“Thor” Sucked: The Movie Review

May 9, 2011

Let me begin with a seemingly arbitrary question…

What is the worst “Mummy” movie?

There are three movies in the Mummy franchise featuring Brendan Fraser.

The first Mummy sucked. But the second Mummy was absolutely dreadful and partially insulting. The third Mummy movie I didn’t see. It looked awful and for whatever reason I saw the Mummy spin-off The Scorpion King and that was horrible. Ok, so I saw The Scorpion King because I love The Rock. I love him like he was my uncle. An uncle who I mirror myself after, but never can be as cool as, but who is really dealing with a lot of problems that I don’t know about because I’m too young to understand baby mama drama and I only focus on his motorcycle, million dollar smile and endless stream of half dressed slutty waitresses that pour out of his duplex.

Anyway, I didn’t think I needed to spend any more money on these horrendous movies.

Then I saw Thor.

Whichever the worst Mummy movie is… it’s better than Thor.

Yep.

No fucking joke.

The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King and The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor are all ostensibly better than Thor.

Other movies that are better than Thor include…

Fantastic Four

Ghost Rider

DareDevil

Twilight… IT’S THAT FUCKING BAD

Some may think I’m being hyperbolic. But the only movie I can really compare how bad Thor is to would be Tron: Legacy.

Sincerely, this movie is terrible. I’m not sure what their point was outside of just making a movie called Thor because the rest of it is just bad. I will honestly admit, I never read Thor the comic book. I was never that into the Marvel Universe outside of X-Men. Thor was definitely a skippable comic in my opinion, but I can’t imagine the comic book was anywhere near as terrible as this movie. If it is faithful to the comic book then that is fucking horrible comic book. Why would you want to make that into a movie?

In all seriousness, after watching Thor, I couldn’t think of a single scene in that movie I would want to relive. Not a single one! Not an “action” scene and not any of the non-action scenes that are mostly just fumbling about with the occasional pseudo science outburst by a human or a completely idiotic outburst by a Norse lord. I cannot for the life of me actually think of a scene that was “good”. Everything, was terrible. As for maybe the movies as a whole is better than the individual parts, I’m not sure Kenneth Branagh or anyone associated with the movie could explain to me what the fucking point of that movie was. What the fuck did I watch? And why? Why did any of that take place? What’s the point in any of it?

My only guess is that when The Avengers movie comes out (and it will fucking suck) that when Thor steps onto screen that people can literally say to themselves, “oh, I remember him from that fucking horrible ass movie about him” instead of just going, “I guess that’s Thor, ok”.

The rest of this will be filled with spoilers.

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE ABOUT THOR.

I’m probably not going to remember everything, but I’ll try to get some of the big stuff out there…

The VISUALS – All of them. I hated all of them. So, Thor is a good looking dude, fine. And Natalie Portman is good looking, ok. Kat Dennings is good looking, ok. Is there anyone else? Throw them in there if you want. You see about 4 inches of Idris Elba’s face, but if you thought that 4 inches was good looking then maybe throw him in there, but all that aside the movie looked stupid. If you’ve seen the trailers, the movie looks just like that. The visuals and CGI and so forth is again no better than any of The Mummy movies. The Mummy movies are not the top of the food chain by the way. They could be near the bottom. But the visuals are not stunning in the least. The whole of Asgard looks pretty underwhelming I felt. It’s bright and shiny, but it is clearly just some CGI map and nothing about it is breathtaking. It is pretty humdrum.

Sticking to Asgard, the main fixture of the Asgard scenes is the “bifrost”. The bifrost is a teleportation device that is connected to the city by this rainbow bridge. Well, it looks super cheesy. Super. Cheesy. The CGI used to make all of this looks on par with any terribleness from years past. It is not at all thrilling to see the rainbow bridge. As for the actual “bifrost” or “rainbow bridge” – what the fuck are they? And how do they work? MAGIC!

