The Deviant Ladies of Olympic Figure Skating

February 22, 2010

If you find yourself wandering around Philadelphia one day, you may find a gas station. If you find a gas station that is painted up like it is the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame then go inside. If you are inside this Rock & Roll Hall of Fame gas station’s mini-mart then make a left and walk towards the back where a sign should read Grilladelphia. If you find yourself in the back left of the mini-mart of a gas station that is painted like the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame then order a cheesesteak. If you are waiting for a cheesesteak standing underneath a sign that says Grilladelphia inside the mini mart of a gas station painted to look like the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania then you have made a series of excellent decisions in your life to lead you to this wonderous moment. At that point, you need to prepare yourself because you are about to get your mind blown with how good this Roll & Roll Hall of Fame gas station mini mart grill cheesesteak is. If you have balls then it might knock your balls off, if you don’t have balls then you may grow balls from eating this cheesesteak. Of course, if you don’t have balls originally and then eat the cheesesteak and grow balls the best course of action is to eat another cheesesteak to knock those new balls off. And go back to living a balls-less life and your stomach will be filled with bread, meat and cheese. True Story.

Last week, I mentiond that I have not been following the Winter Olympics all that much. I still am not following them all that much. I watched a little, a very little, downhill the other day and saw Bode Miller win a gold. Yeah, great. I’m so happy for him. You cannot tell as I type this, but I am typing this very slowly to emphasize how little enthusiasm I really have for this. Go Bode. That took 30 seconds for me to type. The “Go Bode” which took me another 30 seconds. Wooooh. 75 seconds. But fear not, today I will be excited about the Winter Olympics.

Starting tomorrow night (23rd) and continuing on Thursday (25th), the Belles of the Olympic Ball will be on center stage. The center ice stage that is, am I rizzite? The ladies figure skating competition. This is where glamour meets intrigue meets thin, tiny, graceful chicks who are all generally really cute. This is the event of heart breakers. The event that brought us sexpots like Oksana Baiul, Katarina Witt and Tara Lipinski (Philly and Jersey’s own). Yeah, I called Tara Lipinski a pot of sex. Do you know what is romantic/sexy? Warm bubble bath? I guess. Lit candles? Uh, I guess. Rose petals? Uhhhh *shrugs*. Olympic Gold Medal? FUCK YEAH! 

Today, I will give you my own unique glimpse at the 28 international competitors in the ladies figure skating competition. Do you know what Olympics website sucks? The official one. Do you know a good Olympics website? No, they do not exist. I’m guessing that these are in fact the actual 28 ladies who are competing. I have little to no faith if this is correct, but these are the only ladies that appear on the official website under that category. The website has no option to look up who is competing in these events or at least for the ladies figure skating. It just has all the figure skaters in one group and you have to click on each profile to see what particular event they are in. Speaking of, the following statement may be racist: I believe at least 80% of “ice dancers” are hot. That statement wasn’t racist. I said it “may be racist”, it wasn’t. There are some good looking skirts who ice dance. I just wanted to mention that I noticed that.  So, here is my preview of the ladies figure skating the only way I know how. Here weeeeeeeeeezzzzzz go:

Hmmmm… why do their pictures look like mugshots? Sexy, right? For some reason, the Olympics or NBC in all their brilliance took pictures of all the athletes. And when they took those pictures they used the same photo techniques a local police station would use when processing someone for a DUI. These poor poor broads in their tiny bodies and elegant skating skills look like common criminals on this damn website. Common criminals who are usually really cute and have an exotic (read: foreign) sensibility. I will take a guess at what each lady did to land herself a rap sheet.

Akiko looks like she stole something. My heart, am I right!?! Akiko looks innocent, but her big eyes look like they just hypnotize her hands into snatching t-shirts and hiding them in her purse. Alena is underage, so I’ll say underage drinking. But she wasn’t out at a bar. She was joy riding around drunk on something classy like 99 Bananas and got pulled over when she skidded into a stop sign with a cop following her. She’s not a “bad” girl, she just had one reckless night that was built up from living a boring mild mannered life up until that point. Anna, oh beautiful Anna. In my heart and my pants, I believe she is one of those chicks who gets way too drunk at a bar and is caught having lesbian sex in the bathroom and is somehow arrested for that. Seriously, how is that arrest worthy? That is Nobel Peace Prize worthy in my opinion. Anastasia, the more I look at her picture the more I see a faint smile. She’s like the Mona Lisa! And I would guess she stabbed a bitch for “messing” with her man. And I mean her man got drunk and hooked up with a chick who had no idea he had a girlfriend and Anastasia shivved her because of it.

