October 23, 2009

I may update this as the weekend goes on, but maybe not.

Sleep might be the best thing ever.

Is there a Kristen Stewart drinking game?

If one of the rules was “drink every time Kristen Stewart wants IT”, you would DIE.
I landed and I am alive.

The Enterprise people in LA are real flirty. Not saying it was a bad thing. Guys want to be flirted with too.

WordPress is not making this easy. Posting via the iphone has not been perfected on this blog much like comment placement. My right thumb is already tired, that’s what she said, from typing on this crazy contraption. Nevertheless, I feel comfortable knowing this does not impede my use of language and grammar no matter how much auto-correct tries to thwart me. I may be the first and only iPhone user to type “thwart” or then quote it. Thwarted motherfuckers!

My life is tough. I spent the last 4 hours in a heated pool.

Music choices on the plane flight:

The new Flaming Lips album is miraculous. Then a bunch of random oldies I love like Doolittle by The Pixies, Renegades of Funk by Rage Against the Machine and more new Flaming Lips. So good.

Anyway, it is almost 1am and I feel comforted that even though I am going to sleep in a strange bed that where ever Kristen Stewart is in this world that she wants it. And when I wake up she’ll still want it. No rest for the weary and no off-peak hours for KS.

Kristen Stewart wants it.


Saturday edition –

The Crow = phenomenal. Unforgiven = phenomenal.

I’m not sure how much the two overlap in story. Eric Draven is pushed for vengeance because he was murdered and his soon-to-be wife was raped and murdered as well. Munny and Ned go to kill the cowboys for money and minor moral retribution because they weren’t big fans of some guy getting away with cutting up a prostitute.

Also, Eric/The Crow is gung-ho on his vengeance campaign. Munny and Ned are not. The Crow takes a sadistic pleasure in the butchering of Top Dollar’s crew. Where as Bill and Ned nearly are crying killing the two cowboys. The other cowboys and Little Bill are killed by Munny when he is drunk. The Crow theoretically could be considered drunk on his new found powers.

The Enterprise guys were guys by the way.

More maybe later.

54 Responses to “It’s OK To FREAK OUT!!!”

  1. tiffanized said

    You could play the inverse of the game, which would be to drink only when Kristen Stewart doesn’t want it.

    There you go. I just cured alcoholism.

  2. Crystal said

    My friends and I play a game where we drink every time Kristen grunts or screams and sounds like a man.

    We are frequently drunk.

  3. It would be a more fun game to watch Twilight and drink every time Stewie does the stutter blink. OH, game for the chat tonight?

  4. PWG said

    With no KSWI Jordan post to avoid commenting on, how can I go off-topic?

  5. Marta said

    LOVING the game idea. Total win. I’m in. For whatever we decide. Lemme know…

    Peace out, girl scouts!


  6. I’m not freaking out. Why? Because you said it was ok too. Women only go batshit when they’re told not to. Come on, Jordan – surely you’ve learned more about the complicated inner workings of women over these last several months? While you’ve been teaching us about the Want, we’ve been schooling you in the ways of the lady. You’re going to make a pretty decent boyfriend one of these days.

  7. cledbo said

    *does the Electric Boogaloo*

    I’m awake for long enough to not be commenter number 57. This would be more exciting if it wasn’t for the insomnia.

    KSWI Jordan, sleep is indeed the best thing ever, when you’re getting it. Number two is sex, in my book – a fact which annoys men I’ve known biblically rather a lot.

    I will come back later to no doubt ridiculously hilarious comments of randomness from PWG, HB, Tiff, Brooke, and everyone else who’s name I’ve missed because I’m really. fucking. tired. 2:30am and I’m not in a club, this is one lame Friday night.

  8. Amy D said

    Not much to comment on indeed. So I type a quick note about how effing irritated I get at old people who drive. Yeah yeah, be nice to old people. I like them – when they are not making noises while eating or out driving, or attempting to drive. Don’t judge me for it, at least I’m honest.

    So, this morning it took me 15 minutes to make a left at a light because some old person needed a football field and a personalized invitation from Elvis before she would make the turn. And when she finally did… it took her like 3 mintues to execute in her Grand Marquis. And she was wearing a sun hat. Why does the sun hat bother me, because it’s effing RAINING buckets.

    Don’t mind me today, I’m in a pisser because my work suggestion of Fridays being deemed come to work in your PJ pants still hasn’t taken off. And I haven’t had coffee yet….

  9. Janetrigs said

    I love sleep. I also love drinking games.

