I have seen during my life many old fools; but this one beats them all.

November 17, 2009

Out of fear for your growing stupidity and my own, today will be an educational post. Generally speaking, I have been having trouble thinking of another topic to write about in terms of anything that would be taught in a current school setting. Sure I hope and pray like you all that things like yesterday’s “butt genies” will be standard curriculum for aspiring intellectuals of future generations. I had been tossing and turning with the idea of another post about a philosopher or venturing into sociology. The idea of another historical character was appealing, but who?

Alexander the Great seems like a perfectly suitable person, but I have two problems with him: 1. too popular and 2. Catherine the Great. I think most people know at least something about Alexander the Great. Whether it is about his glorious conquests in Asia Minor or the terrible movie Oliver Stone made, people know him. I want to tread on waters that have been untreaded like the use of “monkey meat and milk”. As for Catherine the Great, I wrote about her precisely because I wasn’t going to write about Alexander. He was one of the first historical dudes I thought about in terms of “wanting it”, but at the time I felt this blog needed more positive female characters instead of the usual skanks I talk about (speaking of, did anyone see those pictures of Blake Lively!?! She’s not a skank because I heart her, but if she doesn’t heart me back then she’s a skank). So Alex got nixed.

I decided on a truly amazing character from history who not only “wanted it”, but he also had a lot to do with another reoccurring theme of this blog: elephants. It is time to get in the way back machine and talk about the one, the only:

HANNIBAL

 

This is a very controversial decision for me to write about Hannibal. As you are all well aware, there is a rash of post about this Carthaginian General on Kristen Stewart related blogs. A RASH, I tell you, A RASH! Just a rash of them. A bumpy red stretch of itchy posts. I am sure you are almost neck deep in strategic military discussion over at Letters, Tarded, BitchFace, 411 and other websites that may or may not exist about Kristen Stewart that may or may not have names that sound like the words in italics that I just typed. I can only imagine how sick you must be of discussing the battle of Zama on Twitter. Just #hannibal and #zama and #secondpunicwar and #scipio. I know I am late hitching my wagon to this already prolific train of discourse concerning Hannibal’s life long war with Rome, but I feel it just had to be done. KSWI needs he/she’s say. And by he/she I’m referring to the fact that the internet and its websites are all transgender.

Where should I begin?

Should I start with where Hannibal is from? North Africa. Should I start with Hannibal vowing when he was child that he would fight Rome his entire life? I swear so soon as age will permit…I will use fire and steel to arrest the destiny of Rome. Should I start with Hannibal losing an eye when he was 37? Yes, he fought the Roman Empire with one eye! Should I start with Hannibal’s mythical caravan of army and elephants over the Pyrenees and Alps mountains to Northern Italy? Well…. we all know you are here for the money shot.

Did Hannibal want it?

YES! Are you fucking kidding me!?! Of course this motherfucker wanted it. Did you read that last sentence? The dude with an army including ELEPHANTS and took them through two mountain ranges and came out the other side into Italy. That guy wants it. He wants it like a crazy person. Could you even imagine what balls and determination it takes to sit around one day in Iberia (or modern day Spain) and come to the decision that you are crossing mountains to go and fight the greatest empire that had graced Earth? And to do it with elephants!?! You want it, my friend. Hannibal most assuredly wanted it.

The crossing of the Pyrenees and the Alps into Italy with the elephants is usually the only thing I hear about Hannibal. That is his big hit. I feel like people are pegging Hannibal as a one hit wonder. Hannibal WAS the Second Punic War. It is crazy as all can be the elephants over the mountains so I get why people remember it. But it would be like people summing up the band A-Ha as simply “Take On Me” meanwhile they wrote a surprising 9 studio albums that are not just different versions of “Take On Me” as most would expect. But the reason why people focus on this is the sheer ridiculous imagery and people love animals.

