This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #SNOWICANE

February 26, 2010

Q&A as always

Would you consider classical ballet a sport? Would a person who dances it be considered an athlete?

No. Um, do you “compete” in classical ballet? I think there has to be at least a competition or a way to win to be at least considered a game let alone a sport. If there is competitive routine match-ups like in figure skating then still no. I would definitely marry a figure skater or a the classical ballet female person. I need to be able to root for something in this fantasy though. I need the chick to have a rival for me to antagonize. I would consider them an athlete. That goes for figure skating as well. They are certainly “athletic” and they are in a competition based environment. I would add those together and say they are “athletes”. But not a “sport”. I am very conservative with my definition of what a “sport” is. Football, basketball, baseball, soccer, boxing, MMA, wrestling, tennis et cetera. I would put golf on the list of sports. And I think Tiger Woods solidified that when he started really changing the face of it. He pushed the golfers to be more athletic and I think even more competitive. I feel like there needs to be an element of competiting against a person at the same time for it to be a “sport”. If in figure skating they had them one on one on the ice at the same time trying to pull off tricks and they also got to hip check each other then it would definitely be a sport.

In conclusion – ballet chicks are cool. Sure, why not?

In my ongoing discussion with you all about directors/producers needing to apply an actor’s actual personality to finding them the correct role:

Seriously, this is phenomenal! Actors are not the beginning, middle and end of a movie. The director needs to set the world for them to show off in. The director needs to control the environment to best suit each particular actor to make something great. Actors cannot just be great in whatever. Given the right situation an actor can be unbelievable, but if they are put in shit situations then they will never make anything great. Just look at this personality and charisma that Dolph is showing. Just look at the movie JCVD and how unbelievably amazing Jean Claude Van Damme is in it. He should’ve been nominated for an Oscar he is that good. And seemingly he could do that all the time if given the right situation. Actors are the paint and the paintbrush, but the director is Bob Ross.

Notice all these roles that Mickey Rourke is getting nowadays. He will be good in only a few of them because it is not just a name or an actor that makes the role. Half of these roles they are giving him sound awful. Can Mickey Rourke be great? Sure. He was flat out awe inspiring in The Wrestler. But some of these other movies are garbage and he cannot make them not garbage.

Why are Americans so loud?

Human beings are loud. Human beings make their presence known. Have you not noticed we kind of took over the damn planet. We created pollution, global warming, killing all the animals, and laying concrete on everything. People are loud. All people. Even silent monks are always disturbing the ground raking stones. Stop that raking! I’m trying to sleep over here! Sure you’re not talking, but your stupid wooden sandals are killing my ears.

Is it wrong that I laughed hysterically when he nailed the hooker with the chainsaw from a three flight drop?

That movie is the best. You laugh while watching that movie. You laugh at all of it. “They have a great bathroom to do coke in.”

Why the hell is it so hard to eat chickpeas with a bamboo fork?

I don’t know what that is. A fork made of bamboo seems quite impractical. I have metal forks because metal is made from God’s fingernails. What other things do you own that are unfortunately made out of bamboo?

What is your song list for sexy times?

Song List? That assumes a need for a plural amount of songs. Is it supposed to last for more than one song? This song is like 5 whole minutes!

What will happen to this blog if you get a new yob and have to mork in the mornings instead of writing posts for us to ignore, critique and mock all afternoon?

I ask myself this a lot. And it makes me smile. Awwwww…. JORDAN! You’re so mean. Wah wah.

How did you feel about Kristen Stewart’s BAFTA toes?

I’m fine with them. I have no real foot fetish to begin with. She’s a cute broad this Kristen Stewart, so I’m not going to judge her as a whole just because she isn’t dressing her toes up. Also it is not like her toes are terrible. They just look unpainted to me. I really could care less.

