If They Remake “Teen Wolf”, KS Should Play ‘Boof’

August 25, 2009

All Boof did was want it – Kristen Stewart can do that.

I need to handle some website business aka bid-ness before we all move onto the thought provoking hilarity. I think it was Leigh Anne or Lula who commented on Friday about asking me questions. I read the comments section regularly which was apparent yesterday, so any/all questions can be written in the comments section. But were you referring to emailing me questions? I could setup an email account where you can send questions et cetera, if that is what you meant or what you all would like. I fear that would make for less productivity on the comments section. What would I do without all these lovely comments? Go back to my normal commentless existence!?! What a cruel cruel twist of fate that would be.

I’m not saying I will answer all questions because I need to keep some mystery about myself for say next week. Just think of asking me questions like it is a game of Russian roulette. Each of the 6 cylinders of the Kristen Stewart Wants IT revolver is one of your questions. Sadly five of those cylinders are empty, but one of your question cylinders is loaded up with a .357 magnum slug truth bullet and BLAM! When the trigger is pulled on that one, it is an explosion of Kristen Stewart truthocity or Jordan truthinegrity all up in your face.

 

There will be no KSWI update tomorrow. I have been posting on the reg so I don’t want to scare anyone into thinking I have had the mental breakdown we all know we are secretly expecting. I will not be around a computer tomorrow. I will be in the real world where there is sunlight and trees and people. I do not venture outside too often for fear of deadly airborne pathogens and for fear of animals and when they attack. I have watched a lot of those “animals attack” television shows and I have never seen an animal attack happen in my own home, my job, a movie theater or a bar so I know I’m safe at those places.

So, email address? And, tomorrow, I am tempting God by going into the badlands where the animals are, so no post. But today, here comes the funny.

Has anyone else heard about this movie called Twilight? I have a feeling you ladies may like it. If you haven’t heard about you should Netflix it.

 

 

 

 

 

Psych! Ahhhh…. whew…. That was a good one. Right? Saying “pysch” was the best. It’s coming back. That was a good joke. Me pretending like you didn’t know about Twilight. We have all had a good laugh.

Today, I am going to analyze the current trailer for Twilight: New Moon. There are three things that stick out in the trailer. First, Kristen Stewart wants it. I don’t know if you were expecting a different “first”, but if you were then you need to pay more attention to the words that create sentences on this website or at least the title of the website. Second, slow motion vamp on vamp action. Third, the guy with the muscles is a wolf. It is about 50/50 what was more surprising, his muscles or the whole transforming into a wolf thing?

Kristen Stewart still wants IT

Having faith in something is hard work. To have faith that something will always be there without your empirical knowledge of it is a rigorous mental test day in and day out. I know I have heard plenty of priests and clergymen from all religions talk about their own struggles with faith. Some days when you see a terrible tragedy or experience a terrible tragedy it is harder than others to have faith in God. Or if you’re simply depressed and feel alone in the world it is hard to believe there is someone out there watching over you. Or when you are eating a bowl of Crispix cereal with milk. You keep thinking to yourself:

“Kelloggs says that Crispix chex don’t get soggy in milk, but seriously they have to be soggy by now. I have been keeping a slower than regular pace eating today’s bowl of cereal. My mind has been wandering and I answered a couple text messages. There is just absolutely no way they are still crunchy!”

And then you spoon that next hexagon of goodness into your mouth and *crunch* God exists! You have to have faith in the chex. They don’t let you down.

I have this similar problem with Kristen Stewart. Like the all powerful chex at repelling milk sogginess I sometimes doubt its abilities even though I know I shouldn’t. It is my cynical human nature waiting for tragedy at every corner. I find myself, in my darkest hour(s), questioning whether or not Kristen Stewart still wants it. *GASP* I know it is a truly terrible thought. I catch myself nervous typing her name into the Google images search engine worrying that I will not be able to find new evidence of her wanting it. But time and time again my faith is restored. Like witnessing one of God’s miracles (examples: Vanessa Hudgens’ second set of pictures that were stolen off her phone, the new television show Shaq Vs., that time I bought a cheesesteak with a $10 bill and was given change for a $20) each and every time I see a picture of Kristen Stewart she is still wanting it. Case in point, this trailer:

She wants it. What else possibly goes through your head when you see Kristen Stewart? That is immediately the first thing that enters my mind. This picture screams she wants it. I can’t say it enough how endurable her want is. Kristen wants it so bad, so bad right here. How do I doubt this girl? It is insanity that I have even a shred of doubt that she wants it. That’s it. I’m giving up on worrying. There will always be new pictures of Kristen Stewart wanting it.

