Kristen Stewart Wants IT… with her WORDS

October 28, 2009

Is it weird that the laziest part of my writing process is filling in the “tags” section? YOU-JEE-AY-CH-UH. I finish writing some 2000 words of gibberish and then I have to write another 20 words. Oh crapes! It is too much I tell you, just too fucking much. Tags “Kristen Stewart wants it”, “Kristen Stewart”, “wants it”, “dinosaurs”, “Martin Luther King, Sr.”, “Euripides”, “propeller planes”, “Twilight”, “Pepto Bismol”, “Marc Bulger”. Seriously, isn’t there a way that WordPress could just key in on heavily repeated words and take a wild guess with all its brainy computer software that that might be an appropriate “tag”? Who the hell am I kidding? WordPress sucks. Roast time!

WordPress’ software is so old Jesus owes it a dollar! WordPress’ software is so stupid it took it 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes! WordPress’ software is so ugly they had to tie a steak around its neck to get the dogs to play with it! WordPress’ software is so fat it went to the movies and sat next to everyone!

Now for the techies…

WordPress’ software is so old Timothy Berners-Lee coded it! WordPress’ software is so stupid it could trip over a wireless connection! WordPress’ software is so ugly even in WQXGA/2560×1600/16:10 aspect ratio it is still fucking ugly! WordPress’ software is so fat I need two TWO monitors to see it all!

Honestly, I should be allowed to stop the post right there. I think I deserve a pat on the back or inner thigh for something that clever. “Yo mama jokes” about WordPress and then the nerd versions of them. Come on! You’re not reading this shit anywhere else on the webz. And it is on fucking Kristen Stewart site. Frustration isn’t the word, but it is damn close.

I had an epiphany this morning that I think no other man on Earth has ever had: I want to hear what a woman has to say.


Craziness, right? Only in America folks! That woman in particular is Kristen Stewart. Well I don’t really want to “hear” what she has to say as much as I can’t hear what she has to say because my work computer that I’m writing on has no sound card, as mentioned one billion times before. Stephen Hawking makes more noise than this computer. So I want to read what Kristen Stewart has to say.

You may have noticed I talk a lot about what Kristen Stewart looks like, what she may be thinking and her wanting it so fucking much that I fear that it will cause a second gravitational force to pull in asteroids, the Moon and nearby planets to dive bomb the Earth. But I have not written in awhile about the words that literally come out of Kristen’s mouth instead of the word’s I imagine come out of her mouth.

I did read that Interview Magazine article, but good Jeepus it is long. It took me longer to read that article than it took Lu Chao to recite the 67,890th decimal place of Pi. Zing! So, I took a short cut and typed “Kristen Stewart quotes” into Les Googles and I got a result that was fascinating to say the least. Fascinating like blah blah blah blah blah blah Jonas Salk! Wowzers!

What I learned from these classic K-Stew quotes, is that the two of us have a lot more in common upstairs than one would imagine myself (a 26 year old, Jesuit educated Philosophy major, who doesn’t have a drinking “problem”, but a drinking “solution” (keep drinking until you forget about the problem), who thinks Bill Cowher should be canonized, who thinks Phil Anselmo’s scream at the beginning of Great Southern Trendkill is one of the greatest achievements of man, and who has spent somewhere around 200 hours of his life playing Final Fantasy VII and maybe shed a tear or 1200 when Aeris was killed by Sephiroth. SEPHIROTH!) and Kristen Stewart (a 19 year old, fanciful forest elf/human who was bestowed the powers of the Gods to combat the ancient evils of the underworld) would have. Take it away Kristen:

Kristen: (about “Twilight” co-star Robert Pattinson and his female fans) They covet Rob. I think half of them are so jealous that they hate me. Girls are scary. Big groups of girls scare the crap out of me.

There is so much truth in this quote I want to yell it from the top of the Shinra building at the center of Midgar! Ahhhh… kill me. Anyway, what Kristen is alluding to an age-old dilemma of “bitches hatin’ bitches”. This has been discussed on many occasions in my life with Dawgz. Derived from the Latin “bitchius hatinius bitchae”, this phenomenon is experienced in all parts of the world.

The premise: if 2 or more women are present then they hate each other. This hate is only exponentially worse when there are more women and if a male is present.