  10. Julienne said

    I only work 5 hours today and that makes me happy, in amoungst the non-freaking out moments of course. At least 3 of those hours have been me emailing back and forth with a co-worker, trying to explain the comment I left on his facebook page saying ‘Prince is dead to me.” Apparently now I’m to make amends. If I were him I would be more concerned with sharing that he liked a Prince song to his 337+ friends than my harsh yet filled with love comments on his status update…

  11. newtonandyorkiehavethebestlinesEVER said

    yes, roger huerta and mauricio rua are hot, but guess who’s hotter just by running a blog?

    have a nice weekend.

    p.s.: hoping kstew is in LA so you can be want-burnt.

  12. Holy fucking shit, Jordan. It’s a good thing you left Jersey for the weekend. THE LADYBUGS ARE SWARMING!


    Just kidding. But a co-worker did just send me that link in a panicked email. They’re ladybugs, lady. Simmer. She’s as nuts as your lady that swears at herself. Crazy nuts, not balls.

    And with that, I think I’ve met my random comment quota of the day.

    • tiffanized said

      Since I’m no longer holding back, yesterday a ladybug perched on an eyebrow and stayed there without me noticing. NO ONE TOLD ME. I had a conversation with at least three people who did not think it was necessary to tell me I had a ladybug in my eyebrow. I’d understand them not telling me I had a bat in the cave, since that’s embarrassing, but this was an insect on my head. Perhaps they thought it an accessory? An eyebrow barrette? I finally noticed it when she decided to relocate to my mousepad.

      HeyyyBrother, would that ladybug be considered a hop-on?

      • 1. It is both strange and remarkable that you were able to come up with anything even remotely related to my completely absurd post.

        2. I was going to tell you that you need to watch out for hop-on’s, but then you went there too. Our brains appear to be similar… Be concerned.

        3. Seems like your co-workers may also be nuts. Crazy nuts, not balls. If you can’t beat them, join them… Time to start whispering “Heyyy Co-worker” and offering up free back rubs a la Buster.

      • tiffanized said

        We are also under ladybug siege in VA. The farmers bring them in to kill aphids or something. It’s the cutest siege ever.

      • Amy D said

        Speaking of bats, a co-worker showed me the cutest little picture of a bat today, complete with cock & balls. (the bat was the cute part, not the cock & balls. That part was just disturbing)

      • campbelld said

        Be glad the ladybug wasn’t a live in.
        That would have been disturbing.

        We poisened all the aphids at my work and now the ladybugs have come back. What gives insect kingdom? You so crazy.
        Ok, going back to working on Emma Watson Wants IT.

      • SallyJFox said

        HB, two things:

        1)I get your name now. And it only took me…*checking watch*…a month.

        2)I don’t have a watch.

        3)AD references always a plus, even when it takes some d-bags a month to get them. Especially when, actually.

        4)You gotta love Buster. “I thought I saw a graham cracker.”

        Alright, 4 things.

      • Sally, no worries. I don’t think most people “get” my name. Out of context it makes no sense. It’s not a very good name, really. I was rushing to comment on a blog one day and it’s the best I could come up with. More proof of my lacking creativity.

        I like to think it leaves a little mystery as to what gender I might be. Had I not announced I was of the female persuasion, perhaps Jordan would have thought he had a fanboy in his comments… that could’ve been fun. Alas, hindsight is 20/20.

        “I thought I saw a graham cracker.” – I just watched that episode on Saturday night. True story. I got back from Where The Wild Things Are feeling slightly depressed and decided the only prescription was AD and wine. It worked.

    • Crystal said

      Awesome! I love Ladybugs.

  13. tiffanized said

    Am I the only one who is glad KSWI Jordan is not dead? Or am I the only one whose Friday night is so boring that she’s checking here for updates?

    I will be watching the Machida/Rua fight at a sports bar tomorrow night after attending a roller derby. So my Saturday will be exponentially more interesting than my Friday.

    • You’re not alone, I was just refraining from commenting. Trying to keep up the illusion that I’m a really awesome person with a really badass life. Just kidding, I know no one buys that.

      There’s a reason I’m so lame tonight, though. I’m currently house/pet-sitting and waiting for my friend to get here. Unfortunately, the stolen wifi connection is shoddy at best and there’s nothing on tv, so I’m bored out of my mind. I’m trying really hard to resist cracking open one of the bottles of wine and the box full of gourmet cupcakes I brought, putting myself into a booze and sugar coma before said friend even arrives.

      My Sat won’t be quite as badass as yours, but will involved Where The Wild Things Are and alcohol, so I’ll mark that as a win.

      Hm… fear my trying to justify will probably backfire and just highlight my lameness instead.

