March 19, 2010
Friday, conspicuously not bloody, Friday. Friday, completely unwounded and unmarred skin, Friday. Friday, totally average in all appearances and unmemorable, Friday. Since it is Friday, it is question and answer time. I think I may be the only person who enjoys the Friday posts. I look forward to these Friday posts because I really don’t have to think of anything to write about. It is supplied to me in these questions and all I need to do is react. Monday thru Thursday is much agonizing, much deliberating, much vetting. It is exhausting. On Wednesday I had to do MATH. AHHH!!! It is tiring.
I just want to mention a couple of thoughts I had about these questions:
1. If these are the questions you really want me to answer then sure keep asking them. But you can ask any question. It doesn’t have to be about me. These Friday posts were not intended to be the longest running Facebook profile ever. Ask anything. If you want to know more about me then ok, but you can ask me any ass backwards ridiculous question and I’ll try my best to answer it. I think I’ve done that already a bunch of times and am perfectly comfortable doing it again.
2. Should I get rid of these posts all together? I like them because I don’t have to think up a topic, but that’s no reason to keep them around. If people are bored with them then I can think of something else to replace these Friday Q&A’s.
Just a thought(s).
-favorite band.. i know soo hard to pick just one, soo favorite band/bands per genre would be cool
I do have an answer for “favorite band” solely because people do ask this question. I feel the most comfortable in saying The Pixies are my favorite band. I think Surfer Rosa and Doolittle are perfect albums. I love how they sound. It is offbeat, melancholy at points, very aggressive at others, it sounds loud even if you turn the volume down, and their music sounds dangerous within the confines of a simple musical structure. I think each member of the band is highly underrated in what they do individually and the band is also that idea of “the sum is greater than its parts”.
But I’m not completely sold on them being my “favorite” band. How do you really compare one band to another? How am I supposed to compare Radiohead to Clutch? Their music sounds nothing alike and it isn’t supposed to. Or compare Nirvana to Metallica? They sound nothing alike as well. Nirvana wasn’t even around long enough to give us more than three studio albums. Meanwhile, Metallica gave us three of my favorite studio albums ever and then continues to hang around and sully that reputation since Cliff died. Also, I have a hard time saying my “favorite” anything is something I wasn’t on Earth to see.
In my own rationale, I have a hard time saying The Beatles are my favorite band because they’re not from my generation. I think they are the “greatest band of all time”, but they don’t belong to me. Same with the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin. If I had to create a list of “greatest bands of all time”, I would have to put The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin all right at the top. But I think there is a lack of genuineness if I said they were my “favorite” because that music was made for someone else. It might be a strange way of looking at things I know.
I love music. From Johnny Cash to the Bad Brains to Elliott Smith to Pantera to the Wu-Tang Clan. It is not easy for me to say a favorite. Also, I think it does a bit of a disservice because saying a “favorite” pigeon holes your “taste” in music. If I say my favorite band is The Pixies then does that reflect how much I love Life of Agony, the Broken Social Scene, Nick Cave, Hatebreed, The Allman Brothers, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Marley…..
But I do love The Pixies. A ton. I get chills listening to them.
-favorite song, again hard to pick just one
This is a completely ridiculous question. I’m going to answer it because I would be a dick not answering it, but much like the last question I hate the idea of “favorite” because it pigeon holes you and doesn’t accurately show how much you love other songs too.
If I had HAD had had had to choose a “favorite” song then I would feel the most MOST most most most comfortable saying “Possum Kingdom” by The Toadies.
The Toadies’ album Rubberneck is certainly one of my favorite albums of all time. I have listened to that album a million times and it never gets old for me. I also have listened to “Possum Kingdom” a near uncountable amount of times. I love the classic horror slasher story style lyrics, I love the muddiness of it, I love the range of emotions, it is great to sing/yell along to and it just kicks ass.
How do you think you’ll die? Do you have a death preference?
I think I’ll just fade away into the wind at some point. Whatever my accomplishments are during my life will remain, but the memory of me will be swept off to sea.
Death preference? I want to die of exhaustion after defeating the Robot King Calvatron in a laser-sword duel in the throne room of his hologram fortress atop Mount Xenon (formerly Mt. Everest) thus bringing to an end the great Robot/Human Wars of the 22nd century.
The duel itself will look remarkably similar to the final battle in Masters of the Universe where He-Man defeats Gold Skeletor. After the initial celebration that Robot King Calvatron is dead from decapitation, I will collapse and give a tearful goodbye to my throng of Playboy playmate wives who are each 1-2 months pregnant with a child of mine, which will be interrupted as the hologram fortress begins to fall apart. I’ll insist they leave me behind as they escape to a human future without evil robots. They will all make it out of the fortress alive right before it collapses then explodes and then vanishes forever. They will watch this on individual horses that were rounded up for them by my right hand man who is a warrior Cyclops.
