Weed? Booze? Cocaine? Nah, I smoke Tryptophan!

November 30, 2009

I could be angrier. I could be. The Pittsburgh Steelers lost in overtime to the Baltimore Ravens. A game that they could have won. But, in all honesty, I was expecting a much worse showing than the Steelers gave. Early in the week they had made it abundantly clear that Ben Roethlisberger was going to play despite the concussion he suffered the previous game. At the proverbial last minute, Ben was not cleared to play and this opened the door to 3rd string quarterback Dennis Dixon to make his first NFL start.

Basically a rookie quarterback, no Troy Polamalu, at Baltimore, against the vaunted Ravens defense!?!

I was expecting to lose. The Baltimore Ravens opening drive didn’t help my confidence any as they took the ball the length of the field for a touchdown fairly easily. If you watched the game, you would have seen all the depressing statistics the Ravens have on their usually lackluster opening drives. Now they are up 7-0, gggrrreeeaaattt. So how did the rook do?

Pretty great, actually. Dennis Dixon scored two touchdowns, led a drive for a field goal and, finally, threw an interception that cost them the game. It was better than people expected and, in the end, ended the way one would think a rookie start versus one of the best defenses in the league and your team’s number 1 bitter rival would end. So, he played well. Rashard Mendenhall ran like a beast and our defense played pretty well. The Steelers are playing well enough to keep these games competitive and make you believe only to have your heart ripped out of your chest and peed on at the end of the game, but I guess that is better than getting woodshedded like some other teams have been around the league.

Oh, but it would have been so nice if they won. Why?

Dennis Dixon = “Steamin’” Willie Beamen

Just saying. If Dixon won last night’s game then the Steelers would officially be Any Given Sunday and my life would be complete.

Also I was going to title this post “the six inches in front of your face” as a reference to Al Pacino’s speech in Any Given Sunday, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that the comments section would be flooded with a lot different interpretation of that sentence. You people. You dirty people.

As far as the rest of the NFL, I watched all three games on Thanksgiving, the Jets/Panthers game on Sunday, and the Vikings/Bears game on Sunday. I’m not sure if anyone has ever said this, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say this guy named Brett Favre knows how to play football. Call me crazy, but I think this guy has a future in the league. At the age of 112, Brett Favre is having arguably the best season of his long long long long long illustrious career; through 11 games Brett has thrown 2874 yards, 24 touchdowns and only 3 interceptions. Even if “The Old Man”, as I call him or “The Silver Fox” as Jared Allen calls him, has the breakdown game that everyone has been expecting from the start where he throws 4 interceptions he would still be having an unreal season.

Thanksgiving and the subsequent break from work I received for it went pretty well. I ate a shit ton of turkey which does not sound at all appetizing. How much turkey? A shit ton? Fair enough. I followed that up with a fuck ton of biscuits, which sounds more appetizing the more you repeat it in your head. What is the difference between a shit ton and a fuck ton? It is relativity. A lot of people eat a lot of turkey. Turkey is the main dish and you are expected to eat anywhere from at least a little to eating a whole damn turkey and pissing off your relatives because turkeys take forever to cook and they will have to fill up on cranberry sauce and string beans instead of emeffin’ turkey.

A shit ton indicates that I indeed ate a lot of turkey. More turkey than what an average human being should or likely would eat. At some point, the majority of human beings would feel their stomach seizing in agony from all the turkey they had previously shoved into themselves and stopped shoving more turkey down their throat. But I am not most people. I write a blog about Kristen Stewart for fuck’s sake. So I pressed on and despite any injuries like the throbbing pain in my gut that I may have ate so much turkey it was now invading other organs in my body and mutating them into half human/half turkey organs I still ate more turkey. But again, it was Thanksgiving and I feel comfortable in my belief I was not the only one doing such things. If this was on a typical Tuesday then I would have upgraded from “shit ton” to “fuck ton” or been committed to a hospital for such high volume turkey eating without a holiday to justify it.

The fuck ton of biscuits is purposefully categorized as such because I do not believe as large of a group of the population gorges on biscuits in the same fashion I was. I ate a lot of mashed potatoes et cetera, but the biscuits were a sight. If the concept, the idea, the ethereal form of a biscuit ceased to exist today and there would be no biscuits or anything of the like from today onward until Kristen Stewart unmakes the world with her want during her inevitable young Hollywood starlet nervous breakdown – I would have had my fill this past Thursday. I ate enough biscuits on Thanksgiving that I satisfied any other sane person’s biscuit eating tally for the rest of their life. But I will eat more biscuits. There will always be more biscuits in my future. Unless everyone wants an apocalyptic scenario like in the movie 2012 where Earth is splitting in two and crumbling, there should be more biscuits in my future. You wouldn’t like me when I don’t have my biscuits.