      • robslittlesecret said

        HB, is tonight the planned activity of watching 17 Again with your friend? If so, I say break out the cupcakes and wine. Hells yeah. I’m going to the grocery story to buy wine and then I will join you (in the wine drinking–not the Gayfron watching. shudder.)

        Side note: how is it even POSSIBLE that people compare Real-Rob and the Gayfron? Discuss.

      • oh, AWESOME. Thanks for reminding everyone of that other lame thing I was doing. I wasn’t sure if I was able to accurately convey the “FML” message strongly enough in my last comment, but I’m really glad you brought that up again because it should really help clarify.

        Here, I’ll help you out even more: I’m currently watching 2 dogs, 4 horses, and 5 cats. FIVE MOTHEREFFING CATS. Maybe I’ll hone my doily-making skills this weekend while I’m at it, just to make sure I stay on track to become the Crazy Cat Lady later in life.

        This will go down as “The Day HB Officially Lost All Hope of Wooing KSWI Jordan.” Time to eat my feelings and drown my sorrows.

        Wait, wait, wait… I might be able to keep some flicker of hope alive. Friend and I will be sharing a bed. WOOHOO. Take THAT, Jordan. Hottttt!

        (Disclaimer: this wasn’t meant to be mean. I laughed at your comment a lot. Also, I’m typing all of this on my bberry and it sucks.)

    • PWG said

      My Friday night: PWG-hijitos ask me to play “ninja music” so they can ninja dance. What’s ninja music? “Dunno, something desert-y.” Um. Sons, where do you think ninjas live? Wait, where do I think ninjas live? Why am I having this conversation? How about a little Pink Floyd . . maybe . . . Shine On You Crazy Diamond? Which is how I found myself watching toddler ninjas dancing like spazzes to Pink Floyd on my rockin’ Friday night.

      Glad you landed safely, Jordan, and tell those bitches at Enterprise to step the fuck off. You’re pseudo taken, by a harem with no lives.

  14. robslittlesecret said

    Just opened bottle #2. Of course, bottle #1 was only 1/3 left after last night. Huzzah for being a drunky!

  15. robslittlesecret said



    Are you in central Jersey or Kentucky?

    • tiffanized said

      There are actually four horses. Unless you know something I don’t about HB’s evening that involved the losing of two horses. I’m not ruling that out. Good use of Kentucky–it’s the horse capital of the world. Technically, Lexington is. I spent a weekend in Lexington once. There were a lot of fucking horses.

      • Correct. Four horses during the first comment, and still four horses after last night’s drunken shenanigans. I don’t care how inebriated I may be, I’m not stupid enough to venture out into the pouring rain to mess with massive beasts that could kick my skull in in .03 seconds flat.

        And I am in Central Jersey, which is oddly specific of you, RLS, as I’m usually in Northern Jersey. Are you watching me? This is creepy. I imagine this is what Jordan feels like. Um, sorry Jordan?

  16. campbelld said

    Hey kids!
    I finished it!
    My tribute to KSWI,
    I did it, yay!

  17. robslittlesecret said

    Campbell–you are officially bookmarked in my favorites list. Bring it!

  18. Crystal said

    My Friday night was just as lame as y’alls.

    I went to Walmart with my mom and got some new socks….then I stayed up way too late making sure my Cafe World on Facebook was stocked with food so that “people” could eat while I was sleeping.

    Super lame.

  19. tiffanized said

    I’ve not seen “The Crow” or “Unforgiven”. Based on your thorough overviews, I’d be more likely to see “The Crow” because I like gratuitous murder. Also I am interested in how a previously murdered person carries out vengeance, since in my experience murdered persons tend to be not alive anymore. It is probable that I will see neither unless they come on and the remote is across the room and I’m too lazy to get up and get it. This is why I’m watching “Must Love Dogs” at this very moment.

    You shouldn’t have told us that the rental car reps were guys. We were all envisioning your hot tub escapades with busty blondes recently divested of their embroidered Enterprise polos. You can take your words from us, KSWI Jordan, but leave us our fantasies.

    • Luludee said

      I can’t believe you haven’t seen The Crow! It’s good times. Brandon Lee wants it, er wanted it. 😦
      There are some funny times in there too. I haven’t seen it in a long time. Me thinks I need to rent it.

  20. Captain Hammer said

    Look, Jordan, if you’re going to do my bidding you need to tell me ahead of time. I don’t want to be the lame desert island castaway who wastes the first two genie wishes because I screwed up the protocols. I asked for and got wrist tattoo pictures and an Unforgiven/Crow breakdown, but if I’d known I truly had the power to bend you to my will I would’ve saved them up and you’d be spending November 8th at Hot Topic with me and HB in Colorado.

