a bad director and probably bad writers to make that idea happen. Super hero movies are always bogged down with the “origin story”. Generally speaking, the origin of a super hero is the most boring part of that super hero. The hero isn’t doing anything all that super. Also, super heroes usually fight super villains and do wild stuff with their super powers and none of that happens in origin stories. There are only a few characters in all of comic books that actually have a good and interesting origin story. For instance: Wolverine’s origin story is excellent and the Wolverine movie did an excellent job fucking that up. I couldn’t believe what an excellent job they did fucking up that excellent story. Just remarkably terrible.
Anyway, I think if I made a Hulk movie I would tell the origin story in flashbacks or dream sequences or something and get it over with quick. The Hulk has villains to fight. The Hulk even becomes a villain. The Hulk has about a billion comics he is in because he is a good character and people have figured out how to use him. Ang Lee’s Hulk sucks. No villain for Hulk to fight and the whole thing is boring ass origin story. The second Hulk sucks. Mostly an origin story and mostly a story where he is denying himself as the Hulk. Also, shitty directing.
A super hero can have moments of doubt and so forth, but a super hero is a super hero because they grab hold of their nuts and they announce to the world “I’m going to fuck that dude up because I’m the greatest. And these are my big super hero nuts.” Think Goku. Goku from the Dragonball Z anime is one of the greatest super heroes ever conceived. He has no quit in him and he knows that he will do everything and anything to succeed and even if he dies, he’ll still figure out a way to pass his power onto his son or come back from the dead with a halo over his head to defeat the enemy. Goku wants to fucking win. And that never changes.
Make the Hulk like that. It would be a good movie. No one wants to see passive not sure of himself Hulk. I want Hulk to have balls. Big green balls!
I’m a little concered about turning in a picture of my want. I understand that I have to, since otherwise I will be consorting with the devil. You’ll grade on a curve, won’t you?
SEND THAT PICTURE! I am going to love and adore any and all pictures that you and all of you will send. I will print out each picture and anoint them with oil, tether them to a silk pillow and keep them in a solid gold china cabinet in the panic room of my apartment and every night I will sing each picture a lullaby and wish a goodnight sleep.
Seriously, I’m not sure why you think I’m going to do something dastardly with the contest pictures. I’m pretty sure my goal was to have a contest. And that’s about as far as I thought. I did not think everyone was crazy paranoid about taking pictures of themselves like the camera would steal their souls. Who fucking knew!?! I’ve shown pictures of myself on this motherfucking website and you don’t see me freaking the fuck out about it. I mean I don’t have a soul so taking pictures of myself wasn’t a problem. I lost my soul years ago when the Major League Baseball players had a strike and I was 9 and it broke me.
It’s a contest. There are prizes.
Are you not allowed to be blonde in New Jersey?
They’re not from NEW JERSEY! Anyway, yes. Tara Reid is from New Jersey and so is Ali Larter. They’re blonde. How much more proof could you possibly need?
Question for Friday: How are the entries for the contest going? Are you getting many (any) submissions?
I know for a fact you have not sent me in a picture, missy miss who sent this question. I have received some entry pictures. Thank you to those who have. Some of your faithful commenting staffers have sent in pictures. Some haven’t. You know who you are. Some lurkers have sent in pictures as well. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t send in a picture. Send in a fucking picture! The better the contest will be with more contestants. That’s just how shit gets done.
should i watch the matrix? what are your thoughts on that movie?
YES!!!!!! First, don’t listen to the haters. The Matrix sequels are fine. Actually they are more than fine. Actually actually, it depends on what you want in a movie. If you want action then FUCKING WATCH THESE MOVIES. If you don’t want action and would instead like a movie about sending letters to some guy you just met on a beach then don’t watch this movie. I love The Matrix. Love it. It is an interesting movie that touches on a lot of philosophical subjects and such, but never forget that 100% it is an action movie. People got tied into this action movie having a good storyline that they forgot that they should be focused on the action.
The Matrix – great story, great action. The Matrix: Reloaded – good story, GREAT action. The Matrix: Revolutions – nothing special story and one great action scene at the end.
I have sat and watched The Matrix and The Matrix: Reloaded dozens upon dozens of times. The third, Revolutions, isn’t the best. It isn’t bad, but really the only scene that is worth watching is the final fight between Agent Smith and Neo. That is a great action scene.