Shit ton and fuck ton aside, I also saw The Fantastic Mr. Fox which you should all see. I also also saw a very sophisticated film that is/was much more enlightening and intelligent than that Twilight mess: Ninja Assassin. I am an adult and as an adult I would like to watch movies that are of an adult matter that I can relate to like ninjas. Seriously, high school vampire romance? I think you’re all a little too old to be watching such childish material. I, on the other hand, will sit at the adult table and discuss ninjas like the well educated man I play on TV. The movie was ok. Away We Go was also watched and was good and people should see it with their eyes.

There were 4 tweens standing inline in front of myself and my friend at the movies on our intellectual field trip to see said ninja movie. They, on the other hand, were going to see New Moon and they were all wearing “Team Jacob” t-shirts. I was going to write “they looked like screamers”, but that easily could be construed in a sexual manner and they looked anywhere between the ages of 13 and 14. Instead, I will rewrite what my publicist has written for me: “These young women below the legal age of consent appeared to be the type to exclaim loudly with joy and merriment when Taylor Lautner’s shirtless image is presented to them.”

I wonder if there is one truly clueless high school or junior high school principal in America who has no idea what Twilight is. Their school’s halls overrun by girl students in “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob” t-shirts. Struggling to understand this predicament, he makes a formal conclusion on the matter believing that the females have chosen sides over two male students at the school. Scared there will be a turf war cat fight that will tear the foundation of his school apart, he calls a meeting of the teachers. He addresses the teachers in the teachers’ lounge. Coffee mugs and donuts for everyone. Dark bags under his eyes from many restless sleepless nights agonizing over what to do.

“I’m sure you are all wondering why I called this emergency action meeting. I have a great deal of concern for our school and maybe out town’s future. I believe we are standing at the edge of the precipice. I believe there is something brewing in these halls. I hear the screams. I see their wild eyes. They are wearing uniforms. They have laid down the battle lines. They have chosen their sides. And I don’t know what will happen next, but I think it will be bad. Catastrophic even. In short, I am terrified for all of our safety.”

He loosens his tie and wipes sweat from his brow.

“We need to think of something. We need to think of something fast before this madness consumes all of us. At the very least, we need to think of a solution that will save us from losing the lives of this next generation of women. Who will be the mothers of this town tomorrow if we do not save these girls today? I beg you. I implore you. We need to stop this war between the factions of Team Jacob and Team Edward!”

The teachers are stunned into silence by this imbecile’s words. He takes this shock as his desired response. The horror that is Team Jacob vs. Team Edward has stolen their very words.

“I believe I have deduced correctly that Jacob is resident 10th grade Jacob Razynski. He is the starting right middie of our varsity lacrosse team. Jacob was quite popular last year when he won the starting duties on our 6-4 lacrosse team during his freshman year. That was an unprecedented jump. No freshman in our school’s history had ever started on our varsity lacrosse team. I believe that the frenzy for his sophomore year effort on the team is what has caused these young women to choose him. As for Team Edward, I think we all know that can only be alluding to senior Edward Page.”

The stunned silence has now turned to an amusing calm at this stupidity or a tight lipped fury that this idiot is their boss. He is high on the attention and is pleased with his detective abilities.

“Edward Page Jr., better known as Teddy P, has successfully campaigned and been elected for class President every year while attending this high school. He vaulted into stardom when in his sophomore year he revolutionized the cafeteria by introducing a “make your own snow cone” machine. Between a record breaking Valentine’s Day heart shaped cookie bake sale and a generous donation from his father, Edward Page I Esquire, he single handedly changed this school forever. I, myself, eat at least one snow cone everyday. If I am having a particularly troubling morning I may indulge in a snow cone to lift my spirits, but on an average day I eat one in the afternoon. Generally around 2pm, I will make a blueberry, lemon, and cherry snow cone. It is two parts-

The principal notices a hand is raised: Andrew Starkey, 35, algebra teacher.

“Yes, Andrew. Do you have a quest-

“You’re a moron.”

“What? What did y-

“I said ‘you are a moron’. Teachers? Is he or is he not a moron?”

Some nod, some grumble yes, some emphatically repeat “he is a moron”.

“Jacob Razynski? Teddy P? Who the hell calls him Teddy P besides you? Jacob and Ed Page are not what those t-shirts are referring to you jackass. They are for Edward Cullen and Jacob Black. It is because of those stupid books and those stupid movies. My 12 year old and my 9 year old are absolutely obsessed with those dumb books. I think I’m going to snap if one of my daughters asks me again about my “immortal love” for their mother. I absolutely hate my wife right now because she brought those books and that movie into my home. I thin-

“I’m sorry to cut you off, but what movie and what books?”

Twilight!?! There are commercials for the movie on TV all the time. New Moon? The kids in those movies are all over everything. Robert Pattinson? Taylor Lautner? And then there is the main girl Kristen Stewart.”

“Oh I know her. She wants it.”

All the teachers nod, grumble yes, and emphatically repeat “Kristen Stewart wants it”.

“Kristen Stewart does want it. You know, you’re not such a bad guy. I was wrong for calling you a moron. She does want it.”

“Well then now that we are all on the same side, why don’t we go get some snow cones? To Kristen Stewart! And her wanting it!”

– End Scene –

Outside of that, I went to a party on Saturday night. I did not know the majority of the people at the party nor did the friends I was there with. About half way through the party I am standing there talking to someone I did know when a friend of mine rushes up to me. He is red faced and his eyes are watering from laughing. He is almost out of “breadth”. He takes a moment and then begins an amazing set of rhetorical questions.

Do you remember the movie Independence Day?

Do you remember the part of the movie when they go to Area 51 to dissect the alien Will Smith caught?

Do you remember the main scientist?

The one who had the long hair, beard, glasses and was all cracked out?

He was the one who got thrown up against the glass and the alien used his tentacle wrapped around that guy’s throat to communicate with the Secret Service and the President played by Bill Pullman?

OF-FUCKING-COURSE I REMEMBER!

Look to your right.

BAM!

The guy standing 6 feet from me looked exactly like him! He didn’t look like Brent Spiner, but he looked like the fucking doctor character in Independence Day. As if that character had came to life and 13 years later was at a keg party in a basement standing 6 feet from me. That’s what that guy looked like. I immediately started laughing. After a minute I calmed down and went back to my original conversation. A couple minutes later, I was taking a sip of beer and turned to my right and the guy was standing right next to me.

I almost spit all the beer right in his face.

At the last second, my muscles caught my involuntary reaction of spitting the beer in his face and now I am choking on the beer. Choking on the beer leads me to almost throwing up on him or the wall next to him. But I stopped myself. And then I spent the rest of the night with acid reflux from the violent spit/choke/throw up/coughing fit. DAMN YOU OBSCURE MOVIE REFERENCES THAT COME TO LIFE!

Anyway, that was my Thanksgiving.

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52 Responses to “Weed? Booze? Cocaine? Nah, I smoke Tryptophan!”

  1. tiffanized said

    “Fantastic Mr. Fox” was great. I’m trying to employ the possum’s swirly-eye technique when people ask me stupid questions. I did think all the smoking and gun violence was a bit much for a kids’ movie, though. What the cuss?

    I think we all need to participate in a live reading of the school staff meeting. KSWI Jordan, you will play the principal since you have all the ties.

    I’m glad you survived your encounter with the guy who looked like a character once played by a not very famous actor more than a decade ago. It would have sucked to show up today to read a post from Dawgz informing us of your untimely and ridiculous demise.

  2. Zees84 said

    I participated in a Thanksgiving meal on Thursday, and another one on Friday night with the other side of the family. If I could make love to a food entity, it would be the turkey I ate on Friday night. The man who made it (a family friend) works like an asshole the entire year, and really wishes he could just stay home and cook…so Friday after Thanksgiving, he relaxes from the stress of his job, and makes his turkey. He massages oil and spices into it, bastes it constantly; complete and utter turkey foreplay. This 18 lb monster literally fell off the bone. An entire uncut leg/thigh was put on my plate to be split with my husband and brother in law, and i used two spoons to divide it up, neither a knife or even a fork! were necessary. It wasn’t the quantity consumed, it was the quality. But yes, I was like a coke junkie for this turkey, I’m pretty sure I snuck some off my husband’s plate when he wasn’t looking. Between that and the pumpkin custard pie for dessert, I had about 5 food-gasms during that meal. I didn’t even notice whether there were side dishes or not.

    I can’t remember what I did the rest of the weekend. It involved family and a lot of food.

    P.S. While hating myself stopping to watch the Steeler’s game as mentioned in the comments on your Friday post, I flipped channels and skipped over something on SyFy called “War Wolves.”

    P.P.S. I’m a screamer…and not in a teeny bopper fan-girl, going to see a movie about vampire way.

    P.P.P.S. Tiff, if you don’t mention your activity this morning for Cyber-Monday, it would be a damn dirty shame.

    • Zees84 said

      The English major is a complete failure at writing:

      P.S. While hating myself FOR stopping to watch the Steeler’s game as mentioned in the comments on your Friday post, I flipped channels and skipped over something on SyFy called “War Wolves.”

    • tiffanized said

      Are you referring to my futile attempt to get the live online customer service rep at Godiva to talk dirty to me? All they said was not to use the fondue in sex play and that truffles were the most explicit candy they offered. The whole convo was a real bust.

    • MLF said

      haha. I am right there with you*

      with the screaming, that is.

  3. PWG said

    Tiffanized brings up a very good point.* If you should go off the grid for any reason (I don’t want to imply your death, maybe you were just “found”) we’ll need an update so we know to find a new streetcorner to hang out on. Twitter can’t contain this madness.

    Better give Dawgz the passwords to your entire electronic identity. Pssst, don’t tell him we think we can turn him, and he’s the key to our entire O:F&B plotting.

    • Zees84 said

      Not five minutes ago did I read this headline on a news blog:

      New Jersey – Report: Noted NJ Blogger Arrested By Feds, Worked Undercover For The FBI

      It wasn’t KSWI Jordan. PHEW! But that didn’t keep me from hyperventilating for a minute.

  4. PWG said

    I saw New Moon finally, and Fantastic Mr. Fox. I liked FMF way more than the kids did. My favorite line was Ash turning to Agnes and saying, “You’re disloyal.” I’m going to work that into office conversations starting today. It’ll be especially funny with the layoff paranoia around the watercooler.

    I also saw Megashark vs. Giant Octopus, Godzilla (the Broderick version) and Angels and Demons. I think it’s pretty clear I wasn’t the one picking out the movies this weekend.

  5. My Thanksgiving was spent in an old folks home in the middle of Pennsylvania, eating in what is essentially a glamorized cafeteria. I had one and a half pieces of “turkey,” a scoop of mush that I can only assume was “stuffing,” some overcooked carrots, a stale biscuit, and a small cup of cranberries. All of this was covered in pale yellow gravy. ALL of it.

    The meal involved my Grandfather and Grandmother arguing over whether or not the young girl servers’ pants were going to fall down, me calling my Grandpa a pervert for staring at said young girls’ pants, and my Grandfather having the bone from his turkey leg wrapped up in saran wrap so that he could bring it home to “prove to his friends that he actually had a real turkey leg this Thanksgiving.” Then the highlight of the night – dessert. Real homemade apple and pumpkin pie… after which my Grandma tore off her wig and showed off her new electric razor that her stylist gave her for her recently developed chin stubble situation.

    To “celebrate” another successful holiday gathering, I spent the following weekend secluded at my father’s house while watching all of his dogs, cats and horses again. I didn’t see a human for three days. I think I’ve officially lost my mind.

    • tiffanized said

      Your grandma sounds way more interesting than mine. Mine just lets her facial hair grow wild and wears a modified tube sock on her left arm so her cats can use her as a scratching post.

      • Well at least she’s creative…?

        This is about as “creative” as my Grandma gets. That is the “decoration” she has outside their apartment. Yes, that’s in the hallway for everyone to see.

    • PWG said

      My grandma married and divorced two men, remarried the first and lived with both of them simultaneously for twenty years. I come from a long line of women who get their own way.

      • Damn. Your grandmother was a regular KSWI Jordan with her Big Love situation. I’m impressed.

        I would get into the weird marriage situation of my grandparents, but I’m enjoying not being shunned by you people… so I’ll leave that a mystery.

    • TDawn said

      Awww, my Oma wore wigs and I had no idea until I saw them sitting on the styrofoam heads in her closet one day when I was like 10. She either had her hair in a bun, or it was short and curled, *whispers* this was really the wig.

  6. Zees84 said

    I could talk about how after my very straightlaced brother in law said “you can do (meaning divide the giant slab on my plate) the turkey three ways” that I couldn’t stop giggling and whispering * to my husband.

    Or, how my totally awesome, but kinda naive father in law asked the neighbor (a guest at the meal) 14 year old son, “Soooo, Danny…..how’s puberty going for you?”

    Or how at my actual Thanksgiving meal (with my side of the family), my sister in law’s dad started talking about his 35 year old son’s need for a second bris after his first one was unsuccessful.

    KSWI Jordan, you talked about the food, but were there really no awkward or embarrassing family time stories?

  7. TDawn said

    I know…where is the Crazy Nana and Weird Uncle? Doesn’t everyone have one of each? Our Thanksgiving was a little more geriatric than usual. Also, for some reason we were suddenly required to hold hands and pray. I thought, “This is new.” I’m down with Jesus and all, but we aren’t fooling anyone by only praying this ONE day ever. Next thing I know, we will be forced to actually go to church on Christmas. Who are these people? What have you done with my real family.
    Without the usual load of kids in tow, my brother and I decided we did not want to stay over because it was SO BORING. 4 hours roundtrip in the car together without killing each other was a Thanksgiving Day miracle. You know what would have made it more fun? Definitely a keg. I’m bringing that next year for sure.

    We ended up watching The Game Plan, I thought you would like it KSWI Jordan. Here is why:
    Roselyn Sanchez, check.
    Football, check.
    Cute doggy, check.
    Adorable child star, check.
    Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in ballet tights, check. Oh wait, that one is for me. Sorry.

    PS- I have seen Away we Go with my eyes and I really liked it. I laughed, I cried, and then wonder if I too was a fuck-up.

  8. Was the Independence Day scientist dude aware of the fact that you were staring at him and laughing? I find being subtle difficult, so I’m pretty sure I would’ve given us all away… I’m reminded of the time I met my friend’s brother who is the spitting image of John Cusack circa Say Anything. My wide-eyed stare and question of “where’s your boombox and trench coat?” prevented me from flying under the radar that time.

    Also, I’ve never seen Any Given Sunday, so you most assuredly would’ve gotten some penis jokes out of me with that headline. You know us so well. Scary. I actually can’t even imagine a non-peen-related way to use that sentence…

    • tiffanized said

      Yes! I had a dirty comment lined up for that before I even made it to Jordan’s defusing chastisement. Do you want to hear it? “I’ve got a much better place for you to put your six inches.”

      • Zees84 said

        Walk six inches toward me

        Meh…its a work in progress.

        P.S. Jordan chastisement RAHR shouldn’t stop us from being our pervy selves. And GO!

      • tiffanized said

        I once walked into a Subway run by a gorgeous young Kuwaiti man and asked for a “seven inch white” (obviously thinking of something else entirely, since they only offer 6″ and foot longs). He offered me something “a little darker and a lot longer”. Best. Sub purchase. Ever.

      • I don’t have any nearly-erotic sandwich stories, but I was planning a pseudo aggressive comment in which I told KSWI Jordan to “take his 6″ and shove it.”

      • Zees84 said

        repeatedly

      • TDawn said

        I’ve got six inches in front of my face right now. MMMMMM, its warm and starting to drip a little.

        What? Best honey mustard, chicken breast, 6″ sub I’ve had ever. You were right KSWI Jordan, dirty, dirty minds.

  9. Crystal said

    I liked “Away We Go” it was great.

    Ah damn! I was all excited that Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation was at the party. Lame.

    Loved the skit, it was hilarity. In my mind it was a skit. Kristen Stewart wants it. I watched “The Cake Eaters” this weekend. It was weird, but she was decent in it.

  10. PWG said

    I’m wondering if you actually know people named Andrew Starkey, Razynski or Page. Is that you, Jordan Razynski?

  11. cledbo said

    You’re all nuts*.

    But in the best of all ways.

    I didn’t get to eat myself into a food coma this weekend. However, I did have the singular priviledge of going to an army dining-in night, where all the military-type people get dressed up in their white jackets (because, you know, white on white is the perfect combination for a function where a Niagara Falls worth of red wine is to be consumed) and all the army wives attempt to not look like the bitter old hags 90% of them are.
    I looked like sex on legs, but then again I’m 25 and haven’t had a litter of children.
    I also found out that the Drill Wing sergeants’ wives have been spreading the rumour that Mr Cledbo and I are swingers. Which is hilarious, because we are, but I don’t remember telling any of those bitches that 😉

    As far as the blog goes – I laughed, I was confused (some of those movies aren’t out here yet so I have no idea) and I was once again baffled as to why Nikki Reed was hired to play a blonde vampire supermodel.

    Seriously. WTF.

    • PWG said

      I think I would’ve had much more fun at your party. All the military people in their uniforms, everyone with their Aussie accents and plenty of judgmental people to startle. I could’ve kissed you by the punch bowl, Cledbo, and we’d be the talk of the town still today. In the U.S. military, that’d get you kicked out. We have strange hangups.

      • cledbo said

        As the navy recruiter on the Simpsons said to Homer – “La la la la la la, I am not listening!”

        ‘Don’t ask don’t tell’ is one of the funniest things I ever heard of.
        Ironically enough (or not, I’m never really sure with irony), it was a lesbian soldier friend of mine who forced me to read Twilight on pain of death. And look where that got me. The gays have a lot to answer for! Including my membership to several cults, and a polygamous marriage. As well as the assless pink chaps Tiffanized allegedly wore to the NM premiere.

      • Zees84 said

        That episode of the simpsons is glorious. Subliminal, liminal and superliminal. And of course Yvan Eht Nioj!

      • MLF said

        aaaand now the song is stuck in my head. fuck.

        yvan eht nioj….yvan eht nioj….

  12. Sarah said

    I really hope I meet Kristen Stewart one day so i can refer her to this site. LOL. That is if i can talk after being hit with her want.

  13. Freya said

    You just described my principal and the hyped-up fuckery that is staff meeting to a tee! (I’m a teacher, not a student, for clarification. An English teacher, which is why I’m such a grammar and spelling fascist.). Except for my principal, you’d need to add cowboy boots and occasionally a cowboy hat. As for books, if it’s not Louis L’Amour, he doesn’t know it.

  14. Julienne said

    It’s late and I’m in denial-mode since I have to go back to work tomorrow after a week off, but I had to stop by and comment before crying myself to sleep.

    After watching the Vikes pound Chicago in the ass, I flipped over to the Ravens/Steelers game and man, talk about Christmas coming early this year!

    Despite your Steelers leanings, KSWIdude, you did like Fantastic Mr. Fox, so I won’t make too much fun. Wes Anderson is a god.

  15. MLF said

    fuck. once again I find myself up at 2:45 AM reading this blog. Mondays are so busy for me, and every week I am like, “ok. I need to go to bed. I will check KSWI FIRST THING tomorrow morning. It will still be there. Right now is sleep time.”

    and yet here I am, once again, laughing like a hyenna in the middle of the night (early morning, whatev)

    and it’s like, I can’t just read the blog, either. Nooooo I have to read the comments too. So now basically I am really laughing uncontrollably , so much so that I feel the need to comment and say what basically everyone else has said- that it was emeffing hilarious.

    of course, like every other dirty, dirty commentor(commenter?commentator?commentater???? fuck I need sleep) I loved the six inches reference. I actually snorted when I read that- a rare occurence indeed. I don’t know about yall <— I speak southern when I'm tired… but in general I don't snort when I laugh. Infact until I read twilight/twilight fanfiction I was under the impression that snorting was not an attractive trait in laughing. anyways.

    I also loved picturing KSWI Jordan drinking beer at a party. I had a total Varsity Blues flashback moment, like, KSWI Jordan- comming to a kegger near you. I liked it. I am a psycho. whatever.

    • Thanks to you, I’ve had “I DON’T WANT. YOUR LIFE.” in Dawson’s pathetic attempt at a Southern drawl running through my head all morning.

      That and I’ve now bastardized your commenter/commentator conflict and have taken to calling myself a “common tater.” Just an average spud.

      • Crystal said

        *giggles* Dammit.

      • MLF said

        ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

        that just made my day. I saw your twitters(tweets? whatever. I give up with this whole english language thing) earlier and I had no idea what the eff was going on but it made me giggle as well

  16. aneira said

    There were 4 tweens standing inline in front of myself and my friend at the movies on our intellectual field trip to see said ninja movie. They, on the other hand, were going to see New Moon and they were all wearing “Team Jacob” t-shirts. I was going to write “they looked like screamers”, but that easily could be construed in a sexual manner and they looked anywhere between the ages of 13 and 14.

    that literally made me laugh hysterically laugh out loud.
    thank god no one else was in the room. i wouldve looked like an idiot laughing that loud to myself.

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