Kristen is in the worst situation of “bitches hatin’ bitches” because she is one girl versus seemingly millions who are all focusing their hatin’ on Kristen because she is with Rob. These women who want Rob and are hatin’ on Kristen have formed the intellectual decompositionist identity against Kristen known as “She think she cute”. This is very hard for Kristen to overcome because once a woman believes that another woman “thinks she cute” she is treated as a hostile combatant until she shows great humility to the female wolf pack.

I agree Kristen. Girls are scary. I fear for Kristen’s safety against the swelling numbers of crazed Rob fans and the burgeoning Taylor fans. She is in the crosshairs of a lot of unstable women who have shrieking powers that when amassed into a Voltron-like capacity in the stands at a red carpet at maybe a teen choice awards could cause such a sonic blast that would be able to blow a hole through concrete. There is a secondary attack in which all the generally rogue women of the world will form as one moving cerebral sexual unit to lure the man away from the woman.

Thankfully, Kristen Stewart has the want. Kristen Stewart’s want is equally powerful in her ability to push and pull. She can use her want to not only counterattack a sonic screech blast from a gaggle of tweens who have discovered “love” in the form of drunken unwashed Rob, but she can use her want to continue to keep hold onto Rob’s inebriated affection.

Kristen (on her favourite designer): Oh, I don’t know­. Anything that’s beat up. I kind of like to look like a hobo.

Excellent. I too like to dress like a hobo. That is, of course, when I’m not forced to dress in suits. I find that I have two looks: 1. suit and 2. dirty clothes. It is an incredible disparity between what I look like at work and what I look like 5 minutes after I walk in the door from work. Immediately to my room I go, off with the suit (ladies) and on with athletic shorts (perfect to lay around in) and an old t-shirt. It is getting colder so sweat pants counteract that well with a sweatshirt or knit shirt that has sleeves that are too long.

Kristen (on wearing pajamas for so long while filming the movie “Panic Room”): Wearing pajamas for four months was weird, but very comfortable.

I know exactly what she means, but that four months of my life wasn’t called Panic Room. It was called “fall semester of freshman year of college”. Followed by “spring semester of freshman year of college”.

Kristen (on how she started acting): I had to act in a school play when I was about ten years old. I really didn’t want to do it. But everyone had to do it so I didn’t have a choice. A talent agent came and watched it and later gave me some work. It’s funny because I’d always known that I wanted a movie career. I just didn’t think that I would be in the movies.

Our lives are nearly identical. When I was in 7th grade, I acted in a play and I didn’t want to either. It was the Mikado (which I think is pronounced “me-kah-doo”, just a guess) and I played a sort of pivotal role called the MIKADO! Are you fucking kidding me!?! Seriously. It gets better. “Chorus” was mandatory and everyone in “Chorus” had to be in the play. I didn’t want to be in “Chorus” or a play. I’m in 7th grade and I don’t want to memorize the role of the Mikado so I gladly nominate myself to be the Mikado understudy because there was an idiot kid who actually really wanted to play the Mikado. So I thought I was all set just sleeping in class while everyone went around fagging it up in some play, am I right? But how does an understudy of a play in the titular role for a one time performance end up in the performance?

That fucking kid gets so worked up about stage fright that he throws up the whole night before the show and doesn’t show up to school the next day. I hate that fucking kid! So, I get a call telling me guess what? I have to star in the play that I have looked at the script for in the two months or so they’ve been practicing.

Skip to that night. I’m on stage dressed up as the greatest Chinese stereotype with my script in hand while the rest of the morons are running around saying their memorized lines because they were all the kids who wanted to be in the play and they had been rehearsing. I refuse to see the Mikado still to this day because of that night, but all I remember is standing front and center throughout almost the entire thing with the lights shining such a bright white hole into my retinas that I think my natural color balance is still fucked to this day.

There wasn’t a talent scout in the audience that saw me and then thought I should be in the movies. Instead there was my dad who was videotaping it because my mom was busy for the one time in her life to miss this ridiculous experiment. That night before my mom came home, my dad and I taped Arnold Schwarzenegger’s classic True Lies over my Mikado performance thinking we were taping over the blank half of the VHS tape. All true.

These are some great and profound quotes from Kristen, but how do her quotes stack up against one of the greatest quotists of all times: George Bernard Shaw?

“People always get tired of one another. I grow tired of myself whenever I am left alone for ten minutes, and I am certain that I am fonder of myself than anyone can be of another person.”

BORING! I’m bored already.

“Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”

True. The U-S-A is the best, but heard it before. Got any new original ideas Bernie?

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

Yuck. Tell it to the judge, am I right? Say it, don’t spray it! Am I right? Am I left?

“The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people”

This I agree with up until the point where I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life in a mansion full of money and just buying people to entertain me and then sending them away when I’m finished… on second thought that sounds just about perfect! Thanks Georgie.

But I can’t leave off with a slightly stimulating Shaw selection.

Kristen (on pursing acting as a career): I’d like to. But that’s definitely not all I want to do. It’s not the most intellectually stimulating thing that you can possibly do. I want to go to college. I’m going to take four years off. I don’t want to miss that. I want to be a writer. I think that’d be awesome.

Oh naïve Kristen Stewart. College is just an excuse to get crazy drunk and have promiscuous sex with young people while having no responsibilities and acting like an arrogant prick thinking you know all the answers to life’s political/philosophical/religious questions because you took the first round of general requirement classes. Kristen you can do all that and probably do all of that already being an actor. It is pretty similar.

And being a writer? That ain’t awesome. Trust me.

Plus you have a gift to want like no other. Don’t ruin that by going to college. Only those trust fund schmucks, scholarship nerds and steroid injected meathead jocks would be able to bathe in the glow of your want. As an actress we all can sharity in your want charity.

So fuck college. Just make a movie about being in college. That’s probably the same thing at this point anyway. They may even give you an honorary diploma for it.

46 Responses to “Kristen Stewart Wants IT… with her WORDS”

  1. Crystal said

    “She think she cute” <—- My favorite thing you've ever said. How absolutely adorably ghetto. I love it. I grew up in Garland, Texas (Yes, the very first city mentioned and made fun of in Zombieland.) and I KNOW my ghetto speak. And that was as authentic as it gets.

    *pats you on the inner thigh*

  2. I swore an oath to myself that I was going to clean up my act and stop making a pathetic fool of myself in the comments. And then I read this post… and I’m having trouble keeping it together. Only problem is that I’ve run out of things to offer up — I’ve proposed marriage, threesomes, etc. So I guess a pat on your inner thigh is the best I can do. But just know that this post was so many kinds of win that it has reignited my dirty spark (twss).

    You DO get women. I know I claimed we were schooling you in the ways of the lady, but it seems you already have a pretty good understanding of how the less stable gender works. Aren’t we the worst? We’re crazy. Is this blog your own social experiment? A test to see if the phenomenon of “bitches hatin’ bitches” will hold true even when the pseudo-competition is online only? How long before we turn on our fellow lady commenters?

    I was forced to be in a play in 4th grade. I wasn’t the star, I was “lady that walks by with bag full of Christmas presents.” Essentially an extra, but somehow I still managed to botch it. I walked into the corner of the bleachers set up on stage for the choral part of the show and cut my leg open. So I was limping and bleeding across the stage with a bag full of fake presents while a portly 5th grader shouted something about selling sausages. Nightmares. Merry effing Christmas.

    • PWG said

      I think we’re all a pretty good example of a murder of women lovin’ other women in the presence of a penis (twss). Megafox is a statistical anomaly. For cryin’ out loud, a large number of us have agreed to SHARE Jordan and worked out a schedule and everything.

  3. PWG said

    “I had an epiphany this morning that I think no other man on Earth has ever had: I want to hear what a woman has to say.”

    Houston, we have Taunting Mechanism fully engaged. Prepare for battle.

    “Seriously, isn’t there a way that WordPress could just key in on heavily repeated words and take a wild guess with all its brainy computer software that that might be an appropriate “tag”?”

    Yeah, so the tags on your posts every day could be “fuck” and “find and bang.”

  4. Also, there’s a good chance that PWG and I nerdgasmed over your techie WordPress jokes. Tease.

    • Ok, maybe it’s just me. Based on PWG’s comment above mine that I just noticed, seems you’ve poked an angry bear with a stick. Danger! Danger!

      • PWG said

        No, I did laugh at Tim Berners-Lee and the tripping over the wireless connection part. I’m snowbound, I have to remain calm lest my house turn into a Shining re-enactment.

      • PWG, dear… I’m a girl. You think I don’t talk shit about you and my fellow “wife-bitches” behind your backs? I smile sweetly and agree to share because I want your help with Op:F&B, but come the day that I declare that mission a success? You’re dead to me. As soon as we’re in Jordan’s apartment, I’m going rogue and this once team-driven mission is over; you’ll find yourself locked in a closet before you know it. Especially now that I know I have 8 inches on you (twss).

      • PWG said

        A: I thought the labor division was: PWG Finds, HB Bangs

        B: We’re not BOTH going in the front door, what kind of strategy is that?! He and Dawgz would be scrambling out the bathroom window before we’d removed our fake pizza delivery uniforms.

        C: The taller you are, the better bolas work.

      • Oh good, I can love you again. You’re so self-sacrificing…

        Though I hope you do know that, even if I did throw an elbow (which, you may have bolas, but you’re nose is probably in prime elbow territory), and ran off to conquer KSWI Jordan all by myself, I’d still be up for drinks with you afterward. You thought Op:F&S was just a joke…

        Well, it was. But it was also effing creepy. Am I right? I am.

        Also, I have a feeling Jordan will forever second guess every pizza delivery person from this day forward. This calls for an evil laugh…

      • I’d like to file the following complaints against myself:

        1. This whole thread is under the wrong comment. I was in such a hurry to start a faux cat fight down here that I replied to the wrong one. I’m sure we’re all intelligent enough to figure it out on our own, but I’m irked by it. Perfectionist and all.

        2. You’re nose = your nose. Curse my fingers for having their own mind… (twss?)

        3. I can’t shut up today. Gah. Sorry.

  5. Amy D said

    This post combined with one word, Zing!, has forever cemented you in my mind as being a Sheldon lookalike (big bang theory, twss). That also increases my sexual attraction to you because I love me some Sheldon. **sigh**

    bitchius hatinius betachae, classic. I think we studied that right after Kant.

    • zees84 said

      A little story from the land of Zees ’84:

      The first time i read KSWI, Jordan had put up a picture of his suit. I immediately pictured him as a tall, devastatingly handsome (dark hair, blue eyes, hello jaw-porn), powerful, important, sexy man in a hot suit. I pictured him sitting in a corner office, with his jacket off, tie slightly loosened, sleeves rolled twice, showing off only his wrist tattoos and a few inches of forearm, which I later confirmed had just the right amount of man-hair, typing out the words for his blog…maybe licking his pouty lips on his perfect mouth as he searched for the right word….(“do her”? no. “bang her”? not here, it doesn’t fit with the flow of the sentence. “fuck her”? ah yes…fuck is what I needed). Maybe he looked a lot like Don Draper. A LOT.

      It’s been about 2 months now, I think, and my idea of what KSWI Jordan looks like has carried me through every post.

      But Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory? That’s entirely more plausible.

      My vision has changed.

      • Amy D said

        HA HA, sounds like you did a Beautiful Bastard makeover on Jordan in the beginning. How fuckhawt is that…. …. ….

        *clears throat, changes panties*

        Sheldon though, goodness the possibilities could be endless.

      • zees84 said

        AmyD, I am a firm believer in to each her own. (or in the case of KSWI Jordan, to each, 1/13 + some girlfriends and affairs)…so it is with utmost respect for you and your taste in men that I say:

        If KSWI Jordan looks like Sheldon….I might want to debate him about quantum physics….but it would certainly take the “touchdown” and “endzone” discussions off the table. BIG TIME.

      • zees84 said

        But I’m totally with you on the BB/KSWI Jordan makeover…clearing throat…changing panties issue.

      • Amy D said

        zees84, I’m fairly equal opportunity. It gives me free range when out and about and I’m definitely in touch with my inner pervy side. We’re the bestest of friends.
        But my end game would definitely be Tattward….

        Speaking of end game:
        Jordan, with the holidays coming up I would like to send you some brown socks. What is your UPS friendly address please??

      • kt said

        Zees, your Don Draper/BB description of KSWIJordan is so spot on to the vision that has been floating around in my head while reading this blog that its almost scary. Thank you for articulating it so clearly when I could not.

        And thanks Amy for totally busting the bubble. If we were talking Leonard, not Sheldon, I think I would be ok. But nope. Sheldon just ruined it.

      • Oh, you horndogs… KSWI Jordan is a self-admitted fan of dressing like a hobo. He even said himself that he blended in at a white trash party through no effort of his own. Don Draper would never be caught dead in flannel, athletic shorts or a shirt with too-long sleeves (which, btw, how does that even happen on a 6’3″ man? I can’t seem to find a shirt with long enough sleeves and I’m 5 inches shorter…)!

