This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants It #12

December 4, 2009

Another week of Kristen Stewart Wants IT and another week in review. To be perfectly honest, it is not much of a “week” in review. By far the majority of these comments are from yesterday’s post, so it is closer to a “Thursday in review”. But we’ll keep that a secret between me, you, this Deer Park water bottle that I filled with vodka that I’m sipping from and my work computer’s website history which is primarily focused on four subjects: Kristen Stewart, football, cage fighting and Coco, Ice-T’s wife.

I don’t want to get off on a rant here… I feel like Coco’s ass will play a key role in our nation’s, if not the whole world’s, future. I stay awake at night thinking about Coco and her ass and I wonder what it is plotting next. Not only next, but what has it been the guerilla leader of already. I’m not one for conspiracy theories, but some days I fear her ass may have caused 9/11. Then other days I believe her ass is what gave the passengers on United 93 their strength to stand-up against the terrorists on their plane and thwart whatever plans they had in-store. I believe Coco’s ass either cures or causes cancer. Did Coco’s ass kill JFK? I don’t think so, but the word “assassinate” has “ass” in it twice and Coco’s ass is about the size of two big asses put together, so you connect the dots.

I wish there was a way I could figure out whether Coco’s ass was using its power for good or evil. I believe if I could just get my hands on it then maybe just maybe I will be able to determine the course of action our military and scientists need to take to ensure the safety of all humanity. Or once I come in contact with it I will disintegrate into dust. Or get shot by Ice-T. Regardless, I believe Coco’s ass can end all wars. Coco’s ass can unite all mankind under its glory and we will cease to fight because of our mutual love of absurdly big asses.

I gave blood yesterday

I did. I’m not bragging or anything. I’m not looking for any type of reward or anything. Actually, that’s bullshit. Sure I got to eat a couple of cupcakes because I “needed” to, but where is my motherfucking sticker? I never gave blood until May of this year. I was disgusted by their lack of stickers. Oh sure, they had enough Tasty Kake products to choke a horse, but what about enough stickers to choke a horse? I didn’t get an “I gave blood” sticker like I wanted. Also, why don’t I get a sticker for voting? Is there a sticker shortage in America? I want my emeffen stickers. I need some sticker reparations at this point. I’ve given blood twice and voted a few times. I should have at the very least 5 stickers and I have none. This is bullshit!

Why didn’t I give blood until recently? Tattoos. I have 9 and I didn’t get them all at once. You have to wait 12 months to give blood and until recently I had not had 12 months between tattoos to give blood. But, there is always a but, but this but is much smaller than Coco’s butt, but if you get a tattoo done in New Jersey then you don’t have to wait 12 months. I think you only have to wait from 24-48 hours after the tattoo to give blood. Another “win” for Jersey.  

You keep holding those Grand Tetons over his head until you get what you want.*

Before I comment, let me turn around for a second so you can TAKE YOUR KNIFE OUT OF MY BACK! Oh really? Oh really!?! OH REALLY!?! That is not how this game is played. I didn’t know we were “enemies”. You learn something new everyday, right? Yesterday we all seemed like friends or so I wrongly thought. Instead you are plotting to stop females from sending me pictures of their cleavage. I underestimated you and your evilness. I will not make the same mistake twice.

Maybe I am just a bitchy tease commenter after all

Yes.

Keira Knightley

She’s pretty. She looked great in the Pirates movies, Domino, King Arthur and Love Actually. She looked sickly thin in Atonement and I haven’t seen anything she has done since. I mentioned before I’m not a fan of the Pirates movies and the King Arthur movie suh-huh-cuh-huh-ked SUCKED. It wasn’t her fault those movies weren’t anything special, but I didn’t like them. Quick reasons why King Arthur sucked – shaky cam, terrible climactic battle, terrible villain, Stellan Skarsgaard has a Southern accent in the movie. Domino wasn’t a good movie either. It was cool looking and a cool idea with an interesting cast, but it made no sense and had no point. You did get to see her naked in it which was an excellent plot decision. Love Actually? I’m a fan. I saw it in the theaters and I’ve watched it on TV a few times and I’m not 100% sure, but I may own it on DVD. I own over 300 DVDs so it isn’t the easiest to remember what I do or do not own. If I do own it then I would not be at all embarrassed. Good movie. All in all, I don’t like the anorexic look some of the actresses fall prey to and Keira really hasn’t ever done any “acting” that I thought was anything special. But I’m open to it.