People really love animals. We have an amazing fear and admiration for animals. We both want to equally want to be friend an animal and see it attack. Of course, we want to see it attack, but not attack us. Like when you are in a bar and you see some wild drunkard tip toeing around. You really want to strike up a conversation with him to hear about his drunken hobo adventures, but at the same time you really want to see him stumble into someone and watch him take a swing at a guy. You just don’t want to be that guy. Nevertheless, if you want to spice up any story, and I mean any story, you add an animal into it. If you want to get someone’s attention start talking about animals.

I don’t know if I have mentioned this, but that is how you get a person interested. What did you do this weekend? I went to see a movie. What did you do? I went to a petting zoo. Really!?! What animals did you pet? Was there a tiger? Of course there wasn’t a tiger, but you see my point. That first hypothetical person couldn’t have cared any less about the second hypothetical person’s story about seeing a movie. The second person was completely enthralled by the idea of the first person being able to pet an animal.

You can even lie to people about being with animals. What did you do this weekend? I rode a horse. Really!?! Where did you ride a horse? I know that fake person I made up and they didn’t ride a horse. But that other person is now interested in the idea that that person was on a horse only a scant few hours prior. Even better, the person who wasn’t with the animal can get involved in that conversation and they want to. If someone has been on a horse then they can now tell the tale of being on a horse. If someone hasn’t been on a horse then they can now tell the tale of not being on a horse at any point in their life and the subsequent times they came close to being on a horse.

The animal doesn’t even need to be all that crazy. What did you do this weekend? I played with a dog. Really!?! What kind of dog? I’m scared of dogs. Was it a big dog? Whose dog was it? Did you steal a dog? Are you lying to me like that other time when you said you rode a horse? Was the dog brown or should I say was the fake dog brown? See this is what happens when you talk about animals. People want to get involved. Secretly, I believe we all want to talk about animals at all times. We’ve either watched way too many shows about animals or we wish we had watched more and we want to talk about it.

So we are enamored by Hannibal and his ability to gather 40 elephants, tame them, and then use them in war. He didn’t just do it with those 40 crossing the Alps neither. Hannibal used 80 war elephants in his most public demise at the battle of Zama. But I think I’m getting a little ahead of myself. I started talking about how we want to talk about animals and I got wrapped up into talking about animals. What irony!?! So back to Hannibal. The man was from Africa!

Hannibal was born in 248 BC and hailed from Northern Africa, which explains more of why he was involved with all these elephants. If he was a military genius from Brooklyn then him having a penchant for using elephants in war would make a lot less sense. It would also make a ton less sense that a man from Brooklyn which didn’t really “exist” (it was around, but not with rappers and basketball players and hipsters like nowadays) back then would have anything to with the wars going on in the Mediterranean Sea. Also for full disclosure, I spelled Mediterranean correctly on my first try which I found a little baffling and at the same time I originally upgraded it to an “ocean” and not just a stinking “sea”.

Hannibal, as mentioned, wanted it a very early age and declared to his father and family that he would spend his life trying to destroy the Romans. It did not take him long to get involved in this pursuit as he accompanied his brother-in-law Hasdrubal as an officer under him after his father died in battle. Carthage’s interests at the time were with the Iberian peninsula which is now Portugal and Spain. Hasdrubal struck a treaty with Rome that cut that land in two and Carthage had one side (south of the Ebro river) and Rome had the other (north of the Ebro river, duh). Hasdrubal also got his young brosef-in-law laid legally by arranging marriage with a princess. Talk about a kick ass brother-in-law. Sure I’ll get you a job in my badass army, sure I’ll get you a lady friend, sure I’ll get you a….a…a…argh… I’ve been assassinated.

Yep. In 221 BC, at the ripe age of 27, Hannibal was made commander-in-chief because Hasdrubal he got got (The Wire anyone?). Hannibal’s want to kill and burn everything Roman rivaled his dear old dad’s and because of this the army loved him. Hannibal took that love and blood lust and conquered everything that was deemed ok to conquer in the treaty with Rome. Nevertheless, Rome wasn’t too psyched that some youngin’ was laying to waste everything south of Ebro river. Rome made a pre-emptive strike by allying with the city of Saguntum which was just south of the Ebro. Hannibal seeing this as spitting in his face promptly sacked the shit out of Saguntum. And Rome seeing this as a loogie in their eye promptly declared war and thus the Second Punic War.