Carolina looks tough. Definitely drunk in public and she committed the crime of “beatin’ up a bitch”. There is not a doubt in my mind that Carolina had a ninja grip on one girl’s hair while throwing haymakers at her all the while bouncers were hoisting her in the air carrying her out of the bar. She also instigated the fight because she said the other girl “thought she was better than me” – typical Italians. Cheltzie? MURDER! Nah, Cheltzie is 16 and from the lovely island of Australia. Since all Australians are criminals by genetics she was arrested for one of the many crimes she has committed by simply being Australian. Whatever Elena did it involved fire. I think Elena is a bit of a closeted pyromaniac. I think her boyfriend cheated on her and she either set his car on fire or all of his clothes or maybe his apartment. Elene is so damn cute. I just want to drink hot chocolate and watch Love Actually with her. I am pretty certain Elene was caught buying/using Adorol so her and the rest of the cheerleaders could stay up all night cramming for midterms and finals.

Isabelle, oh lovely and serious Isabelle. Let me skip to Ivana first. I believe Ivana and her boyfriend figured out a way to sell her baby on Craig’slist. Don’t judge Ivana. She is a pregnant 17 year old girl in Slovakia with no family support and only her recently fired factory worker 25 year old boyfriend to help her. They know they do not have the money to raise a child, so they were going to put it up for adoption, but why just give the kid away without getting something for the effort. And lovely Isabelle was the buyer. She and her husband are having trouble conceiving and are tired of all the doctor visits. Isabelle decided to go onto Belgium’s Craig’slist and found Ivana. It seemed like a perfect idea until those stupid cops showed up. Stupid cops! Jenna? I find Jenna to be attractive. I also think Jenna may be from the movie Avatar. Which means I found some of those blue peoples attractive – true. I think Jenna was apart of some Jawbreaker/Mean Girls style hazing of other hot girls which turned into a conspiracy to commit several crimes ranging from assault to vandalism to grand larceny. Joannie is obviously a stripper. This is not illegal, but she was caught negotiating to do something a little extra than stripping by an undercover cop. A very very very luck undercover cop.

If there is a God, I hope it was Kiira and Anna (from Group 1) who got drunk at a bar together and started hooking up in the bathroom. And hopefully whoever runs this bar has a camera in the women’s bathroom and hopefully they share it with TMZ so everyone on Earth can see it. Ksenia was a casualty of peer pressure and trying to be cool. She is not one of the popular girls in high school, but she would like to be – as we all do/did. She was at the mall with her lame middle tier friends and they ran into the popular girls. The popular girls gave Ksenia an ultimatum, either steal something in excess of $100 at the mall right then and give it to them or Ksenia cannot go to Hillary’s parents’ shore house after the Prom. And everyone who is anyone will be at Hillary’s parents’ shore house after the Prom. Laura and Mao’s crimes are connected. Laura and Mao both belong to a PETA extremist group. Laura helped plan, raise funds, and recruit people to break into the sceince labs at pharmaceutical company facilities and release any animals they are testing on. Mao was one of the foot soliders who was arrested knee deep in ferrets covered in lipstick.

Miki is not a criminal! She is my soulmate! I love her! She is pretty! And we’re going to get married on a mountain! So far everyone else’s pictures look like mug shots yet the enigmatic beauty Miki Ando’s looks like a Ralph Lauren ad for his winter collection. I love you, Miki Ando! Meanwhile, Min was caught selling her perfect test scores and A+ papers to other students. Her crime is being too smart for high school. Mirai is 16 years old. Mirai’s nickname is Dragonfly. Mirai is the most feared international assassin in the world. At 2:30am of February 15th, Miriam was caught by the police publicly urinating and vomitting on the Sullivan’s front lawn. Miriam had been drinking. Miriam had been out on a Valentine’s Day date with her now ex-boyfriend, Rick. Let’s just say, Miriam didn’t take it well when Rick accidentally called her “Leslie”.

