Anna Kendrick’s Boobs and Unwashed Kristen Stewart present: My Head Movies
March 8, 2012
Let me jump right into this post because there is absolutely nothing going on in pop-culture news that I’m dying to talk about, so…
This post will not be as sexually perverted as the title may suggest to you. DAMN IT! I know, right?
“My Head Movies” actually don’t feature Anna Kendrick, her boobs, Kristen Stewart, and her unwashedness. They will be simply presenting “My Head Movies” as in there will be a few random pictures of each throughout. I will make some snide comments under the pictures in reference to them and their existence. I won’t say anything snide about Anna Kendrick’s pictures because SHE’S A DAMN ANGEL AND IF YOU FUCKING SAY ONE BAD THING ABOUT HER THEN I WILL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN WITH YOU IN IT! So, I’ll probably just reference how hot she looks. As for Kristen Stewart, well there will be some snide comments because it looks as if she believes Europeans are under the same lack of hygiene regimen that lead to the “black plague”. Maybe Rob doesn’t shower much and they’re in Paris, which may as well be England to a 21 year old who has a questionable education resume, so “when in Rome”, right? Or England, or Paris?
Anyway, if you came to this post expecting a movie idea about Kristen Stewart playing a possible blind/deaf/dumb girl who falls under the care of a young nurse, Anna Kendrick. They begin as health provider and patient, but their relationship quickly turns to friends and eventually lovers. Kendrick first takes care of Stewart as one would with a coma patient – washing them, brushing their hair, clean clothes, et cetera. But soon enough, Kendrick sees the personality and the emotions that Stewart has and how she enjoys tangible pleasures like hot water to soak in, cool water to play in, warm embrace of sunlight, a gentle hand holding hers, a hug, a kiss, and basically we’re making the Anne Sullivan and Helen Keller story and with a lesbian romance between Anna Kendrick and Kristen Stewart the “Miracle Worker” would most certainly be me – the one who thought this beautiful film up.
By the way… if you’re shaking your head like you wouldn’t see that movie, you’re out of your mind. That movie would fucking rock. And by “rock”, I mean it would be a lot of tender hair smelling moments and tear eyed screams from Anna Kendrick “She’s alive in there! She has feelings! She has passion for life! But no one has taken the time to see it!” You know it would be good. And I would make it some classy ass shit. I kid you not.
Holy fucking Moses Malone! LET ME MAKE THAT FUCKING MOVIE! C’MON! I swear it will be story driven and there will be plenty for women to tear up and sigh about while they’re sipping on their Four Loko, red wine or camomile tea or whatever it is that women drink nowadays. Good Lord, Anna. Good Lord, indeed.
I remember early on this website I said something about Anna Kendrick being hot and someone commented like “I’ve never heard anyone say Anna Kendrick is hot before” and … well … that’s kind of the end of that story. I’m just saying that stuck with me. I mean… look at her. That’s generally where the “hotness” comes from – it’s that visual thing that happens with your eyes when you’re looking at a body you haven’t been given permission to access/survey with your fingertips like a blind person does. Either way, I think this might be the hottest “outfit” I’ve seen Anna Kendrick in for one of these I presume award shows.
I don’t know what is more shocking in this picture – how big Anna’s boobs look or what in God’s fucking name is on her plate to eat? I’m only supposing that is food. It’ looks like a red cauldron possibly made out of raspberry jello and a head of lettuce jammed into the middle of it. Is this what celebrities eat? Anyway, I don’t know if Anna Kendrick has a boyfriend or not, but if someone didn’t make some drunken passes at her that night then every man in Hollywood is queer. That’s right! I said it! Queers. Nothing wrong with that, but seriously. Jennifer Love Hewitt and Mila Kunis came out this week saying that men do not hit on them. WHAT?! Over the past few Thursday nights on MTV on Jersey Shore, DEENA aka the drag queen has been getting some and by some I mean a man’s penis. And if Deena is finding men to sleep with her in JERSEY meanwhile in Hollywood Hewitt, Kunis, and, presupposing, Kendrick are not then that town is overflowing with men blowing other men and those women need to move to New Jersey. Just saying.
Let’s get to my ridiculous dreams…
HEAD MOVIE #1
First thing first, there is time travel in this movie. Cast includes: Helen Mirren, Christopher Plummer, and myself.
Hollywood can feel free to replace “myself” with James McAvoy or Michael Fassbender or whomever. Anyway, the story was thus, Christopher Plummer is a wealthy research scientist in England. Meanwhile, myself and Helen Mirren are murder police. Mirren is retired, but is brought back in to solve this case because she used to know Plummer or something. As for myself, I’m the lucky cop who gets stuck trying to solve a murder case that possibly involves time travel. So, anyway, the story seemed to follow that Plummer stumbled upon the ability to time travel. At first, he traveled through time to escape his own old age and to just dick around, but eventually he began testing the theory about changing things in the past to see how it would change the present. First it was little things and then big things. This led to Plummer killing people in the past to alter the future. In one of these killings, a dead body is found with something that they couldn’t have had yet because it hadn’t happened yet before they were killed.