That’s it. Anything that needs to be explained involving Thor is magic. That’s it. The writers did not try to create any explanation deeper than that. The bifrost works because it works. How does it work? It just does. What exactly is the bifrost? It’s this thing and they use it. Why is it called the bifrost? Because that’s its name. What’s wrong with you? It’s magic! Isn’t that explanation enough?!

The bifrost is this link between Asgard and some unpronounceable land of ice where there are the blue skinned and red eyed Frost Giants who appear to be the sole enemies of Thor’s bunch. There is a really terrible opening scene where they show that the Frost Giants and Norse Gods have been fighting all over the Universe including Earth just like the Decepticons and the Autobots.

Ahhhhh!!! It was so fucking bad.

Ok let me try to do this by bullet point dashes -

- The action sucked. All the actions scene were bad. They were unimaginative with Thor smacking bad guys around with his hammer and that’s about it.

- The action scenes were horribly lit and directed. Everything was a quick cut to try and make it seem like so much shit was happening, but you couldn’t see what was happening because the ice planet was all dark blue and the Frost Giants are all dark blue and with the quick cuts who knows what the fuck is going on.

- Thor’s powers are never explained. Seemingly he can do anything. He spends a couple minutes fighting with the Frost Giants and then he decides to do a couple super moves that seemingly wipe out them all with those two moves. Why didn’t he do them from the beginning? Can he do other super moves? What are they? Can he do these super moves wherever regardless of the “realm” they are in? Really? Why?

- Thor’s brother is Loki and seemingly the bad guy of the movie. Loki’s big plan is to screw his brother over in front of his dad to strip him of his powers and send him to Earth, then lure the bad Frost Giants to Asgard, kill their leader, then kill all the Frost Giants…. AND HE’S THE BAD GUY?! WHY?! Why is he the bad guy? Outside of fucking over his brother, he’s the good guy. He defeated the bad guys. I don’t understand how he is the bad guy.

- They try to make Loki the bad guy by Thor OUT OF NOWHERE saying Loki cannot kill the Frost Giants because they are a race and that would be genocide.

WHAT?!

Yep. Thor actually fights Loki and defeats him all in the name of helping save the blue skin red eyed ice monsters who he initially wanted to kill because they are the sworn enemy of the Norse and because they recently tried to kill his dad again.

This whole “genocide” of the Frost Giants makes no sense and it reminds me of Tron: Legacy because that was what evil Jeff Bridges tried to do in that movie and pretty much succeeded. I don’t think people, and by people I mean anyone involved in making Thor, get that genociding a “race” of evil ice demons whose sole purpose is to kill cannot be construed in a bad light. It’s as if there was a movie about doctors and one doctor found a serum that could effectively destroy every cancerous cell ever in all of existence and then the other doctor was like “NO! WAIT! THAT’S GENOCIDE!”

I’m sorry, but until the Frost Giants learn to play music or write plays or contribute in any way to civilization than melding with big blocks of ice lying in wait to kill whatever human looking creatures descend upon their planet then who the fuck cares about them? Show me one Frost Giant short movie or one Frost Giant marble statue or one Frost Giant aqueduct. You know? Do they even eat food? They just hang out in ice blocks!

- If you can name all the characters’ names in the movie then you may have wrote the damn thing. They never use anyone’s name in the movie. I don’t remember anyone saying “Loki” until 40 minutes or so into the movie.

- More than half of the characters are completely inconsequential and do absolutely nothing in the movie.

- Thor’s best buds are worthless. Thor is followed around by a rag tag crew of three dudes and one chick. These dudes and chicks are about a millionth as powerful as Thor is and provide him absolutely no support in combat and absolutely no brains outside of it. And again, if you can name them then you must’ve wrote the script because they hardly mention their names.

- One of his buddies is Asian. I don’t care if he is Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Philippino, Vietnamese or whatever – why? WHY is he Asian? Every fucking character in Asgard has a British accent except for one man and that is the Asian guy in Thor’s group. Why is he Asian? I don’t really care that he is Asian, I just want to know why? Why?! Everyone is British in the movie except for him. People made a big deal about Idris Elba who is black playing one of the Norse Lord characters, but he at least has the accent. The Asian guy is actually given a horrendous straight off the boat stereotype accent and it is DAMN NEAR INCONCEIVABLE why he is there. He only has a couple lines, but the lines they give him are straight out of some Charlie Chan movie from the 50’s.

