It is pronounced “guh-wee-dough” – part II

December 9, 2009

Snow? No. Buckets and buckets of rain? Yes. Starting an essay with a question frowned upon? Yes. Cliché? Yes. Less cliché than a quote? Yes. Although less dignified? Yes. Do I consider KSWI a series of essays? No. Proverbs and psalms? Yes. Is Better Off Ted a better television show than I initially estimated? Yes. Do I suggest you watch it? Yes. Do I expect you to watch it? No. Is that because you are all aggressively stubborn juveniles for no reason when it comes to taking my advice? Yes. Will I stop with these questions? No. What is 7 x 7? Yes. Do I think all women, even the old ones, would have sex with Taye Diggs? Yes. Am I fully aware that both Deer Park water and Poland Spring water come from the same place, same bottle design, and same label design? Yes. Do I still differentiate between the two even though logic dictates I shouldn’t? Yes. Do I believe I could do a taste test between bottled water brands and answer correctly which one is which? Yes. Did I have dream last night in which I was in the videogame Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2? Yes. Do I think that is an indication that I am thinking about the game and playing the game too much? No. Do I think I should take off work to play the game all day and night? Yes. Did you like your Call of Duty dream?

IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME! It was like playing the game while I was asleep! If only they could somehow transfer my stats and experience points from when I was playing the game in my dream to my stats and experience points in real life. Honestly, I need as many kills with my shotgun as I can get.

Yesterday I introduced you to the eight cast members of MTV’s greatest reality show ever: Jersey Shore. DJ Pauly D, The Situation, Ronnie, Vinny, J-Woww, Angelina, Snooki and Sammi. I also did a run through of the first episode. Origin stories are almost always boring, sadly they are necessary. But once you really know the characters it makes it even more amazing when you see them go out and deal with the challenges ahead of them. For these eight, the challenges are getting blackout drunk and working at a t-shirt store. Tough indeed, but I think they are up for it or most of them.

I mentioned yesterday, I watched this second episode with pen in hand taking notes. Actually I started watching the episode and thought I would just remember everything I found funny. After a few minutes of non-stop laughing, I began to fear I wouldn’t be able to remember all of the hilarity. These are my notes in bold with some explanations if needed. It is fairly minute by minute except the first 10 minutes and I still am missing some of the funny. Not watching this show is an offense to humanity as much as the show’s existence is an offense to humanity.

In the first 10 minutes, there is a hefty recap of the first episode. This is followed by the trying times of Snooki. She is unsure about staying in the house. It has been 48 hours and she already wants to leave. I understand that. I would have tried to leave earlier, but for different reasons. Snooki is not being paid the attention she feels she deserves: all of it. Meanwhile, I would have left because of fear of cancer from inhaling all the hairspray fumes. They do convince her to stay which is becomes problematic for her because as I will show tomorrow she gets PUNCHED IN THE FACE!

The first day of work for Pauly D and Angelina! I remember my first day of work. I was 16 and Craig handed me my first, of many, pairs of breakaway pants, bowtie, and thong. He asked me to try the thong on which I did. He asked how it felt. I said it was a little snug. He was surprised because it looked fine. I explained “it’s fine now, but when I shove a tube sock full of tube socks in there it will be tight.” Then we laughed. Then it was about to get quiet again and Craig said “that’s what she said” and we shared another laugh again. I miss those guys.

I’m not sure what Danny the t-shirt store owner was thinking when he decided to become an integral part of MTV’s Jersey Shore. Supposedly that is his house they are throwing up and eventually semenizing all over. Also at least half of these people will be terrible employees for his t-shirt store. Pauly D will be a decent employee. He is a DJ and we all know DJs have a great work ethic. Also look how intense Pauly is in the above picture. He knows the score. Selling t-shirts is a cut throat business, not as cut throat as the Rhode Island DJ scene. On the other hand, Angelina couldn’t look any less interested in this job. Not even less interested, but actually is in disgust over this job. She is about as disgusted over even the idea of work involving her as I am at imaging spending a solid minute in her presence listening to her talk. Thank God for MTV and their quick editing because if she spoke unedited for 60 seconds I swear I would kill my TV.