    I could’ve seen the tatts then, we could’ve talked about the Crow and Unforgiven in person, and most importantly I would give most anything I own or ever will own to make you explain to Kristen Stewart’s face that she wants it.

    Okay, the stars are not aligning that way, in that I’ll be out of town, HB will be off visiting her “real life” Colorado friends, it’s not likely that they’ll actually force Kristen to attend a mall tour, you’re rather larger than the average fan they’d let near her, I DID waste those first two wishes so you won’t be here, and HB and I have decided we have too much dignity to attend such an event anyway. Barely.

    • PWG said

      That should say PWG instead of Captain Hammer. I changed it when I wandered over to Campbell’s blog yesterday and forgot to change it back.

    • The only way I would even consider stepping foot in that Hot Topic would be if the following conditions were met:

      1. I can show up decked out in KSWI-branded garb. (Maybe a velour jumpsuit to rep Jersey? Hot.) Even if KS isn’t there, someone will get the message to her, and Jordan will one day rule the world as a result. Obviously.

      2. You’ll need to come up with a way to smuggle approximately half a liquor store’s worth of booze into this event undetected.

      3. The Denver cops co-sign an agreement with me stating that I’m allowed to stab any screaming teenager that I feel warrants it.

      Truthfully though, if your wish got him out to Denver, I can think of better things to do than this. I’d like to visit his hot topic if-you-know-what-I’m-sayin’-and-I-think-you-do-cause-I’m-always-making-the-same-jokes-around-here. Heyooooo!

  21. It’s only fair that you suffer through posting via iPhone as I’m struggling to comment via Blackberry. We’re both so dedicated to this mission of yours. We’re both also going to end up with seriously exhausted and cramped hands (twss), and not even from anything too fun.

    I for one am glad you clarified the Enterprise guys were guys. That’s an entirely different kind of fantasy. Also, it allows me to retain my title of the only rental car company employee that’s hit on you that you might even consider gettin’ busy with, even if only after a handle of Jack Daniels… Though after last night’s confessions, I may have lost that as well.

    I’m enjoying these mini-updates, but I keep getting really confused because I’m not able to stalk the blog effectively on this contraption so rely on comment notifications. It takes me a minute to process the fact that you’ve added new info and that Tiff and PWG/Capt Hammer(?) aren’t just coming up with random topics and running their own blogs within the comments here. Not that I would be opposed to that.

    The Crow, Flaming Lips, heated pools – excellent.

    It is unbelievably difficult to be interesting and entertaining up in here when trying to focus so hard on typing. Eff.

  22. PWG said

    Unforgiven is in my top five movies list. William Munny, trainrobber and killer of women & children: the most rotten, heartless, amoral son of a bitch you ever heard of, transformed into a pig farmer and caring father by the love of a dead good woman. Moved by poverty and friendship to avenge the cuttin’ up of a whore and the displayin’ of Ned. The acting and dialogue are perfect in every detail.

    The Crow, also haunted by a dead good woman: Eric Draven’s so pissed off about his fiancee’s rape and murder that he comes back from the dead to fuck up the incestuous perps and assorted henchmen. A shotgun full of wedding rings, Tin Tin’s alphabetical organ stabbing . . . Draven out-Batmans the Batman and falls back to death. Marred only by his character’s shitty “rock band.”

  23. tiffanized said

    The power of urine consumption: Machida wins. I look forward to KSWI Jordan’s breakdown of the whole thing.

  24. aneira said

    flaming lips = kick ass.
    are you a hypnotist? on yoshimi battles the pink robots is currently my favorite song, though no their best. i was unaware of their new album. but thank you, you’ve just made my day.oo and tom morello is amazing. and the eagles kick ass.
    ps i saw a steelers snuggie and immediately thought of you. and i hope they kick the vikings ass today because brett favre is stupid and needs to learn how to spell his name the logical way.. FARVE!

  25. robslittlesecret said

    Wow, go Steelers! Were it not for the (love) lust I feel for you, KSWI Jor-Dom, I would have rooted for the Vikings today–as I like undefeated teams that aren’t the Patriots–but I found myself rooting on your beloveds. Excellent interception and great defense. They earned this win! Also, as I’ve remarked before to no return remark from you, I had some (awkward) awesome encounters with Mike Tomlin in college. Huge. twss

  26. Freya said

    Related topics on Word Press include “Sick of Sex?” Is this what we’ve done to you, Jordan? Is this trip your way of taking a little “me time”?

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