Watch the State of the Union while you work..

January 28, 2010

or not at work… a lot of people are unemployed. *wah wah*

Today’s post is clearly not about what I teased yesterday. I might write about that tomorrow. I honestly forgot the State of the Union address was on last night while I was writing yesterday’s post. I did realize it later in the day and watched it last night. Hopefully, you all did as well. You didn’t? Why not? Politics are sexy, right? There are a lot of 60+ year old men in the House and Senate, am I right!?!

Here is President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address from last night.

You should watch it. Why? It’s the damn STATE OF THE UNION! And by “Union” we all should know we mean “Everything”. Barack Obama is the President of the United Planets of EVERYTHING! Plus Barack is the Golden Child. Sean Hannity has a different name for him, “the Annoited One”, but Sean Hannity is also an ASSHOLE. If you are a fan of Fox News I would be surprised if you read this blog, but if you are you have to admit the guy is a total dick. Later in this blog I’m going to talk about House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and how she is the ball busting “Ice Queen”. But I love her. There is no way people can rationally think Sean Hannity isn’t an asshole. Like him or not – a-hole. Moving on…

I should have done my whole cell phone picture thing like I did for yesterday’s post. But I didn’t. I stupidly assumed that the footage that would be on Youtube today would be the SAME footage as shown last night. That would make sense. It isn’t. The footage is cropped different and you can’t see Biden and Pelosi as much. On the television box set you could see their faces the whole time pretty much –  todas las cabezas. Now you can’t. Which in all honesty ruins a ton of my jokes… that is unless you watched it on TV last night.

Also, I’m pretty sure Dawgz would’ve killed me if I was pausing the speech every other minute to snap an iPhone picture of every panning shot. That is the other thing – the cut away shots seem to be different. So, I’m not the happiest right now because there were so many pictures I could have taken. Anyway, I’ll try to be interesting or funny or whatever without them. I did take a couple screenshots off the youtube video 

Onto the speech. I thought it was great. I thought it was a great speech where Obama went on the offensive and spoke in plain terms trying to undo a lot of the inaccurate bashing of his first year as President. There was some great moments that everyone online is talking about like the Republicans not applauding for 95% of all working families receiving tax cuts. Because Republicans are against cutting taxes? I’m sure they know better than I do since they represent the “working man” and everything. Even Barack expected them to stand-up and applaud and he says so in the speech.

It is always funny watching for either the applause or not applause moments from the Republicans. One great moment was during this part of the speech from Barack on stimulating the economy:

“I’m proposing that we take $30 billion of the money Wall Street banks have repaid and use it to help community banks give small businesses the credit they need to stay afloat-

Sounds like a good idea, right? Remember when people said Barack hasn’t done anything this past year meanwhile he fixed the banks and they are now paying back the money we used to bail them out. They haven’t paid it ALL back, but they’ve paid a lot back. So we take that money we are getting back from them and now could be reinvesting  it into small buisnesses. Either way, the Republicans are not applauding.  

“I am also proposing a new small business tax credit — one that will go to over one million small businesses who hire new workers or raise wages-

New workers? Yeah, right? Raising wages? Yeah, right? Tax credit? Yeah, right? The Republicans are still not applauding.

“While we’re at it, let’s also eliminate all capital gains taxes on small business investment; and provide a tax incentive for all businesses, large and small, to invest in new plants and equipment.”

AND THEY ARE ON THEIR FEET APPLAUDING! YEAH! MONEY! THIS IS THE PART WHERE WE CAN MAKE MONEY! YEAH MONEY FOR US! There are two things Republicans hate – Capital Gains taxes and Death Taxes – not something most people in this country need to give a fuck about it. But whatever, they’re the big tent party and all representing the working man.

Also, look out for the Montgomery Burns look-a-like in the crowd on the Republican side. He is wearing an orange tie and he looks like he is doing the trademarked “eggggg-ssssell-ent”. I found this online somewhere, but the quality isn’t the best. Anyone you get the point.

Also, a nice set of standing ovations from the Republicans was when Barry was talking about “energy”. They weren’t really clapping or standing during the mention of solar energy or new technology like fuel cells or biodiesel or anything that is really “green”. But those dudes fucking loved it when he mentioned “nuclear power”.

Yeah! Nuclear! We love to smash atoms*! Argh yes! We’re Republicans and we love nuclear energy!

Then Barry mentioned gas… YES! YES! YES! GASOLINE! The energy of the FUTURE! Gas! We love setting things on fire that has fumes! Oh yes! FOSSIL FUELS! Rub them on my body! Then light it on fire! I love drilling into the Earth for the remains of dead dinosaurs and shoving it into my car and lighting it on fire! YES! GASOLINE!

And finally… “clean coal”. Yeah. They weren’t so psyched about “clean coal” because I don’t think that is an actual “thing” that “exists”, but some politician said it and both sides run with it. So yeah, “clean coal”. Wooh. Rocks that we can set on fire. Yeah.

Besides the speech, there is a lot of other humor in the State of the Union. I would suggest keeping an eye on Nancy “The Ice Queen” Pelosi. Watch her death stare people in the crowd. Watch her angry talk to herself whenever a Republican issue is brought up or if they make any noise in the crowd. Watch her chew out Joe Biden a few times. And especially watch Joe “The Celtic” Biden stand everytime Pelosi stands knowing that she will definitely tear him a new asshole if he doesn’t. They’re like an old married couple it is brilliant. He just nods and she berates and yells.

They don’t show it on the Youtube video, but Pelosi is furious at the beginning of the speech. They announce Barack to walk in and everyone is getting handshakes. Meanwhile, Pelosi is giving Biden an earful*. She looks wild and Biden just slowly nods his head along.