Original Iron Chef

I watched it. I watched it a bunch. I don’t watch the new Iron Chef. There are so many things about the original Japanese Iron Chef that I love that did not at all translate to the American Iron Chef. The insanity of the original Iron Chef and the constant interrupting with minor updates like “Chef Miyamoto is now cracking eggs on a different bowl than before” were incredible especially with the terrible English dubbing. I do like Mark Dacascos, but he is nothing compared to the ridiculous arrogance and pageantry of Chairman Kaga! The intro of the original Japanese show was fucking priceless. He didn’t taste food; he made that food his bitch. Long live Kaga! And the judging is so much different. I never knew who any of the Japanese celebrity judges were and I still don’t know who any of the American “celebrity” judges are now. But one of the Japanese celebrities every three episodes would be a Sumo wrestler! How can you top that? WWE wrestler, obviously. If Iron Chef America had John Cena or the Undertaker reviewing the food I would watch. But…

The main issue I have with the new version to the old version is the food they choose as the “challenge”. I watched one episode of Iron Chef America and the challenge food was chicken. Yep. What? CHICKEN!?! Seriously!?! That isn’t a “challenge”. I can cook chicken! I can think of 10 dishes to make with chicken in it! What type of challenge is CHICKEN!?! Meanwhile, the original Iron Chef would have “seagulls’ eyeballs” as their challenge food! The chefs wouldn’t even bat one of their own eyeballs when they would see that challenge food revealed. Did he say “seagull eyeballs”? I better get my ass up those steps real quick to get as many eyeballs I can grab because I have so many seagull eyeball recipes to prepare. I may need to make two trips to get more eyeballs. Those chefs would make 15 dishes each out of those eyeballs and they would all look terrific. “Look” terrific. I have watched tons of episodes of the original Iron Chef and I can’t remember a single dish prepared that I would have actually ate.

Sweater vests

I don’t own one. Not really a fan of the “sweater vest”. I remember I wore a sweater vest one time in my life. It was to high school one day randomly. I remember thinking that I looked pretty decent in it when I left for school. About half way through the day I thought to myself, “What in the fuck am I wearing a sweater vest for?” And I haven’t since. I’m white. Like a primer coat white. But I’m not that type of white. I’m not country club white or sailboating white. I’m physically exceedingly white. At the same time, I saw He Got Game in the theaters and have watched it maybe 25 times since then. I love He Got Game. Back to the sweater vest, sometimes the tie, shirt, sweater combination is too much. If the sweater rides high (vest or not) then what’s the point of the tie. I’ll wear the shirt with a sweater over it sans tie or I’ll just wear the shirt with the tie. Or I’ll wear a t-shirt that says “Campers Suck” (online videogame reference, I know, why am I single?) underneath my button up shirt with the tie to work without realizing that the “Campers Suck” can be seen very clearly through my shirt and then spend my day looking like I’m a psycho at work. True story.

Don’t you feel like those windshield de-icer squirt things are really kind of the car’s boobs?

No? I would think the headlights are the boobs. The “de-icer squirt things” could be the nipples, but those would be some weird boobs because the headlights and the “squirt things” are nowhere near each other. They also would be weird boobs because it is a car and these are car parts and not human parts. One of my favorite lines in movie history “I hope you have a big trunk because I’m putting my bike in it.” The way Steve Carell drunkenly says it and then the way Elizabeth Banks reacts is flawless “hey oh!”. None of this relates.

Also it is “headlights” and not “headlamps”. Seriously, “lamps”? I don’t fill them with oil and light a wick with a match. They’re “lights”.

im really looking forward to the imaginarium of doctor parnassus. love heath ledger. love johnny depp. love tom waits. but jude law seems like a dick.
with his good looks and illegitimate child and cigarettes.
hes so smug. and when i look at him i am confused as to whether or not i should have an orgasm or punch him in the face.