The scene that we were involved in, Mirren and I went to Plummer’s grand estate to talk to him. We suspect him, but we’re there pretending like we don’t suspect him. He is showing us around his mansion and the whole time we’re weasely eye balling him.
I think this could be interesting. I’m not sure when I would set this movie. I guess with all the time traveling it could just be set now and then you get to see bits and pieces from the past. I feel like there should be some loophole in the time traveling that is discovered like there is in Source Code that the time travel is really in alternate universe’s as opposed to one line of time and in that electronic messages can be sent somehow through these invisible time and space walls from one dimension to the next. Each time Plummer does something to alter the present, Mirren and myself basically have our brains erased but if we send/receive messages to our other dimensional selves like we’re reading the back of the Polaroid pictures or tattoos in Memento.
High concept, but I believe doable.
Kristen Stewart in Skrillex cosplay.
HEAD MOVIE #2
Cast includes… well anyone. Last night’s dream didn’t have as obvious of a cast as the Helen Mirren/Christopher Plummer one. I was of course one of the leads again, but the rest of the people weren’t old famous Brit actors that were instantly recognizable.
I’ve called the idea, in the past hour, Population 10 … but as soon as I wrote that out I realized that sounds kind of stupid. New title ideas will be accepted at the end of this rambling.
The idea centers around a post apocalyptic Earth where pretty much the entire planet’s living population has been eviscerated. They’re all dead. It wasn’t clear if it was war or a plague or what, but I guess that could be a mystery in the movie that kind of gets secreted out as the movie unfolds. At the start of the movie, there are only 10 people who have survived and found each other somehow. They are all 10 together and the movie starts pretty much with them coming together and/or they’re having the moment of clarity that human civilization rests on their shoulders.
I love this picture of Kristen Stewart wanting Karl Lagerfeld like he’s a yellow lab puppy she wants to take home with her and raise him. If that isn’t a face of “want” I don’t know what is. She literally wants to see inside his mind. Like Dexter.
Population 10 would focus on this group of people and them restarting human civilization and practically how would they go about doing that. The movie would be told between jumps in time like the group’s first hour, first day, first week, first month, year, 5 years, 10 et cetera. Showing the progression of this group. They will have to make decisions on shelter, food, clean water, sanitation, defenses… all immediate future decisions for stability… as well as permanent future decisions like impregnating the women, education, laws, religion, culture, and so forth. Ten people who will be the founders of the next human civilization who have seen how the first existed and evolved, and then destroyed itself.
With the story being told in these jumps in time, characters could die from more natural causes like old age or disease or they could end up dying trying to explore some quarry or whatever. Obviously, the structure of growing a population without inbreeding will definitely be a slightly hilarious scene. These 10 people will try to write ground rules for a society that they hope will flourish and at the same time they know they will not be there to see it through.
Bonnie & Clyde remake? Right?! But nowadays and hopefully better than just a scene of them getting murdered at the end. Spoiler alert!
Anyway, for the most part Population 10 is what I think should be happening on The Walking Dead especially this season. I mean they have no internet or TV to blame for killing their productivity. All they do is sit around a far and create absolutely no future for themselves. Why haven’t they fenced off that farm with spikes and barb wire for the zombies to catch themselves on? Why aren’t they focused on raising that idiot kid Carl? They’ve hinted at a couple things where they taught people how to do stuff, but they should all be learning or doing something every day to ensure they’re not going to get eaten by zombies the next day. Zero fortifications or future plans.
It’s maddening watching that show. Half of the show is them complaining about whether they should kill themselves or continue on. Well, if you’re not going to make any type of survival plan for the next day then you should just kill yourself because you all fucking suck. They’re busy cleaning that damn house. Cleaning it? What about creating a defensive position to protect the damn thing! Some old Hawaiian shirt wearing man with a hunter’s rifle on top of an RV is not proper zombie defense.
I’ll keep watching the show, but it’s difficult to watch a show where the characters only make bad decisions if they make any decisions at all. Early on, they were just traveling through zombie Hell, so surviving day by day was all they needed, but since they got to Herschel’s house they’ve done fuck all except for in-fighting. But I digress…
Nice little butt shot on Stewart here.
Also, the end of Population 10 is that 100 or however many years from the beginning of the movie, the society has made a village or town or however far in the future it is and at the end they come across other people who have done the same thing and they don’t know what to do just as original human civilizations bumped into each other. This could end right when that happens and leave it possible for a sequel. dunh DunH DUNH!
Those are my most recent ideas…
Three movies ideas, Hollywood.
Anna Kendrick and Kristen Stewart kind of telling theMiracle Worker story.
Christopher Plummer and Helen Mirren in a time traveling episode of CSI.
A sensible look at surviving and fucking our way back to a working human civilization after a man made apocalypse.