- Loki is never explained. They really don’t explain anything in the movie, but Loki is completely unexplained. Odin (Anthony Hopkins) apparently finds Loki as a baby Frost Giant on their planet and decides to keep him. That only is pretty fucked up and odd. I have no clue if that is apart of the canon, but I tend to doubt it. Regardless, when Odin touches the blue ice baby his skin turns into that of a white child. Why? Why on Earth would that happen? Secondly, why would Loki – who has no biological connection to Odin – have any of those super powers that he has that seem to be comparable to Thor’s. Also, why is he in no way shape or form like an Frost Giant nor shows any Frost Giant abilities minus when he is touched by a Frost Giant his arm turns blue and then back to white. Nowhere does any of this make sense nor does it at all make him a Norse God. Unless there was a scene where Odin fucks a female Frost Giant (which we never saw female Frost Giants by the by) and she produces a half Frost Giant half Norse God child then none of this makes sense nor holds any merit. It is just out right fucking awful.

- Loki as far as I know is Thor’s brother by birth from Odin’s penis and he is the trickster God, which would explain a bit of his ability to make multiples of himself. I guess. Nevertheless, none of this is said in the movie and actually most of what I just said is refuted by the above paragraph of him being a Frost Giant child/stolen orphan.

- Loki can use Odin’s staff. Why? Loki can’t use Thor’s hammer, but he can use Odin’s staff. I find that to be a big old “someone should explain this shit” plothole. Specifically, they make a point in saying that no one can use Thor’s hammer unless the hammer sees that that person has the right virtue or whatever. Anyway, that dealy apparently doesn’t apply to Odin’s spear/staff. That seems absolutely stupid. I don’t care how one wants to describe it, but that is stupid.

- Loki is going to kill all the Frost Giants by jamming Odin’s staff into the bifrost. Ok? Why does that work? Why would that kill all the Frost Giants? Also, if that is all that it took why didn’t Odin do that? If it is because Loki is a Frost Giant and he has some unique ability to kill all the Frost Giants because of that plus the staff or whatever then FUCKING EXPLAIN THAT! As of right now, Loki can use Odin’s weapon and powers because HE CAN and he can kill all the Frost Giants using the teleporter device because HE CAN. And that’s it. No more and a whole lot less.

- At the beginning of the movie, Natalie Portman is with Stellan Skarsgaard and Kat Dennings and they driving through the desert trying to catch some anomaly that Natalie has been tracking on video tape. What’s the anomaly? What does it have to do with the rest of the bullshit in this movie? Was she tracking all the bifrost movement? Why can she see that? She doesn’t have some super powered telescope or anything in the movie, it is what it is that she somehow is seeing these anomalies that are somehow happening close enough to Earth for her to get readings on and then by dumb luck when she is out one night looking for one, THOR comes crashing to Earth. FUCKING SO STUPID.

- Odin banishes Thor to Earth without his powers or hammer. Odin also banishes the hammer to Earth as well – 50 miles from Thor. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? They continually mention that there are all these different realms and Odin decides to punish his son and to do so he strips him of his powers, but he puts those same powers with in an hours drive of him. The only point is that Odin must’ve wanted Thor to gain his powers back pretty quickly, which means it was a pretty overly dramatic punishment.

- There is a scene of I guess New Mexico rednecks trying to pull Thor’s hammer out of the Earth ala The Sword in the Stone. After a good few hours of them drinking and trying to pull the hammer out of the Earth they decide to take a break and go to the diner. At the diner is Thor eating breakfast. The waitress asks the rednecks what they’ve been up to any they say they’ve been trying to pull a “satellite” out of the ground. What? A satellite?! Two things: it looks EXACTLY like a HAMMER and who the fuck thinks they can pick up a satellite by hand? Let’s stick to the first. They literally are holding the hammer by its handle and it’s completely exposed and obviously a hammer and they’ve been doing so for hours, but when questioned on what it is they say it is a satellite. Those men would be the dumbest men who have ever existed ever. IT WAS A HAMMER! There is no human being ever that knows the word “satellite” and not “hammer” and not know what a hammer looks like.

