New Years Eve is Overrated and Kristen Stewart wants IT

December 30, 2009

Unofficially this is part III of you all ruining my Christmas Vacation. Let me wrap up that series of thoughts:

Up in the Air

I really enjoyed the movie. It was great. I am continuing in my part fandom part hatred for the director Jason Reitman. He also directed Thank You For Smoking and Juno. Did I like those movies? Yep. I liked them a lot and have rewatched them both several times. I recommend all three of these movies to people who want to see a solid movie. So why the hate? Because Jason is making those movies and not me. What the fuck, bro!?! Do you know how badly I want to make a delicate scene that is both sad and romantic and have Elliott Smith playing in the background? So badly! So motherfucking badly! Why? Because Elliott Smith’s music is delicate and both sad and romantic. And George Clooney is in the scene too! Come on, dude. It just isn’t fair. I really like Jason’s style and I’m jealous of him. Hopefully, one day in the near future Jason and I will have a battle to the death with medieval swords ala Highlander where one of us can only defeat the other by decapitation and when that is achieved the one that survives is given the other’s powers. There can be only one, Jason! Fingers crossed this is what 2010 has in store for me.

George is great in the movie. Graying on the sides, but still a sex symbol for all ages. And his two female co-stars are great as well. I’m a big fan of Anna Kendrick. I have mentioned how much I like her in Rocket Science on several occasions. She gives a good performance in this as well. And then Vera. Vera who I so wrongly thought was Patricia Arquette for many of the times I watched the trailer. No one ever corrected me when I said it was Patricia Arquette. Probably because no one knew who Vera was and also had no clue who I was talking about because all they could remember was George Cloons. Vera does a great job. Especially, the one tracking shot. I think we all know what I’m talking about … if you’ve seen the movie. There is a tracking shot of Vera from behind as she walks into a hotel bedroom – NEKKID!

Vera is wearing an apron and the rest of her is wearing our heat she must feel from every set of eyes languishing over every inch of her naked body. So I thank you, Vera for that. I thank you, Jason Reitman for that shot. I thank you, God most of all who created man who created film and with that narrative film and with that created a couple in New Jersey who would give birth to Vera and another couple somewhere that gives birth to Jason and led lives to arrive at that moment and the life for Jason was that of bravery and boldness in being able to have the balls to say “I want you fully naked for this shot and an apron” and the life of Vera who kept herself in remarkably great shape especially her ass.

As for the vampires? Vera could’ve been a vampire. The movie wouldn’t have to change much. Instead of her turning out to be what she turns out to be, she could turn out to be a vampire.

Sherlock Holmes

I liked it. It was better than I was expecting. I was not expecting much. I was glad that it was more about the case and so forth than a love story. There was a love story, but not much of one. It is still a lot like Pirates, but less of a love story and a darker over all story.

Vampires? Well Lord Blackwood easily could’ve turned out to be a vampire. I was sitting there in the movie actively trying to guess the outcome of the movie. I had three possible answers:

1. Science. Everything is explained with random ass science.

2. Twin. Lord Blackwood has an identical twin brother.

3. Vampires. Obviously.

New Year’s Eve

I do detest NYE. I hate holidays or time of the year where I’m being pushed to have the craziest night of my year. Also I hate events where people who don’t typically drink decide to get shit face wasted because of the day of the year. Hate might be a strong word. I am thoroughly irritated by it. I need Neosporin rubbed all over my irritations. So what are my plans? Pretty nothing right now. Some friends, maybe NYC, maybe some bar, maybe some random party. Who knows? I feel old that my number one concern is how much it will suck to take the PATH back to Jersey City that night and that it is supposed to be raining/wintry mixing. It’s cold outside! This old man cannot take this cold! It is so cold there is a high probability I am buying a scarf today. A scarf! I don’t own and never have owned a scarf, but it could happen today.

I think about the saying that you spend New Year’s Eve like you spent the previous New Year’s Eve. It doesn’t make any sense because that means you never make any improvements in life. I think the saying is implying if you are single then you stay single so you need to get your ass in gear and during the other 364 you need to find someone to spend this shit holiday with. I think about that saying a lot for whatever reason probably because I am single and have been for awhile.

But outside of being single, my New Year’s Eve rituals have been different – I’ve done the all you can drink open bars, I have done the small party of close friends, I’ve given up on New Year’s Eve and watched the Japanese New Year’s Eve fights that are on pay per view and last year I went to see My Morning Jacket at Madison Square Garden for New Year’s. Apparently, I got shit bomb wasted. Apparently, I figured out how to get around only ordering two drinks at once. Apparently, if you go in the beer line and buy two beers and put them in the interior pockets of your jacket and then get into the mixed drink line for Jack and cokes – no one notices. Apparently, I got so drunk I punched a metal bar and broke part of my hand. Apparently, I ran off the PATH train in a dead sprint through Hoboken screaming “they’re touching me”. Apparently.