If you like action movies then you should watch them. The first two Matrix movies in my opinion are two of the best action movies made ever. And as far as movie making and so forth, The Matrix is easily one of the most important films ever.
And with that…
I hope everyone has a great weekend. Thank you for your questions. Thank you for whoever sent me a picture(s) thus far. And to those who haven’t – get off your lazy ass and take a picture of yourself looking like you want it or making fun of Kristen Stewart. It’s not the hardest thing in the world to do.
And if you get bored this weekend and are in search of love. I shall point you to this man who made the greatest comment this week on this blog on the “50 over 60″ women list.
i m Ahmad from pakistan i want a woman who experience of love ,sex and life.woman of any country i waiting with love and care …(email@example.com)
On second thought, please do not email Ahmad. Especially, my younger readers because somehow I believe there will be legal blowback on me if you did email Ahmad.
Have a great weekend.
July 29, 2010
Tonight is not just like every other night. Tonight we will eat leaven bread not like every other night. Some nights we do not eat leaven bread because we choose to eat crackers. I prefer Ritz, but Saltines are perfectly acceptable. Club crackers, which many forget even exist until one mentions them are also a fine substitute. Crackers are not leaven bread and we may eat them. Crackers are not leaven bread, right? They don’t look “leaven”. Crackers are a little more than paper thick, instead of big breasted loaf of bread. I’ve been reading a lot of Tom Wolfe and he loves describing big rolling hilly lawns as being big breasted. A loaf of potato bread would be a full C cup and a cracker would be a training bra amount of “leaven”.
Someone is ringing my doorbell* — I’ll be right back…
… I’m back.
That was the Jehova’s Witnesses. Not all of them. Just two well dressed women. They were very nice and I to them. Their first question was about how bad the world has gotten with the wars and earthquakes and hurricanes and such, so “do you think God has left us?” My response “No”. She responded, “Why?” And I answered, “I don’t think God can leave us.” Then she explained about their literature and gave me a pamphlet. We had a nice goodbye and now I’m back.
Let me say this, the world is not all that bad. It was worse before. If God would/could leave us, it probably already happened during the times of open slavery in America, the Holocaust, conquistadors killing everything they saw from Mexico through the southern most tip of South America, the atomic bombings of Japan, the endless bloodshed in God’s name of the Crusades… There have been some bad times in this world and if God didn’t leave us then God isn’t leaving us now. Also, God is the omnipresent, omnipotent and infinite – I’m not sure where God could go or even have the ability to go. I don’t think “infinite” is something that can just pack up its bags and leave. Anyway…
These are better times! Much better times! Case in point -
JERSEY SHORE’S SECOND SEASON STARTS TONIGHT!!!!!!!!
YES! THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD AND THE ALMIGHTY HAS SHOWN US THE GLORY! THE SHINING TANNED GLORY OF THE JERSEY SHORE! AHHH I FEEL IT LORD! I FEEL IT ETERNAL! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE SITUATION AND DJ PAULY D BACK IN ACTION AT THE CLUBS! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND GUIDOS! HALLELUJAH!
So, I’m psyched. What I wasn’t psyched about last night was being given dubious hope that the Jersey Shore was on last night and it was not. What was on MTV instead of Jersey Shore? The Real World. HAHAHAH… Did anyone even know that they were still making this show? I didn’t. How are they still making this show? That used to be the only reality show on MTV, but now they have a million, so why is it still around? Who fucking knows? Did I watch a minute or two and go to the website? You bet your sweet ass I did. Am I going to write about that? You should keep betting on that same sweet ass I just said you had I will.