- Thor hears the men say “satellite” and immediately comes to the conclusion it is his hammer. WHAT THE FUCK?! Who hears the word “satellite” and thinks of a hammer?

- The appearance of Clark Gregg and the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents started in Iron Man continued into Iron Man 2 and now they are in this movie. They have served absolutely no purpose in all three movies. They are stupid, they are weak, they get defeated immediately, they provide no solutions or answers, and all they do is eat up screen time. What is the point of this organization in these movies? I know what their point is in the comic books, but in these movies all they do is fail, but they keep living for some reason and keep appearing in the next movies.

- Hawkeye aka Jeremy Renner appears in the movie for no reason for about 2 minutes. What does he do in the movie? Nothing. He doesn’t do anything besides appear on screen… exactly like this whole damn Thor movie. Also, they don’t explain that that is Hawkeye nor who Hawkeye is nor why we should care nor anything, so the only people who would even remotely “understand” what was happening on screen during that period of time were people who read about it on the internet and that’s it. Why would some S.H.I.E.L.D. agent randomly choose a bow and arrow instead of a sniper rifle? Why would there even be the option of a bow and arrow? I’m pretty sure in the barracks of any marine base in Afghanistan when the troops turn to grab a weapon it is all guns and never a bow and arrow. So the filmmakers should have explained any of that. Hawkeye also is incredibly NOT famous, so it wasn’t like people in the theater had a chance to assume it was Hawkeye.

- The movie takes place at best over a 48 hour period of time, which is absolutely stupid.

- Natalie Portman is supposed to be a brilliant scientist who has never heard of Norse Mythology. Ok? Kat Dennings is a college student has also never heard of it.

- The Norse Mythology book that Stellan Skarsgaard randomly gets is mentioned to be in the children’s section. Children’s section? So that’s wrong. Is Roman or Greek mythology also in the children’s section? Because they have some really fucked up myths that children should not be reading.

Ok, I’ve written 3000 words and there is more about the movie that is terrible.

Basically, the movie is a cross between The Mummy and Tron: Legacy. Not a good thing.

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49 Responses to ““Thor” Sucked: The Movie Review”

  1. Nikki said

    Oh dear. So.. I guess you’re saying… we should NOT watch Thor.. Right? You were a bit ambiguous and I’m not sure I got the point of the post. Did you like it, did you not like it. Hmm, I’m just so confused…

    • Money223 said

      lol i didnt even get to finish this retard babble i stopped when you said loki only turns blue once in his arm and then back to normal but when he kills the gatekeeper his entire body turns blue and he froze that guy…..

      • Money223 said

        and on that note the powers obviously come from their weapons and equipment so im starting to think your a moron

  2. IvyRosier said

    The purpose of this post I assume was to discourage us devoted readers from watching Thor. After reading your insightful review however, I came to a conclusion that it is so bad that I kinda want to see it. Especially after reading about rainbow bridges and hitting people with a hammer, which are two of my fav things. Also I just saw the preview and it had over 10 300 000 views. Not that it is any indication of anything anymore, it’s not that difficult to find over 10 million tasteless twats. My point being that all your unanswerable questions made me curious. How bad could it really be ?

    • I hate you. (No offense.) I was totally in the wrong mindset to watch Thor and absolutely dreaded the experience and the carry on that film had to Avengers, since Loki and Thor were the main characters in that as well.
      Hope you had fun!

  3. yeghia said

    I absolutely agree with 100% of everything you said; so much so i almost thought i wrote this in a schizophrenic rampage.

    Very well said. I can’t believe people like this crap movie.

    you should read the crap review on i09,

    http://io9.com/#!5799242/thor-the-best-superhero-movie-since-the-dark-knight?comment=39064486

    my eyes are still bleeding.