On a scale of 1-John Mayer is a Douchebag, weigh in on Jenny Lumet’s and Robert Pattinson’s use of the word “Negro” in the Details interview. What does Rob mean? That Negroes whisper? That Negroes are deaf? Should someone tell Rob that we are 10 years into a new century in which most of us never thought we’d hear the word “Negro” again?

Yeah, I don’t know what the hell is going on in that interview. I blame Details more than Rob since they were the ones to introduce the word into the conversation. But it does not help the image any that I think Rob is an idiot. I hope whoever did the interview with Rob was fired. Not for racism. But for being an idiot. Seriously? Negro? Come on!

What’s the best gift you ever received?

My car. I’m in the middle of a SNOWICANE and my car made it its bitch. My Nissan Pathfinder rides high over the snow like the bullshit proletariat snow it is. I want to make a bumper sticker in support of trucks and suvs that says – “I ride high” or “I love riding high” and I will make a million dollars off of these.

If a new medicine was developed that would cure arthritis, but cause a fatal reaction in 1% of the people who took it, would you still want it released to the public?

Yes. Yes, definitely. No second thought. I would bet a high, high, high, high percentage of medicine on the market right now all have a 1% and higher percentage of proving fatal. John Stuart Mill and I are going to cure the nation – and some people may die in the process, but no where near as many as we will save.

You discover your wonderful one year old child is, because of a mixup at the hospital, not your. Would you want to exchange the child to try to correct the mistake?

Does this child already show any natural proclivity for any sport? It would really depend on how much time I have spent in the past year making this kid a boxer, field goal kicker, golfer or whatever and how much he/she seems to be accepting of it.

Would you rather be a member of a world championship sports team or be the champion of an individual sport? Which sport would you choose?

Am I a one time champion or am I a multiple champion? If it is one time then I would definitely say professional tackle football. If it is a multiple time champion then it would be Heavyweight Champion of the World in boxing/MMA. There is more history and legacy in team sports for a one time champion. One time champions come and go with little reverence in one-on-one sports. If one is a multiple champion in one-on-one then you are indisputably the greatest human being in that sport for a period of time and that has to be the unquestionable glory zenith.

One of the GREATEST 80’s movies ever – VISION QUEST

Which sex do you think has it easier in our culture? Have you ever wished you were a member of the opposite sex?

I have never wished I was a member of the opposite sex. I would say that men have it easier overall. Women definitely have advantages over men in many areas, but men definitely have it “easier” in one regard: they are the driver. If existence was progressing like a traveling car. Men would be the drivers. One day women may end up taking over the wheel, but up until this point – men have been the drivers. The driver needs to stay awake, the driver needs to be responsible, the driver has the most stress in the car, but they are in control while no one else is. If something happens I think most want to be in control, controlling their destiny instead of waiting to see what happens. Controlling one’s own fate whether it leads to riches or ruin is way more appealling than just watching someone else do it for the both of you.

What is your favorite book and why?

Fight Club – obvious. War & Peace – obvious.

What’s the worst injury you have ever had?

I’ve broken both wrists (not at the same time), torn ligaments in my foot, broken knuckles, broken fingers, broken miscellaneous bones in my hand, broken toes, 7 stitches in the back of my head, two broken noses, tore through my thumb and required 20 stitches to fix. Ummmmm… broken heart? Awwwww!

I am a man! Pain is temporary, glory is forever! What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger!

A “hot chick” in a cleavage revealing top or a fitted reproduction vintage Transformers Optimus Prime T-shirt with no cleavage showing?

To look at? Are they equally hot? Cleavage. I need to see the boobs. That robot is just covering up the boobies.

Do you think that orca that killed it’s trainer should be put down?

Nope. You mess with bull, you get the horns.


Have a great weekend. And join the Facebook group if you haven’t.

Search: “Kristen Stewart wants it”. It’s pretty obvious shit.

