December 9, 2010
And we’re LIVE! From the sold out corner of my living room, it is KSWI’s THURSDAY POST! SLEEPING on the green couch is my family’s golden retriever, Gracie, who you should remember seeing in video format nuzzling a red ball before catching it off a bounce toss from myself as well as my family’s miniature dachshund, Lily, who is asleep. That leaves the half awake and staring out the window ready to high pitch bark at any moment, the miniATURE FRENCH POODLE, NOOOOOOOOOOOO-ELLLLLLLLLLLL! And, SITTING in the green reupholstered reclining chair, typing away as fast as he can because realistically he should be getting read for his second interview today is THE REIGNING and UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF ALL KRISTEN STEWART BASED COMBAT ORGANIZATIONS, here is K-S-W-I JOOOOORRRRDANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
If you don’t know, that was me kind of doing an homage to Bruce Buffer’s intros for UFC fighters. Of course, I may be the only one who got that reference, which is entirely OK because I wrote it and today’s post is about me.
Well, “me” and James Belushi.
Didn’t see that coming did you?*
That’s right. Come one*, come all* because today’s the day we look at the horoscope of myself and JAMES BELUSHI! It turns out he and I share a birthday. That birthday being June 15th. He is considerably older than I, so the Moon’s of the noon times were up different Uranus’ and in different doors of the Saturn’s something and let’s say Uranus again because it is a planet and it has anus right there in the second half of the word.
But ultimately, I think we are all going to realize is that the stars and planets and their positions mean everything and James Belushi and I are essentially the same person and/or soulmates. Ok? It’s a fact.
Before James and I start wearing matching friendship bracelets, let’s get to know a little about James Belushi, who you may also know as Jim Belushi. See what happened there?
Albanian-American actor, comedian,
and musician best known for his role as
Jim in the TV comedy series According
to Jim (2001-2009) and for his two-year
stay on Saturday Night Live(1983-85).
He has a long line of film credits such as
About Last Night(1986) and Red Heat
(1988), and has done many voice-overs
and even co-produced a music album.
First, I fully believe that not one person on EARTH knew that Jim Belushi was an “Albanian-American” before the movie Wag the Dog. Most probably never saw that movie and are now just reading this SHOCKING information. But Wag the Dog is an excellent movie in the sense that you should be watching it instead of reading this post. In the movie, there is a joke mentioning Belushi is of Albanian ethnicity and I believe that Belushi also found out this because of this movie.
The rest of this profile is whatevs. We all know about the TV show According to Jim which I believe was a comedy/mystery TV show about how the hell a guy looking Jim Belushi could land a chick like Courtney Thorne-Smith as his wife. Also, he was on SNL and a couple of peliculas. Libra Rising does not mention one movie in particular that I always enjoyed, which was Real Men starring the big Belloosh and John Ritter. If you’ve got the time, it is a fun movie. You don’t have to kill yourself looking for it, but if you find yourself with some free time and you want to spend it smiling and chuckling then there you go.
After taking a brief look at Belushi’s resume, I’m fairly confident I could have done his career. One – God, obviously – could easily substitute me for him in any of his acting roles and I think I could have handled myself just as well as he did. Also, he’s in a band and they talk about music, but if all he does is sing and play a harmonica then I could do that right now as well. I love harmonicas because you need little to no skill to play them, they don’t need to be tuned and pretty much if you know how to breathe then it’s make the WANH! noise we all love.
Onto… the horoscope in which James Belushi and I, the charismatic leading men that we are, switch roles like in John Woo classic Face/Off.
Versatile and productive James Belushi is a Gemini Sun, with hard-working Mars in Capricorn and hard-driving Saturn in Scorpio. Balancing his Gemini Sun is Moon in Sagittarius which adds a sense of morals or ethics to his otherwise clever and conniving solar nature.
Versatile? Definitely. Productive? I think so. I’m also lazy too. I get a lot of stuff done some days and I do absolutely nothing on others. I’m guessing that’s the case for Jim as well. No man with a waist line as similar to ours can be all that productive every day, but more on that later. As for having a sense of morals or ethics – agreed. I’ve heard of those things and I have them. The clever and conniving solar nature seems to be an indirect way that deep down we are big time liars and play games with people’s heads.
This Moon also likes to travel, hunt, play sports, and take a gamble.
Yes, never been, YES, like card game gambling? I like to gamble with things like “my future”, not necessarily who has more Jacks in their hands*.
