It is cool finally outside. It has been warm for easily the past week, so warm that I’ll decide to go out into the city and psych myself into thinking that at some point arctic temperatures will dive bomb me in the middle of my night out and I’ll need to be prepared. Instead, I end up sweating my ass off lugging around my dead weight jacket and maybe even a knit hat. Times they are a changing.

If I had to choose my favorite weather it would be “Kevin Smith”-weather. It is cool enough to wear a sweatshirt, but not frigid enough to wear shorts. Although, no matter what age a man is – wearing shorts and a sweatshirt makes him look pretty juvenile. Sometimes, you have to admit those kids get it – and that “it” is comfort. Shorts and a hooded sweatshirt may be what I consider the most comfortable outfit. But it won’t get you a ton of respect wearing it around all the time and at some point you need to grow up and start eating wheat instead of white and Kevin Smith needs to dress like a normal person and not a second semester Freshman in college.

Speaking of movies… were we talking about movies?… I am watching the NFL channel’s “Top 100 NFL Players of All Time” from last night… does this have to do with movies?… They have been counting down from 100 to 1 in hourly installments revealing 10 at a time. I am in the middle of the 20-11 bracket right now and next week on Thursday at 9pm on the NFL Network they will reveal 10-1… great… I absolutely love the program. They put together highlight packages for each player as well as a personal account of the player’s greatness from either another football player, coach, writer, or celebrity. It is all over the map. Like Billy Dee Williams (Lando from Star Wars aka the black guy who gets to drive the Millennium Falcon) introduces Gale Sayers. Reason being, Billy Dee Williams played Gale Sayers in the classic film Brian’s Song that James Caan was also in. That movie will make you cry if you have a soul in your body. If you don’t cry then you are already among the damned and are trying to destroy all of humanity from palm of the Dark One’s hand.

Movies!?! … RIGHT! So, they just did a profile for #19 – Bronko Nagurski. There are a lot of movies made about former athletes or random events that happen in the world. Most of those stories I don’t believe should ever be made into a movie. Meanwhile, somehow Bronko Nagurski’s life story doesn’t seem to have been told on the big screen and IT SHOULD BE!

- 6’3″ 250+ – he was a beast of a man

- Played for the Chicago Bears as a fullback prior to WWII

- Was one of the best players in the NFL during that period of time

- Because NFL players got paid almost nothing and it was during The Great Depression so he takes on another job – Professional Wrestler

- As a professional wrestler, he becomes the Heavyweight Champion 3 years in a row (I think)

- Ends up in WWII

- The Chicago Bears re-sign Nagurski

- Older, heavier and slower – they put Nagurski in as a Tackle

- In his final game (which was a championship game), with a lack of fullbacks because they were all drafted into WWII – they put Nagurski in as fullback six years removed from his last time playing fullback

- Leads 2 touchdown drives to win that game as a bruising old man

- His name is BRONKO NAGURSKI

It’s FUCKING question TIME!

What did you do with the unnamed commenters earlier this week? Were they like you pictured them?

Drank. We drank alcohol. Isn’t that what you do with people? We also chit-chatted like the bitches we are. HAHAHAHAHAH… hahah… hooo… They were very nice. Not bitches. They are/were nice ladies.

“Were they like you pictured them?” – Short answer: yes.

But long answer: … a long answer that has nothing to do with the question kind of…

I have joked that people are so much bigger in person than they are on the internet. That is the difference. I am always shocked at how big people are in real life. Think about it like this, before you meet the person in real life, most likely you will have seen a picture of them online or many pictures. All those pictures are infinitely smaller than the person standing in front of you. My computer monitor is 15 or 17 inches and *fingers crossed* the full scale person is bigger than 17 inches*. So generally, I’m seeing this person as a 5 inches tall. Their whole existence is no bigger than my… ahem… finger. But when you see them in person, they are full size! They’re not some miniature key chain version of themselves – they are themselves! It is very interesting. It’s the reverse for movie stars because you see them on a huge movie screen. Their head is 20 feet tall, so in real life they look smaller.

The funnier thing to me is that I’m a big guy. So no matter how “big” the person is in real life, I’m usually bigger than they are. So so, when I met these ladies – my first reaction is they’re so much more than a 3×5 picture and then I’m like I’m a lot bigger than they are, so if this turns into a street fight I can take them. I’m just kidding about the last part. It’s just funny to think about that they seem so real in person because I find the internet wildly fake to begin with.

Will someone PLEASE make a series out of KSWIG & His CommenTater Wives? Please???

Not much of a question, but yes! Someone should make it. I’ll sign away my likeness rights, so please make it. SOMEONE!

So you are a tour guide now? Because I’ll go to New York again in December. Or are you doing the tour guide thing for just some of the commontators?

I would imagine I could act as a tour guide for most of the regular commenting staff. I’m not sure about some of these other people who randomly comment like “DICKS”. I’m on the fence about being a tour guide for “DICKS”. But the rest of you? Sure, why not. I have enjoyed greatly meeting those who I have met, so sure.

Also, why can’t I see your okcupid profile?

I put a curse on your computer… or…

I’ve been told that you might need to copy and paste the url into the url and not click on the link.

I read your OKCupid profile and I want to know who the fuck is calling you a “bad boy”? Or did you use the quotation marks around “bad boy” to indicate that, by “bad boy,” you mean “decent, straight-up, easily-manipulated-through-guilt young man”?


Well… I’ll let one of the other comments explain first…

I think the bad boy thing is an ironic acknowledgment that some girls want the bad boy but won’t admit it. By pointing it out he effectively called them on their bullshit, but they can’t be mad, because supposedly they don’t want the bad boy anyway so it doesn’t apply to them. Or something. I don’t know, I just had a Four Loko and my BAC is like .27.

Minus the last troubling bit about the Four Loko drinking, I would agree with this. It is partly why I did it. It does seem like a lot of girls/women want a “bad boy” type, but I’m not much of one. I don’t think I look like a bad boy at all. I try to make people laugh, I’m generally pretty nice to people especially when I’m with other people, and I don’t “brood” in public. Also, I don’t own a leather jacket. So, yeah, it is a little jab at chicks for liking d-bags because they are “bad boys”. Who the fuck is a “bad boy”? I’m 6’3″ at least and I’ll strangle some “bad boy” with my bear hands and just the rage I have in my body over the second Star Wars trilogy. That’s all it will take. And yes, my hands become the hands of a “bear” when I am provoked. It is an odd super power, but at least it is a super power.

I also did it for the “yucks”. Clearly, it is a joke. I put it in quotes and so forth.

I wasn’t aware you engaged in threesomes with your commenters. Is this open for everyone? Is there an application process? What are your hard limits?

My “hard limits”? I don’t like being slapped or bound if that is what you mean. I would say all applications can be emailed to me. Just fill in whatever details you believe are necessary – physical dimensions, IQ, allergies, et cetera.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I hope everyone has a great Halloween. If everyone wants to talk about what they’re dressing up as for Halloween then that would be cool. Including visual evidence would be cool too.

I think I am being a “flag football player”. Why? Because I’m in the middle of moving right now and because I don’t like dressing up.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 40 other followers

%d bloggers like this: