More politics, sort of…

January 28, 2010



Well apparently, I’m not as “swamped” as I thought I was. And I really liked that ending with Bryant Gumbel, but I did forget one thing I wanted to mention about politics from last night. So forgive me for the double posting. I know that throws off this one and done every day posting I had going for me. Minus the whole 60+ year old guys list, which sadly a member of that list, JD Salinger, died today, but he will forever live on the list.

On CNN prior to the speech, they had their usual battalion of pundits sitting at their roundtables. First, they all look like they are on top of each other sitting at those tables. They look so uncomfortable. Why? Because they are on top of each other! TV cameras make things appear farther apart than they are. If you want two people on camera then they need to be close. Those people look so close like they are on top of each other and, in reality, they are so close they are inside each other – not in a sexual way, more like an osmosis sharing of particles way or parallel universe way.

CNN tries to have a nice mixtures of right wing Republicans and left wing Democrats at the tables. The best example of this is married couple James Carville and Mary Matalin. They are an extremely odd couple because politically they are pretty extreme opposites. And people have always wondered how the two co-exist. It doesn’t seem possible. They are amazingly outspoken about their views and they’ve worked different sides of political rivalries. It isn’t that they are friends, but they are actually married! How nuts is that? So last night, I figured it out.

Yep. I figured it out. I figured out their marriage. I figured out how they fell in love, how they got married, and how they continue to stay together. The institution of marriage is failing all around this country between couples that one would think would work. Nick & Jessica broke up for Christ’s sake, but Carville and Matalin are still together. The light of their relationship’s truth is so bright and clear to me now it is almost blinding. I can’t believe no one has figured this out sooner. So here it is, their relationship works on two levels:

1. No one is more insane about politics than these two. They can find common ground on their passion for the politicos. It is a love for government and knowing about it and discussing it and reading about it day and night. They can sit for hours talking and reading and discussing and arguing every little fragment of political knowledge. Most people would give up. Most people would get frustrated. Most people would say “SHUT UP ABOUT FUCKING POLITICS FOR ONE MINUTE!” But they never reach that level. They can egg each other on forever. They get each other’s favorite passion. It is like the two most diehard baseball fans who root for opposing teams getting together. They understand their love of talking on-base percentages, hanging fastballs and off-season trades. Most people don’t. Regardless of your team, you both can share your love of the sport itself. A love of politics over a love of a party.

That is one half of the puzzle that makes their marriage work. The other half…

2. Hate fucking.

Yep. Picture it. In your head. Now. These two must hate fuck the shit out of each other. So much hate fucking. It must be sweaty and angry and loud and full of the most obscure political facts. Just imagine the two of them bound to each other in missionary position. James Carville gritting his teeth barking about healthcare reform, how stupid the Tea Party is and how the US economy would have collapsed without the bail out and how the Republicans should be on board considering it was something that W’s administration started. Then they switch and Matalin gets on top and rides him like a brand new Arabian show horse that needs to be broken to follow her instructions, meanwhile she rants and raves about the deficit, Obama spending his first year talking healthcare instead of jobs, and what’s going to happen in Iraq when the troops leave.

They just hate fuck each other until they love each other.

And I’m done.

Questions for tomorrow?

28 Responses to “More politics, sort of…”

  1. Zees84 said

    Pelosi gets on top? I thought he was married to Matalin. I think you just Freudian slipped your sexual fantasies about the Ice Queen.

    Am I right, Carlos?

    • kristenstewartwantsit said



      I was talking about Pelosi’s rack and whether or not she was sexually appealing even though she is turning 70. I don’t just talk about 60+ year old men who could be actively sexually, we talk about old broads as well.

      • Zees84 said

        Pelosi? I believe the phrase vagina dentata was invented for her. Yeesh.

        Her political leanings aside, I don’t like her as a person. She seems conniving.

      • Christ, I will personally hire an escort for you if it means we can stop talking about fucking the geriatric crowd.

      • Zees84 said

        Also, I actually originally clicked reply to say that I feel bad that I point out mistakes. Don’t think its not all in good fun.

        I’m sad panda today, so I guess its going to be taken out on you.


      • MLF said

        OMFG ROFLMFAO HB I just fell out of my chair laughing in a library. People are looking at me funny…probably because I am wearing a dress and may have just flashed them all but seriously before I knew you I would describe myself as strait but every time I read one of your comments I find myself leaning more towards O:F&S instead of O:F&B

  2. Huh… well we were complaining there was no penis talk so I guess this is what we get.

    They never really made much sense to me as a couple, either. I’m all for opposites attract and having different interests/hobbies, but this is an extreme. It’s an odd pairing, but let’s just say I’ve always assumed that he lives up to the nickname of “The Ragin’ Cajun” in rooms other than press rooms.

  3. Susanelle said

    No one can forget Pelosi’s rack.

  4. tiffanized said

    I assume that Matalin and Carville do their hate fucking on top of a big pile of Franklins since they appear on every single partisan political discussion held on teevee. All that cash undoubtedly softens the blow of being married to someone whose political ideals make you want to vomit.

