Wouldn’t get you thrown in jail…

July 26, 2012

If this picture is the only evidence that he went down on her then that is some crazy circumstantial shit mixed with a lot of over active imaginations reading into subtleties like they were breaking down spoilers for next week’s “Lost” episode…

This is all we got.

I mean it looks damning once you think about it or once a perverted mind thinks about it.

They’re in a car. A paparazzi photographer is taking pictures of them. The photographer sees the almighty affair happen in the sunlight of day. The photographer sells these lurid unholy pictures to US Weekly. The photographer is interviewed for the unsavory details. The photographer’s quote says they were kissing and yet…

NEVER MENTIONS CUNNILINGUS?!

We’re talking about curbside cunnilingus and not a single word is uttered about it? Curbside cunnilingus?! And the photographer is chincy with the deets on it? Sounds a little absurd to me.

OR

Can US Weekly not print stories about curbside cunnilingus or any cunnilingus? If that’s the case then we need to get the feminism too busy protesting Daniel Tosh to the offices of US Weekly and tell them that when a woman is having oral pleasures done to her in public and a paparazzi gets photographs of it that this is the 21st century and women have all the equal rights of men and should have said activity published in BIG BOLD print.

This is American, damn it! Freedom of speech and all that crap. If I’m going to fantasize about the sexual proclivities of celebrities, I want to know exactly what they’re up to or down for, if you know what I mean. If they’re just kissing in a car then they’re just kissing in a car, but if he’s kissing both sets of lips then that’s news damn it!

Maybe they have said that is what he’s doing. I only really keep up with what news is literally drowning my twitter timeline, so if Kristen Stewart issued a second apology about getting eaten out then I probably missed that. But before there is such apology, a picture of the two of them where his head is ducked down a little and no talk of muff diving from the one person who saw it with their own two eyes through a camera lens… well, I’m skeptical.

..

.

WHO AM I KIDDING?!

He got his head so deep in her pussy hole that he wore Kristen Stewart as a hat! He wasn’t hitting her G spot, he was licking her uterus! Two become one? It was like a scene out of the most outrageously X-rated episode of “Voltron”. She just snapped onto his head like the Pink Ranger’s pterodactyl dinozord when they would transform into that enormous robot that looked like it was copyright infringement on “Voltron”.

Whatever.

The Olympics have already started.

NFL training camps have started and Mike “60 minutes” Wallace of the Pittsburgh Steelers didn’t show up for training camp, which turns my stomach.

“The Watch” comes out tomorrow.

There are chicks cagefighting this weekend in Kansas City for Invicta Fighting Championships, which will be streamed free on their website.

I’ve got more things to worry about than whether some chick – no matter how much she wants IT – is boning one Brit or two.

 

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One Response to “Wouldn’t get you thrown in jail…”

  1. PWG said

    Is it sad that when I randomly saw that news on a feed somewhere last night that I was all jumpy-clap excited to see your post today? It’s not like we didn’t have photographic proof that Kristen wants IT before that, but I was kind of hoping for an MS Paint breakdown.

    Then I thought, “I bet a lot more people are going to end up on this website shortly.” We got ALL the Google indexes pointing toward KStew and wanting it and any other assorted dirty terms you can think of.

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