I would love to know who the black woman in the red is sitting next to Pelosi. I’m not sure who she is, but I pray she works for Pelosi. I hope she is Pelosi’s right hand woman. The two of them keying Republicans’ cars in the parking lot. She has to reign in Nancy every once and awhile when Nancy suggests putting on ski masks and mugging any member of the House of Reps who doesn’t vote along the way she wants.

Don’t you get the feeling that a few House members have awoke to Nancy Pelosi sitting in their kitchen smoking a cigarette with a cup of black coffee and their morning newspaper. They’re startled and she makes vague calm threatening statements about knowing where their family is at all times of the day “just in case”. Pelosi runs the House.

And, maybe, my favorite part of the speech was the two mentions of the graceful First Lady Michelle Obama. The first one marking the childhood obesity project she is working on. Did everyone clap? Did everyone stand? You bet your fucking ass they stood. You bet your fucking ass they clapped. You don’t mess with a man’s wife. And Barack is THE MAN. The Republicans stood and clapped and even hammed it up trying to get her to stand and give a bow. Because if you didn’t – you know Barack is going to kick your ass.

I’m actually pretty swamped at work, so that is going to be enough for today. I really liked the speech and pretty much every speech I’ve ever heard by Barry. Listening to him speak makes my brain want to work faster. When I listen to Barack give a speech like last night, when Barack gives formal speeches in general, he does make me have hope for the future. Not just down the road in the long run all Hegelian like. But for this year. He has pulled the banks together, put the car industry through bankruptcy, moving troops out of Iraq and yes into Afghanistan where more troops should have been which was why we started losing ground there, we’re closer to healthcare reform than we ever have been and I think we’re a stronger country now than we were at W’s last State of the Union.

So to paraphrase a great quote by Bryant Gumbel concerning the 1982 Dolphins/Chargers football playoff game – “If you didn’t like this hope filled speech then you didn’t like hope!”

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11 Responses to “Watch the State of the Union while you work..”

  1. Freya said

    I would argue that Kristen Stewart’s want is bipartisan.

  2. tiffanized said

    I show up for Greg Oden’s penis, and I get political commentary. Sort of. I’m not sure that Nancy Pelosi’s eye beams fall into the category of political discourse.

  3. You, sir, are earning your title of boxtease these days. One second you’re all “Oh, would you ladies like to hear all about this man’s naked escapades tomorrow?” And we’re all “yes, please you brilliantly hilarious man, please share your, no doubt, brilliant penis musings with us.” And then you’re all “PSYCH. We’re going to have a pseudo-intelligent post about ‘politics’ today.” Whatever, Jordan. Quit toying with our emotions. We’re not just internet common taters, we’re people.

    Severely demented people. I’m sorry. I’ve had obscene amounts of coffee today and apparently that’s led to the disintegration of the part of my brain that leads to normal cohesive thoughts.

    I watched the SOTU address. I generally don’t like to discuss politics – this probably stems from being one of the few liberal people growing up in a traditionally conservative wealthy town – but I will say I did enjoy it.

    “Meanwhile, Pelosi is giving Biden an earful*” — uh, Jordan? You’re doing it wrong if it’s in the ear.

    I just received a notification that you’ve posted again. You’d better talk about a penis, Mr.

  4. Susanelle said

    Nancy Pelosi has a hu-u-u-ge rack.

    I’ve thought this since the beginning.

  5. Zees84 said

    We watched. Of course. Duh.

    I particularly enjoyed watching Biden bobbleheading, or when Pelosi or Biden started to clap and almost stand up when no other Democrats did. I think Biden was on his feet for one of Obama’s jokes. It was like watching a game of Simon Says.

    Obama is a helluva public speaker.

  6. MLF said

    I didn’t watch the SOTU address…as usual. I don’t ever watch anything but I feel ok about it because in general you typically summarize anything I would have had any interest in watching anyway, and you make it way more funny than it probably was so that is a plus.

    I fucking love the pictures and captions today,
    and I fucking love this blog obviously, but I also love Fox news *ducks and hides*

    With that, I agree with Freya, my want is bipartisan and I am switzerland and too young and uninformed to try and talk about politics with people much smarter and funnier than me and Pelosi definitely wants IT. and by wants IT I mean it seems like she wants to kill numerous people fairly often and I love that about her.

    Although I did end up googling the whole Oden penis thing and I am scarred for life now so I’m actually glad you didn’t talk about that today…the wounds are still too fresh and I would have to bleach my brain again if I thought about it anymore today.

  7. Forgetful Lucy said

    Everything I need to know about politics, sports, and current events I learn at KSWI. I don’t watch the news, it’s mostly all bad. My kid controls the remote at home and therefore the tv is pretty much on Disney non-stop. Those shows are actually stupidly entertaining and I’m surprised when I catch myself LOLing at Jonas or Hannah Montanna.

    I giggled the most today at your Mr. Burns reference, we call my grandma “Grandma Burns” because she is really old and crusty and we don’t like her very much anyway, and the “earful*” line.

    Release the hooouuunds!

  8. Crystal said

    I ❤ Barack Obama. Such a speaker. And I loved him giving the Republicans shit when they weren't clapping. LOVED it.

  9. Onal Baker said

    nice post, this is what i need, thank for sharing, greeting

  10. amanda said

    i think ive mention how i used to be fascinated by politics.
    i definitely have more of a liberal/ democratic point of view, but ive realized that nothing for this country is going to work, everybody is corrupt and dumb, and i dont give a shit. i probably wont vote when im older.

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