This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #23

April 23, 2010

I am so fucking tired. I haven’t slept well all week. And this will be a fairly tiring weekend as well. Hopefully I can get some sleep Saturday morning. Saturday night will be drunkenness and then Sunday I have to get up early and do things. Hmmm… in support of Saturday night, I’ll just post the below video that I may or may not had a hand in making and let you all figure it out:

It should be a great time. Music, booze… music and booze. That will happen.

Also, the first round of the NFL Draft happened last night. I liked most of the picks. I think the Detroit Lions really had a hell of a first round as well as the Denver Broncos. I like the Steelers’ first pick of University of Florida’s center. The Steelers need a new offensive line and have for a couple years. I’m looking for the Steelers to get a wide receiver, more offensive linemen, some linebackers/lineman to raise and replace a couple of the old dogs we have now, and a moral compass for our quarterback. And I’m glad no one picked Jimmy Clausen yet and hopefully EVER.

Which famous people have you met? And they don’t have to be heaps famous, just people you admire/want to touch.

Are we defining “met” as celebrities I’ve interacted with or celebrities I’ve just seen with my own two eyes a few feet from me? Personally, a few of the celebrities that stick out that I actually interacted with for a minute or two would be Kevin Smith, Henry Rollins, President of the UFC Dana White and Fedor Emelianenko. More often than not recently, the celebrities I’ve met/seen are fighters (Clay Guida, Pat Barry, Forrest Griffin, Rory Singer, Thiago Silva, Jeff Curran, Don Frye, Urijah Faber – who is fighting this Saturday night for WEC, and I met their President too Reed Harris). I didn’t get to interact with Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sly Stallone, but both of them were a couple feet from me. Snooki is one of the bigger pop-culture celebrities I met recently. Kurt Angle and Lou Ferigno were at the Arnold Festival as well and I talked to them.

When I worked at Sony in LA for a bit there were celebrities walking around because they were shooting films there: Jon Favreau, Adam Sandler, James Cromwell were a few. Tara Reid came by the office once – she was wearing heels and was a lot taller than I was expecting because of said heels, which kind of freaked me out. I talked to Zach Braff at a bar once in LA – he thought he knew me, which was funny. Ummm… I guess I’ve met/seen a bunch of celebrities and athletes. There are plenty of others, but I don’t know any celebrities I think as far as friends go.

What would you do if you woke up and tom cruise was staring at you holding a banana? not eating the banana. not doing anything sexual or inappropriate with it. just holding a banana.


Is he in the bed with me? I would immediately scream in fear or I mean roar like a lion… in fear. After I calmed down and realized that Tom Cruise was just hanging out with a banana in his hand, I would talk to him about his movie career. I would probably lead off with how much I like Mission Impossible III and how underrated I believe it is. I would follow that up with how great he is in Tropic Thunder and how much I’m looking forward to the proposed movie The Hardy Men with him and Ben Stiller. From there the two of us can talk movie to movie throughout his career because at least 80% of them rock. I would most want to talk movies with Tom. Movies he has made, movies in general that we both respect/love and, then of course, how can I work with Tom in some movie or TV show or anything. I really don’t care about him and Scientology at all. As hot as Nicole Kidman, Katie Holmes and Mimi Rogers are – I really could careless what they’re really like. I think the lion’s share of our conversation would be about Eyes Wide Shut and director Stanley Kubrick. I would like to talk forever about that.

I have seen Tom Cruise in person, but not holding a banana. I went to the premiere of War of the Worlds when I was out in LA. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were a foot from me. People were so happy to see Tom Cruise they were crying – like balling crying. These people were so happy to see Tom Cruise that if Jesus had come back at that premiere he would have gotten second billing. These people were at the height of elation to the point they could not contain tears, squealing, yelling, shaking et cetera. They were literally going insane because Tom Cruise was shaking their hand or signing an autograph for them. He was great with the fans. He was shaking everyone’s hands and signing autographs and even taking people’s cellphones and talking to whoever was on the other end for a minute. And if you’re wondering – yes he is incredibly short, much shorter than Ms. Holmes.


Favourite beer?

Tough question… I really don’t like assigning favorites and I’m not sure if I even have a favorite. It really would depend on the mood I’m in or the weather or if I’m eating something and what that something is. I am a big fan of Guinness, New Castle, Red Seal Ale, Ommegang’s Rare Vos, Amstel Light, PBR, Budweiser – a lot of stuff. Right now in Dawgz and my refrigerator we have some Leffe, Heineken light, and Dos Equis. I am a big fan of buying random 6 packs of beer that I’ve never heard of. So sometimes we end up with an assortment of beer in our fridge that ranges from Singapore to Italy to Mexico. As long as you stay away from beers with the word “ice” in them then you’re usually good to go.

Remember, even the worst beer will get you drunk.


What’s your Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon connection?

My cousin is Jay Siegel from the band The Tokens – their song “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is in Ace Venture Pet Detective with Jim Carrey – Jim Carrey is in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events with Meryl Streep – Meryl and Kevin Bacon were in The River Wild together.