I’m glad this was brought up. I recently was talking about Jude Law and him being a dick. He is on Broadway nowadays doing Hamlet I think. He just so happened to get an apartment across the street from some NYU dorms. And he just so happens to do his workouts on an outdoor deck in full view of these dorms. Naturally he draws a lot of attention from girls while he do these workouts and living there in general. He recently started throwing fruit at the girls who are watching him because it is an homage to people throwing fruit to actors back… oh who fucking cares. SHUT THE FUCK UP JUDE LAW!

You’re fairly young. Good looking. Rich. Girls want to fuck you. You needed to get an apartment in NYC. Naturally you chose to get it directly across the street from where a ton of college chicks live. And you get half naked and stretch outside for them all to see. Since you are British that means you are naturally full of yourself and an asshole. Not to say that British people can’t overcome this inherent genetic trait, but Jude isn’t. Not “all” British people are assholes, but that’s like saying not all “Chinese people” are Chinese. Sure some “Chinese people” are actually from Japan or Korea or the Philippines, but seriously there are 1.3 billion Chinese people and if you see an “Asian” person who isn’t “Indian” (1.6 BILLION!) then the safe bet would be that they are Chinese. But I digress.

I don’t really follow tabloid stuff, so I don’t really know all the details of him cheating on his wife, but I remember an average looking babysitter was involved. Sienna Miller was involved I think as well. Sienna Miller is very hot and so fucking stupid. It amazes me that every time I see her name appear on the IMDB “news” page that it is for her saying something ridiculously stupid again. Stop talking! Same with Megan Fox. She’s always saying stupid shit. Stop it! You are ruining this for me! Don’t these people have managers or PR people or handlers that stop them from saying the idiocy they are always saying. Fuck. But I digress.

Closer. I love the movie Closer. I love Jude in it, Natalie in it, Clive in it and even Julia Roberts in it. But what is the most telling quality of that movie (not the best part of the movie because that would go to the scene with Clive and Natalie at the strip club where Natalie is in a thong or the really best scene of the movie where Clive and Julia argue about her fucking Jude) that I believe speaks volumes about Jude Law? I buy that he would hit a woman. I completely and totally buy it. His character is supposed to be the romantic. He is the soft, thoughtful, nice, good guy in comparison to the brash, rough, mean, guy that Clive Owen plays. But in the end, it is Jude’s character that slaps Natalie Portman across the face. Not Clive and all his yelling and screaming and brutishness. And I buy it. I think Jude was perfect for that role that because when he slaps this girl, after finding out she doesn’t love him anymore after he pressed her about sleeping with Clive Owen, I think he looks like a guy who would slap a woman. I think it has to do with him being a little foppish, good looking, roughly the same size as most women, arrogant and the type of dick at 37 years old who would hurl fruit at college girls. Come on guy. There is a time and place to throw fruit at college girls and that is called COLLEGE and you’re not in it.  

And sure I’m jealous of Jude Law. Women, money, talented actor, throwing fruit at NYU chicks. But I could kick the shit out of him I believe. So, he may lead a much better life than I, but if that dude throws fruit at me I’ll break his limey neck. But before I do I will tell him how much I love Closer, I Heart Huckabees, Cold Mountain, Road to Perdition, and that I don’t particularly love Gattaca, but I watch it for at least a half hour anytime I see it on TV.

FERN GULLY! That is totally what I picture when I watch those trailers. Fern Gully with guns. It would be epic if they had Tone Loc voicing one of those aliens.

Yes, it does appear that Avatar may or may not be Fern Gully with guns. I’m fine with that. Although if Tone Loc was the voice of any of those aliens my head would explode. Tone Loc is/was the man. But I know that Tone Loc isn’t voicing any alien and now Avatar is already slipping in how much I will like it from 3 Kristen Stewart wants IT heads to 2.5 now.

And with that, I hope you have a good weekend.

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40 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants It #12”

  1. PWG said

    You know how I know I’m not a lesbian? I was watching Coco’s video and thinking, “That yellow skirt looks like a Reese’s peanut butter cup wrapper.” Also, I got bored after that and stopped watching it. I’m pretty sure if it had been a hot dude with his hands down his pants or in handcuffs or something, I would’ve watched to the very end.