Kids are cruel. Rachael Flatt was known by many names – “flat chested”, “flat as a surfboard”, “surfboard”, “flat” which sounds like “Flatt”, but there is a difference. Regardless of the fact that Rachael did grow boobs in her Junior year of High School, she was still heckled by much of the lacrosse team. The night before the “big game”, Rachael purchased a male prostitute for the evening using her savings from her summer job as a YMCA lifeguard. The two of them broke into the team’s locker room and rubbed all the players’ jockstraps on the prostitute’s lice infested crotch thus giving the entire team a debilitating case of crabs. This would have been the perfect crime if it wasn’t for the 10 foot banner Rachael made with markers and glitter that she hung the following day over the front doors of the high school stating “DON’T FUCK WITH RACHAEL FLATT OR YOU’LL GET CRABS!” Unfortunately, Rachael did not realize one could come to the alternate conclusion that Rachael Flatt has crabs and had sex with the entire lacrosse team. From that day on, Rachael Flatt was not “flat chested” anymore, but she did have crabs.

A little sidenote to that story – surprisingly enough fueled by the team unity of having crabs and being furious that little lice were eating at their balls – the lacrosse team went on to beat their storied rivals 13-6. Rachael Flatt’s vagina and the lice that supposedly infested it became lore and seen as good luck. No charges were pressed by the lacrosse team or the high school and in fact she was the Senior Prom Queen. So it worked out in the end.

Sarah Hecken had an illegal whirlwind sexual affair with Western Civilization professor Hans Dokolend. It cost him his marriage, job, and standing in the community. Sarah and Hans moved to some place more liberal like Los Angeles, California where she promptly began to cheat on him with men of greater success and wealth. Hans broken and betrayed moved to upstate New York where he remains lonely, but active in the local government. He doesn’t realize that Joannie Timmons, the 48 year old divorcee and mother of 20 year old twins sophomores at Syracuse, has a gentle and growing love for Hans although she hardly knows him outside of planning the yearly Halloween Haunted house together for the past 2 years.

Sarah, sexy Sarah. She was also involved with Anna and Kiira in the greatest drunken lesbian threesome ever. Sonia was caught keying cars. It was more for attention than anything. She keyed an entire row of cars in broad daylight at the town’s movie theater. Her parents both work full time.

Teodora did not start the fight in which Brittany Nelson’s nose was broken and orbital socket smashed. But she definitely “ended” it. It was ruled that Teodora was not guilty by the jury because she was technically defending herself, but that did not stop Judge Rames from giving a 30 minute lecture on the viciousness of “bitches hatin’ bitches”. Tugba had already been taken in by police earlier in the evening (for being drunk in public and for “vandalism” as she kicked in the door of her boyfriend’s car for flirting with the waitress), when Anna, Kiira and Sarah were put into the same holding cell. They proceeded to give the police officers the greatest show on Earth. No charges were pressed and every member of the police force has a picture of themselves and those four lovely ladies as their Facebook profile picture. The child prodigy, Yan Liu, moved to America at the age of 20 and enrolled in the nearest High School falsifying her birth certificate to read she was 16.  She proceeded to become class valedictorian and received a scholarship from every ivy league university. It was not until Nina Patel’s, Yan’s chief rival for valedictorian and lead oboe in the school orchestra, exhaustive near obsessive detective skills proved Yan’s age was incorrect.

Lastly, Yu-Na Kim was jokingly “arrested” by the Seoul police for being “too cute and sweet to be legal”. It was a funny moment where everyone laughed this preceded the opening of a new ice cream shop in the town where Yu-Na is their spokesmodel. Yu-Na then posed for pictures with the officers giving them all a wink, smile and peace sign pose. Everyone was treated to a complimentary single scoop ice cream cone. Afterwards, everyone went home and watched girls dressed in anime costumes having sex with eels. Come on, it’s Asia! That’s what they do over there!

Did I just make Ladies Figure Skating a billion times more interesting this week or what? You’re welcome, NBC. You fucking pieces of shit! I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO COCO!

65 Responses to “The Deviant Ladies of Olympic Figure Skating”

  1. As much as I loved men’s figure skating, I’m having trouble getting excited for the ladies.* But any sport that can produce stills as side-splittingly hilarious as these, is a-ok in my book. I just wish we could go back to the good ol’ days when the athletes fell on their asses less and clubbed their rivals in the knee more.

