KSWI Week In Review – Better Late Than Never

February 1, 2010

Another week done and another week ahead of me. There were a good deal of questions for last Friday and I didn’t want to discourage your questioning by only answering three of the questions. Much of today’s post will be the sanctioned answering of those questions. Also, I am feeling pretty lackluster today. Not sick- just lacking luster. I’m dull.

I had been using Mondays to self-aggrandize my weekends. I didn’t do too much this weekend. Unless you all would like to hear the trials and tribulations of me nearly reaching “Prestige” mode in Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare 2 then I have little to write hyperbole about. It is cold in Jersey, thus I stayed in Friday night watching movies. I stayed in Saturday night watching movies and then the Strikeforce fights on Showtime. Sunday I watched Band of Brothers, Big Love and then re-watched Not Another Teen Movie because it is criminally underrated.

Even my love of football was no match for energylessness. I didn’t watch a minute of the Pro Bowl game which was on Sunday night. I watched more of the Grammys than the Pro Bowl. Of the Grammys, Dawgz and I watched the opening of the show where Lady Gaga sang “Poker Face” and then did a duet with Elton John. Dawgz was feeling pretty psychic that Ms. “Ga” “Ga” was going to open the show. And we are an apartment that does not miss the Gaga when there is Gaga to get.

I have a few thought on a couple movies I watched this weekend:

The Decline of the American Empire – Huge fan of the sequel. I am a huge fan of the sequel to this movie, The Barbarian Invasions. I am not a huge fan of this movie though. It was ok. It is a French Canadian film about a group of college professors who both share intellectual conversation and each other’s semen. Or I mean outside of the gay guy. Or basically the two straight guys have sex with the two women and then there’s the one guy’s wife who only has sex with her husband, but she fantasizes about cheating, but doesn’t. Whatever. The sequel is much better.

I guess people should see this movie first before the sequel, but you don’t have to. I didn’t. I saw The Barbarian Invasions when it came out on DVD and I didn’t see this movie until Saturday even though it came out 20 years earlier. The Barbarian Invasions is just a much better movie through and through. The Decline of the American Empire is more of an intellectual handjob for itself than there are discussions of handjobs in the movie and there is a lot of discussion on handjobs. It’s not bad, it’s just not as good as other things…. like a handjob.

For people who have seen the movie or are planning on seeing it, I have three points I would like to make:

1. Bitches hatin’ bitches – If you would like to see a classic example of bitches hatin’ bitches then fast forward to the scene after the dinner. The first hour of the movie is leading you to a dinner. The guys are all preparing the dinner and the girls are all working out and getting ready for the dinner. I should say men and women because they are all much older than me, but whatevs. After the dinner is over, there is a scene where they are drinking aperitifs. This scene has got some bitches hatin’ bitches. I’m not going to force you to watch the other 80 minutes leading up to this point so I’ll do a quick spoiler. The lady with the Pat Benatar hair cut is the wife of one of the two guys in glasses. Easier, the blonde has had sex with both guys wearing glasses. The wife does not know this. The two women are having a discussion about happiness and life. The Kevin Bacon in Footloose haircut having wife disagrees with the blonde and guess what happens? BITCHES HATIN’ BITCHES.

2. Attractive men? Or sluts? – Speaking of the blonde and her promiscuous vajeen, there is a brunette with an equally wandering whale’s eye. The two of them are bestest friends. Both women have slept with tons of men and two of those men are the two four-eyed best friends of theirs. Both of these men are married or have been married when these women have sexed them good. There is a scene after the above “bitches hatin’ bitches” scene where another guy questions the blonde why she slept with one of the prescription eye glasses wearing man even though she knew he was married and knew his wife. The guy is not good looking and why would she go out of her way to sleep with this ugly guy who is also married. She gets high and mighty and explains how he really enjoys sex and that is magnetic and most men don’t truly enjoy sex … and… what … the … fuck… ever. I am a little more pragmatic with my opinions and I just think this French Canadian professor is a slut. *shrugs* So is this brunette. I know this is before the internet and before OkCupid, but she could find a guy who is not married. They work together, she’s a horn dog, and he has a loose concept of monogamy – BOOM – that’s about as philosophical as we need to get. No need for flowery phrases – if they weren’t big sluts and flagrantly throwing their pussy all over this college campus then they wouldn’t be in this situation.