Hannibal, mi hermano para una madre otra, wanted it so bad he started the Second Punic War. This is where the elephants crossing those damn mountains comes into play. It actually wasn’t even Hannibal’s plan. How fucking crazy is that? There was more than one person who though elephants and mountains made sense together. That is brilliant. It was his brother-in-law Hasdrubal (back from the dead, right?) who originally came up with the idea. But he be dead and so be Hannibal’s pop, so now it is Hannibal’s turn to cross through Spain, Southern France and then other those mountains with 38,000 infantry, 8,000 cavalry and 37 war elephants. Hannibal had easily defeated everyone up until the mountains, but the mountains ain’t no one’s bitch. When Hannibal touched down in Italy he had lost basically half of his army and, sadly, most of the elephants. 20,000 men dead? I’m not that sad. 30 elephants dead? I’m crying tears of historical anguish. Those poor elephants!

HANNIBAL: LIVE IN ITALY! Hannibal spent the next 15 years (!) in Italy as Rome’s greatest enemy and lingering tormenter. He won major battle after major battle defeating Rome nearly at every chance they fought him in open battle. In these meetings, Hannibal proved to be the superior military strategist as he usually was outnumbered in these battles. His first major victory was the Battle of Trebia where Hannibal ambushed those idiot Romans. He set-up a force across the river from the Romans and waited for them to attack. The Romans didn’t see a secondary force laying in wait South of the river that rushed up when the Romans attacked and took them from behind*.

All the while Hannibal was engaging in war all over Italy, Rome was still operating as their regular governmental structure. So different people assumed consul roles and had different thought processes on how to deal with Hannibal. It wasn’t one big military dictatorship that sought out the defeat of Hannibal, but it was a democracy where everyone got a chance to fail at apprehending this mad man. Hey, Flaminius, how are you going to get your ass handed to you by Hannibal? Well, I’m glad you asked. I, Flaminius, was planning on not engaging in battle with Hannibal and instead allow him to march around my army and cut off my support lines from the rest of Italy and then proceed to get demolished by Hannibal. Anything else? Yes, I am going to get myself murdered real good too in this battle. Right!

Hannibal’s greatest military victory was the Battle of Cannae or as you all know it #BoC. Here Hannibal defeated a much larger Roman army in a brilliant tactical way. What does a Cadbury Easter Egg, KSWI Jordan and Hannibal’s army at Cannae have in common? Soft center and a hard shell. Hannibal took his weakest troops and put them in the middle where typical the strength of a military force would be. He then put his best cavalry at the ends. The Romans attacked in full force at the middle of Hannibal’s army looking to break them right down the middle. Instead Hannibal’s army expanded and circled around the Romans. They enveloped the Roman army like a big hug. A big and violent and uncompromisingly bloody hug full of death. A big hug where 50,000-70,000 Romans were killed including consuls, former consuls, military tribunes and a whole bunch of senators. Hugs!

This was Hannibal’s climax and it was immediately proceeded by the anti-climax. Nothing happened afterwards really. Hannibal was more or less abandoned by his country. He had been running on piss and vinegar this whole time. Carthage and the Macedonians weren’t going to help Hannibal nor had they been helping Hannibal. They had been spending all their resources to hold onto the Iberian peninsula and their land in Northern Africa instead of sending reinforcements to Hannibal. He was all the way out there in Italy, defeating the Romans left and right, but no one would give him that helping hand to give the final deathblow and sack Rome.

So Hannibal roamed Italy with his army and his want. His dwindling army went on to defeat Romans all over Southern Italy, but this force was not strong enough to take on the capital. After years of wondering around getting nipped at by small Roman guerilla forces and slowly dying off from lack of supplies, in 203 BC Hannibal was eventually called home. Hannibal was called back to Carthage with his men to prepare defenses for Rome’s attack. At 40 some odd years old, Hannibal was about to be defeated.