Real World XXIV: Back to New Orleans… ahahahahahahahahahah! “Back to New Orleans”? Either MTV has made so many Real Worlds that they have ran out of different major cities to have the show or they think filming a season of the Real World in New Orleans is somehow going to help those people get over Katrina or Rita or the shitty John Goodman ending in Treme. So, it’s another season of Real World where they take a bunch of young people from different parts of the country and different beliefs or whatever and stick them in a house. But there is a big twist this season – see if you can spot it:
Here we go…
This is Knight. Yes, Knight. And here is a picture of him taking off his pants slightly. What the fuck? Why is this an appropriate “cast bio” picture? Every season of the Real World has the cornfed All American good looking white boy. This season does not! AHAHAH… who the fuck is this guy!?! Knight!?! What the fuck kind of name is Knight? And he isn’t even good looking. Well, he’s alright, but I mean he is big step down in the looks department. He’s a copy of a copy of a copy to the point the color has lost its luster and everything is flat looking and faded. Let me take a look at his bio – maybe he’s more than just a completely average set of superficial looks. Hmmmm… he played hockey, goes to ASU, got hurt and now he doesn’t play hockey anymore. BORING! Fuck! Hockey!?! Who would’ve guessed ASU had a hockey team? Why are people in Arizona playing hockey? Either way, that is old news because he doesn’t even play hockey. MTV couldn’t find a better looking white guy than this? I find this deplorable.
This is Jemmye and Eric. Bleh. There were two reasons why the Real World existed:
1. There was a time when no one from different races or ethnicity or sexual orientation lived together. That had never happened before. All white people lived with all other white people. All black people lived with black people. And it was MTV who changed that forever by making the Real World. MTV integrated society! But nowadays everyone is just living with everyone. Blacks and whites. Hispanics and Asians. Gays and straights. One white guy from north New Jersey is living with a white guy from south New Jersey in Jersey City and that wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for MTV.
2. Beautiful people. You got to see a bunch of good looking people living together. Young good looking people. Young good looking people getting drunk and hooking up with each other the only way good looking people know how to.
Nowadays, seeing a black guy living with a white guy or a white girl or a Mexican or a Mexi-can’t or whatever is not that interesting. That is just not a draw anymore, so the #1 reason to watch the show has been null and void for years now. All we’re left with is #2 – young hot people getting drunk and hooking up.
Well, they’re young. And they do get drunk and hook up. But “hot”? What happened!?! Can MTV not find hot people anymore. These kids are all acceptably attractive, but no more than any other person walking on the street. Maybe not the Lizard Man who walks the street. But outside of the Lizard Man, you wouldn’t do a double take on any of these people. So they’re not getting anyone to tune because of their looks. Maybe these people are more interesting than Knight was.
From Jemmye’s cast bio “She enjoys casual sex with no commitment, and she has a preference for black men” – seriously? Who doesn’t? That sentence could describe 95% of America minus the Lizard Man. The Lizard man likes LIZARDS! Anyway, so Jemmye is a big slut and she isn’t hooking up with the black guy. She is actually messing around with Knight. What? I know! Knight doesn’t have a black penis. Speaking of, Eric is a struggling comedian. BORING. NEXT! Sahar grew up in Dearborn, Michig…. zzzzz…. zzzzz… and Ashlee is going to New Orleans to either pursue her “dream” to be a sideline sports reporter or get unsafe drunk in Nawlins. Take a fucking wild guess which one happens.
Urkel! Steve Urkel is on the Real World! I did not see that coming. His name is actually Preston and he has a sob story for a life. His mom is/was a crack addict and abandoned him at 17. I’m not sure that makes Preston interesting. It makes him mom interesting, but I’m not sure about Preston. Next season of the Real World should feature Preston’s mom, God willing. The blonde is McKenzie who is a 21 year old college chick from UCF. So, there’s that. She’s cute. *shrugs* That’s really all I got on her. She’s not a stripper or a racist or anything as far as I can tell, so I’m bored still.
The gay guy. Great. He has a bleach blonde emo hair cut straight out of 2000. And stereotypically he is “outrageous”. He likes to chase his roommates around naked and he has a “fascination with cold ears” and he is “bizarre”. Fuck this guy sucks. Ryan is the lamest gay guy ever. Where are the cocaine orgies? You’re on TV, dude! Get nuts! Like nuts crazy and nuts as in guys’ nuts. You’re not going to attract a real gay guy with some “fascination with cold ears”. If someone is writing a biography about you and the third thing they mention about you as a human being is your “fascination with cold ears” you do not deserve to be on television. Worst gay guy ever.
So, Real World sucks.
The cast of the Jersey Shore:
GLORIOUS! They’re all golden orange tan, the chicks all have huge fake breasts (minus Sammi, but I’ll let her pass), they wear little to no clothes, they’re constantly hooking up with each other, the guys are shredded with muscles, Ronnie punches people in the face, they all look absolutely ridiculous and they’re complete fame whores. Such a better television show. I can’t fucking wait!