30 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #SNOWICANE”

  1. PWG said

    I nominate Dolph Lundgren to be Emperor of Everything. At first I was cringing, because that Elvis number looked like it was going to be super second-hand embarrassing. But to be embarrassed you have to show fear or doubt, some indication that you know you might be making a total ass out of yourself.

    Dolph did none of those things. He acted like, “Hey, no big thing, this is actually how I start my day every morning. The Ronettes dancing around me, breaking ice boards, looking pretty fucking great for my age, channeling The King.”

    • It took me a good 20 seconds to be entirely sure he wasn’t speaking English. And a good 3 minutes to stop laughing uncontrollably.

    • By the way, I watched Dolph’s performance shortly after I finished watching about half of this:

      Perhaps on an average day that didn’t involve enormous pony puppets charging the camera, Dolph’s performance would have been more disturbing… but it’s hard to top that shit.

  2. PWG said

    Who gave you a car? Will they adopt me? Was it your parents, and if so will that make us brother and sister? Are you a good or bad driver? I know everyone thinks they’re good drivers but let’s break it down by tickets/accidents. I’m 1/1 on that scale, but I’ve been driving for 23 years. We could add in a third data point, which would be how many times do you get flipped off by other drivers. I’m a 2 on that scale.

    • 1 ticket (which was excused) and 4 accidents in roughly 9 years of driving. 3 of the 4 accidents happened in the last 3 years after I bought a brand new car, and 1 was definitely not my fault.

      1. Rear-ended someone who started going at a stop sign, then slammed on their brakes
      2. Friend backed into the front driver’s side of my car
      3. Backed into a tree (uh… my car has bad blind spots? Also I didn’t park it so didn’t… see the tree? I’m making excuses.)
      4. Rear-ended someone who started moving on a green light, then slammed on their brakes and stopped dead in the middle of a 3-lane road because someone cut them off

      (This doesn’t count the deer I love-tapped.)

      Otherwise I’m a perfectly fantastic driver.

    • MLF said

      six years driving and 0 tickets, unless you count a violation for not using a turning signal (I was in a right turn only lane stopped at a light for like ten minutes and my ancient S-10 had the loudest blinker noise ever in the history of man and I finally got tired of the CLICK CLICK CLICK and turned it off. and got a fourty dollar ticket.) and 0.5 accidents. and yes you can be in 50% of an accident and this is how: I was on 95 (a highway), it was raining hard- like, I was going 30mph because I couldn’t see, hard- I switched lanes, my truck had bald rear tires and hydroplaned and spun off of the road into an exit sign. But because I didn’t hit anyone else and the accident was beyond my control and in the hands of God and physics I will only give myself half of the credit. therefore 0.5 accidents.

      I feel like it is some sort of miracle that my driving record is this clean when I am always driving anywheres from 20-30 miles over the speedlimit at any given time. That person blowing past you on the highway when you are already going 85? yes. That is me. If my car is going slower than 95mph on the highway it is because someone other than me is driving it.

    • tiffanized said

      I am a horrifying driver; it is miraculous that I have no tickets and no accidents that were my fault. Technically, there was one incident that involved me flying, Dukes of Hazzard-style, through a row of hedges in the median, but since there was no police report it never happened, right?

      I’ve been in the following accidents:
      1. The car in front of me hit the car in front of him, causing me to stop and the car behind me hit me (and another five cars behind him hit each other too).
      2. I don’t remember the second accident much, only that I was rear ended and this is relevant to the third accident.
      3. I was stopped behind a turning car on a blind curve and a guy ran into the back of me. I was hugely pregnant, and when I got out of the car, the guy burst into tears because he thought he’d injured a pregnant woman. I felt so bad for him that we didn’t call the police; I still hadn’t fixed the damage from accident #2, so the new damage got fixed with the old.
      4. At 4 p.m. on a Friday afternoon, a drunk guy pulled out of my neighbor’s driveway and hit me at about 7 miles per hour. He was so fucked up he hit the gas instead of the brake and pushed me into a row of mailboxes. He tried to talk me out of calling the cops, asked if he could hold my baby, and bowed before me several times. He got his mother on his cell phone, who told me I was a heartless bitch for calling the cops. I still called the cops, though, who asked the guy to move his car, even though I told them he was falldown drunk. He moved the car, alright–backwards, down the street, into another set of mailboxes. The cops took this as a sign that something wasn’t right (duh) and arrested him. Me and my kids were watching from our house as the dude was cuffed, after which he vomited in the street.
      5. My car was parked in front of my church when an ice cream truck lost control, careened through a ditch, and overturned onto the hood of my van. He managed to miss the entire row of cars except for mine. The best part is that he kicked up mud all over my van, and at first we all thought it was chocolate ice cream.