  2. kt said

    I am fascinated by Coco and have been for awhile. I mean, she attends some of the most celeb studded Hollywood soirees and for the most part she is usually practically naked. Or at most, she is less covered than what some people wear to bed. And no one cares. It is totally normal. Then, add in that her and Ice T have a seemingly rock solid relationship where he encourages her nakedness for the general public, AND I’ve never heard anyone talk bad about her, so you have to assume that shes a decently nice person to boot. I kinda love her. I wish I was her sometimes.

    I don’t know if I feel bad or not about making you less excited for Avatar. I mean, I’m sure it is gonna suck anyways, but I don’t really relish impeding someones joy.

  3. MLF said

    Wow.

    I watched that Coco video before I read this post, and I am still not fully recovered. Out of everything you said today, funny and informative like always, all I can think about is how large Coco’s ass is. I mean seriously. Before today I actually didn’t even know who Coco was, but now I feel like I know the most important thing about her, and that is that she has a massive ass. There were a couple of other things I noticed, like, wow, her heels are extremely high (it looks like her toes are in a ballet point..) or, wow, Coco is very flexible (gee I wonder what she uses that talent for..) but no.

    Instead all I can think about is how big her backside is. I feel like those bitter white girls in the beggining of Baby Got Back.

    I like Kiera Knightley. But I always want to give her a sandwhich. Every time I see her in a movie I am like DAYUM somebody get her a sandwhich. Apparantly she is just naturally thin but still. I liked Pirates of the Carribean, Domino and King Arthur.

    And sweater vests. I like them, I am pro sweater vest for sure, but I can’t picture someone with nine tatoos wearing one. On the other hand, if your tatoos are mostly hidden then it would work. Personally, I can pull off a sweater vest like nobody’s business. This is because I am very vanilla-girl next door-ish. I can definitely rock the country club prep look, especially when I was blonde. (I was blonde my whole life until dying my hair for the first time ever to a dark brown a couple months ago) Since dying my hair I have been told I look much naughtier/edgier, but sadly I still think I look pretty vanilla, and would feel pretty at home in a sweater vest.

  4. kt said

    Oh, and when do we get to see the other seven tattoos?

  5. tiffanized said

    I once had a whole roll of surreptitiously obtained “I Voted” stickers. I’d slap one on in May and make people think there was a special election they were unaware of.

    Do you remember the old saying, “Boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses?” I would like to “transmutate” this to “Girls don’t fuck boys in sweater vests.” Not girls who do all the dirty stuff you undoubtedly want done to you anyway.

    • kt said

      That reminds me of that Demetri Martin joke. It goes something like “I think vests are all about protection. The life vest protects you from drowning, … and the sweater vest protects you from pretty girls.”

      However, there is always an exception to the rule and I have seen pictures of Kellan Lutz in a sweater vest and he could still get it.

      • MLF said

        agreed. It takes a special person to rock a sweater vest, not just anybody can do it. Kellan definitely can.

      • TDawn said

        HAHA-I love that joke, I’m glad you brought it up. I have no doubt that KSWIJ would also be an exception to the rule.

      • Indeed, a sweater vest can be done well. But I’m also a fan of argyle, so maybe no one should listen to me…

        Don’t get me wrong, though – I’m not really a fan of the metrosexual thing. I just like when guys wear things they normally wouldn’t – like a normal dude with a bunch of tattoos in a suit and tie. I don’t really know why, and maybe that’s just me, but I’ve always been a sucker for that.

        aaaaanyway… my favorite Demetri Martin-ism is “Double Hawk.”

  6. You underestimated my evilness? Jordan, I’ve been talking about STALKING YOU for FOUR MONTHS now. I suggested you call your penis “Nelly” and that you kick puppies for fun (rumors you are totally comfortable with, apparently). I like Twilight. WHAT TOOK YOU SO FUCKING LONG? What more proof do you need? You should’ve heard a deafening siren wail over the last four months that went a little something like “wooooo HB’S A GODDAMN LUNATIC wooooo.”

    By the way, if you were trying to make me feel bad or sad or sorry or some sort of normal human emotion, it didn’t work. It was hot. Yes, HOT. As far as I’m concerned, this is just another victory for me. It only took you a mere 24 hours to forget the whole poking with a stick thing, eh? This “little girl bear” gets a big kick out of big ol’ man bear Jordan when he loses it. So I’ll just mark that as a win in HB’s column, thankyouverymuch.

    Truthfully, we’re friends. At least I think we’re friends… Let’s be friends? Ooorrrrr, even better, friends with benefits? No? Ok, let’s take this one step at a time… I promise to stop rackblocking you. I’m all for the ladies sending you pictures of whatever you want. Especially after finding out that you have 7 more tattoos, enjoy/possibly own Love, Actually, you’re anti-hitting women, you think Jude Law’s a douche, and you have an unhealthy appreciation for that line from The 40 Year Old Virgin. I quote that line at completely inappropriate moments. I love that movie.

    So, long story long… I’m sorry. I guess. Not really because it was hot and funny. But… sorry? This is an open call to all lady common taters and lurkers: KSWI Jordan wants pictures of your tits and he wants them now. I will neither discourage nor encourage this action. My “offers” aren’t good enough for him, so I wish you luck. So go forth and email gratuitous boob shots. I know you have them. I’m sure we all have that picture somewhere facebook that your friend stealthily took and uploaded of you drinking wine and playing with handcuffs, but somehow the main focus of the picture ends up being your boobs. These things happen to everyone. …don’t they?

    Happy? We’re good again? Great. Let’s get some fuckin’ french toast.

    • MLF said

      For the record I don’t think you’re evil, I think you’re a genius. And not even an evil genius, but a nice one 🙂

      Also I agree with you about the scolding being HOT. For future reference, I will always be pro-scolding.

      • MLF said

        Sorry. I couldn’t contain that smiley. It just burst out of me like a little ray of sunshine from behind the clouds.

    • TDawn said

      I have a theory about why it got so feisty in the KSWI comments section this week. It’s because we are missing CampbellD. He keeps the estrogen levels from rising into the dangerous Red-Zone.

      WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU CAMPBELLD?! You can look at pictures of flora and fauna on the interwebz. I sent you bikini pics of Emma Watson on Twitter, I didn’t even send them to KSWIJ (shhhh, don’t tell). Be Safe, come back soon, we need you man.

    • Zees84 said

      We decided to take some new pictures of of my daughter in the bath. We made sure to include strategically placed washcloths so she would be adorable, but the pictures wouldn’t embarass her later in life. We think about this type of stuff.

      Long story short, I went to upload some of these adorable and appropriate bath pics on facebook, and realized that every single one is ALSO of my cleavage. An inappropriate amount of cleavage. Like straight down, can see my bra, “oh my gd, I actually have cleavage” inappropriate.

      Terrible. But pretty effing hilarious. I did not upload them, though.

      I came out of Internet hiatus to tell y’all that story. I deserve a break, I worked like an asshole today. In a suit. Did I mention I would be doing that? I can’t remember. Wink.

  7. TDawn said

    For the record, I don’t think sweater vests are “country club white” or “sailboating white” and Coco’s ass, That shit ain’t right! So, we can just agree to disagree and move on.

    NINE tatoos, I knew there had to be more. The wrist tattoos alone seemed too random(?). I know there is always a story behind why someone chooses what they have inked. Maybe someday you will share with the class.

    I’ve never given blood, I can’t handle needles. I’ve had to have blood drawn before and if I looked, I would pass out as quickly as Niles from Fraiser at the sight of a drop of blood.

    I would marry and have 10 babies with Jude Law’s character in The Holiday, in a heartbeat.

  8. Crystal said

    I’m car sick. I’m going to vomit. But this post was fun. I’ll comment more once I’m stationary. Damn you KSWI Jordan for being so awesome that I HAD to read this post before I got home. *vomits*

  9. PWG said

    What exactly is Ice T’s costume supposed to be up there? The jacket says Hef, the hair says Elvis, and the jewelry shouts Mr. T. Or is that not a costume? Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything in case that’s his “going to the grocery store” outfit. Awkward.

    I have no tattoos and 3 gallons of donated blood to my name. I’m like a VIP donor now, they give me all SORTS of cool shit. As many stickers as I want of course, but I also get the premium Lorna Doone shortbread cookies, genuine gold-plated blood drop pins (wtf?) and last time a great stainless steel canteen the color of spilled blood. I’m a universal donor, and I bleed quite well (she said modestly.)

