Some Mondays Are Just More Twisted Than Others

March 22, 2010

What a gloriously depressing weather day it is today in Central, New Jersey. Thursday was beautiful. Friday was beautiful. Saturday was beautiful. Sunday was beautiful. Monday is shit. I remember thinking to myself late Sunday night “I need a beer”, but after that I remember looking out the window for a moment and noticing the sky was gray. Is it going to suck on Monday? And it does. Outside of the weather, the world is still wild and crazy and that is all I need to keep me going and writing.

I will start this new and always historic week at KSWI with a confession. That’s right! I, KSWI Jordan, will confess something. A deep dark secret. A factoid of knowledge that has lingered in the depths of my heart and brain worrying me, plaguing me, CONFOUNDING ME! So listen up everyone! Stop molesting those altar boys for one holy second Mr. Priests because I have a confession to make.

I confess: I like the Black Eyed Peas.

AHHHHHHH!!!!!! I FEEL THIS BURDEN LIFTING OFF MY SHOULDERS!!!!! I CAN BREATHE!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! FFFFFPPPHHHHHMMMM (intake “breadth”) FFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFOOOOOO (outtake “breadth”)!!!!! I FEEL SO ALIVE! FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME! I CAN’T DENY YOU! I FEEL SO ALIVE!!! I, I FEEL SO ALIVE FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME!!!! AND I THINK I CAN FLY!!!

Hmmm… I think I stole the last few exclamations from the immortal words of P.O.D. and their hit single “Alive”. Which as we all know was rightfully banned from radio and TV because of the tragic events of 9/11. They should have just banned P.O.D. because they suck, amirite? Awww, P.O.D. doesn’t suck. You just said you liked the Black Eyed Peas how can you talk shit on P.O.D.?

Anyway, I recently have found room in my warm bloody heart for the Black Eyed Peas song “Imma Be”:

This began a serious moment of reflection. How many songs from a band do I have to like before I have to acknowledge I like that band? So…

1. “Let’s Get Retarded”

2. “Pump It”

3. “Don’t Phunk With My Heart”

4. “My Humps”

5. “Boom Boom Pow”

6. “Rock That Body”

7. “I Gotta Feeling”

8. “Imma Be”

I have never sat down and listened to a Black Eyed Peas album. I’m not saying I ever will/would. Currently, I have no intentions of ever spending a single dime on the Black Eyed Peas. But I cannot deny that I think they put out some of the better pop/dance singles. Most of the 8 songs mentioned were not only popular, but they were monumentally popular. Either I liked them from the get go or I have been brainwashed into liking them. I just had to say that. It has been something I have wanted to share publicly for a long time and I thank you all for listening.

I confess my adoration for the Black Eyed Peas, but that is not all! I have more to talk about. There was something historic that just happened I would like to take a moment to reflect on, outside of me admitting to myself that the Black Eyed Peas hold some reverence in my musical heart. That thing: Healthcare reform bill passed! HISTORIC!

I will begin this discussion about the Healthcare reform bill passing through the guidance of Ms. Nancy Pelosi by liberally quoting Dawgz. I will, of course, fix his typos because I’m a friend. Not a good enough friend to not mention that there are numerous typos. Dawgz writes like he is the most brilliantly hyperbolic inner-city youth:

With a historic 219-212 health care vote, on a bill that seemed absolutely dead two months ago after Massachusetts fell in love with the hunky Scott Brown and his green pick-up truck, “The Ice Queen” Nancy Pelosi just vindicated her entire political career. Her arm twisting, already legendary, now officially becomes epic. She will go down in history as one of the most formidable Speakers of the House of the last century. I don’t care what you all think of the bill or Pelosi personally, but she forced Obama to get off the sidelines and fight for reform, while also corralling her wavering party to summon the political-will most people did not think they possessed. Impressive stuff for the first leader of Congress with a D rack.

Here is how she did it:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/21/health/policy/21reconstruct.html?ref=politics

And yes, what a lovely bosom that 69 year old Speaker of the House lady has. Are you sensing a list of women over 60 that men should fuck? Because there very well might be one in the future.