  4. yeghia said

    i had to google thor sucked to find at least this one not-insane review. What the phuck is everyone smoking saying they like this crap.

  5. yeghia said

    i had to google thor sucked to find at least this one not-insane review. What the phuck is everyone smoking saying they like this terrible flick,

  6. I’ve officially stopped four people from going to see this movie. It’s like I’m some kind of goddamn humanitarian. You may throw a gala in my honor should you feel so inclined.

    Maybe the worst part of all is that, not only is this movie atrocious, it’s fucking EXPENSIVE. $15 to see this steaming pile in 3D. 3D that really added nothing of real value to the experience, might I add.

    • contempted said

      After a while, three or four minutes, I couldnt even tell that it WAS 3-D. Serioulsy.Nothing made me duck,nothing shiot out at me- what was the point. I will probably never see another 3-d movie until they get thier fucking shit straight.

  7. Forgetful Lucy said

    DUDE! You totally got a shout-out on Lainey Gossip today in Sarah’s (from Cinasnark) Thor review. She even linked to your twitter AND linked to this review. I’m thinking you may get some fresh meat in the reader pool. WORLDS ARE COLLIDING! Awesome.

  8. Gabbie said

    I enjoyed Thor thoroughly… might have something to do with me thinking it was a comedy/70s bad CGI show… and a little wine my friend and I sneaked in the movie theater.

    Let me tell you… until I saw this I honestly did not recognize Jeremy Renner and was very confused as to why someone would use a bow and arrow… This movie is one random thing after the next, they don’t really explain ANYTHING at all… and furthermore, Thor is very hot, and powerful, he should get a better posse.

  9. Dee Dee said

    I havent even seen this movie, but the fact that Natalie Portman was in it, you knew it was gonna be some shit. And not in a good way. The woman is a great *dramatic* actress, but she needs to stay far away character roles that require her to bring her own twist to a character. Nuance, subtlety and imagination are not her strong point.

    That said, I dont blame this clusterf*ck solely on her casting, as it sounds like it was just a trainwreck from conception to execution.

    What was Ken Branagh thinking?

  10. chris said

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!! You said everything that made me hate this movie, I had such a hard time finding a review like this. I was blown away by the amount of people who thought this shit was good. Who ever wrote this please email me if you can, or just except my thanks now, what the fuck are people thinking, they must be blinded by special effects and don’t pay any attention to story line or anything.

  11. Jude said

    I always thought Thor was stupid… and so was this movie. But I had to see it to set things up for the Avengers movie next year. I’m a big Marvel fan and my favorite comic is Dr. Strange – so I can handle the cross-dimensional and magic cheese factor that comes with Thor. But what made this movie suck was the overall story, characters, premise and its attempt to tie it into the Avengers. They placed Renner as Hawkeye for a cameo which was totally pointless. Everything about the movie was thrown together just to satisfy the franchise of what will be the biggest comic-movie of all time, The Avengers. I have to explain why Thor sucks so bad and why this movie was going to fail regardless of who they cast in it. Thor is a God with family problems- that’s easy and totally understandable. But, his weapon is a phallic symbol that he twists (his tool) to blow people away and also uses it to fly. But wait, the hammer also can wield lightening but also acts like a boomerang when it’s thrown. Oh Yeah, I forgot to mention that Thor is an Aryan-like alien Viking that hates another alien race of people that are dark skinned and his brother is one of them secretively since he hates what he is. How bad is this?

  12. Jeremy said

    first part was good then natalie portman hit Thor with her truck and it went to shit.

  13. Sam G said

    Come on. Don’t mince words. Tell us what you really thought.

  14. contempted said

    I didnt read all of your post becasue you were basically right and you just went on and on, but yeah, you’re right.

  15. rondoman said

    Just stumbled here based on a google search about Thor sucking.

    Well put I must say!!!

    I cannot believe all the people saying that this movie is great. It’s absolutely horrible.

