You Could Possibly Win Free Things From This Site

July 22, 2010

First, I would like to mention yesterday’s guest blogger Freya and thank her for writing that very lesbionic post. Actually, I should really mention first that I’m distracted watching the movie Sugar as I type this. Wait. They both can’t be “first”. One has to be second. Or do they? Ok, I think I got this.

Thank you Freya for being an excellent Dominican baseball pitcher in the minor leagues. Your struggles with steroids and same-sex feelings for big busty broads are entertaining, which is surprising since I have not liked baseball since I was a kid. Going into this post I was expecting to like it because it was directed and written by the same duo who made Half Nelson. I will admit I’m finding the storyline a bit confusing because I came late into Dita Von Teese. I also cannot get enough of Christina Hendricks and I would absolutely do anything to put my face between those great big dark brown Caribbean born hands. Well, Freya Sugar, thank you.

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Honestly, I am watching Sugar. What the hell is going in this movie? Is he in Brooklyn now? And he’s not playing baseball? Shouldn’t the movie have ended immediately after he gave up on baseball. He better start pitching again. He better come out to pitch in the ninth inning to “Wild Thing” or this movie blows. Ugh, he’s a bus boy now! I didn’t start watching this movie to watch some kid wash dishes. I could literally do that in my kitchen. Hey Dawgz, we should wash some dishes. Ok, “Ax”. Then we would wash dishes, which would be way better than watching this kid watch dishes even in “3D”. Lastly, maybe or maybe not Dawgz refers to me as Jordan “The Ax” Newmark. There really is only one way to find out: reality TV show! Someone get us a reality TV show like Rob & BigDawgz & Ax.

It’s about time I address the title of today’s post.

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KSWI will be having its first contest and giveaway.

KSWI will be having its first CONTEST and GIVEAWAY!

KSWI IS HAVING A CONTEST AND GIVEAWAY!

KSWI … CONTEST … GIVEAWAY!!

The contest:

“Kristen Stewart wants IT and so do I”

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We all understand by now that Kristen Stewart wants IT. We should also understand that she is not the only person who wants IT. Everyone wants IT at some time or another and in their wanting IT they are actually reflecting one perfectly beautiful moment of the infinite want of Kristen Stewart. So, what the contest is about is people sending pictures of themselves “wanting IT” and/or doing an impersonation of Kristen Stewart wanting IT. As mentioned, in some way all wanting IT is an impersonation of Kristen Stewart wanting IT. What I meant, is you can either gain inspiration from Kristen Stewart’s wanting IT by looking at her pictures and movies and then cull your wanting IT look/pose or you can try your best at recreating one of the iconic Kristen Stewart wanting IT pictures of your own choosing. Littered through this post are examples of K-Stew wanting IT, obviously, use them wisely.

Sugar just ended. *shrugs* The movie kind of should have stopped exactly when he quits the minor league team. Nothing after that mattered.

Anyway, back to the contest.

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All contest pictures can be sent to jordankswi@gmail.com . I will post the pictures and your sacred identities will remain anonymous. And you the commentators will choose the winner through some type of voting system I’ll concoct. Maybe email voting as well.

The prize:

First, GLORY!

GLORY

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That already is a good enough prize: ETERNAL GLORY! This will be the first definitive contest deciding who wants IT the best. I have never seen a “wants IT” contest before, have you? You will be the GRAND CHAMPION of wanting IT if you win this. You may or may not be the “undisputed” champion because that may need to be settled in a cage match of wanting IT between you (GRAND CHAMPION) and Kristen Stewart (young Hollywood starlet most famous for a slew of below average vampire movies who seemingly is the personification of the immortal emotion of “desire”).

Besides GLORY, there will be actual prizes. At the very least, there will be a $40 gift card to the Consumer Shopping Network. Why? Because I have a $40 gift card to the CSN for writing that hilarious post about bathroom vanities. Make sense now? I am going to acquire some more giveaway items on top of this and I will mention them when I get them. Most likely it will be more gift card style prizes. And maybe some really random stuff I think up – maybe a used copy of Batman and Philosophy. Good book, by the way.

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Timeline:

All pictures need to be in by August 9th. Voting will take place that week. The winner(s) will be announced at the end of that same week.

To sum up:

Send contest pictures to jordankswi@gmail.com (no limit on the amount of pictures for the contest as is there is no limit to how times a person wants IT) between NOW and August 9th. Win fabulous contest prizes.

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….

Ok, so when I get all the prizes together I’ll post them, which will be next week. I wanted to get the contest out there and get your ideas churning. And I will be entering the contest as well. I can’t win it officially, but I can certainly win it unofficially. THE GLORY! Dawgz is entering it as well. So, basically what I’m saying is all the cool kids are doing it and if you want to be a cool kid then you have to as well. PEER PRESSURE!

Questions for Friday.

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27 Responses to “You Could Possibly Win Free Things From This Site”

  1. I think the most wantingest picture I have of myself is my Twitter avi, the Pandavatar. And really those are just my crazy eyes… But I look forward to judging others.