“The Ice Queen” Nancy Pelosi, Rahm Emanuel and President Barack Obama should feel elated right now. In face of much much much opposition and nay saying and just overall bullshit pessimism – they passed a healthcare reform bill that many thought was impossible to pass.

Currently, I already imagine that Washington D.C. and the political world there is setup exactly like high school. There are the cliques, the cool kids, the nerds, the outcasts et cetera. And right in the middle of it, I think that Nancy Pelosi and Rahm Emanuel walk around like two high school football playing jocks bullying the rest of the students.

They stride the halls with a cocksure swagger. They push a couple Republican representatives from small states into some lockers. In the cafeteria, they knock Joe Lieberman’s lunch tray out of his hands when he walks by. They’re just really aggressive and vulgar to everyone. And today is most certainly the day for them to just “big dick it” in those hallways.

Rahm Emanuel walks down the hall and smacks Ohio’s 15th district representative, Mary Jo Kilroy, on the ass.

Rahm Emanuel – How’s the Financial Services committee? How’s that hot piece of black ass Maxine Waters doing? She’s got my number. Tell her to “holla”. Question is- do you have my number? Because I got some if you need it.

Mary Jo Kilroy – I am married with two chil-

Rahm Emanuel – I didn’t say you had to get a fucking divorce. I’m talking about some action. *smacks her on the ass again* Whatever, you know where to find me. If you see Bill Posey first, tell that limp dick when I see him I’m going to make him kiss the ring. You’ll know that I’ve delivered the message already if he’s crying like a bitch, am I right? *smacks Mary Jo on the ass one more time* You could bounce quarters off that thing! Peace!

Rahm flashes the peace sign at Mary Jo and then he brings it to his lips and graphically starts sticking his tongue between them.

Rahm Emanuel – You love it.

Rahm continues walking. Rahm walks past Oregon’s 5th district representative Kurt Schrader and fakes throwing a punch at him causing Kurt to flinch. Rahm laughs, calls him a “pussy” and keeps on strutting.

That was fun. But today is really “The Ice Queen’s” day. I wonder how she is celebrating.

Meanwhile…

Somewhere in Washington, three men are having a pleasant conversation: Ohio’s 10th district representative Dennis Kucinich, California’s 25th district representative Buck McKeon, and Alaska’s only representative Don Young. An ominous sound is heard in the distance. A shiver of adrenaline, fear, runs up Dennis Kucinich’s spine.

Dennis Kucinich – Oh no. She’s coming.

Don and Buck look at each other. They see the unbridled terror in Dennis’ eyes. And they now can hear it too. An echo of a steady bass drum heading right to them. The sound is immediately recognizable. It is the rhythmic clopping of high heels on linoleum.

Buck McKeon – It’s Nancy Pelosi. She’s only 10 seconds away and moving in fast.

Don Young – The Doom Bringer? What should we do?

Dennis Kucinich – Run!

Nancy Pelosi – Not so fast you squirrelly fuck!

The three men now sheepishly afraid turn and see the first ever woman Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi walking towards them. Her icy stare freezes their central nervous system and they just watch as she moves closer.

Buck McKeon – I can’t move.

Nancy Pelosi – You better not move, Buck, because I’ll chase you. And I’ll catch you. And you know what happens when I catch one of you bitches who runs from me?

Buck McKeon – You pants them in front of everyone.

Nancy Pelosi – You’re damn right about that.

Nancy reaches the three of them. She appears to be looming over them like a 7 foot tall Hakeem Olajuwon.

Buck McKeon – Good morning, Nancy.

Don Young – Good morning, Nancy. You look radiant today.

Nancy Pelosi – Take your tongue out of my ass for a minute, Don. All you had to say was “good morning”.

Nancy ball taps Kucinich which doubles him over. Don and Buck wince in empathy.

Nancy Pelosi – No “good morning” from the Keebler elf? Come on, Dennis, let’s hear it.

Dennis Kucinich – *gritting his teeth in nauseating pain* Good morning, Ms. Pelosi.

Nancy Pelosi – That’s better. So what’re you fags talking about? Fucking each other, right? Did I interrupt you three making out? Triple kissing homos.

Don and Buck are wide-eyed disgusted. Kucinich is still bent over holding his crotch.

Nancy Pelosi – I’m just fucking with you. I know you all aren’t queers. Old Buck McKeon? Buck “who likes to fuck” McKeon? Straight as an arrow. And Don Young? You must’ve been beating chicks off with a stick up there in the snow. I mean girls had to choose between fucking you or a polar bear, am I right? I’d choose you too, Donnie boy.

Nancy notices Kucinich is still in pain.

Nancy Pelosi – Come on, Dennis. I didn’t hit you that hard. I just flicked it.

Nancy helps Dennis back to an upright standing position.  

Nancy Pelosi – You may look like a little faggy tree elf, but we all know you’re a sex monster, right? What did you do this weekend? You dog that hot redhead wife of yours? You get some stank on that pecker? I bet you did, you weird little creep. I bet you get freaky with her. I know I would. I know I would. So give up the deets. Give up the details. You get some stank on that little flesh patch you call a dick?

Nancy Pelosi ball taps Kucinich again. He doubles over again. Nancy walks around behind and grabs hold of him on either side of his waist.

Nancy Pelosi – Yeah, I would grab that sexy fire crotch skinny bitch around her narrow waist and just boom boom boom…

Nancy proceeds to pound Dennis Kucinich from behind as Don and Buck look on revolted.

Nancy Pelosi – Uh huh, that’s some good pussy right there.

Nancy then gives Dennis a couple good hard spanks which make Dennis’ knees buckle for an instant. After a few more fake penetrations, Nancy pulls out her imaginary penis and pantomimes finishing herself off all over Kucinich’s back.

Don and Buck look horrified as if they did just watch Nancy Pelosi rape Dennis Kucinich from behind and did nothing to stop it from happening. Kucinich proceeds to tug at his jacket like it’s a security blanket. He looks to be in shock from the whole violation.

Nancy Pelosi – Whew, that was pretty hot. Whew, really hot. My nipples could cut glass right now. I have to admit, Dennis is such a weirdo that my clam is usually dryer than the Mojave Desert when he is around. But right now, I’m wetter than the Pacific Ocean.

Nancy Pelosi starts sniffing the air.

Nancy Pelosi – Can you smell it, boys?

Don and Buck are utterly disgusted.

Don Young – Ms. Pelosi, you are the most vulgar-

Nancy Pelosi – You can smell it. Don’t you lie to me, you son of a bitch. You know you can smell it. I know I can. Tell me what that smell is, Fucky Bucky.

Buck McKeon – Well, it’s your va-

Nancy Pelosi – It’s democracy.

Buck, Don and Dennis look thoroughly confused.

Nancy Pelosi – And it smells glorious. See you ass clowns later. I have to go do an interview with that twat Kouric. I’m going to go gloat on television, boys.

Nancy stomps off down the hall. After 15 powerful strides or so she stops and turns.

Nancy Pelosi – The smell of democracy and “this”.

Nancy forcefully grabs her crotch. She then smells her fingers and then gives Don, Dennis and Buck the finger and keeps on walking.

Nancy Pelosi – Fags!

– End Scene –

I am twisted and it is still raining outside. I love politics!

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64 Responses to “Some Mondays Are Just More Twisted Than Others”

  1. Why do I get the feeling I should say, “Get a room, willya?”

    I am sure that the Bolsheviks had much the same feeling of exhiliration before they faced reality. Socialism works nowhere, it will diminish our lives for ideals that are fantasy.

    If you get time, I might recommend reading “Animal Farm” by George Orwell. You might get the idea.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      That’s the one where the pig dies and there is a talking spider, right?

      Good recommendation.

      • No Kristen, I believe you are talking about “Charlotte’s Web” and the spider dies, but the pig lives, and there is a rat named “Templeton”.