Alternate version…

The actor/comedian Godfrey (not Gilbert Gottfried) and I hugged once on Sunset Boulevard – Godfrey was in The Cookout with Queen Latifah – Queen Latifah was in Beauty Shop with Kevin Bacon.


I think Kevin would like the second one because the two of us are connected through black people and Kevin has admitted to wishing he was black for a lot of his life growing up and I understand that all too well. Also, if getting hugged by Godfrey counts as a step to knowing Kevin Bacon then there are a lot of different ways to go there – he was in Zoolander!

Story behind us hugging – I was standing in line outside of The Laugh Factory comedy club in LA with a friend. Stand-up comics always hang outside of comedy clubs on Sunset either to get recognized or hang out with other comics or whatever. Godfrey was next to us talking to his friend. He was trying to explain to his friend why Man on Fire with Denzel Washington was badass. By the way, Man on Fire IS FUCKING THE BEST! Anyway, I could hear them talking and Godfrey was getting a little frustrated trying to convince his uninspired friend. I threw in a couple of lines of encouragement helping with Godfrey’s argument that Man on Fire ruled. Then we all started talking about what a great actor Denzel Washington was in general. Godfrey thanked me for helping him show his friend the light about the greatness of Man on Fire and we did one of those bro-hug thingies. That works, right? Physical contact – we shared a moment. A moment about Denzel Washington. Can anyone get any closer than that?

Why do you think Lady Gaga is refusing to do “Let’s Go” by The Cars?

Who says she is “refusing” to play it? Lollapalooza is in August. It is currently April. Unless, are you a time traveler? Does she not play it in August!?! NO!!!!! If you meant, why doesn’t she respond to me? That’s a good question. Maybe she is intimidated by my very vast voracious verbose vocabulary vilifying viciously venomous velvet vowel vectors. VICTORY!

Also, it would help if you all joined in and pestered the NYC Princess of Pop.


Why didn’t they finish it? Why was it axed? This new show – will I still have it bad for Timothy Olyphant when watching it? [concerning Deadwood and Justified]

Um, sometimes people do stupid things? I really cannot explain with common sense why they axed Deadwood. I loved Deadwood. I think HBO said it was too expensive, which is a great bullshit rationale that TV stations use to cancel shows. Of course, they usually turn around and make some other show that is much worse and costs just as much if not more. Will you still have it bad for Olyphant on Justified? Yeah. Yeah, you will. For one, he has his shirt off more on this show.

What are your preferences for your final accommodations?

That there is an afterlife. I really don’t care about the funeral that much. I’m an organ donor – whatever that means. I’m not pro burial or pro cremation. I’m pro-afterlife. I enjoy being alive and an afterlife is more being alive just in a different setting. I hope the afterlife is how I envision it – New York City on the island of Bora Bora, my pets, the Dahm Triplets, condomless sex, and power metal.


I hope everyone has a great weekend and I’ll see you next week. BECAUSE I’M STILL FUCKING WORKING NEXT WEEK! Have a great weekend.


13 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #23”

  1. PWG said

    Oh you bastard web site. I typed three long paragraphs with links and everything, and it ate it when I hit Submit.

  2. PWG said

    I’m not typing that shit again, here are the highlights: Godfrey looks great in that picture, and I love these kids and Matt Parker and Trey Stone.

    Imagine all of that surrounded by insightful commentary.

  3. Pol said

    I wonder what the thetan reading is of that banana…probably the same as Tom cruise…’snigger!!!’

  4. MLF said

    I am once again astounded by your paint skills. although perhaps I shouldn’t be after all this time.

    Tom Cruise is a d bag and I cannot get behind him no matter how much I love Katie and Top Gun. Although he did have a hand in creating Suri which in my opinion is the cutest celebrity baby ever spawned. Also- Dawson’s Creek = amazing. I’m pretty sure it’s my second favorite show of all time, after Buffy.

    I like bananas. I hate the song by gwen stefani where she spells them, although I will admit to singing it in my head when I spell said fruit.

    • Pol said

      this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
      I love Gwen, I’m gonna put on all my Hello Kitty stuff and start dancing now, lol!

  5. You like Bud Heavy? Sick.

    • MLF said

      agreed. I can’t drink any regular beers, fun fact. I don’t really care for beer at all but if I drink beer it definitely has to be light- everytime I taste regular it makes me gag. I think the only exception is Corona with like an entire lime in the bottle.

  6. PWG said

    I’m sad that my long hair will never be as fabulous as Sebastian Bach’s.

  7. amanda said

    intriguing. fascinating. i, too, would scream in fear if he was in bed with me. however if he was just staring at me and then i realized it wasnt just any crazy guy, it was tom cruise, i would talk to him about his career. then i would make fun of him for being a scientologist.

  8. susanelle said

    Who says she is “refusing” to play it? Lollapalooza is in August. It is currently April. Unless, are you a time traveler? Does she not play it in August!?!

    Oh, oh, oh, I see… You want her to play it only at Lollapalooza. Because I think she is performing elsewhere once or twice before August… so if she performs it before August does that fuck up your stunt?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: