I Got Into Work Today At 6:15 am – FML

October 22, 2009

It is so early! Did anyone know the world even existed this early in the morning? This may sound a little conceited or egotistical or solipsistic, but I was pretty sure that everything in the world closed when I went to sleep. Technically, I’m sleep walking/typing right now because of how ungodly early it is and Dunkin’ Donuts was still somehow open. God bless those poor sons of bitches that made me a large coffee, bacon/egg white/cheese wrap, hash browns and, I finally caved, a PUMPKIN MUFFIN!

I am saving that muffin to eat in a couple hours. I’m hoping *fingers crossed* that the pumpkin will act as a sort of …. Cocaine … to keep me awake. I’m so effin’ tired. I may try to snort the muffin threw a rolled up Hamilton. That would be such a waste though. It is so big and sticky and sweet and I just want to wrap my hands around the base of it and shove the big head of it in my mouth. Pumpkin muffins, that’s what she said.

So today is supposedly “aggressive Thursday”, which has to be the dumbest blog promotion of all time. And today, I’m not sure how aggressive I am. I am really sweepy (not a typo). I just need rest! If I’m aggressive about anything it is that I’m so fucking tired. Also, I didn’t receive any bikini pictures yesterday. I’m pretty pissed about that.

There are several topics I feel like touching upon. Actually screw that. I’m too tired to “touch upon”. Maybe I can just lie upon these topics and after a couple minutes fall asleep on top of these topics or at least next to them. Maybe the topics can just touch upon me as I sleep. I’ll sign some statement saying it was consensual. I won’t claim rape on you topics. I don’t know how much longer my limbs will be active. My brain has stopped sending signals to my legs, so my arms cannot be too far behind. So I’ll just nap next to these topics. I’m losing all my energy now just imagining if I was asleep. I can’t control my jaw anymore. It is just hanging open and my tongue is just hanging out along with it. Maybe I’ll just lick these topics.

There are several topics I feel like licking upon today, so let’s get ‘er done!

Haikus

You fucking bastards!!!!!!

T’WAS Haikus killed my PArents!!!!!!

I NEVER FORGET!!!!!!!

Where are you going KSWI Jordan?

I’m taking a jet plane to the mythical land of milk and honey and smog: Los Angeles. This will not be my first time in LA and, most likely, not my last. I actually lived in Los Angeles for a little bit and I’ve visited there on half a dozen occasions. I will be attending a special gala of sorts. It is an event of the utmost glamour and sophistication. Some would say it will be as intellectually stimulating as a fantastical meeting at the acropolis with Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Ptolemy, Julius Caesar, Augustus, Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Marco Polo, Sun Tzu, Leonardo da Vinci, Leo Tolstoy, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt, Jim Jarmusch, Michael Irvin, John Fogerty et cetera and me. Of course, I am referring to UFC 104: Lyoto Machida vs. Mauricio Rua.

CAGE FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have mentioned before my love of all things mixed, martialed, and artsed. I will be attending this event to watch the raucous octagonal fisticuffs as well as some other activities on the left coast. This is why there will be no posts on tomorrow and Monday or maybe very small posts. I feel it necessary to at least show you the men who are causing your duress. Wer ist Machida? Qui est Rua? De donde es la biblioteca?

Light-Heavyweight Championship (205 pounds) – Lyoto Machida (c) vs. Mauricio Rua

The Challenger:

Mauricio “Shogun” Rua is good looking.

That’s why you all should care. If I had to say, actually, I don’t have to say anything – I want to say it. I say that Roger Huerta and Mauricio Rua are the two best looking guys in Mixed Martial Arts. Not only are they good looking, but they are great fighters which makes it a lot less awkward for me being a fan of both of them. “Shogun” is one of my favorite fighters. He is wildly exciting, he can be brutally violent and when he smiles it makes my heart flutter.
 

Hypothetically, if someone asked me how I think Mauricio Rua’s day-to-day life should be when he is not training for a fight I would paint them this picture. I think “Shogun” has sex with multiple women at a time on top of a giant bed purely comprised of women he has already had sex with. That’s how good looking of a man I believe “Shogun” is. I’m just saying.

The Champion:

Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida drinks his own piss.

That’s why you all should care. Lyoto is also one of the most amazing fighters ever. He is undefeated, he has never looked like he was losing any fight, he is fast as lightning and he is a strategic mastermind. It is really hard to imagine him losing. He picks apart his opponents like a game of chess. He is an enigma in both style and in ability. And as mentioned and shown, he drinks his own piss. That picture is of Lyoto and his father with what I’m guessing is warm glasses of their own urine.