        Actually, “Animal Farm” is a descriptive story about farm animals that overthrow the farmer and his wife. At first, all is well, the animals work together to make the farm work. But as time goes on, the “Pigs” decide they don’t want to work, and enlist the “dogs” as their henchmen. The work the animals to the bone with little care for their lives, until finally the animals run away to freedom.

        Orwell was at one time a Socialist, but as time went on saw it’s flaws. Basically, it is a transitional state to totalitarianism. When you hand over your rights to govt, you cannot expect their beneficience.

      • PWG said

        I will point out mildly that most nations, including the United States, operate under a mixture of capitalist and socialist constructs without veering off 100% into the bushes on one side or the other. You might call libraries, fire departments, or elementary schools socialist ideas. Until the government underwrites single-payer health insurance for all of its citizens and dissolves private health insurance companies altogether, I think a cry of socialism is premature. In the words of the great Inigo Montoya, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

      • tiffanized said

        Also, when I was in 7th grade, I won the district spelling bee with the word “beneficence”. This was shortly before I dropped out of school to become a whore and a scoundrel; I’ve been unemployed since then and can’t wait for my free health care to kick in so I can have some welfare babies.

    • I love books about animals. I hear The Poky Little Puppy is a good read, too.

      • Amy D said

        Long ago and far away, McDonald’s gave out books in their Happy Meals – and I got the Poky Little Puppy in one. Fantasic read.

    • PWG said

      Speaking of animals and health care, if Old Yeller’d had his rabies vaccination it would’ve saved me a lot of grief as a child.

      • Similarly, let us not forget Cujo and the bright future he had ahead of him…

      • PWG said

        At today’s Political Animal bookclub meeting, we’ll be discussing Bambi and the Nazis. Banned because the author was a Jew, or did they just hate deer?

      • Pol said

        What about the mogwai’s? It wasn’t their fault the silly humans turned them into gremlins?

      • Up next: Would today’s “Ugly Duckling” just preemptively spring for plastic surgery? And how long before the taxpayers are forced to cover those expenses with these “goddamn socialist policies”?

      • PWG said

        Watership Down: Why was it okay for Fiver and Hazel to secede from their original warren and create a new colony, but the American South’s attempt to do the same resulted in the War of Northern Aggression? Discuss.

    • tiffanized said

      I hope DPR comes back to give us the rest of their 9th grade reading list. By the way, Animal Farm? Written by a socialist.

      • Tiffany, actually George Orwell also wrote “1984” which is covered in most high school and college literature and philosophy courses. You haven’t heard of him?

        When did you drop out of grade school?

      • tiffanized said

        I dropped out of junior high school thank you very much. I skipped 1984 since it was out of date by the time I learned to read; does he have an updated version, something in the 21st century maybe? 2003, subtitled, “Mission Accomplished”?

    • PWG said

      To the good Pirate: I am conflicted. On the one hand I assume you are a fan of The Princess Bride. This speaks to your good taste and intelligence. On the other hand, your handle links to your web page, which contains a Hitler Obamacare video, flags w/ superimposed eagles, Rush Limbaugh, and a picture of Ronald Reagan snapping off a salute. The collective content leads me to believe you and I could either have a spirited debate over a beer, or you’d end up punching me in face Snooki-style. I think the tie-breaker will have to be your reasons for reading this blog. I’ll post mine if you’ll post yours.

      • tiffanized said

        FacePunch!

        Sorry, Twilight Tourette’s.

      • I have videos on my page, it’s true. And all come from Youtube. You can find them all there. On the Hitler videos, you never heard of them? They are hilarious, and deal with just about any issue, many non-political.

        I am very happy to talk to Liberals, especially those who do not take themselves too seriously. We could speak for quite some time about the fate of “Fezzig” Andre the Giant;)

      • cledbo said

        Inconceivable!

        We have reasons for reading this blog now? I don’t even have reasons for getting out of bed in the morning.

      • PWG said

        Oh no, no, Cledbo, we don’t need reasons for reading this blog. There just seems to be a disconnect between Jolly Roger’s tone and the rest of the cast. I was looking for some guidance from the DRP as to which response to prepare. I have two available, since I’m American and we only see one side or the other on issues, with no nuance or grey areas: #1 Well, Sir, let’s just agree to disagree on the “harbinger of doom” aspects of some very mild healthcare reform, and bask in Kristen’s Want in the meantime. On behalf of the Baker Street Irregulars, I welcome you here but you might want to tone it down a bit. This is a friendly place. Bitches loving bitches, as it were. Or alternatively, #2 Get off Tiffanized’s back you hyperbolic cretin, we love her and her razor-sharp brain and sense of humor and we don’t know you from a pile of horseshit. Respectfully yours, Private Captain Walter Catbeard Tolstoy Gibson.

        I’m leaning one way, but could be swayed by a strong understanding of the Want and its place in our universe. If he likes Carl Sagan AND Megan Fox, I’m fucked.

      • PWG said

        Oh sorry, forgot one thing, Mr. Roberts: in the interests of full disclosure, the only reason I came here* is because Robert Pattinson is so insanely sexy that after I saw that stupid movie I started trolling the Internet for pictures of him and that led me to a Twilight blog and that led me here. That’s why I came here*, I stayed here for the contents of Jordan’s mind and the lovely Common Taters.

        Try not to let that proof of my stunning intellectual depth cloud your decision as to whether or not we’re going to throw down, you and I.

      • PWG for President! Just promise me you won’t go ruining America with your crazy liberal ideas…

        To the Pirate: I can’t help but think that you were waiting for this. First to comment? And within minutes of the post going up? You knew this was coming today. Which means you’ve been lurking long enough to know that Jordan & Co. might lean a little to the left. Which also means that you should be well aware that the people around here are some of the sharpest, most intelligent, free-thinking people around that I’ve ever had the pleasure of “knowing”. It’s unfortunate that you can’t hold your own in the witticisms department and resort to petty insults, because we don’t like to take ourselves too seriously. I’d like to request that you please take your tea bags elsewhere if you can’t play nicely. I know, not my blog – but these are my friends.

    • Pol said

      *Rosebud*

  2. PWG said

    Politics are like a second job at the PWG homestead. I am forced at gunpoint to watch several hours a night of talking head policy wonks and then Sunday we get Meet the Press, This Week and Fareed Zakaria GPS. I actually read the text of the House bill, the Senate bill, and the goddamned reconciliation bill this weekend.

    Pelosi made Harry Reid look like an ineffective little bitch, I’ll give her that for sure. I wasn’t sure how to feel about Kucinich. He’s usually not much of a compromiser, so either he’s mostly happy with the current bill despite the watered-down Senate crap that ended up in it or Pelosi really is the Godzilla of House Speakers.

    It ain’t the greatest plan, no public option and the rescission limitations change exactly nothing about the current system, but it’s definitely going down in history as a game-changer. Once you extend coverage for 30 million or so people you’re never going to be able to go back. Unlike Medicare Part D, which included no plan to pay for the increased coverage, I think this has a real shot at deficit neutrality.

    p.s., Kucinich’s wife really is hot and that UFO stuff he was ridiculed for actually wasn’t as crazy as they made it sound. Okay, no more politics geekiness out of me today in the comments.

  3. God, I fucking love the way your brain works. Except for the part where it tells you to the like the Black Eyed Peas… that I could do without. But the rest of this is genius. Totally insane genius.

    That Kucinich couple is the weirdest damn thing I think I’ve ever seen.

  4. Pol said

    Black Eyed Peas? Really? Well, ok… some of their stuff is catchy I’ll grant you but really, a lot of it is awful.
    I love Outkast’s ‘Hey Ya’ a lot more than any BEP’S songs even more than ‘Humps’.
    It’s human rights day here in SA, happy human rights day to all of you! Eish, but we’ve we’ve still got a long way to go.
    XXX
    POL

  5. Susanelle said

    Actually, there are dozens of lists of sexy geriatric women:

    top 10 sexy women over 60: http://english.pravda.ru/photo/report/show-1089

    (although this one is wrong about Lauren Hutton’s age (she is not 80), so use with caution)

    50 sexiest women over 50: http://www.zimbio.com/The+50+Sexiest+Women+Over+50/notes/1/The+50+Sexiest+Women+Over+50

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      Also click that top 10 sexy women over 60 with caution because it opened an uncountable amount of pop up windows when I tried to close it.