Kristen Stewart Wants IT

She does.

I am glad that I made this site. I have had fun writing this and have had the fortune of someone reading it. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing some of these posts like the Charles de Gaulle one, the Hannibal one, second by second Jumper cameo one, KSWI Jordan interviews Kristen Stewart one, and most recently the Kristen Stewart edition posts. I have had a lot of fun talking about really whatever I feel like and finding approval in it from you the readers. Oh you the readers. I do love “you the readers”. If it wasn’t for you the readers this site would not exist because a man needs constant approval. 2009 will be a memorable year for me for a lot of reasons, but nothing will compare to the second half of this year. The first half had some really high moments and some really low moments, but this second half with KSWI beats it by a long shot.

Your comments which I read everyone and wish there were even more. Your emails which I also read and respond to and wish there were more of. The newly minted Facebook group which I check way too often to see if anyone else has joined, thank you to those who have and of course I wish for even more. I’ve really had a fun time getting to know you all in whichever way I have.

Originally, I was expecting this site to devolve into a Twitter account or something similar. I was expecting that you the readers would want pictures more than words. I was expecting I could just keep taking Kristen Stewart pictures and write simply “She wants it” and send that to people via Twitter or post them on the site. It’s been a lot more work this way where I’m forced to write and write, but it’s been fun. So thank you, you the readers for reading this each and every day.

Today is my last post for 2009! Which means! You’ll have to wait until 2010! aka Monday! for a new post…

I hope everyone has had a great holiday season. I hope everyone has a great New Year’s Eve. I hope everyone has a great New Year’s day. I hope everyone has a great New Year. And with that…

This chick, Kristen Stewart, wants IT.

Kristen Stewart’s got a secret. She wants it.

Kristen Stewart still wants it even when hassled by a crazy woman to take a picture giving peace signs probably for her kids.

And… good bye 2009…

KRISTEN STEWART MOTHERFUCKING WANTS IT!

She wants it. She really does.

And she knows it. We all know it.

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27 Responses to “New Years Eve is Overrated and Kristen Stewart wants IT”

  1. tiffanized said

    If someone had told me that I would end this year desperately wanting to rub Neosporin all over a blogger’s “irritations” I would have said they were crazy. As it stands, I can only say that I am crazy. How do you do it, KSWI Jordan?

    I hope that Kristen Stewart’s New Year’s resolution is to want it on a larger scale–if such a thing were even possible–so that this blog could go on forever.

  2. MLF said

    NYE really is over-rated. I haven’t had an “awesome” NYE since third grade, where I went to a big slumber party, got my toenails painted and drank sparkling grape juice. Now you know what I would consider an “awesome” NYE hahaha. But really- the best nights usually happen spontaneously and NYE rarely lives up to the hype. I hope everyone has a lovely evening though (smiley face)

  3. Raven said

    Thanks for a great second half of the year Jordan! I hope you have a great NYE whatever you choose to do.

  4. Freya said

    I wondered if I had stumbled onto the wrong blog for a moment. It was making me feel all warm and fuzzy and appreciated! Where were the desperate Jordan cries of “You harpies want my soooooooul!”? Does this mean, just as I have suspected, that you kind of like us, Jordan? That you might want to make out with us? Or at least hold hands? Awww. I kinda like you too. I’d put Neosporin on your psychic wounds, then pat your inner thigh.

    On to the important business of New Year’s eve. It sucks. I have a bunch of teetotaling friends. I can’t drink too much because I always have to drive myself home. I’ve spent the last few years either at sedate home parties, at my parents’, or at home alone. This year–sedate house party in the works. I miss 1999, when I was in a gay strip bar, making out with a gorgeous guy, waiting to see if the world would end at midnight (remember Y2K?) with my roommate picking up stoned hitchhikers who gave us little plastic army men. I enjoy a touch of the surreal.

    Anyway, let’s kick 2009 in the arse and move on. Happy new year, everyone!

    • SallyJFox said

      I second your confusion. Could this be the soft underbelly of K-Swidge? Let’s tickle it and see…GAH! What is that?! Whew. Just an outie.

      Anyway, yes. This was uncharacteristically sentimental. Kudos. And be done with it.

      Enjoy your NYE, K-Swidge. Thank you sincerely for all the chuckles, the occasional snortlaugh, and the edumacation. Next year, you know what I want to learn? No…no…warmer, but no. I want to learn the source of the Want. Is it the eyebrow? Is it the smokey eyeshadow? Is it that perpetually fully baked look she sports? I want to know. Although some mysteries are better left unsolved. But not this one.