3. The main character guy takes his Anthony Michael Hall in The Breakfast Club haircut having wife to a swinger’s party. He leaves her to have sex with two women. And she has sex with some man. About 30 minutes later in the movie, she finds out the blonde banged her husband. She freaks the fuck out. Am I missing something? Didn’t you watch him go have a threesome and then you got nailed by a dude you don’t even know his name in the same freakin’ house at the same freakin’ time? How could this be a surprise that he cheated on you outside of that time he cheated on you with two women while you were cheating on him with one guy at a party you two went to to specifically cheat on each other?

Word of advice to the ladies: If you end up at a “swinger’s party” with your husband and/or fiancé and/or boyfriend – your man cheats on the reg. Like all the time. Like every time you can’t physically see him not having sex with another woman, there is a high probability he is having sex with another woman. You don’t end up at a swinger’s party by accident. Life is not a sitcom.

And go see The Barbarian Invasionsit is an excellent film.

The Book of Eli – One month into 2010 and this was the first movie I have seen in the theaters. I have seen almost every movie that Denzel Washington has been in, so why not. Definitely not a good movie. Definitely not as bad as it could have been. Not to give too much plot away, there really isn’t much to give away, there is a scene where Denzel Washington is offered Mila Kunis. By offered, I mean he gets to sex her up for freezy and for however long as he feels like. Gary Oldman plays Mila’s step-father in the movie. He is offering Mila up as an enticement to get Denzel to join his murderous marauders motorcycle man militia. Denzel turns this down.

Let me explain this to you. It is a post-apocalyptic world where people are doing anything they can to survive, food is scarce, water is scarce, soap is the scarcest, and pretty much everyone on Earth is dead. Denzel rolls into a town of vagrants. Denzel kills a bunch of them with his machete. The pseudo Mayor of the town offers Denzel food, water, shelter, and (if that is not enough) Mila Kunis to join his gang. As apart of this gang, you spend your days driving around the desert that is this world and assault anyone you find and steal any books they have. Denzel turns this down.

I will go on the record: I WOULD HAVE JOINED THAT GANG IN AN INSTANT!!!!

I would join that gang right the fuck now. I’m talking in this pre-apocalyptic society. Right the fuck now. If some crazy guy offered me Mila Kunis to join some gang right this second where I would ride around on a motorcycle killing innocents to find some copy of the Bible. I’d do it. I would do that right now. Can’t we just pick a copy up from the library? NO! You need to kill civilians for this Bible and it may take your whole life. Ok. I’m on board because Mila Kunis is kind of the hottest so yeah, I’ll go kill so innocent people in the street on my motorcycle.


Apples stuffed with sausage??? What is this culinary delight of which you speak?

Is casa de K$WI Jordan (featuring Dawgz) Over or Under?

“Over or Under” what? I’m not really sure what this means. Someone suggested you meant wiping. If that is the case then what? Is this really what you want to know? How I wipe? I feel like this website has taken a very odd turn. I hope you are referring to anything besides wiping. I generally find any of your fascination with me and my opinions to be a negligent waste of your time, but this might take the cake. If the theory that learning something new may take the place of something old you learned then learning how I wipe myself with easily be the most useless piece of information you will ever know. Anything ever is better to have in your head than that information.

Can you plan a (kosher-friendly, please) menu for my next week of dinners?

– Breaded chicken, spaghetti and tomato sauce.

– Salmon marinated in teriyaki sauce with wild rice.

– Pizza

– Bison burgers – no cheese.

– Tilapia marinated in lemon pepper with vegetarian baked beans.