      The second link was great.

      When I do come out with a women over 60 list, you can partially blame yourself because I’m almost half way to 50 without really trying.

      • Susanelle said

        Do you mean you’re halfway to 50 because you’re 26 or do you mean you’ve started a list of sexy women over 50 that you keep in your wallet and take out and kiss when you’re alone?

        Also, **I** got no pop-ups. Use some blocker, man, or Firefox or whatever.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        I’m at work, remember!?! My company is one of the dinosaurs who still use IE6 aka The Internet’s Living Abortion.

        I am at #23 of a list of women over 60 that men should have sex with. “Over 50”? HAHAHAH that is easy. I’m here to be creative not for lay-ups.

        And I kiss the list in public and when I’m alone.

      • susanelle said

        Oh you are so sassy! SASSSSSAY!

        Women over 60 love that.

  6. Pol said

    I finally saw Adventureland…well it was fun and all (K-Stew was lovely but the role was still pretty emo) but I can’t figure out why it got an 88% rating on rotten tomatoes… I liked The Hangover much more, in fact I loved The Hangover…it cracks me up just thinking about it.

  7. kt said

    While I laughed the whole time reading I am actually really disturbed by your Nancy Pelosi. And I had no idea thats what Kucinich was married too, and I pretty sure thats the weirdest couple I’ve ever seen. I love how half of my friends facebook statuses are “fucking socialism” and “great now i have to pay for your abortion” and the other half is “most americans wouldn’t know socialism if it hit them in the face” etc. It is almost as entertaining as when a girl i know from high school wrote a huge long note about Obama when he won and then tagged every single republican she knew in it.

  8. PWG said

    I’m surprised you had time to follow the healthcare bill this weekend, Jordan. What with the waiting in line to get a New Moon DVD, and then the repeated viewings. Did you go with the Edward Fast Forward, or the Jacob one?

  9. kt said

    Oh yeah, didn’t Rush Limbaugh say he was leaving the country if it passed? Where can I pitch in to buy his ticket?

  10. tiffanized said

    I don’t give a flying fuck about the health care reform bill anymore. I got so tired of trying to prove to people that the fearmongering campaigns carried out by the Republicans and FOX News were comically inaccurate that I removed myself from all debate. The upside is that now I can devote myself fully to mocking the Tea Party.

  11. For some reason I never got the comment subscription emails, so I’ve had to come back and check the comments periodically on my own. What a hassle, sheesh. But it has afforded me multiple viewings of the “Politics just got a whole lot sexier” picture, which makes me lose it every single time, so I can’t really complain. Well done on that one, sir.

  12. PWG said

    I can’t believe I’m making political comments when we had Rahm Emanuel ass-slapping members of Congress and Nancy Pelosi cockpunching Dennis Kucinich to work with. Jordan, I mean Kristen, I feel like I’ve let you down. I resolve to make no further rational comments about socialism or healthcare, and instead to concentrate on hot old women you should bang. Not like I didn’t bring Rue McClanahan to the table last time this came up, or anything.

    How’s this: Wow, Nancy Pelosi, I didn’t know you had it in you*

  13. AmyAlmost said

    Wowsas. Healthcare bill – I’m happy for you but it still feels like you’re behind. It should be there.

    Black Eyed Peas. I like them. I actually saw them live at the Big Day Out with Jurrassic 5 before they were all pop in your face, they dance a lot. Recently australians got all up in arms because BEP said they were influenced by Empire of the Sun – so everyone is saying their album sounds exactly the same. I don’t agree and I think it’s more just Australians hating for the sake of hating. One thing we collectively love to do other than drink is hate.

    Speaking of hate. Saw the best french movie last night. Micmacs. Anyone else seen it?

  14. cledbo said

    Tiff, you’re a god. I want your babies as well as Zees now. We can be one huge polygamous extended twisted dysfunctional family together.