    What else would you do for $40? Just curious.

    • MLF said

      for forty dollars cash I would do a lot of things. especially right now because I have literally $1.83 to my name, but there is a big difference between forty dollars cash and a forty dollar gift card.

      and that difference is namely you can’t use a gift card to buy drugs, food, gas, or alcohol. therefore to me it’s pretty much useless.

      on the otherhand, I feel like I could take a picture of myself wanting it. or have someone else take the pic…the point is could I look like I want it. Do I really want to do that? not so much. it seems so pretentious to even do..like, “hey look at me and how much I want it?” I mean..no. If you are *trying* to look like you want it, doesn’t that automatically mean you don’t *really* want it and are just …faking? My brain is moving slowly today but..yeah.

      I really, REALLY hope everyone sends in a picture of themselves wanting it though.

      • I want Kay Swidge to do a product review of these Subtle Butt thingamajigs. I’m pretty sure whatever he would have to say about his adventures in public gassing would be something I’d cherish for eons to come. (I couldn’t even type that without starting to laugh which I then tried to disguise as a cough. It wasn’t convincing.) Anyway, if he couldn’t work out some sort of deal with the genius behind Subtle Butt (pun intended) to test and promote the product, I’d be willing to pay him forty big ones to give it a go.

      • MLF said

        I am crying from laughing so hard. I love you, so very very much.

        Jordashizzlewizzlebizzle- please to be fulfilling HB’s request because she is a genius and that would be hilarious.

    • MLF said

      also I feel like I have seen a picture of you wanting it as a ninja turtle- I am pretty sure in terms of want ninja turtles can’t be beat.

  2. kt said

    This is because we didn’t send enough bikini pictures isn’t it?

    • Amy D said

      He is getting quite crafty with getting pics sent in isn’t he.

      • MLF said

        pretty much

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        First, this is a legitimate contest. Second, don’t play innocent. I distinctly remember last week you wanting to know a detailed description of what my pubes are like.

      • MLF said

        lies.

        firstly- It was cledbo that asked that.

        secondly- FML for even remembering that

        thirdly- the sisterwives call it like we see it

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        Cledbo and…
        “Amy D said
        July 9, 2010 at 9:48 pm
        I’m wondering why there was no more description…. If it doesn’t match, what the hell color are we working with? And since we are on the topic*, do you manscape at all or just let the good times roll?”

        There should be a punishment for calling me a liar and being wrong when you do so.

      • MLF said

        I am impressed by your auto recall, but I was talking about myself, not Amy. I had totally forgotten Amy D said that though so thanks for the refresher.

        Don’t worry though. I’m sure you’ll get another chance to punish me for something..it’s not like I ever behave.

  3. Freya said

    Thank you for the compliments…I think. I got confused with the mixed Freya/Sugar intro. Although I think I come out on top*, because I offered up busty babes and was steroid-free at the time.

  4. Crystal said

    Oh my…..

  5. MLF said

    my roomate and I just had a contest of our own. it was to see who could deepthroat a banana the best. I lost. and it was against one of my MALE roomates. sadly I’m pretty sure the video is gonna be on facebook within the hour, if he figures out how to upload it.

    and for the record- the prize was the banana. I was really hungry and was like, hey, can I have one of your bananas? and he was like yeah but only if you deepthroat it first. so then I was like, ok only if you do also. so he was like, fine, but the loser gets a video of them doing it posted on facebook.

    I should not have been so sure of myself. I am also really questioning how well I know my roomates now.

    so yeah basically with the right motivation you can get almost anybody to do just about anything.

  6. MLF said

    I miss Pweeg. and tiffanized. and susanelle! where is everybody!? other than pweeg who is in la mexico. DONDE ESTA??

    • susanelle said

      I’m… wait, let me write this in Kay Swidgese:

      I’m on vacation! VayKays! Vay-Kay-Shun! VAYKAYSHUN! I have holidays! HALL-I-DAZE! Days of HOLI! Holy, holy, holy HOLIDAYS! Days and days of holly jolly holidays! R&R, y’all! Are and Are, y’all! Rest and recreeeeeee-ayshun!

      So (this is me now) I’m sleeping in and catching up late, but don’t ever stop writing this blog or commenting on this blog because I am savoring every word as per usual, just at a different time and with different clothes on.

  7. Lala said

    I don’t know what to say about this contest…

  8. I want to do the “This is My Dog Forever Wanting It” pose, but I’m going to need a girl to really pull it off.

    ba-dum-pssshhhhh.

  9. raven said

    Okay. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror for atleast ten minutes attempting to give my best Want face. Mostly I just looked like I had to sneeze. It’s sad, really. I beginning to wonder how I managed to attract a mate at all.

    I do look forward to seeing everyone else’s faces of Want though. Especially yours Jordan, it should be epic.

  10. amanda said

    Haha this is a great idea! I’m gonna have fun with this.
    question- if Satan had a last name… what would it be?

  11. campbelld said

    I am totes gonna win this contest, and it’s gonna be hella creepy.

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