Pretty much – Terminator happens and the machines take over the world, I defeat the machines with a Masters of the Universe climactic fight then everything ends way too similarly to Krull.
Also, my Playboy playmate wives (all 20 of them) will never remarry. They instead become lesbians and just have sex with each other. The Cyclops will be the main father figure for my 20 children. He will raise them the way I would have wanted: a huge emphasis on weapons training, a love for Minor Threat, the teachings of Fight Club and the belief that Michael Jeffrey Jordan may be the greatest human being to have walked this Earth.
You are a ginger kid right? Would you say that you have no soul? How is that working out for you?
I don’t think I qualify as a “ginger”. I don’t have freckles for one. Also, I’m not sure my hair color is red enough to be a “ginger”. My beard is redder than my hair on any given day. But my life is pretty good I guess.
Have you travelled much? Do you have plans to travel?
I’ve been to Italy, China, some Caribbean islands, Mexico, Canada and around the US. I would like to travel to other places, why not? Japan, Brazil, Russia… I wouldn’t mind going to other places.
St. Patrick’s Day?
I didn’t really do anything for St. Patrick’s Day. I drank a few beers at dinner at a local bar. That’s about it. It was a Wednesday and I wasn’t really into it. I don’t like the idea that I’m “supposed” to get crazy on St. Patrick’s Day. It is fake craziness. You’re forcing yourself to get crazy. I would rather just get into craziness when the craziness presents itself.
NY Runaways Premiere?
I saw the pictures. I think they are pretty good. It is quite the sexy little, emphasize “little”, outfit Kristen is wearing. I think she looked better on Leno’s show though. Remember, I am a chest washer, so I enjoy practicality – she looked more naturally pretty on Leno than made up pretty at the premiere —- if that makes sense. I think you also asked if she “needed” bigger boobs. I’d have to see the merchandise in action before I think there needs to be upgrades. I’m sure they’re great. I love boobs – let’s just leave it at that.
How do you watch sports in an office?
There is a time and place for everything. I can be quiet. I can be loud. I can hold back enthusiasm. I can scream until I’m hoarse. I said that I am loud watching the Steelers when I’m alone. I don’t care about any of these college basketball teams the way I care about the Steelers. I don’t care about any team in any sport the way I care about the Steelers, so it is different. I’m not sure I could watch the Steelers at work. I really don’t enjoy watching the Steelers with other people in general.
Also, I’m pretty good at being low-key if I want to be. I’ll let you in on a little secret – I write a 2000 word blog every day at work and no one knows about it shhhhhh. If people sat and watched me the entire time while watching these games they may notice a random fist pump or a soft “yes” or “damn it” under my breath. But that’s about it.
If the United States was conquered by another country, which country would you prefer to take us over? I think your kneejerk answer to this might be a Dwight Schrute-ish, “Would never happen. The United States will never be conquered by another country, and if it were, as patriotic Americans we would burn the whole place to the ground and salt the fields.” No, assume that somehow, someone takes us over and as pinko liberal softies we roll right over and take it. Which country would you prefer to roll over for?
I think Mr. Schrute’s answer is pretty spot-on. I hands down believe that the United States of America is the greatest country on Earth ever. We have our faults, tons of them, but that doesn’t make us any less than the best. One reason I believe this is when there is a crisis happening in the world people expect America to be there to help fix it. Regardless of what affiliation that country has with the US, people expect the US to fix it. And if the US doesn’t give a 100% effort in fixing it then they are criticized and demonized because of it. That doesn’t happen with any other country. The US has brought this onto itself, but now people expect it from it.
When the earthquake hit Haiti, everyone expected the US to show up to fix it. And when its hands are full with Haiti and an earthquake strikes Chile then people think the US show be there fixing them as well. Maybe the US is spread too thin as it is also fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan and trying to find an end to the fighting in Iraq while at the same time showing a presence in pretty much every country on Earth and at the same time fixing the myriads of problems within its own borders. I don’t see any other country even attempting to do as much for the planet as the US is. Sometimes it works out for the worse and sometimes it works out for the better, but no one else is trying to carry the weight the way the US is. It is egomaniacal sure, but it’s just the type of people Americans are and strive to be. We don’t take life lightly.
If I had to choose a country, maybe the Swiss or the Dutch. I would probably choose a European country that has little strife, mostly known for relaxing and beautiful women, little to no ego. I feel like some people might say Canada, but I couldn’t choose Canada because they have a benign arrogance. Canadians think they’re like America without any of the problems. Fuck you, Canada. Go win two World Wars and maybe we’ll start talking about if we are at all similar.
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be and why?
An Ent. They fuck shit up.
Have a great weekend.