Now onto my notes:

12:06 Angelina says she won’t cheat on her boyfriend
14:30 Angelina is grinding on some guy’s dick, he is grabbing her ass and holding hands with him

Pretty self explanatory. The crew are at a club and Angelina is all over some meathead. Honestly, she lasted a full two minutes longer than I expected her to*. Immediately after she said she wouldn’t cheat on her boyfriend I thought she was going to leave the confessional room and slip and fall into a Devil’s threesome between a boom mic guy and a camera guy.

J-Woww and Pauly’s relationship is much like the immortal love of Edward and Bella. It is classy shit. I can see why you all like this show so much and pestered me to review it.

J-Woww and Pauly are drunk and kissing and grinding at the club. J-Woww also has a boyfriend who she worried about cheating on for good reason. As she cheats on her boyfriend with Pauly in public, I could only imagine how a strange nearly illiterate Moron err I mean Mormon would have written this tale of love at first sight. J-Woww would be the shy class valedictorian at a Utah middle school and Pauly would be a mummy that rises from a sacred crypt below the freshman dorms and saves J-Woww from a rabid murder of squirrels. She touches his ancient toilet paper dressings and he looks into her mature 13 year old eyes. He sees that she has been everything that he has needed all these thousands of years in his….

MTV trying to make the drunk hook up romantic since

I guess it would have been the first Real World. MTV overly romanticizing two drunks showing way too much PDA at a classless Jersey shore dance club is phenomenal. Pauly hooking up with J-Woww, Angelina hooking up with some random, Snooki throwing herself at anything with a pulse. It’s such timeless romance like When Harry Met Sally and in this case When Harry Got Shitfaced With Some Slut Who Is Also Shitfaced And The Two Of Them Suck Face And Harry Grabs On Sally As She Rubs His Hard On Through His Air-Brushed Jeans.


“Any guys like me in the house?” “Definitely not Ronnie.” Real subtle The Situation, real subtle.

Sammi and The Situation did not go out that night with the rest of the roommates. They had to work and were left behind. Instead the two hung out at the house together. I think The Situation handled the situation really well. He also proceeds to talk endlessly about Ronnie. Sammi is dumb, but she’s not any dumber than The Situation. His “mind” games are not going to work on Sammi.

 
Also, Sammi Sweetheart’s throaty “I smoked all the cigarettes voice” is phenomenal.

Sammi sounds like Lemmy from Motorhead. Trade the working class British lilt for an uneducated Jersey draw. I could sandpaper a patio with her voice.

 
“I’ll be your friend if you ask me to.” I’ll do that job if you ask me to. She really is the sweetest bitch you ever met.

Sammi was talking to Snooki. That is exactly how I get all my friends. It isn’t through common interests or ability to get along. I simply make myself as pathetic as possible and then beg them to pretend to like me. Actually if you add in money that is what a college fraternity is.


Pauly has a pierced dick. Amazing! “I just saw your penis”. Am I the only one who hears wedding bells?

J-Woww and Pauly were hooking up lying in his bed. Pauly is shirtless and J-Woww is fully clothed. Well J-Woww’s version of fully clothed is probably less clothes than I wear in the shower. Either way, Pauly casually pulls out his penis and it is pierced. Pauly is full of surprises. Can’t judge a book by its tribal weave tattoo, tan, blowout haircut cover. J-Woww says the immortal words “I just saw your penis.” Unreal. You can’t write that comedy.

I’m not sure why I didn’t comment on it, but Snooki has a romance scene of her own. One of the lucky hundred guys Snooki tried to sex at the club actually comes back to the house with her. He is wasted. Like so wasted it is offensive. He is so drunk I can smell the premature vomit through my television. And he does vomit. For whatever reason, Snooki thinks her and him should stay up to watch the sunrise. Great idea, Snooki. The best thing for someone who is offensively drunk is to prolong them sleeping it off. Keep them up for as long as possible. So he tries to go to sleep a couple times, but Snooki stops him. Now that he is awake, he vomits. First he just vomits right where they are sitting on the table. Then she tells him so nicely to continue vomiting over the railing on the side of the house. She also tells him to clean it up. I’m not saying she is wrong, but it is funny to see her disgust. Snooki walks him home because she “does that mom shit”. He also tries to kiss her goodbye which she refuses thank God.

“Oh come on what do you think I am?” I’m trying to think of a word that is more potent for slut, but I can’t. Super slut just sounds silly and it’s not like you can fly or reach the top shelf or anything.

While Snooki’s gentleman was throwing up by the side of the house, Ronnie and Vinny talked to her in the kitchen. Vinny flat out asks if she is going to hook up with the guy still. She responds with the “what do you think I am?” The look on both of their faces and the silence is unbearably funny. They are unsure what is the most concise way of saying I think you would have sex with a guy who had just finished puking. These guys are not complete idiots and let the silence say it for them.

I don’t buy for a second that Angelina doesn’t remember. “Tell me what I did”. Also she starts naming other potential “big guys” because she was seemingly almost hooking up with several big guys. You’re not fooling The Situation.

The next morning, Angelina says she was blackout drunk and doesn’t remember anything from the night before. The guys tell her she was kissing a big wrestler guy who also had fistfuls of her ass. She says she doesn’t remember. I say LIAR. Then The Situation backed me up with it as well. If both I and The Situation stamp it then it has to be the truth. Angelina pretends to get freaked out for the cameras and tries to call her boyfriend. He picks up and says he is at work in a meeting and can’t talk and hangs up.


“I don’t really know what’s going on.” What’s going on? HE’S AT FUCKING WORK!

Angelina is a bitch. I guarantee in her head she is already justifying cheating on her boyfriend because he wouldn’t leave a work meeting to listen to his crazy girlfriend explain why she cheated on him. She keeps calling him over and over like that will help the situation. Also, if he is at work then there is a high probability that it is a weekday. I don’t know why I find it worse that Angelina cheated on her boyfriend with the drunken weeknight crowd at a bar, but I do.


Ronnie definitely learned how pink eye is transferred from “Knocked Up”. Pink eye is deadly. It travels through space attack people’s eyes. Especially the boring people.

Vinny gets pink eye. They don’t know how, but they have a hypothesis. Earlier there is a scene of Vinny dancing with a large women who appears to be in a whorish wedding dress. At one point, he crawls between her legs. In that millisecond he caught pink eye from her. In this theory, the large woman is raining down so many shit particles from her butt as he crawls between her legs that there is no way he didn’t get through to the other side without them attacking his eyes.


Poor Danny.

Vinny can’t go to work because he has to go to the doctor to check out his pink eye situation. Vinny goes through a ridiculous situation negotiating with J-Woww and Angelina to take over his shift. J-Woww says she’ll do the first half and Angelina can only be bothered to do one hour because she needs to start getting ready to go out to the clubs. They go out at 11pm and the shift ends at 9pm. I have made fun of Angelina a lot and I will continue to. But what is not addressed in this situation is that Vinny’s shift starts at 3pm, his doctor’s appointment is at 3:30pm, he finds out he does have pink eye, but it is not contagious and he is back at the house with the sun still high in the sky. Hey Vinny! Work your own fucking shift! Angelina shouldn’t be a bitch and she should do your shift, but seriously if you get back that early from your appointment and you’re pretty much fine then go to work.

“She has the nicest legs I’ve ever seen on a woman” – Ronnie

Ronnie says this about Sammi. And it speaks volumes about Ronnie and what he has seen in life.

Don’t sleep on Ronnie’s brain – he calls that he will hook up with Sam that night.

I said Ronnie predicts what the fight in the first episode and then he properly predicts himself hooking up with Sammi later that night. The guy can see the code, he is broken the Matrix.

BAMBOO!!!!!!!!!!

“I felt like eating ham and drinking water.” – J-Woww

Instead of hooking up with Pauly more than she has already, J-Woww goes home early from the Boo. It is nice to know that in J-Woww’s world drunk sex can be traded in for clean bottled water and packaged lunch meats.


“I was going to Jerry Springer her ass.” What does that mean? Hit her? Tell her you are actually a chick who was a dude and then became a dude again?

When The Situation seems Sammi and Ronnie kissing at the Boo, he is not happy. As much of a “player” as The Situation is he had real feelings for Sammi.