  10. I enjoy Ice T. I don’t know much about him outside of his Conan or Jimmy Fallon appearances, or his fantastically stupid lines in SVU, but I do know that this portrait of him exists in a legitimate museum. I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t get any better than that.

    I get the attraction to Coco and her insane ass. But the woman has never failed to sport a cameltoe, and I can’t get past that. Is that supposed to be sexy? It’s something I just can’t grasp. (That may or may not deserve a *).

    • tiffanized said

      I’ve seen that portrait in person–Smithsonian did a special exhibit on urban art. Kehinde Wiley is one of my favorites, both as a legitimate artist and as a social common tater.

    • I would like to retract my statement of not understanding the attraction to Coco. My work blocks YouTube, so I didn’t see that video until 2mins ago. Let the record now show that I get it.

  11. PWG said

    I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking about Jude Law after this post, which is three times more thinking about him than I’ve ever done before. I’ve decided that he’s a good actor but probably a total douche. The nannies, the public workouts, the fruit, bah! I wipe my hands of Jude Law. And if he ever got the bright idea to hit me, either in real life or as the character in a movie, I could take him. I could soooo fucking take him. It would look like this scene from Reign of Fire, a movie I’m embarrassed about loving. In this instance, I would be Matthew McConbunchofletters and Jude would be the dragon, obviously.

  12. Emma said

    KSWIJordan, I’ve really enjoyed your movie rundown this week but the world was introduced to StripperStew this week via pictures of Kristen Stewart wanting IT like she’s NEVER wanted IT before and frankly, I’m a little disappointed they haven’t appeared here yet.
    I mean if a photo of KStew looking up from going down doesn’t immediately make it onto the WANTS IT radar, I have to wonder what this is all for.

  13. I’ve never seen Love, Actually. I feel like that goes against some sort of “Girl Code” – like my membership card could be revoked any minute for my admitting this gross oversight.

    I blame my never having seen it on the movie Timeline. I was home on winter break at the time and trying to decide on a movie with friends. The girls and one guy wanted to see Love, Actually, but another guy vehemently refused to see it. He was backing the no doubt brilliant flick Cheaper by the Dozen. So we all compromised and saw Timeline instead.

    I had seen one preview for it, so didn’t know much about the story short of the fact that Billy Connolly was in it. I guess I was secretly hoping that he’d be “Il Duce,” so that was one hell of a let down… Anyway, the movie was so awful it could be considered a crime against humanity. It appears you and PWG have seen every movie ever created, so I’m rambling on about this in the hopes that either one of you will remember the hilarity that was “NIGHT ARROWS!” and “TREBUCHET!”

    Now, whenever I hear Love, Actually mentioned, I can’t get Paul Walker and “NIGHT ARROWS” out of my head, which is why I still haven’t seen it to this day.

    Good story, HB.

    • kt said

      I personally know five different men that have willingly said that Love Actually is one of their favorite movies, if not the number one. I think its a pretty universally appealing movie and not a chick flick so I don’t think it falls under “Girl Code”. You should still see it.

      • I too know guys that love the movie. Including the one guy that refused to see it. I’m in his wedding next year, and I think it only fair to object to the marriage mid-ceremony as a form of retaliation for forcing me to see Timeline.

  14. AmyAlmost said

    He didn’t taste food; he made that food his bitch. Long live Kaga! — I think this is the one the best lines you’ve written that I’ve read.

    To me – you just sort of explained why the rest of the world thinks Americans are ….. (not allowed to finish sentence as the husband is American and he’s starting to get upset with all the American bashing he has to live with on a day to day basis). In a cooking tv show where Japanese people pick weird/difficult ingredients – Americans pick chicken… But I guess we’d do something like stingray and have Steve Irwins’ widowed wife judging on the show because offending people on TV is a national past-time to Australians.

    • My favorite real deal Iron Chef episode was one where the secret ingredient was shark. One of the chefs made soup with it, then included the shark head in the bowl when it was served so that the judges were forced so literally eat it out of the dead sharks mouth. I love the Chinese and their crazy antics.