The Battle of Zama was Scipio Africanus’ shining moment where he defeated the great Hannibal using his own tactics against him. Hannibal always had a great cavalry, but due to circumstances outside of him when the Numidian’s changed sides. Hannibal now playing on his home turf did have the superior infantry, but he had showed plenty of times over that the cavalry was what won the wars. Hannibal did make an amazing stand with 80 war elephants, but Scipio had an answer for that too. Apparently, those big bad elephants get spooked by loud horns, which is good to know for the whole elephant apocalypse I prophesize. The elephants scared by the horns actually turn against the Carthaginians and destroy their army instead of the invaders. Stupid elephants!

Hannibal did survive the battle. He made the leap from battles with swords to battles with words and became a politician. He reestablished Carthage as a wealthy nation, removed corruption from its government and instituted elections and term limits. Of course, having a healthy Carthage is bad stuff for Rome, so when they threatened Hannibal took exile. Hannibal moved around like a genius vagrant for awhile and, eventually, settled on helping out Prusias I in Asia Minor. Although older and with no country of his own anymore, Hannibal kept on fighting and help win several naval victories for Prusias. He once reportedly filled large pots with poisonous snakes and threw them into enemy boats. Talk about a guy who wanted it!

This story ends sadly because Hannibal wasn’t one of the lucky few of us who are immortal. He was betrayed yet again by the country he was fighting for and Prusias was prepared to give Hannibal to Rome. Instead, Hannibal killed himself with poison and left a love letter for Rome, “Let us, relieve the Romans from the anxiety they have so long experienced, since they think it tries their patience too much to wait for an old man’s death.”

Awwww… all he ever wanted was love….. and Rome’s death. But he did want love.

Anyway I hope this was interesting to the rest of you and fills my quota of educational posts. Also I think Kristen Stewart would have liked it because it had absolutely nothing to do with “that” movie.

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68 Responses to “I have seen during my life many old fools; but this one beats them all.”

  1. Zees84 said

    I love you.

    Please have my babies.

    Also, This: “Also for full disclosure, I spelled Mediterranean correctly on my first try which I found a little baffling and at the same time I originally upgraded it to an “ocean” and not just a stinking “sea”.” —-actually made me choke with laughter to the point where my cube-mate and supervisor came over to see if I was ok.

    • scrubbie said

      I want your spawn growing on me, too..you are so fucking hot and full of want

      • Sorry, but I can’t keep it to myself anymore…

        I’ve said some weird shit around here, but that right there takes the creepy cake. “I want your spawn growing on me” is right up there with the words “moist” and “panties” on the scale of Things That Make Me Cringe.

      • Zees84 said

        Wait, are you talking to me scrubbie? I want Jordan to carry and birth my children, are you also interested in some of Zees? (hehe, Tonight, I am French)

        Also. Jordan probably liked the sound of Jordan Spawn…very comic booky.

  2. tiffanized said

    I love Cadbury eggs. I like to lick them until I get to the cream and then suck the cream out*. This is something else KSWI Jordan has in common with the Cadbury Egg. If I wanted everything as much as I wanted Cadbury Eggs, this blog would be about me.

    I knew nothing of Hannibal except for the elephants. I don’t understand why he had such a hard on for destroying Rome. I apologize if you mentioned why and I just wasn’t paying attention. I was distracted by the idea of Roman guerillas, which made me think of Roman gorillas, and what an epic battle it would have been if the soldiers on both sides had just sat back and watched the elephants fight the gorillas. I would have paid more attention in World History class if all of the wars were fought by animals, which proves your point that people are more interested when there are animals involved.

  3. TDawn said

    I feel smarter already. Do you have to do any research for your educational posts or is it all in the steel trap?

    Blake reminded me of a living Barbie, the boobs, the legs, the heels, even her outfit. She would SO heart you Jordan, are you kidding me? You’re a sweetheart.