    Some of the blue people in Avatar were attractive. I don’t think that’s weird at all. However, one of my first childhood crushes was Robbie from Dinosaurs, so perhaps I’m not the one who should dictate what’s normal. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t seek professional help.

    Thanks for the cheesesteak craving with no way of remedying it. And the reminder of how much I miss Conan. Sad, hungry panda.

  2. MLF said

    A- Akiko absolutely looks like a klepto. nailed it. bingo.

    B- how does one go about having sex with an eel? I am extremely disturbed by this. I am thinking it is a joke but I really just can’t move past it. I would consider myself sexually adventurous but if there are people going around having sex with eels nowadays then you might as well consider me a virgin because me and eels are not happening. ever. ever ever ever.

    • tiffanized said

      It’s not a joke, but you should still move past it.

      • Eels terrify me. I kind of feel like crying right now. And showering. Make it stop.

      • Pol said

        I got a bit lost after the cheesesteaks…, lol, but they mugshot creative writing exercise was funny.

        I have a great song about eels…so creepy and funny:

      • tiffanized said

        Actually, I was referring to cartoon eel sex, where it seems like Jordache meant live enactment of the cartoon eel sex. So maybe it was a joke. But, knowing what I know, some chick somewhere has used eels as a sex toy, an act which I’m 87% sure started out with the man of her choosing saying, “Baby, if you loved me, you’d jam an eel up there.”

      • Henceforth, the “that” in Meatloaf’s incredible power ballad “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” will forever refer to jamming an eel up there. I’ve always wondered where I’d draw the line… thanks for helping me find it.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        Yeah, but isn’t he singing that? So Meatloaf is the prude who won’t jam an eel up his own ass for his woman’s love.

        You have to be like Neo – there is no line.

      • Forgetful Lucy said

        No, no, no! Wrong find of food porn.

      • I don’t know what Meatloaf’s dealbreaker is; I’m just saying that when I’m driving along belting out the lyrics to that song of which I’m pretty sure I know them all, thankyouverymuch, I will be singing about not putting eels in my vajayjay.

        And you can’t pull the Neo card here. This isn’t a computer program. If this were the Sims and you told me to fuck an eel, sure. Why the hell not. I’ll piss on the living room floor and try to make out with the female neighbor while I’m at it. But in the real world I have boundaries and they just so happen to revolve around having intercourse with slimy marine life. Would you put a blowfish up your ass for your beloved? Hootie or otherwise? Unlikely.

      • MLF said

        I couldn’t move past it. I googled it.

        now I kind of wish I was dead.


        I have no faith left in humanity, AT ALL. I’m going to go lay down in a fetal position and cry for several hours.

        and quite possibly vomit.

      • Pol said

        Good grief, that IS what Meatloaf meant!At least eels are self lubricating so they won’t suffer too much trauma… though hagfish look similar but are even worse looking…
        google if you dare…seven litres of slime per minute…

      • MLF said

        it doesn’t really matter how much trauma they suffer since they get EATEN AFTERWARDS.

        to be honest I am not really a animal’s right’s person. I like animals, I have lots of them, I wouldn’t hurt any animal on purpose, even monkeys which I hate with a fiery passion I would only hurt if they attacked me first, but ZOMG WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE EEL WHY WOULD ANY WOMAN DO THAT EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

        I am scarred for life. thanks bunches jordan.

      • Pol said

        Anyone for Anago?

  3. Forgetful Lucy said

    Note to self: Go to Philly, find Grilladelphia, enjoy cheesesteak. I love food porn. Wait- that’s not what I meant. Not like porno’s involving food, like talking about and seeing pictures of delicious food that I can’t have. Food porn. I recently saw Man vs. Food for the first time, OMG I was in love. So far the best cheesesteak I’ve had is from Jersey Mikes’s, but it did not result in growth of testicles. So, there seems to be room for improvement.

    Unbelievable. How? How do you come up with this stuff? I’m betting at least a handful of these illegal activities are loosely based on your actual life. It’s just a gut feeling.

  4. Lala said

    Soooo… I have nothing to say. However, Jordan makes me feel terrible when I don’t comment. So, yeah.