Boom. Still wanting it. Kristen Stewart still wants it folks. I know a lot of you ladies and men are thinking “well I would want it too if I was up against Rob”, but if Kristen was up against Martin Landau who I think is dead, she would still want it. That is who Kristen is. That is what she does. She should have business cards printed up. Top line: Kristen Stewart. Second line: I want it.

Girl can take a bump and still fucking want it. I will go into my opinion of Rob’s defensive/offensive tactics in a minute, but Kristen takes a header into the wall and pops up wanting it. You can’t break this kid’s spirit. You knock her down and she comes up wanting it more. Well not technically “more” considering you cannot increase the infinite. But that is semantics. Kristen Stewart’s want does not dull even if she is thrown into a wall.

A little bit of Kristen’s patented confused + want. This also results in the Kristen Stewart little bunny look that was first noted in the Jumper clip. Someone needs to address this. I can understand if the director is not used to working with Kristen. He must treat her like all other young actors and think that she has little ability at replicating one good take to another. She did this take and the camera is moving and she is wanting it and she is confused and the director yells cut. He looks back at it through the monitor and sees the buckteeth thing and decides that there is no way she can pull off another incredible take of looking that confused and looking like she wants it that badly. But he is wrong. Kristen could do a million takes and she will never stop wanting it. The confusion may wane, but never the want. So next time do a take 2 without the buckteeth.

She wants it. This part of the trailer is when she is dealing with the Bob Marley vampire. Kristen is exhausted about the worrying over if this guy is going to kill her or if Rob has left her for good and all that other nonsense. She just wants to want it. Why is all this other shit piling up around her? Can’t Kristen Stewart want it in peace? Kristen Stewart is frustrated because they are trying to prevent her from wanting it. Why won’t dreadlocks chill out, sell me my weed, not vampire kill me, and let me simply want it?

Vampires hate furniture

From what I remember, most of the fighting in the first Twilight took place at the end of the movie in that one scene. It seems like the big move for Pacific Northwest vampires is the “push”. They love pushing each other. Technically since vampires are really strong their push turns into a throw, but still how about we take a kick-boxing class? I know everything has been going well with the push and if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, but come on. One of these vampires is bound to stumble into a New York Sports Club at some point and take a tae-bo class.

 

The vampires for whatever reason play baseball like they are from the 1880’s so I think it is pretty safe to assume that another rival sect could have taken up a combat sport. There is a Tiger Schulman’s Karate center in every strip mall in America. The rule of probability dictates that one of them has to get curious enough during their immortality that they take a class. I think the first lesson is free. In this vampire fighting world of pushing, the one that knows how to shoot for a takedown, throw an uppercut, or simply sidestep the push and throw a push of their own will be king.

Kristen should give Rob a gift certificate for self-defense classes for his birthday.

Someone should piss test the wolf-boy for steroids

Probably the only good thing about returning to school from summer vacation was seeing which girls “developed” during those off months. Everyone says their goodbyes and signs each others’ yearbooks those last days of class. Everyone has a break from school for a few months until you’re back for the monotony one more time around. Then Labor Day hits and you’re walking those halls again and sitting bored out of your mind in those classes again. But that first week or so, checking out who grew boobs or bigger ones was an activity that I have a fond Norman Rockwell-esque nostalgia about.

Shazaam! For Kristen Stewart, seeing Taylor like this must’ve blown a gasket in that wanting it engine she calls a brain. That dude is huge (that’s what she said). Why is he that huge (that’s what she said)? I don’t understand this. He is the same guy who had long hair and stunk of bong water in the first movie, right? Am I the only one who thought he looked like a peripheral character in the keg party scene in Dazed and Confused? And now, he is a Native-American He-Man. What happened?

Also, why did it happen? I am all for physical fitness and bettering yourself. But he is a wolf or werewolf or lycan or whatever. People with superpowers do not work out. Martian Manhunter and the Green Lantern don’t have a bowflex at Justice League headquarters. This kid is ripped. If you turn into a big ass wolf then you don’t need to work out or at least you don’t need to gain 30 pounds of muscle in a 4 month span of time.