Of course one of the outstanding things about James’ chart is the heavy Cancer concentration(four planets) which makes him very much a family or home type of guy.
I have no idea what any of this means, but if you’re telling me that a guy who is mostly famous for being the suburban house husband on a family friendly network TV show for the better part of a decade is a “family” or “home” guy then … yeah, no shit. Sometimes the people who actors portray can say an awful lot about them and that’s why they are so good at that role. Charlie Sheen plays a womanizing, rich, drunk on Two and a Half Men – SHOCKING.
Mercury, the solar ruler, leads the grouping making James quite knowledgeable about all aspects of home, family life, and security. The mental nature is sensitive and moody and coloured by the feelings or emotions. Mercury is conjuncted by Venus, Jupiter, and Uranus adding resourcefulness, scope, and ingenuity.
So what you’re saying is Jim and I are GD-ing GENIUSES! I accept.
Venus in Cancer has a strong appreciation of home, family, tradition, sentiment, and femininity.
And we both appreciate the ladies,… ladies.
They also love eating and dining and family get-togethers.
There is some extra cushion for the pushin. Whatever. We earned it. We’re so fricking smart it take a lot of food to run these big ass brains of ours.
Venus with Jupiter likes to entertain or have a good time and receives(or gives) many gifts or benefits. Venus conjunct Uranus experiments with the affections and goes through finanancial rollercoasters.
Gifts would be nice. “Financial rollercoasters”? Not so much. Is this hinting at Jim losing all of his money on something? I haven’t really been around long enough for a rollercoaster with my finances.
Mars in Capricorn is shy and cautious but organized and productive, and fights for his job or reputation. Mars here has an earthy or smouldering sexuality.
That’s right ladies – smoldering.
I guess that’s how Jim Belushi got Courtney Thorne-Smith.
I’m Jim Belushi, my sexuality is smoldering. What now, Courtney? What now, indeed.
Jupiter in Cancer is big on home and family and safety and security. They like big spacious houses and lots of food or provisions. They’re also collectors of antiques, paintings, trophies, or anything old or of sentimntal value.
Who doesn’t like shelter and food? Anyway, I’m not big on antiques or anything, but maybe I’m just denying myself of a clear hobby I could undertake. Humorist, cage-fighting reporter and antique collector.
Jupiter with Uranus in Cancer has lots to teach or disseminate about home, family values, roots, or domestic matters in general, and take a very broad or modern approach here. Saturn in Scorpio can be very secretive or forbidding about personal matters, especially concerning sex or any subversive activity.
Generally speaking, if it is “subversive activity” and it involves “s-e-x” then you might want to keep that to yourself. That’s not just my Saturn in Scorpio talking.
They have much emotional control or discipline and make top notch researchers or investigators. They also have a natural interest in the paranoral or occult and may be a member of such a group.
I’m not a member of a paranormal or occult group.
Although, you can’t trust what I’m saying because I’m also a liar about these types of things.
Also, I feel like Libra Rising could be just anti-semetic and is saying that the Jews are a paranormal or occult group because clear this “James Belushi” is all a big scheme to just talk about Kay-Swidge-izzle.
Uranus in Cancer brings modern views or activities into the home or family sphere. They’re ingeniously intuitive and imaginative but can suffer from emotional instability. Neptune in Libra dreams of universal peace, beauty, justice, and unity, but relationships often prove deceptive or dissapointing.
Started strong and, ended, iffy. Wasn’t too happy to read the “deceptive or disappointing” line. I was kind of hoping for “relationships often prove to be a badass time full of hot mamacitas and margaritas”. But no such luck.
Pluto in Leo people go to extremes in love and play, and often find their niche in the entertainment industry.
I’m entertaining you fine bitches right now, aren’t I?
Well, up until I called you “fine bitches”.
Come on, I already called you “ladies” earlier. I try to mix things up.
I blame the Scorpio in Cancer’s Saturn’s Jupiter for leading me to outbursts.
It wasn’t me, babies. It was the stars that did it.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. I probably should be getting ready for that interview.
Peace in the Middle East and questions for Fridays post.
Today’s post is about “stars”.