  4. I’m one of the guilty people who didn’t know anything other than “Hannibal was the dude with the elephants, right?” But that’s only after I’ve been scolded for wrongly guessing “the dude that eats people?” So thank you for this educational post. Now when Hannibal comes up in conversation the next time I’m out at a bar, I’ll look a little less foolish.

    I’m a sucker for animals. Those poor elephants, indeed. They didn’t volunteer for Hannibal’s Crazy Hour. They were probably perfectly happy just hanging out in the mud doing typical elephanty things when suddenly they’re drafted into some bizarre war dreamt up by an overzealous child. The only thing I was that passionate about as a child was puppies and cartoons. Next time my mom complains about raising twins, I should remind her how easy she had it – how does one handle a murderous toddler?

    Also, horns scare elephants? I’m not so sure about that. I mean, you have this historical battle business as “evidence” and all, but I have that LOTR movie where they attack with elephants and I’m preeeetty sure they used horns with no adverse effect on elephant behavior. Plus, cartoons would tell us that elephants are only afraid of mice. Get your facts straight, Jordan.

    • MLF said

      ahhh yes! someone else caugh the whole horns/elephants/LOTR inconsistency! Although, I must say that I think in real life elephants really ARE infact afraid of horns, or loud noises anyway. This makes me sad that LOTR did not check it’s facts prior to scripting that epic battle scene-on the other hand if the elephants all ran away as soon as they blew the horns* then we never would have seen the awesomeness that is Orlando Bloom scurrying up the elephant ninja style, making it his bitch, and taking out like 47 evil oponents. and that was one of my favorite scenes in the movie so that would have made me sad.

      • Luludee said

        Did someone call for a geek?
        Friends, technically there are no elephants in LOTR. However they do have something called an olyphant(sp?) (a href=”http://www.wallpaperez.net/wallpaper/movie/Hitman-Timothy-Olyphant-1179.jpg”>not this guy) which is quite similar only much, much larger.

        Also, Mythbusters tested the whole elephants being afraid of mice thing and it was surprisingly confirmed.

      • Crystal said

        Oh I love Timothy Olyphant. He is pretty.

  5. Janetrigs said

    I took Latin in HS and knew all about Hannibal as we translated crap about him repeatedly. Anyhow…Hi!

  6. Crystal said

    I’ve never heard of this “Hannibal” you speak of.

    I think he is make believe.

    I HAVE heard of the Hannibal that eats people, he’s completely real.

    The above description of the Cadbury Egg has both grossed me out and made me want one. I feel dirty.

    • tiffanized said

      I’ve always wondered if Hannibal Lecter’s proclivity for eating people was because his name rhymed with ‘cannibal’. Like he noticed it one day and said to himself, “Huh. I totes like to kill people, and if I eat them after I kill them, they might call me Hannibal the Cannibal. Has a nice ring to it.” I know that rhyming is why I have a lot of epiphanies.

      • Wow, Tiffany – what an epiphany!

      • PWG said

        I see it as a sign of laziness on the part of Thomas Harris. Out there making up stories, gets to the part where he has to name his psychotic character . . . Hm, Peter the Eater? Uh, Chester the Molester (no, that’s taken) . . . gah, Hannibal the Cannibal it is.

        I love that you’ve picked up on Campbell’s asterisk shorthand for “that’s what she said.” We obviously use the term enough that we can’t be bothered to type even TWSS 80 times a day. Perhaps we can lop a few characters off O:F&B as well. I vote for the pound sign, for obvious reasons.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        # octothorpe

      • Zees84 said

        If you’d give us a chance, we’d give you a most pleasurable octothorping.

      • Zees84 said

        omg, I know what HB is going to write (she just told me) and I literally can’t contain my laughter.

      • (jeez, no pressure Zees)

        Are you requesting a double pounding? Should I initiate “Operation: Find and Bang and Bang”? Is the promise of one banging not enough for you and that’s why you’ve thwarted our efforts all these months? Jordan, I will commence ######################## tomorrow if you want. Hell, we can change it to “Operation: Repeating Decimal” if you’re hung up on accuracy. Just say the word.