The Situation is said “I think we have a situation.” to Pauly. You mean you? Or an actual situation? I’m fucking so confused.

Typically when a guy gets shot down by a chick he likes he gets angry. Violent even. Or violent usually. The Situation is no different. He yells at Sammi and gives her the finger* (not in the way he wishes). He ends up starting or continuing trouble with some random guys at the club. He blows kisses to them and one of them shoves Vinny. Pauly punches the guy in the nose while four guys are holding the guy back. Pauly is a good guy like that.

“The best spot is to hit a guy in the nose. Only takes 9 pounds of pressure to break a nose.” Pauly is a god damn scientist.

I wonder where Pauly got this information, but I love it. It is so exact. Literally 9 pounds of pressure. Either way, that guy does not have a broken nose from Pauly’s love tap.

Angelina – “I am a cock block. I’m not going to lie.”

On the victorious walk back to the house, Vinny, Pauly and The Situation spot three ladies. They go back to the house and continue to party with the guys. Angelina hates happiness so she goes upstairs to cock block. I fucking hate Angelina. She does this by first pretending like she wants to hang out with The Situation. Then she starts to insult the girls. Then she has this amazing quote:

“If a girl is a slut then she should be abused.” I hope all guys who are with Angelina in the future take note. The many many many guys.

I now see Angelina’s attraction: “the hate fuck”. Oh my God! It would be so much fun to hate fuck Angelina.

The final montage of The Situation watching the sunrise by himself while Sammi is with Ronnie in bed. Poetic.

The last few minutes of the show needs to be seen and heard. MTV edits a montage of Sammi and Ronnie touching and kissing and then eventually ending up in bed together. Couple that footage with The Situation sadly moping around smoking Parliament lights on the rooftop patio watching the sunrise all alone. This is cut to a sad slow song something like the entire Twilight soundtrack. It is so serious it made me cry with laughter.

And my final note…


The Jersey Shore. It is a tragedy.

So true. So true on so many levels.

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47 Responses to “It is pronounced “guh-wee-dough” – part II”

  1. Yes, you touched upon all my favorite points today!* The penis piercing, the pink eye situation, Angelina’s inexplicable desire to suck the fun and life out of every situation possible, you showering… Taye Diggs. It’s like a greatest hits.

    Two people have surprised me so far:
    1. Ronnie. Ronnie actually uses his brain, or whatever is left of it after years of abuse by hair product chemicals and protein powder overdoses. He’s absolutely a douchey womanizer, but he knows it and he knows how to get things to work in his favor. So, props to him, albeit half-assed props.
    2. Angelina. Holy christ, that woman is the devil incarnate. When they showed her back story and introduced her, she seemed like she might be tolerable. But I was quickly proven wrong. I don’t understand her constant need to cock block. No, I don’t think it’s awesome that those dudes are getting busy in the hot tub with random “ladies” from the street, but unless one of them is your boyfriend, I don’t see any reason to involve yourself. I can’t imagine being a guy and watching that situation go down.* Leave them alone and go be miserable elsewhere.

    I can’t say the word “situation” without thinking about The Situation now. This is worrisome because – and I hadn’t realized this until now – I use that word pretty frequently, apparently.

    Lightning round:
    1. You missed a good * opportunity with “I need as many kills with my shotgun as I can get.” Or maybe I’m just really effed in the head…
    2. “Semenizing” gets two thumbs way up from me. Or a handjob or something.
    3. How appropriate that the possibly related post is “Take it sleazy.”

    Keep working on your aggressively stubborn juvenile readers. It didn’t take much for Crystal to cave to the peer pressure… maybe if we both keep yelling at them the rest will finally give in. If people will watch the Steelers for you, surely they can handle a brain dead guido or 40?

    • TDawn said

      Heh. I did notice “Take it sleazy”,
      but I just now read the tags: “i can’t edit this shit I’m tired”. Love it.

      KSWI Jordan, were these committee meetings? I’m convinced committees are a complete waste of time. “Let’s go bullshit for an hour in a conference room. Hey, we can form a committee, yay!” The only person making decisions is the bossiest person in the room. “Dude! I’ve got blogs to read, and Twitter, and FB, I don’t have time for your committee meeting bullshit.”