      If I remember correctly, once in the US version, someone made something with peas and one of the judges complimented him on the “pea-ness” of his dish. So that was fun times for everyone…

  15. Lala said

    You have NINE tattoos?! That’s so cool. You have to talk more about them. And are you seriously wondering why you’re single? I’ll tell you why, because you want! Yeah, that’s right, you want to be single. You are funny and really smart. And you have tattoos. So you are alone because you want to tell us you are single and we’ll be like “aww… poor KWSI Jordan, why doesn’t he have a girlfriend, he is such a nice guy…” Well, have a nice weekend!

    • MLF said

      Oh snap! Lala calling KSWIJ out! No but seriously, this comment made me laugh out loud.

      Aside from that- is it actually confirmed that KSWIJ is single? I have not been paying close attention long enough to know if this information has been previously disclosed. I’m assuming it hasn’t since there was a whole debate on who Jordan was going to see New Moon with.

      True story- the other day at lunch my friends and I were sitting around arguing about whether Robsten is real. Even my non-twi-friends have been sucked in, when randomly my most non twi friend of all was like, “who cares. I wanna know if KSWI Jordan is single.” I had no clue she even read this blog. My squealing/laughing could probably be heard five blocks away from the Panera Bread we were inside.

      • From today’s post: “(online videogame reference, I know, why am I single?)”

        Alert your friend.

      • MLF said

        oh dear. I know people type ROFL all the time but I literally just fell out of my chair and rolled around my living room cackling like a crazy person.

        The funny thing is I remember reading that, and I remember not remembering that when I wrote that comment. Perhaps partying for a week strait kills brain cells? In fact there has been so much partying going on the the partying tonight seems positively tame. Which is kind of depressing. It’s like we’ve reached a partying plateau.

        But I will alert my friend. I don’t think she reads everyday, only once in a while- so I will text her right now and be like, “he’s single” and see what she says.

      • Lala said

        I don’t actually know whether he is single or not, but since he made the comment of “why am I single” or something I decided to say what I think. Because, seriously, if he is single, I think what I said is true.

  16. Susanelle said

    Look. The headlights on a car are its eyes. Have we not learned anything from Christine? And also very early Looney Tunes cartoons?

    Now, it is true that metaphorically a woman’s boobs are her headlights, and hard nipples are “high beams,” but on a car the high beams just mean the car is focusing very hard on what it’s looking at.

    It’s nice to see Coco’s ass getting celebrated. White girls usually have pasty, pimply, cellulitey, strange-shaped asses. Or *cough* is that just me?

  17. cledbo said

    jeez I get sick for half a week and *stuff* happens!

    insults! food! coco’s ass! nine tattoos! boobies!

    Whatevs. I’m moving house, so I kinda skimmed this, but no doubt soon I will get so thoroughly sick of packing and procrastinate here. Good old interwebz.

    Random theory of my day: KSWI Jordan is single because he hasn’t met a lady he’s comfortable showing his crazy to in real life. She’d at least have to be able to read ‘Office workers fight wolves with items of stationary in the rain’ without running screaming.
    Being a crazy myself, all I can say is hang in there, one day you’ll run into the one who’s just as mental as you, and you get to share inside jokes and freak out acquaintences with your dual-insanity. These people are generally not the best looking types, fyi. I doubt Padma would understand the crazy. But spending time with someone as messed up as you is waaaay more fun than making out with a hot person.

    You know, speaking from experience and all…..
    *crickets chirping*

    yeah. back to work then.

  18. aneira said

    another random comment…
    keira was in pride and prejudice and i thought it was really well done. that movie reminds me and my mom spending time together
    i love johnny depp.
    he is one of my favorite actors. not just because hes kick ass and has worked with helena and alan and the whole tim burton gang, but because hes so versatile
    i mean look at him in sweeeney todd and charlie in the chocolate factory and finding neverland
    completely different roles.
    he is so damn sexy.
    i forgot how amazing finding neverland is. i highly suggest it. kind of boring at some points i suppose because its a period piece but i just loved it. i gets me every time.
    you know what movie never gets me has never gotten me and i hate?
    the notebook.
    terrible, just terrible.

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