That work? I’m not a greens guy, so add salads, green beans, asparagus et cetera wherever.

Can we please stop talking about old people having sex?

I guess not. I talked about 40 year olds having sex with The Decline of the American Empire. And they’re even older 20 years later in The Barbarian Invasions. I talk a lot about young people having sex too, so I haven’t forgot about the good kind of sex versus the “bad” kind. I’m not racist and I’m not homophobic, if anything I’m ageist so I’m just battling my own prejudice by picturing old people doing it in nasty ways. Also, it makes my site unique. I don’t even think the AARP has a list of 60 year old dudes that are bangable for all ages. They should. They should just take my list and spread the wealth.

Here’s one for you then – what would your lady-opposite have to be interested in for you to put up with her doing/liking things you hate? I’d say football, but would that be enough?

Not football. I can tell you that. I don’t want to argue with some chick about football. I have that already with most of my friends. If anything I want a refuge from that. Listen, I love football. I love Peter King. I read his Monday morning football column every week and it is about the favorite thing I read every week all year. But I don’t want to fuck Peter King. And I don’t want to share a bed with Peter King either. I’m sorry Pete, but no. I’m not looking for the female version of Peter King. I’m not looking for the female version of MMA encyclopedia Stephen Quandros either. I’m not sure what the answer is here.

Could she be really interested in looking hot dressing up in cosplay inspired costumes all the time? Not when company is over or anything. Just when we’re hanging out. I feel like I could deal with pretty much all the problems if this happened. For example, she made plans that on Tuesday night we have to eat dinner with her lame ass friends – but she is telling me this information while wearing the Sailor Moon costume. I think I would be cool with it.

You do remember I said half of their relationship was politics and the other half was hate fucking, right? So half of their relationship is an intellectual common interest and the other half is primal sex. How about half of this hypothetical relationship is allowing each other to have our time to explore our favorite interests (ie please just let me watch the NFL in peace) and the other half can be sexy Japanese inspired costumes? Deal?

I will say this right now if I have to dress up as well – majority of my cosplay outfits will be characters who just wear shirts and pants like a normal person. I’m not wearing any weird leather and wings and so forth. I’m just saying Naruto wears an orange track suit and I will be dressed as Naruto a lot.

Is the Australian accent an attractive accent?

From what I can tell, American chicks dig all foreign accents. Also, who says your accent is Australian? It could be English, it could be South African, it could even be Irish or Scottish. Who knows? Drunk chicks at bars? They don’t know. They have no idea. If she says you have a nice English accent and she has always wanted to live in London – then guess what? YOU’RE FROM LONDON! You grew up there and you can tell her all about it. It is a wonderful place that is remarkably like whatever movies you’ve seen set in London. I’ll give you one for free – it rains there a lot. Take it and run with it. She will not know the difference.

Another piece of advice, if you do say you’re from Australia – you surf. Yep. I don’t know if you surf or not, but you do when you’re talking to a chick at a bar or party. What do you have to lose? Is she going to call your bluff and make you surf? How can she possibly figure out if you’re lying or not? You’re from Australia so naturally you surf. Anyone from Hawaii can legitimately say they surf and people will at least give them the benefit of the doubt. Any Asian – all 3 billion of them – can say they know at least a little martial arts. Why not?

Also, you have had an encounter with a kangaroo and a koala. I’ve said before people love animal stories. You’re from Australia, which means you quite possibly have lived in similar situations as Crocodile Dundee. I’m not saying you have killed drug dealers or anything, but you have encounter “crocs” out in the wild or snakes or Aborigines et cetera. You’ve eaten bat meat. I’m just saying these are things you could be saying. There should be no lull in convo from your side because the possibilities are endless… unless she is from Australia and if you travel all the way to America to hit on an Australian girl then you are just not thinking clearly enough for me to give you any terrible advice I can give you.

What’s your opinion on the iPad launch?