Now, that I look at “stars” with those “s it looks sarcastic. As if “stars” means celebrities, but I don’t think they are real celebrities like Kate Gosselin and I would call her a “celebrity” or an annoying bitch who I honestly have no right knowing her name. But today’s post is about “stars” like the ones in the sky and I put “s around them to make the word stand out in the sentence and draw your focus to the word, so you would be excited about “stars” and not as excited for about is post Today’s. Got me?
Did everyone see the New York Jets get their dicks kicked in by the New England Patriots last night? Jeez. It seemed like the last thing any member of the Jets team wanted to do last night was score points and/or beat the Patriots. Anyway, I hope the Jets had their dicks kicked in so badly that it stays inverted for at least two more weeks because they’re traveling to Pittsburgh to battle my beautiful Black and Gold polytheist demi-Gods the Steelers.
Also, if it wouldn’t be too much to ask, God, could someone between now and January literally rip off the dicks of the New England Patriots, so when the Steelers most likely play them in the playoffs they will be dickless? It’s not like I’m asking for “World Peace” or anything. Just rip the dicks off the New England Patriots. You are God and all. I’m pretty sure that would take all of a second to do. I bet it takes me much longer everyday to write these posts for the adoring public – meanwhile you don’t see me complaining. I’ll gladly switch places if you think it is too difficult of a task and the grass is greener and so forth. Anyway, peace God.
Back to the post.
This will not make any sense, but what does these days. Ingrid Pitt. Yep.
So, she died. Sadly. She was 73 and she died recently. I will admit I did not know who Ingrid Pitt was when I saw the name “Ingrid Pitt”. I looked up who she was and I saw she was an actress and a beautiful one at that and a beautiful actress who was in a bunch of movies I’ve seen and others have seen – mainly cult classic horror films from the 60′s and 70′s and she was in Where Eagles Dare, which is a good not as famous Clint Eastwood war movie.
I clicked on a few pictures of her from a particular search engine, I noticed in the background of one picture there seemed to be some really wild ass writing. Writing that looked like the person may or may not be trying to summon Ingrid Pitt back from the grave or maybe they were speaking in tongues through their fingertips.
A sentence like:
Jupiter in Aquarius is a special position for Aries giving much ingenuity, independance, and uniqueness.
That website was Libra Rising.
It turned out this website was written by a nut job. It was also and more politely, a website dedicated to astrological horoscopes… for celebrities. I have not really looked at the rest of the site, but there seems to be some gems about conspiracy theories and one post about “Lucifer planets” which I’ll have to read at some point.
Who ever wrote this website went through an insane amount of effort to write these bios for these celebrities based on when they were born (date and even time if known), where they were born, and then tracking the noon positions of the Moon I believe. Either way, it is a crazy amount of research this person went through, so I had to read it.
Basically, it is a psych profile this person has written about these celebrities because of the stuff happening in space at the time of their birth, which is stup… wonderful.
I will share one person’s profile:
Seriously? Who didn’t see that coming? That’s what she said.
Let’s talk about Kristen Stewart. What do we know about her?
She wants IT.
Yes, but what else? “What else” is all answered in the stars in this profile.
Before I get to the scribbly bits about where Uranus is in accordance to something else that sounds like Uranus… here is the profile picture:
She wants IT.
And, the person spells Twilight in the most imaginative way possible as Twighlight.
Now the profile:
The cardinal signs dominate Kristen Stewart’s chart making her a doer and accomplisher.
Isn’t this what I’ve been saying? She’s an “accomplisher” like how George W. Bush was a “decider”.
It all begins with the Sun in Aries which is her central driving force and spirit. Arian women don’t waste time going after what they want or letting you know how they feel.
I would suggest not using the term “Arian women” for “women of Aries” because the “Arians” in the grand scheme of things were the Nazis. Nevertheless, Libra Rising is saying that Kristen Stewart wants IT and she is out to get IT.
And I love it.
They are positive and energetic types who like to take life by the horns. Moon in Libra balances the Arian self-centeredness giving Kristen a more reflective and sociable side that likes to do things with others. Mercury in Taurus makes the otherwise impulsive and outspoken Aries more quiet, practical, and patient. They’re also more artistically inclined and have a shrewd evaluative sense.
Maybe if she wasn’t on all that weed we would see some of that energy, but I make jokes. So she really wants to just talk about herself and do everything in her own interest, but this “Mercury in Taurus” (bad name for a band) is keeping her from being a complete bitch.