        Have you all learned nothing from this blog? Obviously, he’d be much more like the alter-ego Jon Hamm.

        P.S. Jordan, time for more suit pics. As you can tell, the ladies likey.

      • zees84 said

        I selectively glossed over the plaid shirt mention.

        Today is the first real, in your face, hobo-dressing mention. Couple that with Sheldon….

        KSWI Jordan, I agree with HB. You need to put up some suit pics, and quickly. Keep the dream alive.

        P.S. I wouldn’t turn down Jon Hamm, just sayin’

  6. Julienne said

    “As an actress we all can sharity in your want charity.”

    Excellent 😀

    I performed once in elementary school. I had to sing a verse from ‘This Land is Your Land’ and I sucked. Guess that’s why I’m sitting behind a desk doing accounting and not having fun like KSWIdude and KS herself.

  7. Michelle said

    Oh, but you forgot Kristen’s best quote of all!

    From her Dazed & Confused magazine interview:
    “Reading a script and loving a character and not being able to play it…that’s like having a crush on someone and not being able to fuck them”

  8. PaperCuts said

    I love the Final Fantasy 7 references!

    good work
    *pat on the inner thigh*

    (I should do that from now on…no more pats on the back. I would assume inner thigh pats to be way more acceptable, no?)

  9. tiffanized said

    Yes, women are the crazy ones. Men never engage in stupid competitive behaviors over women (see: “dick banging contest”).

    I was Judge Molar in our third grade production about a kid on trial for not brushing his teeth. Rotten teeth testified, and we had a boy with a giant toothbrush for a baliff. It was epic. I feel like we may have gotten up at the end and sang “This Land is Your Land”, but I may have mentally fused this memory with another one. They made us sing that song a lot.

    GBS may have been just a boring person. Did he consider that? I’m with me all the time and I still find me fascinating. I think I cute.

    • PWG said

      I think you funny.

    • Knowing you were a judge in a grade school play has led me to repeatedly sing: “you’re a crook, Captain Hook, Judge won’t you throw the book at the piiirate”

      It did replace ‘This Land Is Your Land’ though, which is a plus. That makes at least 3 of us who had to sing that song in grade school… Are we all a bunch of patriotic choir drop-outs? Interesting.

      • tiffanized said

        I realized early on that all of those “patriotic” songs and the Pledge of Allegiance were entirely too close to fascist indoctrination. Getting four-year-olds to pledge allegiance to anything is a bit over the top, don’t you think? I couldn’t pledge allegiance to a fucking breakfast cereal at that age.

      • One of my most distinct memories of 2nd grade was my school packing us into the cafegymatorium for about 4 hours while we learned various patriotic songs. They kept playing the music over and over again while the lyrics were projected up on the wall using an overhead projector. The words were like 6ft tall each. We learned all the Army, Navy, etc, songs on top of the generic “yay America” ones, and to this day I have NO IDEA WHY.

        Then again, my school also packed us into that same cafegymatorium to watch a grown man with a fro prance around in a spandex unitard made to look like muscles from the inside out while singing “up and down, here I am, up and down, I’m your diaphragm” soooo…

        Anyone still wondering why I turned out the way I did?

  10. kt said

    The perfectness of recent posts just leaves me with nothing to say anymore. Everything is so spot on that I just laugh and move along. 😦

  11. Crystal said

    Is there a fucking reason why I’m sitting at work doing NOTHING??!!

    We have no appointments and yet the boss is still here and I have to pretend I’m being kept busy by some stupid veterinary website. But see, here’s the thing….I DONT CARE ABOUT VETERINARY WEBSITES!! I ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW! That sounds cocky but it’s true….not really, I just dont care enough to learn right this second. So I come here to yell and type really fast hoping the boss doesn’t come back here.

    I didn’t mention earlier that when I was in 5th grade I was the star of the play/musical. What play you might ask? I dont remember what it was called but I played Mrs. Santa Claus. Oh yes. I did. I had on a red dress, white apron, my hair in a bun, and old lady glasses on the edge of my nose.

    I killed it.

    Isn’t the picture I’ve drawn for you all making you hot? Oh yes, Mrs. Claus people.

  12. PWG said

    What’s up with “favourite” my man? You copying and pasting, or deliberately going all British on our asses? If you’re going to type with a British accent, can you make it look like . . . oh, forget it.