Kindle be dead. That’s really all I think about it. I’m surprised how many Apple products I own. But I can’t imagine an iPad will be one of them. I already use my Macbook Pro as an iPad pretty much. And if I do ever purchase an iPad it will be years from now after my disdain for the iPad has softened and moved onto a new subject.

How do you get your dick caught in your zipper if you wear underwear?

I don’t know who your friends are, but they’re lying if they said they have never got their dick caught in the zipper of their pants before. First and foremost, you don’t pee through your underwear. The little man comes out of the underwear and sometimes impatience doesn’t allow him to make a safe exit from the metal teeth of the zipper. Also, I imagine that even men who go “over the fence” (is that the phrase) when they pee have also zippered their dick.

It’s just something that happens. Everyone has bitten their tongue, walked into a door, tripped going up one step or a curb, choked on their own spit, poked themselves in eye et cetera. Stupid shit. Unless their crotch has lived a zipper free existence then they have zipped up too quickly and felt a pain so horrific there hasn’t been a language discovered sufficient enough to explain it.

What’s a taquito?

It is a fried burrito that is warmed on the same metal rollers as a hot dog at a convenience store aka “heart disease”.


33 Responses to “KSWI Week In Review – Better Late Than Never”

  1. Forgetful Lucy said

    Homos and Skanks. Yes?

    *headdesk* I’m so disappointed. First, how could you possibly think I would want to know how you wipe your damn ass? I just.. NO. I know you watch a lot of tv. I assumed you would have seen the new Cottonelle commericals about the national survey of how people HANG THEIR ROLLS OF TP. Over or Under? See. It’s the supidest thing ever, but really is an important part of our daily lives. If you always hang it over, aren’t you a little peeved when you encounter a roll that’s under? I have been an under for years, but the princess insists on over. At least she replaces the roll. I had the unfortunate experience of working at Disneyland for a summer in my youth… cleaning bathrooms. I could have sworn we were instructed to hang the rolls under. Last time I went I double checked and I think they were over.

    How you wipe? I need to step away before I say something I regret.

    • Zees84 said

      I thought “over or under” was asking for gay sexual position preference. That’s really what I thought.

      Heaven help me.

    • Forgetful Lucy said

      Secondly, I love your suit. Even if I may or may not want to grab your tie and wrap it around my wrist and pull it so tight you start to turn blue until you whimper the words “over” or “under”.

      I promise never to assume again. And thank you for addressing the question even if you didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. I think we’ll be ok.

      Other questions which reveal the depths of your soul with only a one word answer:
      Creamy or crunchy PB?
      Puffy or crunch Cheetos?
      Flipflops or mandals?
      Chucks or Air Jordans?
      Firm or Soft pillow?
      Flat sheet on the bed, yes or no?
      Gel or paste toothpaste?
      Wash cloth or body poof?
      German chocolate cake w/coconut frosting, yummy or yuck?
      Do you drink the milk after you eat cereal, yes or no?

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        Creamy or crunchy PB? – both
        Puffy or crunch Cheetos? – both
        Flipflops or mandals? – neither
        Chucks or Air Jordans? – both
        Firm or Soft pillow? – both
        Flat sheet on the bed, yes or no? – no
        Gel or paste toothpaste? – both
        Wash cloth or body poof? – neither, raw bar
        German chocolate cake w/coconut frosting, yummy or yuck? yummy, not the biggest coconut fan, but I can deal with it
        Do you drink the milk after you eat cereal, yes or no? n/a – I don’t eat cereal with milk
        Over or under? – both, whichever way it happens I’ll take it* I don’t care how the toilet paper sits, as long as it sits there.

      • Forgetful Lucy said

        Smiley Face.

      • Zees84 said

        The only one of these that surprised me was no flat sheet. That’s my favorite part of the bedding! Well, not in January, when my favorite part is the huge down comforter…just last night I was thinking about how I love going to sleep with my face freezing and the rest of me warm and snuggly.