      Interesting note: if you get into enough accidents your insurance company can increase your premiums, even if it’s not your fault. Their reasoning is that you are a risk because you have shitty luck. I’m not sure if this is true anymore, but it was 10 years ago because I had to switch insurance companies.

  3. PWG said

    I would want my biological kid back. At one I don’t think it would be as bad as doing it at age 3 or so. Mostly I’d be doing it as a favor to that other poor family. I expect my kids to be biologically inclined toward criminal genius.

  4. PWG said

    That Some Kind of Wonderful clip made me reaize:

    a) The 80’s really were tragic in the dancing/dressing arenas.
    b) I miss Eric Stoltz, where’s he been? The Prophecy, 2 Days in the Valley, Pulp Fiction? He’s great.
    c) Lea Thompson is insanely pale. She’s whiter than the ginger she’s standing next to, for cryin’ out loud.
    d) Elias Koteas can be Dolph’s Grand Vizier.

  5. tiffanized said

    I also own a bamboo spoon, knife, and set of chopsticks, all of which I carry around with me to use in lieu of plastic utensils. Because I care about the motherfucking planet. I hate running across chickpeas in my salad, though, because then I have to use the spoon to eat them.

    Orca should definitely live. It’s common name is “killer whale” for God’s sake. What were they expecting? This follows our ongoing conversation about captive animals killing people. If you don’t want to be eaten by a lion, don’t hang out in the lion cage messing with lions. It’s that simple.

  6. CASEY JONES! I had no idea that was coming, even with your “ELIAS KOTEAS!” exclamation because I never knew his real name. I just got way too excited about that. I wonder when I’ll grow up and start acting my age…

    American’s are pretty loud. Probably louder than other people (Brits come to mind), but that’s just because we’re the awesomest, duh. I think Northeasterners are typically louder than others, too. I once asked one of my Denver friends what the biggest difference was between the people in Jersey and the people there, and he said “you’re all so fucking loud.” I’d never noticed, probably because I’m surrounded by equally deafening people, but he’s right.

    So I guess that’s a “no” on gifts and celebrations for the 100th facebook group member. Hm… Did the taunting go too far this week? I’m sorry. But I meant what I said. You have every right to ignore that just like the rest of the crap I drone on about. I intentionally ignored your picture yesterday as well, because I swore off compliments. But it was a very nice picture of you and Ally. You stud.

    I’m snowed in with The Wrestler to watch. How topical. I give myself another 5 hours before cabin fever sets in and I go all killer orca on someone.

  7. MLF said

    I love Poison but it doesn’t make me want to fuck. In fact I don’t even know if I could bang to it because the whole time I would be fighting the urge to get up and dance.

    • tiffanized said

      I got really excited because I thought you were talking about Poison, the pop-metal band from the 80s and 90s. I could–and do–totally make out to Poison the band all the time. “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”? Totally panty dropper.

  8. Guess who’s back????


    I realize that this was the subject of yesterday’s post, but I really don’t appreciate your tone, dead alligator or not. Poor Heyyybrother doesn’t deserve your harsh language.

    Oh I kid…maybe

    Anyone miss me???