Urine therapy is surprisingly more popular than you would think. Although I’m assuming you assume most people don’t drink their own urine. Yes, “urine therapy” is a classy ass term for drinking your own tinkle, pee pee, golden residue. It is not massaging urine into your skin, taking urine baths, or talking about your inner most feelings to a big bowl of your piss. But for a person who does drink the stuff, I couldn’t imagine that other nonsense would be too far behind. I really don’t care about whether urine therapy works or not, my question is what do the chicks think?

Most decisions a guy makes in life revolve around whether or not this affects me getting laid. What about urine therapy? Would a chick hook-up with a guy who drinks his own urine? I mean Lyoto is a phenomenal fighter, in amazing shape, the pride of the fighting world, a champion in his own weight class, he is making more money each and every fight, but his breath may stink of asparagus penis water. So who would do a guy who drinks his own piss? And better yet, how nuts are the girls who would? Who is crazier?

Don’t You Dare Call It “Frisco”

I will be in California, but no where near San Francisco, but I really want to talk about something that involves San Francisco. If only I had a blog that let me talk about anything I want no matter how off topic it is. Oh wait. I do have a blog. A bunch of ladies read it for no apparent reason every day even though I write about nothing that interests them. What a coup!?!

If/when I become the Emperor of the United States, did you know I would be the second?

Joshua Norton the very first. He was the first self proclaimed Emperor of the United States. What a fabulously true individual. Born in England and moved to the US in the late 1840’s, Joshua Norton was batshit insane. How lovely? Norton wasn’t always coo coo bananas. At one time he was a “business man”. But he made some bad investments in Peruvian rice and we all know how that inevitably turns out. Ker-ay-zee.

 

In 1859, Norton declared himself the Emperor of the United States. He sent letters to the local newspapers with this decree. At the time, he was a typical mentally unstable vagrant of the San Francisco bay community. But he had vision and apparently the title of Emperor. And he took the position remarkably serious. And so did the people of San Francisco.

The amazing thing is that the people of San Francisco loved Norton. Seriously, why wouldn’t you? But this is a strange world so it isn’t guaranteed what people will or will not like. They loved Norton though. He was the bestest crazy local celebrity. He was given that uniform by an American Army post. He would wear it around San Francisco inspecting the city. Cable cars, streets, the police officers. He would write decrees about what should be done in local politics or how the United States Congress should be taken by force. Some of his decrees were more lucid and talked of building a bridge to connect Oakland and San Francisco which did in fact get built. Norton was also well known for public speeches or at least ranting in the streets to anyone who would listen.

He also developed his own form of currency which people accepted. Pretty much everyone just let him do what he wanted. He ate for free, people gave him clothes and so forth. He also was a forward thinker about race and ethnicity. He believed in the integration of the burgeoning Asian population in San Francisco and later would add the title of “Protector of Mexico” to being the Emperor. He was even immortalized in literature as the inspiration for “The King” in Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. I know that one, but I just read that Robert Louis Stevenson also wrote about him and so did his stepdaughter. So that’s cool.

In 1880, Emperor Norton died literally on the streets of San Francisco. He collapsed on his way to giving a lecture. There are many rumors surrounding who Norton actually was. Some rumors mention royal lineage to foreign countries and unimaginable wealth. But he died a poor man and at first was going to be given a poor man’s funeral. A local businessman’s club raised money for a proper funeral for our first and only Emperor. Apparently, upwards of 30,000 people lined the streets to pay respect. And his grave to this day is marked “Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico”.  

I can’t give my teachers credit for me knowing any of that. All credit goes to Neil Gaiman and his genius graphic novel The Sandman and, of course, the interwebz.

Other People Are Funny

http://www.life.com/image/91028027/in-gallery/34282/jessica-alba-is-bored

I had mentioned before that I wanted to do an article on how Jessica Alba wants IT… sometimes, but her ass wants it all the time. Life magazine didn’t do that article, but their “Jessica Alba is bored” article is pretty funny.

It’s so true. In photoshoots, she looks hot and wants it because she is supposed to – that’s what she is getting paid to do. But most of the time Alba looks completely unenthusiastic. That’s the whole point of KSWI, I can’t find any moments even for a split second where Kristen Stewart doesn’t look like she wants it.