    • MLF said

      As I said the other day, “I have not/will not ever watch this show”

      I stand by that.

      I love you all but not enough to watch this show. It’s like the Dr. Pepper commercial – “I would do anything thing for loveeeee….” but I won’t watch this trainwreck.

  2. Was there a comments boycott scheduled today and nobody told me about it? If yes, then man do I have egg on my face… Or at least some gooey substance that’s starting to harden.

    HEYOOOO facial jokes!

    Guys, if no one else comments, this is how I will entertain myself. And I will say this kind of stupid shit in another 19 comments because I always feel obligated to make sure each post’s comment count breaks 20.

    • Zees84 said

      Ugh, I hate it when the facial stuff starts to harden. But then you get a massage, and maybe a pedicure afterward.

      We’re talking about a visit to the spa, right?

      • Zees84 said

        Ok, I know we aren’t, but I could really go for a facial, massage and pedicure. Who wants to buy a Chanukah present for me?

      • I got a legit spa facial once, and they made me take off everything but my pants and lie down in a heated bed for it. She rubbed a lot more than my face. It was unexpected and awkward as hell. I’m not sure if this is normal, but I got that facial in Canada so I’m just going to go ahead and assume that they took advantage of the “stupid American tourist.” Assholes.

      • PWG said

        I had a facial and the lady said, “I’m going to rub the product on your décolletage because it’s the same texture as the skin on your face.” Pardon me, but calling it décolletage instead of “cleavage” doesn’t make me feel any less felt up. Buy me a drink first, Trixie, and stop calling it “product.”

      • I feel a little bit better about the rubdown knowing that something similar happened to you… But I still can’t excuse the fact that she touched boob territory that was untanned. If it’s not acceptable enough to see the sun, it’s not acceptable for a strange woman to touch.

      • PWG said

        Well shit, there go my plans for my NJ visit.

    • TDawn said

      Ha! I was starting to worry about the common taters. Trapped in snow? Melting in FL? Eaten by bears? Wait! They’re.NOT.Bears! I can go back to cutting out snowflakes and stapling paper chains together, worry free.

  3. PWG said

    You are not alone. And yet you are so very, very alone. Sorry, I stole that from your demotivational site the other day. I check for updates 90 bajillion times in the morning, and then I have Serious Important Work to do in the midday so after that I came back! Isn’t that absolutely fascinating?! At least it’s explanatory.

    • MLF said

      I forgot what it is that you really do… all I can remember is something about a Senior IT want-er, like a nursing home pimp? This makes sense, since old people go to bed early so they probably do the majority of their wanting IT around midday, which I think translates to their dinner time.

      • PWG said

        I am in fact a nursing home pimp. I wish. My job has evolved over the years to fixing things that have a plug. Non sequitur: I looked up my Jersey Shores nickname yesterday and got “The Predicament.” I don’t think the people who were hastily coding that application tried very hard.

      • Ladies & Gentleman, please allow me to introduce my Jersey Shore self: “The Opportunity”

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        The Operation

        Also I drank a coffee cup of scotch to try and believe there is a woman who would turn down Taye Diggs.

        It didn’t help. I still don’t believe. I cannot believe lies no matter how many coffee cups of scotch I drink. I’ll try regardless.

      • The Operation?!

        PWG, I think this shoots your theory behind the makers of the generator not putting much thought into it. I don’t think a more fitting name for Jordan could exist (at least in the context of our creepy stalker fucker comments).

        Also, I’m starting to think Taye Diggs either stole an ex-girlfriend, or you made a pass at him one night after a coffee cup of scotch and are trying to make yourself feel better about it.

      • TDawn said

        The comments section is always more fun when you join in the reindeer games. yay!

        Taye Diggs? HO-YA.

      • TDawn said

        uh…reply malfunction or pebcak error?
        pebcak- Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard.

        I was addressing KSWI Jordan, aka The Operation.

      • campbelld said

        after about thirty comments, things some times go haywire.