    Thanks.

  16. FUCKMARVEL said

    The lame asses at Marvel have to screw up everything they touch. They got meager actors for both Captain America AND Thor. The Thor guy is way too small to be the God of Thunder. The human torch guy was a crummy actor anyway, and his pathetic undersized physique is to meager to be the ultimate soldier. Why didn’t they just make them black, like they did Nick Fury? Marvel does NOT care about you if you are a lifelong fan. They just want to sell merchandise for their crappy films at Burger King. F Marvel and any dweeb who wastes his money on this farce.

    You add that to the completely rewritten stories, and you have junk films that only resemble the source material in name only. Again, F you, Marvel. I have enjoyed these comics my whole life, and you pathetic ^&%$# screwed up our one chance to get a Thor franchise going. You *&^$%$s killed it.

  17. Jayd said

    Great post- this movie was awful…no real story with horrible characters- his mates looked like guys from the never ending story

  18. Sam G said

    “The Mummy Returns” and “The Mummy – Tomb of the Dragon Emperor” are on 2 different cable channels at the same time. So many choices… I think I’ll take a nap.

  19. Java said

    The movie sucked. It was a dreadful piece of shit that I will never watch again. If I could charge Marvel for the time lost watching that “soap-opera in disguise” I would. Thor was by far the worst movie I’ve seen in along time.

  20. Thor Sucks said

    I’ve just seen it and couldn’t agree more.
    This is one of the worst films I have ever seen, no more than a pure waste of two valuable hours.
    It is so shallow, there is absolutely NOTHING to take home from this one (Sorry Natalie Portman, this one goes to you as well…)

    I’m just curious about one thing : why all this effort in writing so much ? I got tired half way your article…
    This film is so losy that all it deserves is tagging it as a insult to the audience. Period.

  21. About the Asian guy — so true. I don’t care if he were Hebrew or anybody else, he’s just so out of the line of the story. At the moment when Thor addresses him at the beginning of the film, I saw it clearly that this movie is crap.

  22. justsomeguy70 said

    dammit that was funny. I LMAO the whole time. THor was a pretty fucking pointless setup movie, no question it sucked out loud. As soon as I saw the squinty-eyed meat puppet they picked and that Thor has a beard, which didn’t appear in the comincs until the mid to late 80’s, maybe the Walt Simonson days(he was apencil-artist for Marvel doing Thor around that time) you really should check out some of the old comics, they are way better than this shitty movie. If that is really you in the pic above, I loved to hit you with my hammer. 8D

  23. Satchel said

    I was baffled by how terrible this movie was.Everything you say is true, and more, about how awful this steaming POS really is.The movie is completely lacking in any substance, you can tell that nobody really cared about it; not the actors,the producers, the art directors, and especially not Kenneth Branagh.There was no character development at all, the acting was so cheesy just plain weak.Everything about the visuals; the costumes, the CGI effects, the art direction were completely fake and uninspired.
    Asgard was so retarded, its like this big fake plastic space city.THATS NOT WHAT ASGARD IS LIKE!!! The director needs to do some research on Norse mythology because nothing in this movie relates to that.From the costumes to the backdrop in Asgard,to diesgin of the frost giants, none of it looks cool or has any kind of a Norse feel.Maybe its just because I have been so immersed in comics, video games, and fantasy art I have a very well-defined idea of what these things should look and feel like.Regardless they did a terrible job on it.Think about the troll market in Hellboy 2, thats the kind of creativity I want to see in the costume and character designs.It would have helped this movie so much.And that crappy plastic looking golem with a lamp on its head, you don’t get any less imaginative and cool than that CGI POS.
    If theres one place I feel that a movie like this should hold its own, it’s in the action sequences, but it doesn’t.The actions scenes are really weak, the production values are bad, the shots are bad, the choreography….oh so bad.
    So yeah, Ive already written more than I intended to, and I could go on and on about how bad this movie was.I think this could of been a really good movie, but Kenneth Branagh really massacred this one.He completely destroyed any chance of me going to see another one of his movies, and really hurt Marvel Studios reputation in my mind. Way to go on making the worst marvel movie of all time Ken, way to go.