I could lie to you. I could only cherry pick images of people wanting it, but at some point that game would end. People would start flooding the comments section and my email box not with witty haikus or telling me they want to fuck me or bikini pictures. It would be pictures of that person not wanting it. That can’t happen with Kristen Stewart. She just wants it. All the time. Every time. We’re all here to laugh, but it is the damn truth! Kristen Stewart wants IT.

Kristen Stewart wants it like a great ball of fire that engulfs the world into a raging inferno of catastrophic proportions that incinerates the walls of your office and stops inches from your face and lowers its temperature not to burn you, but just to keep you a little warm and then you reach out and grab a handful of it and it is soft to the touch like a big comforter and you pull yourself onto it and wrap the excess of it around you like a cocoon and you sleep. Oh God, I want sleep.

43 Responses to “I Got Into Work Today At 6:15 am – FML”

  1. Janetrigs said

    Crazy Bastard

  2. frayo said

    I read your entire post but I never really got past the word “frisco”, which made me think of “slug” and the two goldfish I once named “slug” and “frisco” and how someday KStew would make a good Dagny Taggart.

    Because Dagny Taggart definitely wanted it.

  3. kt said

    shogun is good looking. im gonna have to google him now. the smiley looking up kstews dress made me laugh audbily. coworkers gave me dirty looks.

  4. tiffanized said

    We had a guy like Norton around our town who wore mismatched shoes and puttered around on a moped. He built statues out of garbage on his front lawn and all the hipsters would buy them, and he never paid for his food or drinks at any of the restaurants. I would look at my 50-hour-a-week job and my car payment and bar tabs and think, “What the hell am I doing wrong here?” But then he died in a fiery moped crash after a few too many shots of Wild Turkey, and I decided I did not want such a fate. I am, however, predisposed to bestowing the title of Tsarina Tiffany II upon myself while drinking caipiroskas.

  5. Leigh Anne said

    Please find a taco truck while in LA. Then eat that taco while downing a cold Pacifico. So that I may live vicariously through you.

  6. Amy D said

    Hum, I got out of bed this morning at 6:30. Got to work at 9. Just sayin’.

    I personally would not date someone that injested or massaged themselves with urine. That is just nasty. I’m more of a pink lemonade snapple and tequila kind of girl. And egg nog, I’m partial to egg nog this time of year. Oh and gingerbread coffee creamer… yum.

    But back to urine drinking UFC fighters… I’m kinda liking Diego ‘Nightmare’ Sanchez, yes he is a lightweight, but it gives me a false sense of comfort that he might not snap my neck by accident simply by giving me a hug. Or sneezing. Plus, he’s easy on the eyes. I don’t know if he drinks his own urine however.

    Too bad no bikini pics, UFC and bikini pics would make quite the weekend. Alas, you still have upside of seeing if Lyoto’s sweat smells of urine and reporting it back to the masses.

  7. Raven said

    Enjoy you’re trip to Cali. If you want tacos, go to Tito’s. Best tacos ever. And Tommy’s. Oh, how I miss Tommy’s. I was born and raised just outside of L.A. I have since relocated to the state where ‘Get ‘er done’ is the unoffical motto. I try to keep my ‘blue girl in a red state’ attitude to myself so I don’t get lynched or something.

    You had to drop Neil on me. I’m reading Fragile Things right now.

    You know, I can bake. I would look horrible in a bikini, but I can bake a mean pumpkin muffin.

  8. Dear Writer of the Best That’s What She Said Scenario/Line I’ve Ever Heard In My Life:

    Your use of the word “sweepy” totally killed the ladyboner I had in anticipation of an Aggressive Thursday post. Obviously it’s not the dumbest blog promotion of all time because you have numerous brilliant women clammoring for Aggressive Thursday on a weekly basis. That said… I can’t be mad because “sweepy” is a little too adorable. Still… shame on you.

    Your praise for our brilliant ingenuity with yesterday’s haiku-fest is notably lackluster. You’d best have appreciated Haiku Wednesday because it took HOURS upon HOURS of coordination to get that up and running. And by “hours and hours” I mean it came up last minute on Twitter and we ran with it on a whim. I also didn’t realize that I should spread the word, leaving people in the dark as a result (sorry, Brooke). As Freya asked, love us for our minds and stop demanding the flesh. You’re pissed because no bikini pics? Well, we left you 133 haiku’s and we got no speedo pics. This horny street goes both ways, Jordan.