  5. Pol said

    ‘Eels up inside ya, findin’ an entrance where they can’

    No pictures of the Glorious Want and now we are swamped in unsexy eels….ugh. Ugly Monday.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      I did write 2000 other words that had nothing to do with eel porn.

      Next time I should just write “eel porn”. As the subject and body of the post.

      • Pol said

        it’s kind’ve like talking to babies, you say a bunch of stuff to them all the time but just let the word ‘cunt’ slip out and guess which one sticks?

      • MLF said

        true, but you also should know by now that we are perverts and would focus mostly on the parts pertaining to sex. Or maybe I should speak only for myself and say you ought to know by now that I am a pervert and would hone in on the sex part. and also that I am young and naieve and knew nothing about this whole eel thing and that I should have stayed that way but am now scarred forever thanks to the short sentence at the end of the second to last paragraph.

      • MLF said

        oh look Pol read my mind

      • Pol said

        Exactly, MLF…with great power comes great responsibility…we come thirsting for The Want and Jordan slips an eel in there and now we will all cry ourselves to sleep tonight whilst tiny violins play, sniff.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        I feel like I’ve benefited whichever men are currently or will in the future try to talk you all (respectively) into having anal sex or a threesome. “At least he doesn’t want eel sex” is what you’ll be thinking.

      • And if he’s any kind of gentleman, he will send you a thank you once I’ve finished having my way with him and our lady partner. I’m assuming I’ve agreed to an extra lady, right?

      • tiffanized said

        *volunteers to be the extra lady*

      • MLF said

        *volunteers to be the extra extra lady*

        actually- *motions to kick out whatever a hole made us think about eel sex and carry on with just the awesome ladies*

      • MLF said

        who says anyone would have had to try to “talk us into” either of those things prior to eelgate? Honestly the words “at least he doesn’t want eel sex” would never cross my mind, and rest assured if they did there would be asolutely zero kinds of ANY sex going on from that point forward until my brain healed and I got done crying for the failure of humanity several hours later.

      • Forgetful Lucy said

        May I offer you some Brain Bleach?

      • Pol said

        oh sweet, K-Stew won an award, look how carefully she’s handling it so as not to repeat the epsisode with the popcorn shaped one, lol!
        All is right in the universe now, thanks ForgetfulLucy 🙂
        What was it for?

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        Wanting it

      • PWG said

        I know what comment that goes with. Today’s post is like a dirty disturbing comment puzzle/wordle. I think it’s staving off my Alzheimers.

      • PWG said

        Christ, that was under Jordan’s “wanting it” comment, which goes with the “what is that award for” comment. Nevermind.

      • Forgetful Lucy said

        She won the Orange Rising Star Award at the BAFTAs (British Oscar equivalent).

      • tiffanized said

        Of these two things, which do you think would appeal more to your common taters:

        A) which ice skaters you want fucking each other in a bar bathroom, or
        B) when, where and why a person might want to insert sea life into a sexual orifice?

        First rule of writing, Jordan: know your audience.

      • Pol said

        A BAFTA…That’s pretty awesome actually.

      • Pol said

        i r not common tater, i r tater tot…
        Would def pay money to see Johnny Weir shagging someone in bathroom…there would be drama, fur, passion and diamante sparklies flying everywhere. Heheheheh!

      • cledbo said

        The good BAFTAs are the giant ones made of marzipan. Jonathan Ross said so.

  6. Pol said

    No man as ever had a snowball’s chance in hell…though I’ll be extra careful about crabs and whether or not they play lacrosse.

  7. PWG said

    Guess you might as well just adjust the tags right now to include “eel sex.” Several paragraphs about lesbian figure skaters and we jump right on the phallic marine life. I am not asterisking that.

    Okay, so Dirty Jobs had an episode with those godawful hagfish, and right now my mind is going Frogger across this cesspool as fast as it possibly can: eel sex -> hagfish -> Dirty Jobs -> Mike Rowe -> Mike Rowe naked. Thank God, home base, I’m safely in the arms of a much better mental picture.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      I guess you skipped the part where I talked about Meatloaf eel sexing himself.

      • PWG said

        Excuse me, his name is Robert Paulsen.

      • And now I’m imagining him eel sexing (pearl necklacing?) his bitch tits. Thanks, PWG.