        I do not sleep enough.

      • Zees84 said

        Dammit, it’s no longer January. Also, I hate this fucking month.

      • Forgetful Lucy said

        I don’t use the flat sheet either. I’m too restless so it always ends up kicked down at the bottom of the mattress.

      • I was just coming here to say pretty much the same thing that Zees just said. No flat sheet? What kind of American are you?

        I’m mostly kidding. But the only person I know who doesn’t use a flat sheet on their bed has British parents.

      • MLF said

        I don’t use a flat sheet. I don’t understand it..to me it’s just one more sheet to wash and it’s not like I need to extra layer for warmth since I live in the usually temperate climate that is sunny florida. Although at the moment it’s raining and kind of chilly but still, flat sheets? eff that noise.

      • Zees84 said

        What kind of romp between the sheets can one have when there aren’t two sheets to be between? A romp between a sheet and a blanket just sounds like what goes on in your dryer. Don’t forget the Downy balls.*

      • kt said

        Flat sheets are annoying, they always just end up on the floor if i put them on my bed. I was more concerned with the fact he doesn’t use a washcloth or a poof, how does this provide sufficient lathering or sloughing?

  2. SUITS!! Thank you. You’ve more than proved your superiority to the tent dude with that ensemble right there. I’m a big fan of it. Well done, sir.

    Your weekend sounds remarkably like mine, except I saw The Lovely Bones one night (which could be the name of that movie had Denzel accepted the offer of Mila Kunis if you know what I’m saying and I think you do because this joke is both obvious and bad). The other night, I made an attempt to go out for dinner and drinks with a friend, only to decide it was way too fucking cold out. Single digits? Sorry, that’s hibernating weather. So we ordered in, got drunk, and started a movie only to stop it once I remembered that I was supposed to check out Greg Oden’s situation. We spent the next two hours reading the comments in tears. Good times. Thanks for the tip.*

    Oh, and I think the over/under question was in reference to toilet paper… not the act of wiping. As to why the commenter was so insistent on your answering this question? Not a clue (sorry Lucy). Does one’s toilet paper hanging preference reveal something about them? I could see demanding “mundane” information like your shoe size so that we could all get carried away making generalizations, but toilet paper? Got me.

    Your first caption/picture is maybe one of your best yet.

    • campbelld said

      Your Denzil/Mila/lovely bones joke made me think that there should be a porno parody of the Lovely Bones, then I realised how incredibly disturbing that idea is.

  3. Zees84 said

    I kind of love today’s post. Maybe more than kind of.

    Thanks for the food ideas. You were serious in that answer which made me feel kind of awkward, not gonna lie. I don’t know what to do with serious Kay Swidge. But it is appreciated nonetheless. I did not know this when I posed the question, but we are trying out a new restaurant in town that is apparently modeled on Five Guys. No bison, but they do have lamb. I’ll probably stick with regular beef though.

    Do you like bison for the taste or because of the lack of fat and cholesterol of regular beef? I’ve never had it because as much as I don’t think about the animals I eat, buffalos are just…really hairy, and seemingly more slobbery than a regular cow. Which, if you’ve never been in close contact with a cow (hello Houston Livestock Show every year of my elementary/middle school life), are extremely slobbery themselves.

    Perhaps I should have pushed for the “what should I do with my life” answer. There’s no take-out menu for life.

    Fuck, this isn’t funny at all. So how about this: Last night, I inexplicably, and successfully, twitter-stalked a teen heart throb from my youth. He retweeted me, @ replied to me, etc etc. My 13 year old self died with a smile on her face, but my 25 year old self realized that I was getting all that love because no one else was interested in tweeting to a 31 year old former Teen Beat pinup. Even if he was “Stan”. FML.