    What do “the chicks” think about piss-drinkers? This chick does not like. I may be crazy, but I’m not crazy enough to put my mouth on the mouth of someone who has consumed urine. God, that is disgusting. Try some fucking vitamins and stop drinking your own waste. By the way, reading this after my deliciously filling lunch at the kosher deli was not the best thing I’ve ever done.

    Your MS paint skills are mindblowing. I think this is your first foray into the land of the graffiti tool on KSWI. It adds a nice dimension. Let’s see more of that.

  9. cms said

    Have fun in LA. Get some sleep tonight. Start preparing yourself for some new Kristen Stewart pics from NM promotion. I predict her want will be at all time high (is that possible?).

    And it pains me to say this, but you have no taste in men.

  10. I bet you’re wishing every day was Haiku Wednesday because that’s the only day I’ve ever posted less than 1000 words in a comment. I couldn’t get “The Thursday of Iambic Pentameter” off the ground though, so you should at least be thankful for that.

    Anyway, I wanted to address this: “I do have a blog. A bunch of ladies read it for no apparent reason every day even though I write about nothing that interests them.” You’re either incredibly ignorant… or extremely self-deprecating. Unsure.

    To return to yesterday’s poetry theme: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
    1. You write about stuff that I don’t know anything about already, so it’s a learning experience. If I wanted to hear about things I already knew about, I’d just talk to myself… more than I already do.
    2. You write about this stuff in a hilarious manner, sometimes in a gross manner, and often in a perverse manner. Hello, have you met me? My hyphenated middle name is Hilarious-Gross-Pervert. It’s a bitch to get monogrammed.
    3. You have some really awesome ladies hanging out in the comments section. Not to give you even more of a complex or anything, but they’re at least half the reason I come back here.

    Stop questioning it and just enjoy the pervy ride ;]

    • CamboD said

      You should change your middle name to Dangerous. It is far easier to get monogrammed.
      Believe me.
      Yeah, the comments are about a third of a reason I’m here, commenting.
      Not many places have such a tight knit, often insane little community such as this. You should feel privelged, Jordan.

  11. PWG said

    You’re never getting that sweet job in Colorado until you work out the homophone and near-homophone kinks. “Conceded” is like stabbing me in the eye with a pencil. I won’t moan about the others because you gallantly fixed a comment misspelling for me once and it soothed me. As does “coo coo bananas” and John Fogarty: Live at the Acropolis!

  12. PWG said

    Ixnay on the urine drinking, though I understand it’s relatively sanitary. Relatively sanitary does not trump fucking gross, though.

    I’m not even sure I’d want the old ‘urine on a jellyfish sting’ cure.

    • You definitely shouldn’t want that. As far as I know, that’s an old wives tale. Don’t let anyone pee on you… unless golden showers is you’re kind of thing. In that case, I’m not here to judge.

      • PWG said

        Sad: I looked it up before I commented and saw it only has a 50/50 success rate depending on how much ammonia is in your urine and what kind of jellyfish it is. I debated whether to include that info and remembered my mother telling me not to be Miss Susie Smartypants so much. Which, based on my “conceded” crack above, I am failing miserably at. But leaving it out made my fingers itch.

        True: There’s a landscaping/fountain/pond company across from my old office called “The Golden Showers.” I can’t believe they did that unintentionally.

      • Also sad: I looked it up too. I left the same information out. I just wanted to reference golden showers.

        Guess we’ve learned our lesson. Comment ’til our hearts are content. Especially today… I think I hear crickets chirping up in this place. Is everyone spent from yesterday? Or do I need to give people another poetic mission to get them talking?

        Very well… Limerick Thursday, GO!

      • PWG said

        There once was a blogger from Jersey
        Who purred, HeyyyBrother, nothing deters me
        He told BrewDawgz, Begone!
        Or it’s pistols at dawn
        Know this, Knave, the hot wench prefers me

      • Call me a hot wench again, please.

  13. ekkko said

    Kristen Stewart…in…”The All Time High”

    +++coming soon to a KSWI blog near you+++

  14. So… no posts Friday or Monday? Maybe you should take PWG up on that offer to guest blog…

    • Amy D said

      Hear hear, I second that. I almost wonder if PWG has created her own blog within this blog, which is absolutely brilliant. I enjoy reading those comments almost as much as I enjoy KSWI, yes I that that is boarder line sacrilege…. my humble apologies to KSWI (but I stand by it PWG). = )

      • Amy D said

        disclaimer: the 1st that was supposed to be ‘know’. Too much coffee jumping around through my system.