    We appreciate pirate talk down here, too, if you’re looking for new foreign languages, dialects or accents. Call HB a wench, she likes it.

    • Amy D said

      The word ‘wench’ forever makes me think of one line in The Neverending Story – “to the winch wench”…. haha, maybe you have to be in my head. Good times.

  13. aneira said

    im all for being philosophical and looking for answers and the meaning of life and religion and this and that.
    thats all peachy.
    but college students tend to think they know everything about life cause theyv read a few books.
    give me a break.

    o and i liked the yo mama jokes.

  14. scrubbie said

    you are seriously awesome, looking forward every day to your blog…you are sluttier than fanfic, you are like crack to me, yep, I want it, I’m full of want, I love bitchy Stew, she is sooo cool

  15. Julienne said

    What IS it with patriotic school children songs?! I can still remember singing the words “…as I was walking, a ribbon of highway…” What the hell does that even mean? I also remember this kid next to me who had to sing the next chorus, and whenever he reached a high note he would stare up at the ceiling. I don’t know what his deal was, but I bet it didn’t feel too good when the teacher would come by and yank his chin down…

  16. cledbo said

    God I miss Uni. Being self-righteous in Philosophy, and pissing off the people who really *did* take themselves too seriously was the shit.
    I can’t top Mr Cledbo though – he convinced his tutor that he automatically won the argument in favour of animism (where everything has a soul) because all the chairs, tables and whiteboard markers in the room would vote with him, as everything originally came from nature in some way, therefore outvoting all the humans who dared claim they didn’t have a soul.
    Epic win.

    I was a lead in out high school musical (HAH!) written by our drama teacher, which was Ancient Egypt/Antony and Cleopatra fused with modern school on drugs. I played Iras, and had to gt bitten by a snake and die, loudly, with all my school friends in the front row pissing themselves laughing at me. Also, my school uniform costume was too big for me, and held together with safety pins, which on our second night decided to give out when I tripped over, and stood up flashing my Bart Simpson boxer shorts to the whole auditorium. I win.

    This post was all win. I love it. I love HBs smack talk, and nerd jokes. I love sweatpants and imagining KSWI Jordan as now a cross between BB and Sheldon. As in, a guy who’s hot but not so devastatingly hot that I turn to an incoherent, dyslexic pile of girl-mush unable to deal with social interaction in his presence. Because that would put a serious damper on any OP:F&B tactical missions planned.

    Watching girls bitch each other out is *almost* as funny as watching guys attempt to out macho each other to the only single girl in a bar. Especially an army bar. And even more so when the girl isn’t that hot, funny or even smart, they’re just so desperate. It’s one of my favourite spectator sports!

    The tag for this comment was ‘win’, in case you missed it.

  17. campbelld said

    There is so much panting esteorgen around here today I may struggle to comment successfully.
    I did a lot of acting growing up. I avoided musical’s though, becuase I can’t sing. Now, I’m kind of over it, becuase it all feels kind of sad. Now I’m just trying stand-up, which is, um, challenging. And terrifying.
    Great K-Stew quotes and Benard Shaw quotes. Good old Bernie.
    nah. unsuccesful comment.

  18. Mary said

    I was a fucking hippopotamus in my school play. A narcissistic hippo that sang into a goddamned mirror.

    I am completely deviod of the Want and yet God has chosen to give me the skills to recognize my shortcomings. But unlike Saliere’s approach to dealing with the ego cockblocking of living in Mozart’s shadow, I am stand in awe of KStew’s gifts. I revel in her glory.

    Ya know what?

    “I think she cute”.

    The haters can just kiss my big, juicy hippo ass.

  19. kstewdevotee said

    You had me at “me-kah-doo”. God that play ruined my life. Here’s a 12 year old Jew who’s had her ‘dream’ role of playing Yum-Yum crushed & ends up playing Katisha. I blame my parents for that fuckery. I still get called Katisha. BTW you are BRILLIANT.

  20. Mary said

    Just drank an entire McD’s sweet tea and then wriggled for an hour in my office chair staving off a full scale bladder phail whilst reading back posts of KSWI.

    Just thought I’d point one thing…Billy Burke also Wants It. Seriously. Google that mofo’s pics. He Wants It BAD. He’s like an older, penis-having version of KS.

    His Want makes me Want him.

  21. NoirMayhem said

    “Am I right? Am I left?”

    I laughed.

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