  5. Forgetful Lucy said

    HA! Your 2nd picture got pulled. Uh, did you actually find a photo of them hate fucking? Excellent Google skills.

    Please use your exceptionally descriptive writing abitlites for the purpose of good over evil and settle my dinner rolls vs. biscuits quandary.

    Is casa de K$WI Jordan (featuring Dawgz) Over or Under?

    I think most of us know the stereotypes of the black man’s penis. Based on some of the comments it seems Greg Oden doesn’t fall short in supporting that stereotype as fact. I’m not familiar with the stereotype for the Irish man’s penis, please enlighten the masses of your mildly popular blog.

  6. campbelld said

    Loved the politcs stuff. It’s what I do, y’know. I study politics. Maybe one day I can a wife whose political views I despise and we can hate fuck each others brains out.
    And in the end, isnt that just really what we all want? Isnt that freedom? Isn’t that (pause for eagle’s cry) the American Dream.
    Also, there is a SOTU drinking game, but I dont think it would work if you’ve already seen it.
    Luckily I havent seen it! So drinking game it is. Might have to shot beer though, otherwise I would be dead super fast.

    Also I so wanna go to this party.

  7. Zees84 said

    How long can I pretend I am not sick before I actually can no longer get out of bed?

    How do I figure out what to do with my life (I’m dead serious on that one. How is it that from the time they were in high school, my friends all knew what they wanted to do? I’m 25, and can’t even figure out what my bankable hobbies are. I’m fairly certain there are no prestigious universities in the NYC area that offer a masters in “Reading Humorous Blogs”)

    Can you plan a (kosher-friendly, please) menu for my next week of dinners? I am lazy.

    I know the stereotype about Jewish penises, and luckily, I know its not true across the board. So please make sure to include that in your discussion.

  8. cledbo said

    Crazy Yanks. I can’t watch YouTube videos at work, so Bazza’s speech will have to wait until I get home, if I remember of course. It is Friday after all, beers await!

    Can we please stop talking about old people having sex? It’s starting to make me think you have a deep-seated desire to become some old biddy’s toy boy.

    I can relate to the “Find someone who does a ton of stuff you hate, but who you can never feasibly get bored of” school of man-finding. Mr Cledbo and I are both tragic sci-fi nerds, you can literally watch our friends’ eyes glaze over when we get started. Then he insists on pinning me down* and tickling me until I threaten to disembowel him with a spatula. We’re Normal.

    Here’s one for you then – what would your lady-opposite have to be interested in for you to put up with her doing/liking things you hate? I’d say football, but would that be enough?

  9. campbelld said

    Oh right, questions. Questions, questions, questions.
    Should I go leave my university, drop off the drid and become a day-labourer in Florida, just to break the sterotype that it’s always Latino’s who overstay their Visa’s?
    And this is more of a general question for the ladies here, but I would still enjoy your opinion.
    Is the Australian accent an attractive accent? Becuase I have never really thought so…

    • Had you asked me that 3 years ago, I would have said yes. However, I’ve had to work with a handful of Australians since then who are some of the most miserable, horrible people on the planet, and they have single-handedly ruined the accent for me. I thought you were all supposed to be happy and drunk all the time?! Though now, whenever the one dude berates me, I just picture the pelican from Finding Nemo and immediately I don’t give a shit.

      But for most, yes, I think it is. It conjures up images of beaches and surfers and something more exotic than what we’re typically used to here. Use it to your advantage. Talk about baby koalas or something… the ladies who don’t know the chlamydia-riddled truth about them will probably pounce on you immediately.

    • MLF said

      I think it depends on the person. But in general Australian accents are sexy. I think every accent is sexy though so you might not want to put too much weight on my answer.

      and yes you should definitely drop out of school and come to FL. I will share my casa with you.

    • cledbo said

      I find our accent mildly annoying, personally. It depends on which bit of Australia you come from though – there’s only so many times I can hear a Northern Territorian say “True” before I snap and run screaming from the room.

      The accent I enjoy listening to the most has to be the Siuth Ifricans.
      District 9 was so much more awesome just to listen to that accent for 2 hours, it’s hilarious.
      It also makes me think of Tony Greig, and then I just zone out into a Twelfth Man laugh-coma for about 5 minutes.

  10. Crystal said

    My question for tomorrow:

    Can I order a pizza?

    I’m on a diet and I feel like I deserve a fucking pizza.

    Please say yes.

    I was pretty sure that picture said “fuck” earlier. How lame of photobucket.

  11. MLF said

    hmmm questions questions questions.

    Did you know that UCF’s library is open until 1AM Sunday through Thursday? I did not. Now we all do, so cheers for that.

    What’s your opinion on the iPad launch? sigh. I want to know this strictly for selfish reasons because as we speak I am in said library writing about said subject, and I’m sure you could make this paper about their market strategy sound a whole fuck of a lot better than I am right now.

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