Venus in Pisces also softens the Arian aggression with compassion, understanding, imagination, and idealism. There is an interest or ability in music, film, or the arts in general with this Venus placement. Mars, the solar ruler, is in inventive, independant, and freedom-loving Aquarius. Mars here likes to be different or unique and can be quite the rebel, fighting for friends, truth and liberty.
So she should be cast as Wonder Woman, but Wonder Woman if she went to a liberal arts junior college?
Jupiter in Cancer puts much importance on home and family and the moral or spiritual support derived therefrom.
Home? Family? Watch out Robert, she may be punching holes in those jimmies. Just joshing ya.
This is my favorite sentence of all time up next -
There is also an enjoyment of food and the sea, an appreciation of history and antiques, and an interest in survival-related training or activity.
Can I get a HELL and a YEAH! That sentence is unbelievable! It goes from boring and mundane to batshit crazy in like 8 words! Kristen Stewart likes “food”, which every living thing needs to maintain life, but she also likes the SEA. So, Kristen likes eating and maybe trolling the great arctic north looking for a mythical white whale. Next she likes “history and antiques”, so she likes “things that happened” and “old items”. Those two kind of go together. Liking food goes with all activities and I guess people who man oceanic vessels could enjoy old shit. Lastly, she likes “survival-related training or activity”. I LOVE IT. What the hell does that mean? “Survival-related training or activity”?! Like for a zombie apocalypse or if the Russians invade or if there is a nuclear bomb explosion? I know some people may think “survival-related training or activity” means “camping”, but Libra Rising didn’t write “camping” – Libra Rising wrote “survival-related training or activity”. I’m saying whatever freaky sex I thought Kristen was having with Bobbie just got taken up a notch.
Also, if Rob is searching for a Christmas present for K-Stew – a Swiss Army knife with a compass might be your best bet.
Saturn in in its own sign of Capricorn completes the cardinal element in the chart and gives Kristen much ability for discipline, control, and economy.
Again, this is an odd sentence. It starts off kind of hot if you like being a sub which I’m pretty sure everyone believes Rob is because of the whole British thing. Discipline – kind of hot. Control – kind of hot. Economy? So when she’s got Rob tied up and is spanking him with a ruler, she can also balance his checkbook. Or would he call it his “bill fold”. Hey oh.
It also keeps her trim, serious, and realistic.
The stars keep her slender?
Saturn with Uranus combines the old or traditional with the new or modern and knows just when to hold back or let loose.
So Saturn being in her anus is what keeps Kristen Stewart from killing us all with her WANT. Got it.
Saturn with Neptune realizes one’s dreams or imaginations and can make a fine artist, musician, or film maker. Uranus in Capricorn breaks with tradition and comes up with new ways to build, organize, manage, or achieve success. They have an interest in geology, geophysics, and the concepts of time, number, and space.
That last bit sounds like she needs to be a sidekick in a Nicolas Cage thriller.
Neptune in Capricorn is a psyche absorbed by order, structure, definition, and matter in general. They dream of a one-world or universal government.
Uhhh… that “one-world” or “universal government” better be America or that is treasonous. Also, it sounds like a lot of commie-pinko-bs if you ask me. And it’s probably a clue to what she talks about when she’s high. Ok, I get it, Kristen. It would all be much better if we all had the same currency and we were all just one country called Earth. I get it. Just stop hogging the bong.
Pluto is in its own sign of Scorpio giving Kristen and her generation the pure qualities of this planet and/or sign. These people are extremely focused, intense, and perceptive, and will go to the root of any matter.
Kristen Stewart wants IT. We know.
The next sentence is elegant.
They have a natural or instinctual conmprehension of sex, death, regeneration, and all hidden or occult matters.
Beautiful. So, when you meet Kristen Stewart ask her about any universal philosophical question and she’s got the answer for you because one planet was in the Moon’s path or something. Sex? Death? Regeneration? And all hidden or occult matters? That is a lot of knowledge to be stored in that brain of hers. And she isn’t even legal to drink booze yet.
While the birth time is unknown, there is a strong likelihood of a Sag ascendant or rising sign.
I’ve been saying that this whole time.
I think we’ve learned a lot today.
Kristen Stewart wants IT and the stars said so. Also, she liked to travel the open waters on a catamaran and wouldn’t mind a scenario where she’s stranded on it and needs to use her previous training and knowledge to find her way to safety.
Also, if you enjoy this – then I have another person’s profile I wouldn’t mind going through.