Questions for Friday.
July 28, 2010
No guest blog today because no guest blogger.
This morning I had an insane dream that had Dawgz and my Dad in it. We were in some small Rhode Island town where everyone was having barbecues and picnics. We joined one particular barbecue. We ate some hot dogs and so forth. Eventually, everyone funneled into a house because it was getting dark out or would get dark out soon I suppose. We took seats in the living room and someone turned on the TV. That’s when maybe the most ridiculous movie ever came on.
It had some really long name about a cigarette smoking man and some other guy and it was all in Spanish. The movie starts and it is some 70′s style action movie. And it stars Burt Reynolds. He looked like he did in Deliverance. He looked massive. During some action scene, Burt needed help during a fight and BOOM who comes into help Tom Selleck. He looked like a beast. He looked straight out of his Magnum PI days – shirtless, tan and hairy. They fight some guys and the next scene showed who they were fighting for or more or less who they were rescuing from the bad guys: Little Richard. Yes, that LITTLE RICHARD. Unreal. His hair was straightened and down around his face and he was wearing a mariachi suit.
The movie continues and, at some point, I notice the people in the room who are watching the movie with me: creepers. It was some PCP junkie type looking guys. They are now passing around pipes for people to share in their own wayward drug decisions. They keep whispering, “It’s got that zombie in there.” And I’m thinking to myself, “I don’t want to be a zombie.” So after a few tense moments of what’s going to happen when I say no to “zombie” in a room full of PCP junkies who are all watching a Mexican action movie featuring Little Richard, Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck – I then was unceremoniously woken up to Eminem’s hit single with Rhianna BLARING! FUCKING BLARING! Some repairman van is parked on the street with their radio turned to 11.
Anyway – Shameless plugs…
Check out the KSWI Contest page at the top – email all entries to firstname.lastname@example.org
Follow me on Twitter – twitter.com/jordan_is_ok
Watch these TV shows:
Louie – on FX at 11pm on Tuesdays
Chad Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch – on Vh1 at 9pm on Sundays
Mad Men - on AMC at 10pm on Sundays
Jersey Shore is starting up tomorrow night! Can’t wait.
July 26, 2010
Back to the grind. The grind. The daily grind. The weekday grrrriiinnnddd. When I had a job, I never felt like I was really “grinding”. Not only did I not feel like I was grinding, but I couldn’t imagine what grinding would have been even if I tried to at that job. I guess that was really what that job was. Unless “grinding” was actually filing away any and all paper work that I never filed away or being led into some executive’s office and giving them an impromptu lap dance. I’m sure I would not have been good at doing either.
I don’t know if I ever mentioned this when I was on the outs of my job, but we were closing up the place because the office was moving and I wasn’t quitting because I wasn’t going to make the move. After two plus years of working there there was a ton of paper work that needed to be filed. So much paper work. Walls of filing cabinets full of files. Everywhere! Trees, forests, jungles, countries of paper! And I did my job, but I usually did not file any of it away. I’m a modern ager! I did what was needed, I registered it in the computer, in the company’s network, and I made sure whatever transaction it was did go through. But the paper copy!?! That usually sat in stacks or ended their lives in the garbage can.
Nevertheless, after all that time at the job all that paper work had to be destroyed. They were not taking all the paper with them. Instead we had to get rid of all of it. Not only was I throwing out all the paper at my desk. I was throwing away every piece of paper that I had at my desk that I was supposedly supposed to file away somewhere. I throw that paper away and then I follow it up by throwing away the file folder that that file went into. After that with the strength left in my glistening biceps, I throw away the entire shelf of file folders from that cabinet. Why are biceps glistening? From the GRIND! And after the shelf is through, I throw away all the shelves in the whole cabinet. Every piece of paper and folder, every piece of information in an entire cabinet thrown away. And then when that task was completed burning the past, I then started with disemboweling its brethren.
I felt like I did more work erasing the history of the company I was employed by than I ever did on a daily basis trying to help them continue as a company.
This weekend was unremarkable. Although, this is a website that is filled with my remarks, so I’ll think of something. Friday night was spent at a bar and Saturday night was spent at home and Sunday was spent in the loving scotch stenched embrace of Mad Men.