Lastly, I think it is simply unfair. Already as far as competing with girls’ high standards I need to be dark and moody, have superpowers, and be in great shape when I’m not using my motherflipping superpowers(!). What’s next? Is Taylor going to be witty? What are they are going to leave me with? Twilight 3, Taylor learns German and publishes a response to Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason. This is bullshit.

I’ll be back on Thursday.

51 Responses to “If They Remake “Teen Wolf”, KS Should Play ‘Boof’”

  1. MrsKowski said

    “…question cylinders is loaded up with a .357 magnum slug truth bullet and BLAM! When the trigger is pulled on that one, it is an explosion of Kristen Stewart truthocity or Jordan truthinegrity all up in your face.”

    WOW, does that ever sound erotic!

    Brooke you should make note of that for your new side hobbie 😉

    • whoa, Mrs. K, you think that I should take up Russian Roulette as a hobby?

      Are you trying to take my place as the Rebellious 4th Wife?

      • Janetrigs said

        NOOOO Brookie, as the 2nd wife I command you not partake a hobby in Russian Roulette, even if it does grant us more Jordan truthinegrity. We require your cat whisperer skills in our compound.

      • MrsKowski said

        well, I was referring to your newest hobby of porn tweeting …but if you think Russian Roulette will better my chances of becoming the rouge 4th wife, than who am I to argue? 😉

    • StageManageThis said

      Where do I fall into the order? I’m a Margene I think. Well, I’m a barren Margene. Who bakes and folds laundry. And I also LOVE TO IRON.

      • MrsKowski said

        I hate to iron …will you stop by my place on your way home? I have a few shirts that need pressing?? 😉

    • Hermes said

      I bet Jordan is wondering who open the door to the insane asylum.

      But the thing is, Rob’s been MIA for the better part of the week and everyone’s going through Rob withdrawls at the same time, so there’s a bit of nuttiness going on.

      On the other hand, I think most of us are a bit insane to begin with. I also think we are over the hot hobo guy and the faux romances.

      Everyone’s looking forward to being your wife instead. What a saucy little wench you are Jordan (wink wink).

  2. Jaybird said

    I just spent a good portion of my morning reading your blog and ignoring my children. Thanks for the laughs! I have now added you to my favorites!

  3. There’s just so much win in this post that I don’t even know where to begin…

    Lets start with Kristen Stewart Little Bunny and the buck teeth… Dude, I gigglesnorted at work. Not cool. Cause then coworkers want to know what’s funny and I cannot out myself even more at work. They will not and do not understand the WANT.

    I also believe it is safe to say that Twilight was an awful movie. Most of my sister-wives love Twilight the book, the characters and *ahem* an actor or two, but Twilight was meh. We’ve been fasting and praying for a better New Moon. Don’t believe us? go check out http://www.letterstotwilight.com . Yes, that’s where most of your sister-wives met, on LTT or LTR. The site is snarky and fun. There’s actually a letter to Kristen on LTT today. You may or may not enjoy it.

    I’m picking up on clues…Cheesesteak, huh? PA native?

    Don’t worry, an email address will not stop the comments. The WANT always prevails.

  4. Janetrigs said

    Don’t worry hubby,…they’ll never achieve your wittiness, never! Baby TayTay is only legal in GA and most likely only reads the side of the protein tub from GNC. Although informative, it will never spawn a high level of wit.

    You are always pure genius! Please be very, very careful out there in the real world tomorrow. Animals are quite scary.

    Love ya,
    2nd wife – Janeki

    PS I love Crispix!

  5. HeyyyBrother said

    [Sweet Jesus, ladies… he’s a unicorn!]

    You and this blog are the recipe for all things win. True story. Every day you turn more and more into my dream man. Or, alternatively, my dream gay best friend… (I’m not suggesting you’re gay, mind you. Just saying that if I can’t have you the way a woman SHOULD have a man, then at the very least we should be able to ogle hot man-boys and buy shoes together)

    I don’t even know where to start, so I feel a bulleted list is probably the most efficient…

    – Teen Wolf Remake: I could get behind Kristen as Boof (that’s what HE said). So long as it’s a REMAKE, and not a sequel. Because I think we all know how ‘Teen Wolf, Too’ turned out. Jason Bateman can thank his lucky stars that Arrested Development came along… And I’d like to thank them too since Mr. Bateman is in the running for my #1 celebrity crush. Swoon! However, he’s probably a perfect example of someone who NEVER wants it. It’s amazing really.