      • MLF said

        I don’t think it’s the perpetually fully baked look- and I don’t think that’s just a “look” either,I think she really is fully baked- but I know a lot of people who often sport a fully baked look and it does not necessarily make you look like you want IT. It just makes you look fully baked. Although it is possible to want IT and look like you want IT while simultaneously looking fully baked.

  5. Julienne said

    Maybe you could somehow meet up with Diablo Cody and write some kickass screenplay to ship off to Reitman, KSWIJordan. Seems like you three would get along swimingly!

    I’m doing the same thing for NYE that I’ve done the last dozen years or so. Hang out with my friends to exchange the ugliest gifts we could find for under $10, and then see who won the year’s Dead Pool. This year I am proud to say that I will forseeably be the victor! So thank you Les Paul, Walter Kronkite and Carl Malden for passing on in order to have me win $5 from each of my friends.

    I thank you too for running this blog, and to STY and JJ at Twitarded who introduced me to it. You and everyone have a most-excellent holiday season and all that jazz.

    *tear* heh

  6. Lala said

    Awww… this post was really different from others, all sentimental and stuff. I almost cried. For NYE I’ll probably be wearing PJs in front of the TV eating everything that will eventually lead me to a heart attack. Yeah, NYE is completely overrated. But thanks for the second half of the year, Jordan, I really love this blog.
    Happy New Year everyone and see you in 2010!

  7. Forgetful Lucy said

    Has anyone ever told you, you have a way with words? Yeah, you kinda do. I love when you get all sentimental… it’s cute.

    I agree that NYE is overrated. I think my biggest beef with NYE is the kiss at midnight. If I had one every year, well then it’d be on like donkey kong. But I haven’t and I think I might be a little bitter about it. Just a little.

    Have a great time whatever you do. One teeny favor? Don’t get arrested or injure your blogging hands, I’m looking forward to KSWI 2K10 edition too much.

    Also, I guess I will have to look up Vera’s last name myself. Unless she is like Madonna or Cher and only goes by her fist name. I must be out of the loop because I don’t know of this “Vera” person yet. It’s ok, I can do it, I know just where to find unless movie details. Don’t get up, just keep doing whatever it is you are doing while enjoying your vacation.

    PS- I’d totally make-out with you this NYE. Smiley Face.

  8. Bellasnemesis said

    I’m going to a “celebrity” nye party. Where everyone dresses up like a celeb. I’m thinking of wearing copious amonts of flannel, some converse, heavy eyeliner, and skinny jeans and calling it a night. I’m just so afraid I will not be able to pull off the want and then no one will know who I’m supposed to be! What’s a girl to do???

  9. Amy D said

    Apparently, huh? That was one of the better stories I’ve heard today, granted today has been very slow as there are only a handful of people in the office.

    Your post was all warm fuzzy, rainbows and sunshine – I believe there will be some cuddling after you and found and ##. That thought makes me (smiley face).

    Have a good New Years, can’t wait to hear about it.

  10. Crystal said

    Ah, Jordan. How I love you. I really do.

    And yes…I would absolutely rub Neosporin EVERYWHERE. Is that supposed to be sexy? I think I meant it to be….

    I will be sitting at home on my couch playing Super Mario Bros. on Wii and probably asleep by 10pm. I will then have the next three days off which I desperately need and hopefully I will get some rest. I was invited to two parties by friends but I’m just not feeling it this year. It’ll be the first year I haven’t gotten that stupid midnight kiss by someone (quite often a girl) in a really long time. I dont remember how long but it’s been at least 3 years. And I dont care. I long to be alone and all
    Bella-Emo this year. It’s my goal. Smiley Face.

    I will probably virtually kiss Jordan all over his facebook page because I’m that silly. No, I wont because I’m also shy and dont want to look stupid. But I’ll think about doing it…I just wont.

    Have a good NYE and we’ll see you in 2010! Whoopedy-doo.

    • MLF said

      You are so adorable. and I think the neosporin rubbing plan was sexy. Just some words of precaution- neosporin becomes sticky when you rub it continuously. Don’t ask. Just be sure to keep re-applying. On the bright side it also doubles as a moisturizer.

  11. Jessica said

    I cannot remember what I did last New Year’s Eve. That makes it sound like I could have gotten so shit faced drunk I totally forgot the entire evening, but I am 99.999% sure that’s not what happened. I think it was so boring and uneventful it has just blended into my memories of other boring nights. This year is promising to be just as exciting, so I think the redundant New Year’s Eve saying applies to my life. Including the being single part.