Don’t tell Dawgz that Philly sucks. The phrase was not uttered by me nor the sentiment. I love Philly. Illy. Phila. Philadelphia. Illadelphia. At the local bar, the place was packed. More front loaded. The entrance was a buzz with grinders drinking away their week all staring wide-eyed at another boring Mets game. It wasn’t inparticularly boring because it was the Mets, but it was boring because it was BASEBALL. Moving on, we three grabbed drinks and walked to the other end of the bar back to where the pool table was and where more space was to stand without someone’s stomach against your back.
Once there, we were greeted by the worst game of “video shuffle board” being played by sisters. They did not look like sisters, but they swore they were. It was shuffle board with a TV screen. Lord only knows how long these two were at it before we arrived, but the game of shuffle board was uniquely foreign to these two and even more so the incorporation of the television screen element. We explained and explained and explained and explained and re-explained how or what they should be doing to win the game or at least score points. Finally, one of them got the hand of it and the other quit. My friend took over for her and now it was a battle of friend versus random sister.
This is interacting with strangers. That’s what we are out to do… that and drink. So we continued. Anyway, that is how we met the eventual Philly Sucks girl. She was a friend of the sisters who I and another friend were playing TV shuffle board with. The friend shows up and Dawgz is bored, so he engages. On second chance, he would have stayed bored. She asked Dawgz where he was from, he said BLAH BLAH and she responded BLAH BLAH? That place sucks. Hmmmm… interesting way to start, right? This was then followed by her asking what college he went to, he responded Saint Joe’s in Philly and this brought about the Philly Sucks. This enraged Dawgz! You may besmirch my town, but not Philadelphia!
Next thing I know, the girls were leaving, which was ok by me. And while they were leaving Dawgz was still shouting great landmarks and traditions of Philadelphia as if he was apart of their tourism department or dressed as Benjamin Franklin.
Then I beat Dawgz in video shuffle board.
If anyone follows my Twitter, I was keeping up a pretty good record of what we were experiencing as far as our drunk troubadour. The bar we were at had a jukebox. There was also a man in the bar who was double downing on Coors Light and tequila shots. He also sauntered his way over to the jukebox and must’ve invested a hundred dollars in the machine because for the rest of the night he had credits in the damn thing choosing pretty much all the music we heard.
The first hour of music would easily be categorized as late 70′s and 80′s rock. But it was also the same rock over and over again. The guy was either so drunk he couldn’t remember that he was playing the same songs over and over again or that he was so drunk he wanted to hear the same songs over and over again and didn’t care that he was spending money on them and that an entire bar hated him for doing it. In that first hour we heard – three Blondie songs, “Boys Don’t Cry” twice and “Changes” three times. He continued to repeat himself later as we heard “Changes” a couple more times. The bartender eventually cut the guy off and would pipe in music of his own choosing. What I learned from this was that a bald man, tequila drunk, abrasive as anything and wearing a gaudy Affliction t-shirt still has a soft side. Blondie, The Smiths and Bowie? Was this a cry for help? Did I not hear him weeping on the inside, on the inside of his skull and crosses Affliction t-shirt.
Surrogates – with Bruce Willis. We didn’t watch it together. I mean Surrogates has Bruce Willis in it. It was a bad movie. I doubt anyone is worried about me spoiling the movie for them, but James Cromwell is everyone. EVERYONE. The movie wasn’t good, but it could have been. There are decent scenes are moments in the movie or some interesting ideas, but all in all it is bad. It also ends terribly. As spoiled, James Cromwell is EVERYONE in the movie who is not Bruce Willis. He is both the good guy, the bad guy, the assassin, the victim and everything. It didn’t make any sense.
Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day – Fucking awful. Horrendous. Terrible. But oddly enough I think that was the point of the movie. I think Troy Duffy didn’t want to make this movie especially after all this time and especially with the input of the studio and more money and all that. I think Duffy went out there to make the worst most cliche piece of garbage film he could make as a nice “fuck you” to the studio. As funny as I found that or as bad funny the scenes/acting were, it still was just garbage and I couldn’t sit through it all.