      • PWG said

        For those of you playing along at home: Jersey Shore Nickname Generator

      • Zees84 said

        I kid you not, and hold onto your hats, my Jersey Shore name is “The Back End”

  4. TDawn said

    I believe the word you’re looking for to accurately describe Snooki is…SKANK. Slut and/or Super Slut merely imply she likes to sleep with a lot of guys. When did this become a bad thing again? Skank indictates she is a dirty, dirty, slut. Dirty in a bad way, not the kinky way.

    • Zees84 said

      I would imagine that, for a guy, a girl who sleeps with a lot of guys is a bad thing, because there are only so many hours (minutes? maybe) in the day where she could be sleeping with you, and if her attention is diverted elsewhere, that’s less ass for you to tap. And more time playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 . Which I would not like, but maybe others wouldn’t mind.

      Oh wow…if given the choice, who or what is a dude to do? KSWI Jordan? I believe I have uncovered your existential crisis.

    • TDawn said

      PS- I can spell (sometimes), indicates not indicTates.

    • MLF said

      I would go with Skut <– skanky slut.

      violia, best (err..worst?) of both worlds

    • campbelld said

      You mean dirty as in the back of a garbage truck and just as used.
      Ewwwwwwww.

  5. kt said

    OMG. Snooki has a youtube channel.

    Thats all I have to add to this post.

  6. MLF said

    OK. Firstly I just want to get this out there- I would NOT. have sex with Taye Diggs. Ever. There are many people out there who I WOULD have sex with. He is not one of them. Moving on.

    You’re dream kicked the shit out of my dream. It is practically cosmically unfair how much better your dream was than mine last night, infact I almost feel like while going through the caffeteria of fairness you took an extra brownie and left me none. That is how much my dream sucked compared to yours. On the other hand, aside from my dream and whether I may or may not be pregnant, my day was amazing. Firstly- Egg McMuffin. self explanatory. That’s awesomesauce all over my morning, right there. Secondly- I studied for my employment law final for…oh, twenty minutes? And I nailed it. I made it my bitch. A PLUS BITCHESSSS WHOOOO and not only on the exam but in the class. Which lead me to the fantastico that way a boy on a motorcycle giving me his number. Well initially he wanted mine but I didn’t want to give it to him.

    *what had happened was…*(picture this as a dream sequence so it sounds cooler)- After I totally massacred my exam I was driving back to my house, getting my gangsta on in celebration of my genius. I don’t know about other people but I often find myself bored in my car. I mean, my car has five speeds and can go 110mph, and yet I’m always (sometimes…never) going the measley speed limit ( or double it. whatevs.semantics.) Anyways so these stupid road restrictions we call speed limits and stop signs and traffic lights annoy me so I often dance. While driving/shifting/changing lanes..pretty much always. Well I am stopped at a light doing my thang, dropping it like its hawt (at some point in this I have abandoned my southern accent for a gansta accent, fyi) to some good ole Ice Cream Paint Job, when the dude next to me starts honking his horn. I rolled down my window and in a very brief conversation before the light turned green he told me I have nice moves (he was lying. I am vanilla and I dance like a vanilla person but whatever) and tried to get my number. I said I don’t even know you dude and he was like, Ok fine, here’s mine.

    He was cute. I probably won’t call him though. actually how about a poll? Should MLF call random bike guy?

    So anyways the moral of that story was even though your dream kicked the shit out of mine, my day was outstanding so in the grand scheme of things I think my life is cosmically fair right now.

    Also FTR, I am horrible at accents. If I ever say anything about doing an accent other than southern, feel free to call shenanigans on me.

    Another point- sleeping it off. That’s definitely something that should never be taken for granted. For some unknown reason my bffl and I along with other friends stayed up all night playing Ring of Fire. And when I say that I mean we literally drank from 10PM until 7AM. I am slightly ashamed to admit but I think at some point one of us got the whole “let’s see the sunrise” idea just like Snookie, so we just kept going. We ended this fabulous drinking fest by sitting in a hottub for an hour, as we watched said sun rise. NEVER DO THIS. I’m pretty sure I almost died. I remember being carried from the hottub back up the stairs to the appartment and then waking up at four hours later. At this point I had to drive for several hours while simultaneously stuck between still drunk/horribly hungover, and when I finally made it back to my appartment I ran up the stairs into my bathroom, got in the shower still in my dress and heels and threw up gallons of liquor, while my roomate and his friends watched. It was horrible. HORRIBLE.