    There is some giant “block party” thing in Tempe that I could go to with friends, but you have to pay to get in, pay a cover to get into the bars, and pay to ride the light rail or pay to park. That sounds like a lot of payments to hang out with drunk douchebags from ASU.

    On that uplifting note, Happy New Year!

  12. aneira said

    last post of 2009!
    i really wanna see up in the air
    as for the sherlock holmes bit, i agree and while watching it i thought the same thing..
    science, twin, or VAMPIRE!
    hahaha
    and it seems a lot like pirates because its an action movie with “fantasy”, cute humorous lines, and the same musical composer. through out the film i noticed how similar the instruments and musical sequences were as in pirates three. i just knew it had to be the same composer and it was.
    in the last picture, kristen stewart looks like she really hates that kelly chick or whatever and thinks that doing a peace sign is stupid and i love her for it.
    kristen stewart wants IT.

  13. kt said

    1. It was Georgie Boy’s tie not and apron. I think that distinction is important.

    2. Awwwwwww you like us.

    3. I’d join the others in rubbing you down with Neosporin and patting your inner thigh.

  14. dmtl said

    So I get back from my Christmas vacation, where there was no internet access, to find new posts!!!WIN! And this last one? Epic win.

    KSWI Jordan being cute like a beaver instead of his usual sarcastic man-bear self. Now I really want to make out with you.

    Ah, I´m thankful for your posts in the second half of 2009 too. It was a very stressful time for me and having daily funny posts and comments to read helped me a lot.

    So now, 2010. If all goes well, in march, I´ll move out, go to college in a whole different city and learn how to drive. Scary! But good, no doubt. So I hope you, KSWI Jordan, and all the wonderful commenters in this blog have as happy and fulfilling NYE and new year as I´m imagining mine will be. And may you always be really inspired to write KSWI or not related stuff , so we can continue to get our daily dose of you.

    See you in 2010, smiley face.

  15. Deanna said

    I feel really ridiculous for asking this
    and just reading this whole post,
    But is this in Kristen’s own words?
    Like I had no idea she had her own blog post or anything,
    I was just wondering if she was going to be in Times Square cause they just mentioned something about her being there, and she hasnt made an appearance yet.

  16. scrubbie said

    She is having it a LOT of it on UK, with limp dick RPattz..Oh Jordan you and Kristen would be AMAZING

  17. campbelld said

    I have had three proper NYE’s now, which all have involved going to my friends beach house and getting wasted. The middle one was freezing cold (keep in mind, it is the middle of my summer) and I almost froze to death, but I will almost certainly remember it as the best of the three. Mostly becuase number 1 AND 3 have involved me crying on a beach on New Years night. Not the most manly of occasions. Here’s hoping next years will be more cheerful.
    I am really glad KStew wants IT so much. Otherwise this blog would not exist, and I would not be reading it. It certainly has been close to the best thing I have found on the interwebz all year, and its been the a year of some seriously amazing things here. So thank you Jordan. Thank you, very much.

  18. The whole being single thing on the night itself I’m used to at this point, so my biggest complaint about NYE is just that it’s completely anticlimactic. All this hype, all this counting down and watching balls drop and fireworks, etc, to celebrate the coming of a new year where nothing ever seems to really change. That’s probably my own fault… But I don’t have the patience for people who expect a brand new start just because it’s January 1st again. I don’t do resolutions because I don’t need to come up with reasons to be disappointed, but I also don’t expect miracles.

    For someone who doesn’t give a crap about NYE, I certainly went all out this year, what with flying to another country and all. I blacked out for the first time ever. I remember moments here and there, but large portions of my night have been lost to the dangerous combination of wine and whiskey. I wasn’t even remotely hungover the next day, which I guess could count as one of those new years miracles I said I don’t expect… I was so proud of myself. I think I might have a problem. Also, we lost our friend for 6 hours and I didn’t really care. Then when we found him and got him home, I was too busy having an impromptu dance party in my long johns to try to help him in his ill state. I’m a terrible friend. But it’s not my fault the guy couldn’t keep up with me, right? Right.

    Anyway, there was copious amounts of booze, very friendly people, hugs and kisses from strangers, so many strange men’s penises (they really don’t wear underwear under those kilts) – lots of debauchery, basically. The polar opposite of last year, where I drank a magnum of red wine at a friend’s smallish pajama party and played Rock Band until the wee hours of the morning. I recommend Scotland to those looking for insanity.

    Happy New Year to everyone. I for one am glad I stumbled upon this place back in early August. It’s brought a lot of laughter and entertainment, so thank you to KSWI Jordan & commenters alike.

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