  15. Emma said

    I vote no guest blog. Much like no one can want it quite like KStew, no one can write about the want quite like you.
    If you do go to Tito’s, I can meet you there. I live like 2 blocks from Tito’s. Okay, I live further than two blocks because I live in the not trashy part of Culver City (which is where Tito’s is) but I do live really close.
    I’m one of the few that doesn’t want to marry you so perhaps that makes it less scary.
    Although… beard, Jewish, my age, and funny are pretty much my only standards at this point.

    This comment got weird. Enjoy Hell-Ay! We welcome you!

    • tiffanized said

      Welcome to the Non-Wives Den of Sin, Emma. We have bikinis.

    • True, no one can teach the Want quite like our dear Jordan. But PWG wouldn’t necessarily have to write about KStew…

      Besides, I feel like PWG would be more apt to let me find and bang her. Well… the banging might be difficult since we’re both ladies (in the scientific sense, at least), so maybe it would need to change to Operation: Find & Scissor.

      I just said that, didn’t I? And you thought your comment got weird. This is what you all get when I’m still stuck at work on a conference call with Australians (who very unfortunately I not Cledbo or CamboD)…

      • cledbo said

        God now I wish I was on a conference call with you HB.

        Oh cruel time zones and having to actually do real work to get real money.

        Op:F&S – I. am. died.

      • PWG said

        Somehow I don’t think Dad’s leaving me the keys to the Camaro this weekend, which is for the best, believe me. First I’d start by fixing the time zone, then I’d go back and edit all my old comment misspellings, maybe throw up a background theme, add the archive links . . . next thing you know, it’d be clear that a FEMALE had been here.

        The way it stands now, we have Jordan on top and all the ladies on the bottom. It’s a missionary position blog. (With Campbell down here amongst the lady-parts, which messes up the metaphor, but I wouldn’t trade that budgie smuggler for the world.)

        Finally there’s the little matter of posting topics. If I can’t phone it in via a little trek down Wikipedia lane, then you’re left with the present contents of my brain and it doesn’t contain anything like “facts” or “interesting stories about historical figures.” It’s mostly given over to books, movies and an audio card catalogue of sexy male voices to rival the fucking Library of Congress.

        Friday: The all MP3 day.
        Comments section: Is that real-Rob just saying “fuckery” in a loop, so that if you tilt your head just right it almost sounds like “fuck me”?

        Monday: Compare and contrast Unforgiven with The Crow. Discuss themes of vengeance, forgiveness, and how hot Jason Lee was.
        Comments section: Is it almost Tuesday? Where’s Jordan?

      • PWG said

        Fuck. Brandon Lee. See, I can’t be trusted.

  16. aneira said

    so sorry i effed up the long series of haikus yesterday.
    i honestly felt like an asshole.
    haha hope its all good.

  17. tiffanized said

    Since HeyyyBrother mentioned chirping crickets and threatened me with eternal haiku if I held back on my commenting:

    .: I was leaning toward Machida as the winner based solely upon his fuckability until I read the words, “his breath may stink of asparagus penis water”. Never has a she-boner killer been more deadly. Now it has to be Rua, which is a-OK with me because he looks like a Swiss foreign exchange student I once seduced. By the way, fuckability is the same standard I use to determine my favorite NASCAR driver (I’m from the South where it’s illegal not to “have a driver”).

    .: I Google image searched Roger Huerta. I wouldn’t mind having him put me in a rear naked choke, only without the choking part.

    .: I’m a mother, which automatically means I have been peed on. Not a pleasant experience, but it’s not the most disgusting body fluid I’ve been doused in. After spit and semen, urine is the third least objectionable secretion I could come in contact with. Yes, I have ranked them.

    .: I can’t get past this urine thing. Specifically, that I would not hook up with a man just because he drank his own urine. I would not, however, refuse to sleep with a man just because he drank his own urine. He would have to invest in some prescription strength, industrial grade mouthwash, but if he was built like Machida, I’d still throw him some poon. After all, I have no problem with blow jobs and the last time I checked (approx. 15 minutes ago) penises were urine dispensers. And I’m kind of a slut.

    .: I enjoyed the muffin erotica more than I ought to admit to.

    All complaints about the length and content of my comment today should be addressed to HeyyyBrother. That is all.