  4. campbelld said

    You have given me some excellent advice, Jordan. In fact, I put my excellent accent to good use the other night at a party we had at our suite. I was pretty drunk at the time, but I did keep a girl company in the lounge while everyone else went off and blazed. I had blazed plenty that day, I was fine.
    I can lie. But I cant make my face look all that much better. Maybe I should just fight people more often, that would make me look tougher. And tough is sexy.
    And everyone has got their dick snagged at some piont.
    And my international student advisor kinda looks like Mila Kunis. Which is why I have another meeting this afternoon.

  5. MLF said

    Two things-

    1- I like your tie.
    2- That Naruto costume involves sandals and a headband- looks like you may need to go shopping. Also it is orange and blue so maybe you should just reconsider in general

    oops I lied there’s more

    3- I was glad to hear your opinion on Book of Eli. I am going to the movies in two hours and The Book of Eli was one of the three choices given to me and I was like…uhh. pass. So I’m glad to hear I didn’t just pass on an awesome movie.

    4- Taquitos= gross. I’m not judging anyone for eating them because I’ve eaten some beyond disgusting things but gas station taquitos…just say no. Get a burrito from taco bell or something.

    • I didn’t get around to sharing my thoughts on the Naruto outfit. I’m sure everyone’s bummed about that. Thanks to MLF for the reminder. Anyway, my thoughts are pretty simple:

      No. No fucking way. Do NOT dress up like that. I get that this manga stuff is hot, though I’m not into it personally. I totally get the appeal of a girl dressing up as a scantily clad schoolgirl; I’m on board with all of this so far. But the second 6’3″ you comes strolling into the bedroom in an orange prison jumpsuit (pant legs rolled up, nonetheless), sweatband, and hi top sneakers with the toes cut out, is the second that the mood goes from hot to Halloween. It’s dead. And it didn’t even go peacefully and naturally; the mood has been straight up murderously bludgeoned.

      So, in this hypothetical scenario that will never happen, I’m totally cool with this role-play/dress-up scenario being a one way street. Leave the costumes to “me”, and you stick to your jeans and t-shirts. Or sweats even. I don’t care. Just stay away from the jumpsuits.

      (I’m just saying this because I’m pretty sure I’m not the only girl out there that feels this way – the “me” in the above scenario could be any average girl on the street. I just don’t want you to be surprised or hurt if the reaction is laughter instead of lusty panting. I just think it would be a good idea for you to run this past your future girlfriend before you dive in head first* and throw on the costume.)

      I can’t get the image of Danny McBride in Pineapple Express out of my head, for some reason…

      • That last comment should’ve included a disclaimer that those insane ramblings are the byproduct of sleep deprivation, three massive coffees (so far) today, and the stress of a shit ton of work that I’m ignoring. I intended to apologize in advance, but… whatever. Am I really that concerned about what all you non-flat-sheeters think of me? Negative. I’m having far too good of a hair day for any sort of worries, plus you all already know the true levels of my insanity.

        Wow. I’m sorry again.

      • Forgetful Lucy said

        This train of thought would also apply to Star Wars fighter pilot replica themed hoodies. That would be more of a “around the house” deal. It’s cute that you want it, but less endearing if you actually own it and wear it out of the house. Action figures and a Star Wars pillowcase would be acceptable however.

      • Lala said

        You two should write a book just with this kind of advice.

  6. kt said

    1. SUIT! And a very nice suit too. I like that you aren’t afraid of color.
    2. I see that HB mentioned it, but there is nothing “hot” about the male anime costume up there. Nothing.

    • I like how you say I “mentioned” it as if I just brought it up in passing and didn’t write three full paragraphs judgmentally railing against the poor guy and his fantasies.

      If it makes anyone feel any better, I’m fine with the Star Wars hoodie. Wear it all you want. I just think it’s worth noting that myself and my fellow ladies may not find all of this costume business ripe for sexin’. I mean, I can’t speak for everyone, but I think we’d much prefer to tear a suit off our guy than something out of a cartoon. Luckily for Jordan, he has those bases well covered.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        I didn’t say I want to wear a cosplay outfit. I said if I need to dress up as well then I will wear an outfit that is simple like a tracksuit and not something with leather and/or wings. I don’t think Naruto’s jumpsuit is a sexually appealing outfit to women. It would be comfortable to wear for me while the female in this hypothetical relationship is wearing the sexy superhero outfits that are quite revealing like the Sailor Moon costume.