    – Email: First you’re witty, then chivalrous, and now you’re accommodating! Surely you must have a fault? Do you have an extra thumb or something? Do you punch babies for fun? Honestly, an email address won’t keep me from commenting. I actually prefer to see everyone’s questions in the comments since it’s more amusing for me (newsflash: I’m a selfish wench). And I wouldn’t email you questions — I’d probably just send gushing diatribes confessing my Want for you. Take that as a warning: an email means love letters. And probably other lunatics contacting you thinking you’re actually Kristen Stewart. If that does happen, you must swear on your life that you will post those for the rest of us to read. Seriously. You cannot hold out on your wives.

    – A KSWI-less Tomorrow: After I reigned in my heaving sobs of despair and picked myself up off the floor, I then remembered that I too won’t be around a computer either, so I rejoiced in the fact that I won’t miss out on the Want. P.S. Are you sure you’re not a closeted Twilight/LettersToTwilight fan? Because your reference to an “animal attack” is a little suspect here……

    – Psych!: I have made it my personal mission to get “psych” back into use. Seriously. I’m not just jumping on the bandwagon. So far I’ve only successfully convinced myself that reintroducing “psych” into today’s vernacular is a good idea, but so help me God I will find at least one more person to use it before the year-end. Trust. Next up: “the bees knees”

    – Your entire last paragraph: I’ll take wit over muscle any day — motherflipping superpowers or no. For serious. Like… Girl Scout promise serious. Taylor does nothing for me… Honestly, the boy’s neck is as wide as his head (that’s almost a “TWSS,” but not quite). However, I will admit that, should Taylor learn German, I MIGHT kinda like him a little bit. You see, I speak a little German. And when I say a little, I mean I know enough to read a menu and ask how much a necklace costs. I also know how to tell someone that they have a great basement for a party, can sing a handful of Christmas carols, and can talk about the Berlin Wall (my German text books were severely out of date when I was in HS… as in we were still talking about 2 separate Germany’s in 2001). And don’t you even try to pretend like this doesn’t turn you on — if I know one thing, it’s that a girl speaking German is majorly hot. Wait… it’s not? So that’s where I’ve been going wrong all along… I always thought shouting in German would make foreplay more interesting. I never understood why so many boys ran away crying.

    • HeyyyBrother said

      Holy comment, Batman. Uh… sorry for the novel. I didn’t realize I had published something the length of the Constitution until it was too late.

    • Dear Heyyybrother (I had to triple check the number of “y”s in your screen name). Do you twitter? Cause you have amused me and I have decided that we can be friends. Yes, I just make decisions like that and post it for everyone to see. Sometimes I act like the Queen Bee at our LTT table of pastics and I just invited you to sit at our table. 🙂

      Sorry if I am coming off a bit surly, I was just commenting on the haters over on LTT today. They do not appreciate snark…not one bit.

      Gros Bisous,
      Brooke

      • Janetrigs said

        I may or may not heart Heyyybrother as well. Glad she’ll be joining us at the compound.

      • HeyyyBrother said

        I have a confession: I’ve admired you both from afar for a while now. Being invited to sit at the plastics table (sweet Mean Girls reference btw) has for reals made my day.

        Hm… It appears that, while you may be coming off as surly (which you aren’t, fyi), I’m just coming off as straight up creepy. My apologies if you’re regretting extending that invitation already.

        Alas, I do not twitter 😦 I’ve been seriously considering making the leap and joining… but I’m hesitant to make the leap. I fear that a twitter deflowering may result in my never leaving the house again.

      • Freya said

        1. Leaving the house is overrated.
        2. You can use Twitter from your phone.

        That is all.

        Freya–or as my indian name would have it “Runs with Plastics”. Like it? Taylor Lautner bestowed that name upon me.

      • First, everyone at the table uses twitter. It’s my vetting process. Must make sure you aren’t a crazy fan girl. Need to see you comment under pressure or on the fly. Second, I double checked with UC and she approves of such an addition to the table.