    • Thank you for not holding back – both in length and content (twss) – for the following reasons:

      1. I really didn’t want to speak in haiku for the rest of my life. My head hurt after yesterday’s haiku-athon.

      2. After my “drinking urine is gross” rant where I stated I would never put my mouth on a mouth that had consumed urine, I too came to the realization that you did re: the beej. Not really sure why the latter is acceptable but the former isn’t, but I didn’t want to be the one to bring it up. But I have no qualms about busting out “scissoring,” so good luck figuring that out.

      Side note: am I becoming some kind of stompy tyrant? I demand limericks, PWG pens a masterpiece. I threaten eternal haiku, I get uncensored Tiffanized. Time to get this under control… OR, try to use this newfound power to get a certain SOMEONE to do my bidding finally.

    • PWG said

      For what it’s worth, fuckability is how I pick grocery store checkout clerks, too.

      Proving that I’ve now thought about this in disturbing detail, it’s not the urine itself that kills the deal with Hypothetical Pee Drinker. (BJs are fine, yay BJs! But yeah, wash the junk.) Rather, it’s the drinker’s implied mental imbalance and utter fucking lack of scientific knowledge taking him off the table.

  18. CamboD said

    Ok, ok, ok.
    I went back and read the comments yesterday, becuase I wasnt home yesterday and missed out on my daily dose of KWSI
    You guys are amazing.
    Like seriously amazing.

    All in Haiku
    Was how I was thinking
    For hours on end

    And I didn’t want to jump in there, becuase that would have seemed presumptious. Also, what did you want me to do at the end there? Cos now I forget.
    Knowing you guys, it was probably inappropriate.

    I did not know all that stuff about the Emperor of the United States. That is amazing. I like it when people are nice to other people. I also love that he was the inspiration for The King. I love Huck Finn, that book was so much fun. KWSI for the education win!!

    Also, in honour of Jordan not being here tommorrow, I may actually start off my own wordpress blog, which I’ve been working away on in not very secret. It is about Emma Watson. And it may just be about how much she wants it, for the first real post.

    http://campbelld.wordpress.com/

    Same link as is in my name.
    Also, I should follow you cats on Twitter.

    • tiffanized said

      We volunteered you to send a picture of your peen in bikini bottoms to Jordan, who was demanding bikini pics but not being specific. I wrote a haiku about it.

      • campbelld said

        Hey, look at that, I was right.
        Unfortunately, there are no pictures of me in Budgie Smugglers, as I generally use a body double.

  19. Freya said

    I’m bracing myself for a short post tomorrow (That’s what she said!). It might make me all sad panda.

    Please tell me, Jordan, that you’ve read A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore. It’s awesome. And references the Emperor of San Francisco. And has hot, handjob-giving harpies (it’s what they do afterwards that’s brutal).

    And, CamboD, haiku is for everyone. A couple of us talked about it to begin with, then it snowballed into what you saw. It was a truly magical day.

  20. Julienne said

    I like extremely self-deprecating. Self-deprecating is good – hello, have you listened to RP on the Twi commentary? Way hot.

    Please try and stop by Pink’s when you’re in LA. Monster out-of-this-world chili dogs my friend. Oh, and you might want to hit up Cinema Collectors on Wilcox if you have time. I think it might be right up a IMDB nerd’s alley ;).

  21. cledbo said

    Because it’s Friday for me and I currently have the attention span of a gnat, I actually had to physically pencil down notes for what I wanted to comment on.

    Lamespice.

    To my mind the only acceptable time to be drinking urine is when you’re lost at sea, and it is better than the alternatives of a) death by dehydration, or b) drinking sea water, causing hallucinations *then* death. Otherwise, in quantities, ew. Ew ew ew.

    I’m going to flash my ‘type’ here for a second (twss) and say that I don’t find either of those UFC gentlemen particularly ‘hot’. They remind me of rugby players, who remind me of some of my dad’s friends, which creeps me out.

    I love getting my learn on at KSWI. Knowledge is power!

    Neil Gaiman taught me about voodoo, and how much it would suck to have a god for a dad.

    Our haikus were awesome, and demand respect! No bikini pictures until my pale ass actually gets some sun – I would currently blind you with my translucence. It’s not pretty.

    Have fun watching to brick shithouses beating the snot out of one another!

  22. Crystal said

    Hope you get some rest.

    I hate LA.

  23. Tori said

    I am from San Francisco. Thank you for not calling it Frisco.

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