    And you can all come live in ‘socialist’ Australia, where everyone already gets free health coverage, until all the Republicans have shipped out like they promised.
    Last time I checked, we were doing great down here.

    Nancy Pelosi scares me. But she also reminds me of our resident political ball-buster, Deputy Prime Minister Julia Gillard. She might not have a D rack, but she is a ginger ninja.

    Body outta sight, body body outta sight!

    • AmyAlmost said

      For some reason I always think ‘Julie Goolia’ when I see Gillard on the teev.

      My American inlaws always ask me how socialist Australia is doing. I tell them we’re fine making nice with China while they’re still bailing banks out and arguing over health care.

    • tiffanized said

      We can have babies long as we don’t get married. I can’t qualify for that government cheese if I have a spouse.

      Also, I’m not leaving because I love the U.S. more than I hate the political process. If someone’s patriotism is so dimmed by the prospect of health care reform that they can’t stand to live here anymore, I will personally deliver to them a going-away fruit arrangement. By the way, good luck finding a developed country that doesn’t have universal health care.

  15. Amy D said

    Completely off the tater topic – but I thought about you (Kristen) this weekend! Saw Repo Men and it opened with the story of Schrodinger’s Cat – who knew Hollywood was reading this blog and stealing the insane brilliance that spews forth from your mind….

  16. Freya said

    I haven’t been commenting on this on the social networking for fear of being drawn and quartered, but I think I’m safe here…at least I hope…though the pirate might come after me.

    If you think you’ haven’t been paying for insurance for the uninsured for years, you are sadly mistaken. The uninsured walk into emergency rooms–which cannot turn patients away for lack of insurance–for all their healthcare needs, emergent or not. This, in turn, increases wait time in emergency rooms and creates staffing issues. The money for these visits gets distributed all around; you the insured have been paying in increased insurance premiums, the cost of supplies, denied coverage, the cost of insurance fraud (another popular tactic–“borrow” my family member’s insurance), etc., etc., etc. At least now we’re looking at the financing up front, rather than padding the bills of those who are paying for their insurance.

    How do I know this? I used to work in healthcare quality. I’ve seen the numbers.

    This was a super-serious comment for me, so I think I may need to go allow Nancy Pelosi to dry-hump me for a while in penance.

    • tiffanized said

      I don’t think Nancy would dry hump you as much as motorboat your dirty pillows.

      Also, I love you. While the liberals are out of control, we should use the momentum to legalize gay marriage and polygamy so we can have a group union amongst our common taters. Dread Pirate Roberts can join, if for no other reason than we need a designated teabagger.

      • cledbo said

        All this talk of tea parties, tea bags, teabagging… I need to go have a tea break. Pass the scones and jam, please.

      • Freya said

        Just when I think I couldn’t love you more after the “government cheese” comment, you reference my dirty pillows, and our romance is new again.

        And I will not be teabagging DPR, no matter how much he begs. Jordan is negotiable.

  17. cledbo said

    KSWI – brought to you today by the random states-the-obvious crazy ring-in commenter.
    And all your regular resident snarkadelic fakelesbian bitches. We now return you to your regular programming.

    • I was just thinking how great it was that an attack on the home front by some can’t-understand-sarcasm anonymous windbag has served to re-ignite our fakelesbian spark… We’re back to proposing marriage and prepping for commune life all over again like the good ol’ days. If he disrespects Jordan too much, we may even see a revival of O:F&B.

  18. amanda said

    not a fan of the bep
    maybe pre elephunk.
    as for the new health care thing. i am not a fan of politics. i think i mentioned i once used to be very much interested in politics, but now i refuse to have anything to do with them. plus im only 15, so everyone my age is like ‘who gives a shit’. but i really was interested for a while and then i realized that everyone is dumb (particularly conservatives… no offense to anyone). and no one can fix our country.

  19. MLF said

    Oh my god. I am so sad I missed this yesterday! Firstly- the post was all kinds of epic awesome as usual, but secondly and more importantly (sorry Jordan) the comments have left me once again declaring my love for all of the common taters and reigniting my fervent burning desire to find, siscor and marry you all.

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