      • MLF said

        aaand best comment of the day so far award: PWG

      • PWG said

        Stop dragging me away from my happy place. Hand over ears I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

      • Pol said

        No fair, PWG used Fight Club…it’s like stealing the colour pink in Barbie land…or all the hearts from Care Bears. (runs into corner and sulks with bag of chocolate peanuts…)

      • PWG said

        From here, we can go several ways. My mind has gone to all of them.

        The best musical bodyslam ever, courtesy of Mr. Loaf Aday: “I want you, I need you, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you. Now don’t be sad, ’cause two outta three ain’t bad.” Ouch, you mooby bastard.

        Fight club -> Chuck Palahniuk -> his Playboy short story about someone getting their colon/intestines vacuumed out of them by a pool filter -> which unfortunately happened to a child in real life.

        An e-mail I received asking “if you saw me being driven away in the back of a police car, what crime would you assume I’d committed.” I’d like to think for me it would be cat-thievery (as in Cary Grant and jewels, not felines) but realistically it would/will be bar fight instead. Mouthy when I drink. And when I don’t.

    • tiffanized said

      Mike Rowe naked is always a win. He’s one of the few men older than myself that I would jam an eel up there for.

  8. PWG said

    You’re all gonna want to skip the James Patterson book version of Kiss the Girls. There’s a part in there that didn’t, uh, make it into the movie. It involved a snake, milk and an ass.

    Come to think of it, I’d recommend not leaving a drink unattended around James Patterson as well.

  9. tiffanized said

    I feel compelled to say that this post is one of my favorites of all time. I can see the work you put into it: saving all those pictures, knowing which skater was which and where they were from, examining them to see what type of crime fit their countenance, creating a list of realistic crimes. I apologize that eel perversion hijacked your comments, because this really was a genius concept and great writing. /asskissing even though it’s totally honest

    • At least all this eel shit is somehow related to something he wrote about. I mean, we could be going off on dildos and baboons again. (NO star.) He should be thankful.

      • MLF said

        so true. I mean honestly, I’m sorry that out of the entire brilliant post the only two things that stuck with me were Akiko probably being a Klepto in real life and the whole eel sex thing, but nothing about that should be surprising to you. if you haven’t already noticed by now that I’m demented/retarded then you just haven’t been paying attention.

      • Pol said

        Ah, don’t act like you didn’t enjoy the baboons and dildos….lol!

  10. Forgetful Lucy said

    I’m totally reading a fanfic story now about a threesome. 2 guys and a girl. They do it A LOT. I find myself tilting my head slightly to the right while trying to get a visual of the postions. It’s quite interesting. I never thought the day would come when I would admit that it is possible for a fanfic to have too much sexing. Inconceivable!

  11. MLF said

    Jordan has made a liar out of me.

    I know I said I would not fuck any of the men on the over sixty list, OR Taye Diggs, but if it came down to that or the eel thing, I think we all know there is no competition. I would bang every one of those old guys with a smile on my face just knowing the horror that I would be avoiding. And Taye Diggs? pfft. like it was my damn job. so in conclusion the next time you think up some other wierd/gross/whatever person that I say I would not fuck, all you would have to do is ask would I rather bang them or an eel. violia. you win.

  12. Forgetful Lucy said

    “I and my Mom” had a good laugh thanks to TWSS this weekend.
    We went to eat at a new location of our fav mexican chain restaurant:
    Me: This is a big one.
    Mom: That’s what she said.

    Leaving parking lot, trying to maneuver around a long bed pick-up:
    Mom: That’s a long one.
    Me: That’s what she said.
    Me: *Hysterical laughter at the fact that I’m engaging in TWSS humor with Mom*
    Thanks, Jordan

  13. cledbo said

    I’m disappointed with the lack of group comiseration re: everyone’s favourite red-headed late night talk show host.
    I am also withholding my outrage at your lame crack about Aussies all automatically being criminals. I worked hard to earn my felon status, thank you very much! Cheltzie’s dream car is a Mini Cooper, so I think her crime would be lameness, or writing on a wall in McDonalds with water-soluble pen.

    Also, none of you should ever rent a movie called Urotsukidoji. You have been warned.

  14. tiffanized said

    Out of morbid curiosity, I did a Wordle ( for today’s post/comments.

  15. aneira said

    i refuse to watch the olympics. its an embarrassment to all skaters such as myself.

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