  24. Rellypoohbear said

    I didnt see this movie cuz They got is personality wrong from the get go….if you gonna make a marvel comics/ DC comics movie……use he comics as a script….simple as that

  25. sam said

    what is wrong with people…this movie was so bad that i find even green lantern better than this one..and it gets a rating higher than 7 on imdb..seriously, are ppl out of their minds..heck even the critics praised it…this and also transformers 3 earning more than a billion..that was another piece of total crap…

  26. Elisabeth said

    Lol looks like I’m one of the many who found this article by typing “Thor sucked” on Google.

    I just watched it today. I was never into Thor the comics but Chris Hemsworth was beautiful, my friends said it was good(but these are the friends who told me the Wolverine movie was good…), and I wanted to watch a superhero flick since I still haven’t seen Iron Man 2, Green Lantern, or the new Hulk movie.

    I was expecting so much, I was expecting it to be at least HALF as good as X-Men: First Class so when I watched it on Pay-per-view I wanted to cry for wasting my money. Basically, everything you said

    The only character I liked was played by Kat Dennings. I hated the rest with the exception of Loki 75% of the time. Natalie Portman was a waste of fucking space. She was the typical no-personality female role in Superhero movies. It seems that EVERY other female in that movie, including the cameo, had more personality than her.

    HOW THE HELL DID THOR LEARN HIS LESSON?! All he did was flirt with a human girl, got owned when he couldn’t lift up his hammer, and almost died. There was no moral or philosophical lesson on Earth that could possibly make him say “You can’t kill the Ice Giants!”

    There is so much more I want to rant but then I would be complaining about the whole movie.

    I regret seeing this movie.

  27. Nobody addressed the point where the movie was most inconsistent. These are Viking gods. Why do they have an Asian sidekick and a black gate keeper?

  28. odinolav said

    That was an amazing review. All of it is so true. The thing that really got me mad was the thing that comes out of Odin’s treausury wall thing. I have no idea what the heck it is.
    Also, I’m really into Norse mythology. I don’t know how much you know about it, but the marvel version kills it. If you want to get even more angry about the movie, read the Gylfaginning ( part of the Prose Edda). Thor’s three companions are totally made up by marvel, Heimdall is described as “the white one”. What sick joke is marvel playing by making him black? And Dark elves in Norse mythology actually most likely means dwarves. Grrrrr. And they shouldn’t be British.
    There is so much to add to the list, but anyways, thanks for entertaining me.

    • MarvelLovesItsHaters said

      I am surprised at how these dc fanboys and ignorant fucks hated on Thor.

      Just know that this movie made more money than any dc movie except for the dark knight, which is also the ONLY good character they have worthy of a good movie.

      If you’re really a marvel fan and follow the storyline of its MarvelUniverse movies then you will enjoy it. So hate all you want but Marvel is going to make BANK this year with The Avengers.

  29. gino said

    YOU, DUMB TROLL ARE THE MOST DUMBEST FEMALE EVER, GO TO THE LIBRARY! DO A BIT OF RESEARCH, THIS MOVIE JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS IS TO LEAD UP TO THE AVENGERS! YOU DUMB FUCKING IDIOT! YOUR MOVIES SUCKED ASS WITH THAT DUDE’S GAY ASS WITH YOUR WACK DULL FACE LOOKING LIKE A FUCKIN MEME CARTOON! CLOSE THAT MOUTH OF YOURS, YOU’RE NOT CUTE AT ALL! YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS CAUSE YOUR CO-WORKER IS A SKINNY ASS FUCK THAT CANT LIFT YOUR FAT ASS! YOU DUMB TROLL! I LOVE THOR! AND YES IM OFFENDED THAT YOU TRASHED ON THE MOVIE! GO DO SOME RESEARCH AND YOU WILL SEE THAT IT IS JUST FOR ENTERTAINMENT VALUE! THOR AND LOKI ARE NOT BROTHERS! WERENT EVEN RAISED UNDER THE SAME ROOF! AND LOKI IS THE REASON WHY ASGARD HAS ALL OF ITS WEAPONS! DO SOME RESEARCH BITCH! IT’S FOR ENTERTAINMENT! IT’S BETTER THAN HAVING TO LOOK AT SOME DUMB VAMPIRES GLOW IN THE SUN! FUCKING DUMB SLUT!