      • Zees84 said

        I’m not a doctor like KSWI Jordan….but I’m pretty sure a double pounding doesn’t work with dudes.

        So yes, KSWI Jordan, please explain yourself.

        (I can’t even believe I just wrote that)

      • Crystal said

        “I dont want to talk to you I just want, BANG! BANG! BANG!”

      • MLF said

        hahahahahah

        that video just got added to my favorites.

      • PWG said

        Great, now Operation: Find and Bang can be replaced with the slightly shorter but much funnier “octothorping.” Longer than #, but looks dirtier on the page so I think we know which one will win out.

      • PWG said

        Hotel – Bravo – Commence #

      • Crystal said

        I agree. It isn’t easy for me. But I love to rhyme, is that a crime?

      • TDawn said

        “No more rhyming now, I mean it.”

      • tiffanized said

        “Anybody want a peanut?”

      • campbelld said

        Yeah, it’s like making bread for a living becuase your last name is Baker. I would so do that. Then I could own Baker’s bakery.

  7. Susanelle said

    I, too, am a big fan of animals. I can’t even look at that photo of the elephant falling off the mountains. OK, it’s not a photo, it’s a court artist’s impression, but whatever.

    Did you know Kristen Stewart’s family keeps wolves as pets? True story. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/movies/15barn.html

  8. PWG said

    As a professional taunter, I find the elephant taunting very interesting. I must assume that it was someone’s full-time job to figure out the best way to piss off an elephant from a distance. How familiar could Scipio have been with elephants and their proclivities beforehand?

    For instance, my first guess would’ve been fire. But Hannibal would have guessed that I would’ve guessed that, and accustomed his beasts to fire. So then we’re looking at iocane powder, am I right?

    By the by, as long as we’re being all educational and stuff, and my last contribution to our collective enlightenment was a post on masturbation terminology, let me make it up to you. A group of elephants is either a herd, flock or parade. I like parade. “Look, Pestilous, it’s a parade of elephants! Yayyyyy, a parade! Wait, what are they doi- shit, it’s that asshole Hannibal again. What a dick, ruining a perfectly good parade of elephants.”

    And the proper name is terms of venery

  9. PWG said

    And as always when Jordan deigns to post in our Comments section, the Reply function goes to hell in a handbasket. It’s so worth it though. There were too few times before today when I giggled like a loon at work for no reason (not true.) Now I get to do it every time I see an octothorpe.

  10. Zees84 said

    Octothorpe YOU, WordPress for putting my comments in all the wrong places!

  11. PWG said

    You can lead a horse to Hannibal, Jordan, but you can’t make us drink.

    We take a sharp left turn into keyboard shortcuts for sex, despite all your best efforts. Actually, I blame you. And Campbell.

  12. PWG said

    For those of our lovely readers in the Philly/NJ area, tomorrow night is a special night at Cheerleaders Gentlemans Club. Their lack of apostrophes, not mine. They’ve been voted “Best Gentleman’s Club in the Northeast” and they’re celebrating with DJ Jazzy Jeff, Tera Patrick and ?uestlove. Now that seems like an interesting combination.

    I thought the ?uestlove part made it nearly relevant to the rest of our symbolic comments. Holy crap, maybe we should forward this whole page to Dan Brown! Also, Cheerleaders will be featuring X-rated liquor. Have I mentioned that I read my company’s e-mail, and we have a bunch of horndogs working here?

  13. MLF said

    So I have to tell you that you really are spot on about how people love to talk about animals, and for some reason even more so, horses. I’ve been riding horses my whole life, and I actually really hate them at this point- but without fail everytime somebody asks me about what I did and I reply with the fact I went riding, suddenly they are all perky and interested. They want to know what kind of horse it was, what color it was, boy or girl, how old? Of course when I answer all of their questions with the proper terminology their eyes start to glaze over a bit. For example: Bay Clydesdale mare = big brown Budweiser girl horsey = I don’t really care about the horse I just wanted to tell you about this time at the fair when I touched a pony and it bit me and I haven’t touched one since. Which of course was you’re exact point about how people love to talk about themselves and animals.