        You have two days to comply with the twitter request.

        No pressure…

      • HeyyyBrother said

        I’m impressed that the invite still stands, even after my blatant overuse of the “make the leap” analogy/cliche. Seriously, what is that all about? Twice in one sentence? I was clearly awestruck and flustered with your invite.

        P.S. Since you mention UC… If you thought my “admiration from afar” of you guys was weird, in my FIRST email to UC/Moon I addressed them as “Soulmates.” Who does that? Fair warning: I’m no fangirl, but I’m a certifiable whackjob. But in the good way… I think. I’m not doing myself any favors here, am I?

        If I can come up with a clever enough name for twitter, then IT’S ON. Just need to muster up enough Want to get the process going… I’ll report back within the allotted 2 day time period and we’ll go from there.

      • Janetrigs said

        Hahahaha!! Brookie, Heyyybrother is worried about being the only certifiable nutjob. She hasn’t even begun to meet my crazy. Heart you again Heyyybrother.

    • HeyyyBrother said

      Jordan! GOOD NEWS. I convinced someone to say “psych” today. We are slowly but surely on our way to world domination. Huzzah!

  6. sparknealey said

    So excited – last picture of “The Wantness” wearing a handbag!! Have only seen one other picture of Her Royal Wantness (you know the one, with hippy dad at the airport) where she was carrying something every female in the civilized world cannot live without.

    Obviously this pic was taken before she became a guy. Wah? You didn’t get the memo?

    Janetrigs, thanks for pimping this site. Jordan, you are a man that understands so much, There.Are.No.Words.

    ps:Emerson,Lake&Palmer(yes,you understand).

  7. Jordan said

    So, I’ve read the last few of your posts, KSWI Jordan, and laughed lots at them, but when I heard through the grapevine (and by “heard through the grapevine”, I mean “caught wind of your Kant reference through one of your harem of wives”) about today’s post, I just had to drop by the comments and leave one. However, this might get a bit disorienting, because, like you, I’m a dude whose name is Jordan. No lie!

    As far as Kant is concerned, I can give you a short, simple response to his Critique of Pure Reason that exposes a gaping hole in his logic. His claim that we can’t really know anything about the real world *in itself* because we only know the world as it appears *to us*, through our senses, is wrong. It violates the Law of Noncontradiction, because it’s self-defeating. He’s claiming that *no one can know* the real world while *he’s claiming to know* something about it. That argument can’t live up to its own standard. He also commits a logical fallacy called the “nothing-but” fallacy. Kant said that he knew the data that reached his brain was *nothing but* phenomena, but, in order to know that, he would’ve had to have been able to see *more than* the phenomena. How else could he have differentiated between one and the other? He implied that he somehow knew exactly what he claimed can’t be known.

    • JORDAN! (I mean our friend Jordan, not our hubby Jordan)

      You are being way too serious with our hubby. Be our Jordicorn, make a comment about her want. Do it.

      • Janetrigs said

        I know, his smarty pants writing makes me feel sad. I need more funny. I need & WANT the funny as much as Kristen Stewart Wants IT. I just do.

    • Freya said

      I don’t think your refutation counts if it’s not in German. Nice try, though. 😉

    • S dot Cinni said

      First things first; Descartes, Husserl, Kierkegaard, Kant, Sartre, and Heidegger all agreed on the conception that we cannot know the true nature of anything that we see. “Noumenon”, As Kant called it, “Thing-in-itself” as Sartre called it, or simply “matter” is inherently different from that which we are experiencing.

      I don’t really think you understand logical fallacies beyond your forum arguing, but noncontradiction can’t be applied to axioms in themselves; also, the fact that you are trying to qualify his logic is laughable, since it seems beyond your comprehension.

      The only thing self-defeating is your philosophical hubris.

      P.S. Jordan IS Gay.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        Which Jordan?

        Jordan (the other one who is not this one typing) did mention this may get confusing and in that he knew something which he could not have known empirically since it happened in the future, although it was a reasonable guess – circumstantial evidence. I appreciate Jordan’s comments (both mine and his), but I’m not going to “futz” with Nell’s comment unless Jordan (the other one this time exclusively) posts bikini pictures.