Salt – I didn’t see it. I thought about seeing it a lot. A real lot. But I never got out of my apartment in a determined fashion to see the flick. It is PG-13. Ugh. I don’t want to see a movie I’m expecting to be bad or meh at best and on top of it is a PG-13. At the very least, I need to see the blood and guts and nudity and cursing for a movie like this. I’m a simple man. If I’m paying to see a cookie cutter movie then I’m going to need an R rating.
MAD MEN WAS AMAZING
I don’t want to ruin anything for anyone who didn’t watch it yet, but it was great as always. Roger Sterling has the best dialogue over any character on television. You can hear the joy of the writers of that show coming from his mouth. They write him beautifully with a million one-liners and then John Slattery delivers them better than any other actor could.
How was your weekend?
July 23, 2010
I believe I have figured out the prizes for the “Kristen Stewart wants IT and so do I” contest, which will end August 9th. I will also be adding a tab about this contest at the top of the page next to the eternal question “Who is Kristen?”. I may or may not also remind everyone in every post from now to August 9th that there is a contest in which you take a picture of yourself wanting IT or doing an impersonation of Kristen Stewart wanting IT and send it to email@example.com and in doing so you may or may not win one of the unique prizes I have thought up for this contest.
Depending on how many entrants there are there may be multiple winners. Either way, the winner(s) will get to choose their prize instead of me deciding for them. It’s like a grab bag if the bag of the grab bag was see-thru and you know exactly what you are grabbing for in that bag of grab bagginess.
Jordan Newmark Short Story – I will write a short story for you and only you. This short story can be about whatever you may want. Fan fiction, horror, mystery, bunny rabbits? Your choice. The story will be under 20 pages long.
Jordan Newmark Read Audio Book - I will make an audio book for you. I will read any book of your choosing that is under 600 pages long.
Vision: Ripper Skateboard – This is an original Vision skateboard that may be from 1987. It is the “Ripper” model. It has all its original parts and it may or may not have ever been ridden ever. It was given to me as a present when I was a small child and has been taken care of and sat in my room since I was that child. Now it could be yours. Either to add to whatever shrine you have built to me or that you will have built to me or it could be used like an actual skateboard.
$40 Consumer Shopping Network gift card – for their website at csn.com
A Mess Of Crumpled $1 Bills – the mess totals in at $36
The Bad Standards Song – I have contacted the band The Bad Standards through their twitter account and they have agreed that they will write and record a song about whichever winner chooses this prize. They genre of the song may also be up for debate considering they have recorded blues songs, reggae, classic rock, prog rock, rap, soul, latin rock, dance club, world, and electro.
Very great and very unique prizes.
But, I would like to address the negativity/skepticism and general unfunness from some of the commenting staff regarding the contest. Actually, let me address directly their comments that they may not send pictures of themselves, but can’t wait to see other people’s pictures. WRONG. If I am not satisfied with the cooperation of the commenting staff then you will not see ANY pictures from contestants. Instead the contestants with be emailed the other contestants pictures or given a link to another website where the contest can be held in a more private setting. How does that sound? This is a participation website. If you want to see what others have sent in then you too need to get involved.
Besides that, what on Earth are you people afraid of? The only person who is ever attacked on this website is me. Everyone else is great and wonderful and kisses and hugs and flowery this and flowery that and we love you “totes”, so any picture you send will be praised more than enough for your self-confidence to sky rocket past the former planet Pluto.
With that said, I have already received several entrants for this contest. To those that have emailed me their entrant pics, so quickly THANK YOU. All entrants have until August 9th, so no rush. I know some would like to really capture their want perfectly, so they may need to think up what they really want and in doing so that may take a few days. I get it.
Lastly, I believe I only received one actual question from a commenter.
If Satan had a last name, what would it be?
Excellent question. Satan, Lucifer, The Light Bringer, The Southern Star, The Morning Star, The Devil, El Diablo et cetera is known by many names. Many many many names. One last name would not capture the spirit that all of Satan’s first names have. So, Satan would have many last names. Strangely enough I know what those last names are. Simply, anyone who does not send in an entry for the “Kristen Stewart wants IT and so do I” contest is one of the last names of the Devil. Yep. So let’s say your last name is Jones and you do not send in an entry for the contest then one of the Devil’s last names is Jones because of your non-action.
I hope everyone has a great weekend. Actually I only hope you have a great weekend if you are going to enter the contest. This is my Alamo.