    Lately, whenever people ask me about horses, I have adopted Kstew’s policy of noncommital responses a la the robsten debaucle. It works. All the blinking/ twitching confuses people and they usually abandon the whole horse topic, although because I do not exude the Want that Kristen does, I suspect I am not fooling them but that they really just think I’m retarded. Odly I am okay with this because it saves me the agony of saying horsey.

    BTW- I did not know all of that stuff about Hannibal. I feel informed now.

  14. newtonandyorkiehavethebestlinesEVER said

    i really like reading your posts (specially the educational ones), but i would love… you know, to hear your voice. i’m pretty sure all us ladies WANT IT.

    so i was thinking, maybe you could record them. yeah, they’re pretty long, so, just a paragraph? a sentence? maybe just the name of the post.

    i’m waiting the mp3. you have my email.

    • newtonandyorkiehavethebestlinesEVER said

      *waiting for

    • Zees84 said

      Last week, while drunk, I pondered what KSWI Jordan’s voice sounds like, and, again, while drunk, I decided that it was deep and smooth and sexy…a little authoritative (yum) and would make me blush and lose my shit in the first two minutes of hearing it.

      Now, sober as all hell, I’m thinking I’d rather keep that fantasy, and not shatter it when we find out he actually sounds like a male version of Janice from Friends.

  15. aneira said

    thank you for clearing that up. i always wondered what hannibal’s deal was.
    i fucking love sublime.
    i gotta write a few papers.. bye bye

  16. campbelld said

    Hannibal is not quite my favourite general, but he comes close. I like Phyris, as in Phyric Victory. He got famous for winning, but getting his arse kicked so badly at the same time iot might as well have been a loss. Except he was almost a good a general as Hannibal and was a thorn in Romes side for almost as long.
    Poor dude.
    Cheers for the educational post.
    All this KSWI lingo is really going to keep the lurkers away from commenting, we do realise?

  17. PWG said

    Sorry, I forgot to acknowledge the greatness that was your A-Ha reference. Nothing beats this version:

    • Please tell me you’ve seen the “Total Eclipse of the Heart” Literal Video version?

      • PWG said

        Well, I hadn’t before today. “Dim-lit shot of dangling balls?” So wonderful. I love that guy. “Emo kid is throwing slo-mo dove in my face . . . I guess that means that he just flipped me the bird.” God, I’m crying. Arthur Fonzarelli’s got an army of clones. My dream would be for them to get the original singers in there to sing the literal version lyrics.

      • tiffanized said

        I just turned a bunch of people in my office on* to it, and now we’re all saying “What the effin’ crap?”

      • There are some other good ones – Journey “Separate Ways” for example – but nothing gets me going* like the “Total Eclipse of the Heart” one. Please enjoy.

  18. periperi said

    “Could you even imagine what balls and determination it takes to sit around one day in Iberia (or modern day Spain) and come to the decision that you are crossing mountains to go and fight the greatest empire that had graced Earth?” one little problem:roman republic was just that, a republic, until August-formerly-known-as-Octavian.
    and the other version of Hannibal’s death? he killed himself after roman messenger brought him the head of his brother, while in a battle in Italy.
    btw, level of intelligence and sarcasm here?awesome. you sound almost European (and that’s a compliment;)wanna be my buddy-we could go on about Socrates (my favourite), stupid Aristotle (he feels like an old perv, i don’t know why,maybe bc i don’t like his mathematical view of everything, including..yes, theater), and babes. and kstew, of course.
    and first thing that comes on my mind when hearing word “Hannibal”? “Hannibal ante portas.” (as of when he was just outside of rome).magnificently describes impending doom-he was one sexy man! 😉

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