  30. stephen said

    If you have not read the comic books shut the hell up and it does explain how shit works in the movie if you would just pay some attention to it okay before you criticize something understand what you are talking about the reason thor’s brother is a bad guy is because when they got in a fight with the frost giant 1 of them grab him and he started to change but if they would of grab thor or any of the other warriors they would injured them Loki now knows that he not his fathers son and why his father favored thor and not him and yeah the movie could been better then it was but it just like harry potter if they would of put everything in the movie it would be way to long and they’re coming out with a thor 2 that will tell more but marvel comic are way better then dc so read them before you criticize them and the only good comic from dc is batman and green lantern so read the comic and then watch the movie till then just shut up please

    • gino said

      Have you read anything on Norse Mythology? you’re the dumb ass you freaking idiot! it’s entertainment value, i love the movie more than any other movie at the moment, but it has nothing in common with the real mythology on where they all hail from! and one thing, the hammer was forged by 2 dwarves because of Loki that tricked them, and so was odin’s spear! the movie is simply for entertainment value to lead to the coming avengers movie! the return of thor that’s supposed to be in the sequel will be in the avengers and thor 2 will resume on thor heading back to asgard! IT’S FOR ENTERTAINMENT VALUE YOU DUMB ASS! Kristen wants to blabber about Thor sucking! she is not even on his level with her dumb ass non sense making movies! gay ass faggots vampires! and the fact that you try to compare the comics to the movie! remember, it’s all to lead to the avengers, the past marvel movies, all of them were to lead to this movie! remember that you idiots!

    • shelly said

      please learn how to use commas and periods. it would help alot. and No i don’t agree, this movie explained very little. and royally sucked. especially the ending!

  31. dave said

    the funny part is the avengers movie was actually pretty fucking great

  32. jamey said

    For reasons I may never understand I just watched this abortion of a movie. The only redeeming part of the whole process was getting to read this review afterward. Fucking hilarious.

    • meesterkeister said

      Well said. No wonder it was on Netflix! This movie sucked! I found this review by googling “Thor sucked.” At least the review was entertaining!

  33. jessi said

    i think i like thor,but i dont like when they cut many parts of loki,i have to admit,loki is always outshinig than thor…i think thor is not that suck as theres liki

  34. Anna said

    Um… WHAT! I loved that movie. I know some lines by heart. You are just a hater because your jeaulous that more girls like Thor and even Loki than you

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      Anna, your “logic” makes absolutely no sense. Girls like several things more than me and I like those things. For instance, Bruce Springsteen. Girls like Bruce Springsteen more than me and I am a huge Bruce Springsteen fan. Girls like cookies more than me too and I will be damned if anyone thinks I don’t enjoy a cookie or two. I’m sure there are a few other things out there that girls like more than me, if I thought about it. But right there are two examples – Bruce Springsteen and cookies – of things that I would say girls like more than me and I like those things too.

      … Or do you, Anna, think girls like me sooooooooooo much that they like me more than anything in the world minus Thor and Loki? And, I’ve never come across things before that girls like more than me, so I’m so dumbfounded by the idea that I just hate on “Thor” because of that? If that’s what you’re thinking, Anna, then your comment is absolutely the nicest indirect compliment I’ve ever received in my life.

      Either way, I know some lines from “Thor” by heart too. Like the one where a bunch of rednecks mistake a hammer for a satellite and Thor knows that that satellite is a hammer. I’ll forever remember that in my heart. Forever. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  35. […] Instead of regurgitating what other people said I will link you to my favorite article regarding the subject: Kristen Stewart Wants It […]

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