        Thank you.

      • Yeah, I know. I realized that shortly after I left this comment. You see, today’s caffeine binge made things a little cloudy this afternoon. So I’ll apologize again. I’m glad we’re all on the same page of not wanting to see you strut around wearing these bad boys. Everyone can go back to their respective business suit or Sailor Moon fantasies.

  7. cledbo said

    I know you’ve mentioned your Gagappreciation before, but I would like to say I love it when guys enjoy a bit of Lady*. I did not watch the Grammy’s, I was too busy ironing and forcing my partner to take out the garbage and do the dishes.
    Our relationship is unfortunately ont one filled with cosplay and/or swingers parties.

    Naruto falls into the ‘not hot in real life’ category of male anime characters, much like Goku, and all the boys from Gundam Wing.
    Here’s a deal for you – you can dress like Spike Speigl (with a slightly less popped collar) and I’ll be Faye Valentine whenever you want me*: clicky here (for those who don’t know, Faye is the luscious thing on the right)

    Thank you for telling me what a taquito is – it sounds like it is more fun to say than to actually consume. Ta-quiiiiii-to. Hmm.

    We have a top sheet, because otherwise our furry bedspread with the picture of the panther on it would make us itchy. So ner.

  8. amanda said

    very nice.
    good post

  9. Crystal said

    mmm suits.

  10. Freya said

    Too much, too much!!!*

    First of all, I agree with Crystal…mmmm…suits. More, please.

    Second, your movie choices were baffling. I’m pretty sure what you’ve got going there is just merely French Canadian porn. They’re rubbing in* how smart and bilingual they are–they don’t need base things like real sex in their porn, they just need to talk about it. I’m pretty convinced that’s what’s going on. It’s 80’s Canadian porn. Celine Dion and Rene Angelil watch it while they wait for Rene’s viagra to kick in.

    I’m anti-flat sheet. Of course, I’m the child of a European immigrant father and an easily influenced mother when it comes to delicious bedding. It’s duvet with a cover on, which you change out to give you that fresh sheet you so long for. When I sleep in a hotel I always yank out the flat sheet because I feel it is strangling my feet.

    I’d like to say no to dressing up like an anime girl, but I know I’d give in if it meant more sweet, sweet lovin’. Plus a lot of them seem to wear cute animal ear headbands, and I’d be down with that.

    I’d also like to mention that after your post on Ke$ha the other day, I couldn’t get her damn $ong out of my head and ended up buying the effing MP3 to try to drive her away with repetition. You made me $upport Ke$ha. $hame on you.

    And it’s time for a little payback, Jordan. (Self-pimpage alert!) I read your site regularly, now I ask only for you to go read my contribution to a website that is up today. You might like it. It’s about Ashley Greene and her nakedness. Go here: http://bit.ly/coB4yE It’s got almost 100 comments on it today. Which is nothing compared to the 250 comments I got last time I posted. But it would be tacky of me to compare how big my *ahem* “comments section” is with you, Jordan. (End big pimpin’.)

    Oh, and CampbellD? Do you surf?

    Gaga…ooh lala…

    • cledbo said

      AG can teach you all and more about self-pimpage, Frey-frey.

      You’ve got nuthin’ on the Greene-ster for pure, unadulterated media-whoring 😉 yes stupid smiley face, it’s there.

      I bet KSWIJ would be more likely to read if you sent him pictures of yourself in a painted on swinsuit with Kurt Russell on your non-existant nips.

      Just sayin’

    • campbelld said

      Of course I surf. I spend every New Years at Phillip Island, my States prime surfing place. I own my own board and I regularyl wax it with pinapple scented wax.

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