    Of course I could have pulled over on the side of the road and thrown up but I consider myself a trooper and was determined to stick it out until I got home. I’m the type of person who will hold their pee while in the car for five hours. If I’m driving you better go before we leave the house, because I’m not stopping.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      I call shenanigans. I call liar. But I call shenanigans!

      You would have sex with Taye Diggs.

      All women and a lot of men would as well. You might be stubborn enough to not watch “Jersey Shore” even though you know you want to, but NO ONE turns down Taye Diggs.

      • Zees84 said

        I agree with Jordan’s subtext, which is that you need your own blog.

      • MLF said

        Why, so I’ll stop leaving really fucking long annoying comments? (insert winky face)

        subtext, much like sarcasm, often times goes right over my head, no matter how tall I am.

        I’m not usually so wordy. I guess kay swidge just brings that out of me.

      • Zees84 said

        No no. Lord knows I have authored some long ass comments during my time here at KSWI. Just meant you make life interesting.

      • campbelld said

        besides, having your own blog is easy. Pick a celebrity and a thing that they do. (KS and Want, Emma Watson and making me attracted to her.) then talk about them a bit and whatever the hell you want the rest of the time. Do not have to do as much as Jordan.
        We should all have them. We really should.

  7. MLF said

    well I call shenanigans on your shenanigans call. Once again, imagine me embodying the picture of maturity and sticking my toungue out at you. I would not have sex with Taye Diggs. I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like Taye Diggs, KSWI Jordan.

    Not in a boat, or in a moat, or in a box or with a fox (Everyone should always say No to with a fox, A beastiality- not cool B- Foxes are actually viscious)

    I wouldn’t bang Taye Diggs. The end.

    And don’t even think about quoting me the end of that story where he realizes he does like green eggs and ham and translate it into any scenario that ends in me realizing I do want to sleep with Taye Diggs. Because if so I am already calling shenanigans on that.

  8. amanda said

    this show sounds amazing. im literally upset that i dont allow myself to watch terrible shows. paradox?
    i think so.

    i really like the fleet foxes and bon iver.

    my fav slow/ epic song from twilight is eyes on fire and flightless bird american mouth is puurrty good too.

    • I’ll pretend this is on topic because you mentioned Bon Iver…

      I was listening to “Wolves (Act I and II)” on my way into work this morning in the freezing pouring rain. Next up came Florence + The Machine “Howl,” which has lyrics about wolves. And I laughed a little at my lame self for thinking that it was Wednesday and KSWI Jordan’s character from his story wouldn’t have to fight today.

  9. campbelld said

    This show sounds amazing. One of the things on my list to do in the States is just watch the most idiotic TV I can find for an entire day. Jersey Shore is now near the top of this list. I refuse to use the nickname generator. To be one of this people, I really must choose my own.
    hmmmmm.
    uhhhhhhhhhhh.
    The Insinuation.
    Bam.
    Make of it what you will.
    PS-Todays Subnormaility is gold. http://www.viruscomix.com/page503.html

  10. Susanelle said

    I quote:
    Angelina is a classic example of bitches hatin’ bitches…. She is about as disgusted over even the idea of work involving her as I am at imaging spending a solid minute in her presence listening to her talk. Thank God for MTV and their quick editing because if she spoke unedited for 60 seconds I swear I would kill my TV….. Angelina is a bitch…. I fucking hate Angelina…. I now see Angelina’s attraction: “the hate fuck”. Oh my God! It would be so much fun to hate fuck Angelina.

    OK, so: guys talk about “bitches hatin’ bitches” and blah de blah blah… all right, they don’t “discuss” it but they refer to it like it’s a given… but when a guy hates a girl, I have to say: it’s the hatiest hate that ever hated.

    Who are the real “bitches,” I wonder.

  11. This is exactly the 4th article, of your website I personally checked out.
    But I actually like this particular one, “It is pronounced “guh-wee-dough” –
    part II Kristen Stewart wants IT” the best. Cya
    ,Eric

  12. Greetings from California! I’m bored to death at work so I
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