        That will be the trade from now on. You want a comment erased or want anything else then post bikini pictures. Bikini pictures are the currency around here on KSWI.

        Also, you do not how to use a “;” correctly in the least. Who IS gay now?

      • Janetrigs said

        That’s it, you’re Jordan, I know it! I love that you can make fun of yourself.
        Kisses MWAH

      • Thank you Jordan of KSWI for posting a remark. It’s been haters all day over at LTT. I have no energy left to make witty comments.

        I say to Nell:
        😦

        You have been sad clowned.

      • Freya said

        Sad clown, indeed. 😦

        I think someone needs to start loving themselves so they can start sharing that love with the world. Erase the hate.

      • S dot Cinni said

        I meant Jordan as in this gay blog’s writer Jordan. Jordan who knows that semicolons are used improperly above Jordan. Jordan who thinks he is so great Jordan.

        And my name isn’t Nell; it’s Nel. Also; give me a break.

      • I’m positive that “Nel” meant this definition of gay: having or showing a merry, lively mood.

        Wow, Nel, you almost bantered. Almost.

        You still get the sad clown. 😦

      • Hermes said

        oye veh.

      • sparknealey said

        Huh, srsly?? Are you the same Cinni that causes all the unrest over on ET online – always calling someone out for what you feel
        was a slight, transgression or misstep?

        This is some funny shit. Chill…srsly

  8. Heather said

    I’m not feeling very witty today. Twilight was a huge disappointment. I am also fasting and praying for New Moon. That is all.

  9. aneira said

    hey dude.. email thing is a good idea. of course i wont stop commenting! i visit this site religiously but i have a few random ass questions that dont mean anything at all, but i would like answered anyway.

    btw my best friends brother knew taylor lautner.. they did martial arts together. no, im not talking about karate classes when the wer 8. they did legit martial arts competitions, traveling the world with US olympics and shit. they wer amazing. so he was ripped all of his life.
    but he did gain a shit load of muscle because in new moon the book, when you become a werewolf you grow ridiculously tall and muscular and beastly.

    just thought id clear things up for you : )

  10. Janetrigs said

    Okay really “S dot Cinni” is Jordan. #fact

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      Nope #fact

      Please do not spread this rumor; they spread like wildfire in this comment section. (I already see StageManageThis is posting this as well)

      First, my gender. Second, my name (Because it is my name! …. I have given you KS’ want; leave me my name!) and now the worst of all to be thought of as S dot Cinni aka Nel.

      • I’ll have a little chat with Janet. No worries.

        Oh she forgets that not everyone uses twitter and the hashtag seems a bit out of place.

        Hmm, perhaps Jordan, I should give you a two day window to get on Twitter as well…
        You want to know what you wives are you to, don’t you?

        Do this for me *batting eyelashes*…
        Your loving rebellious 4th wife,
        Brooke

      • Sorry it is late… that was supposed to read:

        You want to know what your wives are up to, don’t you?

      • Freya said

        DAMN…A Crucible reference?!? I think I love you.

  11. newtonandyorkiehavethebestlinesEVER said

    🙂

  12. Proselyte3 said

    So you’re telling me that “psych” is coming back??? When did we stop using it???

    Guh! I’m always the last one to know. Next, you’re going to tell me that Michael Jackson died, Milli Vanilli were frauds and ppl started wearing skinny jeans again? Come on now.

    Jordan, where did you come from? You are all manner of brainy delicious.
    xo

  13. Leigh Anne said

    Awwwww…Jordan! I am at the beach…eating crab legs like it’s my job (much in the same vein as the manner in which Kristen Stewart wants it!), tanning my hide, exfoliating my feet in the sand, bouncing in the waves…

    …you know, all the deliciousness that is the perfection of beach living. And yet the highlight of my day…nay, I dare say, my WEEK…is that you mentioned BOTH of my aliases on this site.

    I am Leigh Anne. I am also Lula. I’ll answer to both, just as a reminder.

    THEN…
    you had to go and mention Boof. I mean, COME THE HELL ON…BOOF! Teen Wolf is only one of the greatest teen comedies of the mid-80’s. Man, I wanted Stiles. I don’t care if you’re a ramrod straight heterosexual dude, you wanted Stiles, too. Best. Character. Ever. (“Give me a keg of beer…” Awesome.)