  9. Lala said

    Of course you can “compete!” And you can get scholarships and money. Sure, they’ll only give you a medal if you were third place but you just pretend it’s cool and try not kill the bitch who won. Typical bitches hatin’ bitches. Anyway, I wouldn’t consider an athlete either.

  10. Freya said

    I miss the days where I could comment with the rest of you. Those would be the days before my “mork” made me cry all the time. By the time I retreat to my safe space in the evening, all the fun has been had, the Jordan-baiting is complete, and I have to bear the brunt of KStew’s tiny middle finger and Jordan using uncouth language because of your actions. I miss the days when I could ask Friday questions. KSWI brings me such melancholy today. *sigh*

    • kristenstewartwantsit said


      I don’t know how to use twitter at all. But I may learn.

      • Freya said

        Whaaaaa?!? It’s like you knew just how to make me happy today. You and me in my favorite place? It’s almost like my dream date. Except there will be a bunch of other women there. So it might be like your dream date. Prepare to get to know me better–much, much better. Try not to fall in love.

      • First Coco joins this week. Now you. There’s no longer a dearth of tall funny males on Twitter. Rejoice. And no pressure.

        You may want to spell your URL right in your info, though.

      • Freya said

        My suggestion for increasing Twitter shenanigans:

        Follow your common taters. We’re following you.

        Download Tweetdeck. The web version sucks. If you choose to stay on the web version, look at your right-hand sidebar at the @Jordan_is_ok link. That’s where you’ll see what everyone has written to you. Or even better, download Tweetdeck.

      • Freya, you are so handy dandy. I also just realized that Jordan hash-tagged in today’s post. Has he always hash-tagged (is there a hyphen or no? – firefox thinks there is) or has he been secretly stalking on twitter?

  11. Pol said

    I can’t watch the videos cause leaving in AFRICA we pay obscene prices for dowloading shit and I am a poor struggling artist (tiny violins playing by my baboons on bicycles powering my generator)…

    Well speaking of cars i’m so glad that stupid Hummer has been discontinued….what were you Americans thinking? Peak Oil, global warming and then designing a car that is a that is unsafe but so heavy it guzzles oil faster than a camel at an oasis.

    South Africa’s greatest export is going to be the effing Vuvuzela…and I hate that effing thing.

    I’d give Willy to the Japanese…jokes!

  12. Pol said

    leaving/living…shit I need to go to bed…I sound like an imbecile.

  13. cledbo said

    Snowicane seems to be more fun to say than to live through.

    It’s 30C today. I managed to par-broil myself riding home from the gym.

    Speaking of driving, I have categorically proven that South Australians are the WORST Australian drivers ever. Ever ever ever. I’m going to the hardware store to buy a crow bar with which to go bald Brit-Brit on their asses the next time someone changes lanes in front of me without indicating on the Freeway.

    I believe Americans in general are quite loud, by I’m loud too so we can meet up and be loud together and it wouldn’t be awkward or anything.
    All teenagers everywhere are too loud. Too loud being defined as them uttering any sound in my vicinity at all, and this is multiplied by a million when I am on the bus. It is multiplied by another million if their conversation involves over-use of the word ‘like’.

  14. aneira said

    i have a question. a completely obscure question.
    who would win in a duel
    tom morello or jack white?
    i mean tom morello basically created a new way to play guitar. but jack white is kind of amazing in every aspect.
    ..i think im siding with jack white. your thoughts?

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      Tom Morello would have given Jack White a run for his money back in the day (the 90’s?).

      Nowadays, I think Tom is out of practice is the crazy department. Jack White is the man and he is continuing to get crazier. I routinely call “The White Stripes” and/or some side project of his that you can really sense Jack’s presence “The Jack White Show”. He is a singing and dancing and guitar playing entertainment show that is amazing.

      So, right now – I would say Jack White wins.

      That being said, Rage Against the Machine is one of my favorite bands of all time and were the first band I specifically bought a t-shirt for.

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