    THEN…
    The Want. Kristen’s want. Yes, I read Twilight. Yes, I love the books. Yes, the movie was lame. Yes, Kristen Stewart wanted it (and still wants it even now) as Bella.

    AND…
    I have been fasting and praying for a better New Moon since November 20, 2008…more specifically, 5 seconds after Twilight ended and I sat, aghast, in a darkened theater in southern California (where I do not live). Had I remembered to bring my sackcloth, I’d have donned it then and there. (Thankfully the Letters to Twilight gals joined me in the fasting and praying. As that movie franchise needs all the help it can get.)

    Seriously.

    MOVING ON…
    Dude, you called the hater “NELL!” My nickname for her. Too bad she’s all, “It’s ‘Nel.'” She spells it wrong. Therefore, she loses. And we win.

    Jordan, you know you love me. Do you also love the recently ended Battlestar Galactica? I’m probably a Cylon, just so you know. I’m not as tall as Six, but I have more ample endowments. Is all I’m sayin’…

    FINALLY…
    I shall miss you tomorrow. But I do agree that you should set up a “Questions for Jordan” e-mail account. We won’t falter in our comment love, I promise. Also, I think you should form a Facebook fanclub…to further spread all this love of The Want.

    The end.
    Love,
    Leigh Anne/Lula

    p.s. THE KEG SCENE! Dazed and Confused. Oh my stars, could I LOVE you any more? No. No, I probably could not. “Alright, alright, alright!!!”

    p.p.s. From henceforth, The Want shall be written just as that…The Want. It must be capitalized. That last picture you posted of Kristen Stewart proves this point. That gal is Wanting It with every fiber of her being. And I want her leather bag. That is all.

  14. cledbo said

    Kristen looks like she wants a better anti-perspirant spray in that first Runaways pic. Someone get her some Lynx, stat! She also appears to want to be sedated (further, she’s already half-way to a coma from the looks of it).
    Kristen is…a punk rocker! Noooooow!

    Anyone who gets my reference will be a friend of mine. If no one gets it I will be sad clown.

    I can’t think of anything else funny to say that wouldn’t just pale in comparison to your delightful wry brilliance.

  15. Hermes said

    Re:

    “She should have business cards printed up. Top line: Kristen Stewart. Second line: I want it.”

    I think Kristen must already have business cards that say that…why? Well.. here’s my reasoning;

    Do you think that’s why as a former “D” list actress with a bad stutter and a penchant for blinking she’s now able to score so many juicy acting roles like Twilight, and the memoriable Joan Jett story?..(which we know will win her her first Golden Globe).

    I mean, don’t you think that business card will impress directors and producers and another Hollywood folk?
    Kristen Stewart, I Want It.

    Maybe she’s got something their? Hmmm..

    Hermes, I want it.

    Yeah, I kinda like that. Better than what my business cards currently say now :

    Hermes Hermes,
    District Pharmacutical Sales Rep.
    Western States
    We put your patients in their happy place

    Enough said.
    Hermes

  16. limeslice said

    **warning**

    do not look directly into this photo http://3.ly/6YS
    the want is so strong, and so terrifying. does she:

    a) want it from her dealer who happens to be the photographer
    b) want it from darth vader in the hall (this was at comic-con, after all)
    c) want it right before killing you (snuff film?)
    d) want it right before her exorcism

    i’m leaning toward c, because this picture strikes fear in my heart. this is a violent want. i’m serious, be careful with this picture.

    • Convinced that Ashley is wanting it in this picture as well. It may just be wanting to get away from crazystew, but a want nevertheless.

      • HeyyyBrother said

        That’s a pretty impressive show across the board. There’s a shit ton of want in that photo. It’s aggressive and invasive.

        The only one I’m not buying is poor baby Taylor… he’s too young to be convincing. He doesn’t know WHAT he wants, let alone that he should want IT.

    • Hermes said

      @ Limeslice-
      OMG I looked directly into her eyes! AAAGUUUH
      I think I’m slipping into Dante’s Inferno!
      That’s some really scary shit she’s got going on!

      Quick.. I need to take a vicodine and make it all go away.. oh the horror.

      ahhhh…. drugs.
      Don’t ever post that pic again.
      Its like a loaded weapon it is.

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