Tomorrow Will Be My Final Goodbye

April 29, 2010

I have always considered myself a temporary person. I never expected to settle into a day to day routine. I don’t know how I expected to accomplish a whole life of not seeing the same people: their names and faces. I don’t know if it is possible to live a whole life without the routine of people and becoming close to them. But I never saw myself as someone that people would get attached to and I attached to them.

Call it low self esteem, call it self pity, call it what you will – but I have never found myself to be memorable to other people. I feel like I have been easily replaced or disregarded by people. I think I am worthy of being remembered, but I just haven’t seen it outside of a few occasions that people do remember me. And it surprises me everyday, but I have found people who remember me. And I think tomorrow’s goodbye will be an emotional one.

It sounds weird, but I hope that it pains for a time on both sides of the goodbye. I know it will pain me. It will pain me more than I would like to admit. I have an excellent memory and I remember people. And I remember the small moments and details. Even if I think the people won’t remember me, I cannot shake remembering them. So, I know it will be hard for me to say goodbye. I hope it is for them as well.

These people have become apart of my daily life. Every weekday I wake-up and I think of them. Every weekday I wake-up and I think, “What am I going to say to them today?” I wonder about what I’m going to say, which has a lot to do with how I feel. If they thought about it, these people know me. They know how I’m feeling by what I say each morning and in that way they have been closer to me these past months than most people will every be. That is why this will be so difficult.

I don’t want to sound overly dramatic, but it is a big deal. Imagine knowing that this person or people will be apart of every morning of yours 5 days a week and suddenly it won’t happen anymore. It is tough. I’m going to say “forever”, but there is always a chance we could be apart of a morning or maybe an afternoon together again. But most likely not, so I will use “forever”.

Tomorrow morning, I will be saying goodbye forever to…

The staff of the Dunkin’ Donuts in Kenilworth, New Jersey.

AAAAAHHHHHHH… Oh God! How will I go on!?! How will my life hold any meaning with them not serving me coffee each weekday morning!?! I feel like I’m being torn apart by a circus of razorblade carrying raccoons! It hurts so much. Why does it hurt so much? How could I have become so attached to their smiling donut selling faces? AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I’m sure in some crazy way, you all think that this post is a metaphor about you and this website. Sadly, you motherfuckers I’m planning on seeing next week. But these Dunkin’ Donuts people I won’t. I’m not driving a half hour to get coffee and a donut. So with that – I present you with this song:

Yes, it pains me dearly. Tomorrow is my last day of work. I will not go as far as to actually name the company that I work for. I’ll give you a hint though. Find a map of Kenilworth, NJ. Now find all the $50 billion companies in Kenilworth, NJ. And from there, you will have to decide for yourself which one I work for. I know there are soooo many $50 billion companies in Kenilworth, NJ.

It all started when I moved to Jersey City from Hoboken. In essence, I moved like 2.5 miles or so, but it actually made a huge difference in my commute. I used to live on 12th & Willow in Hoboken. For people who do not know Hoboken, it is a very densely packed area of apartments and bars with tons of pedestrians and traffic. It took me awhile every morning to drive the 14 or so blocks south to get to the major roads to take to work. When I moved to Jersey City, I didn’t have to go so far to get to the major roads and it essentially took me at least 10 minutes less to get to work everyday.

I was comfortable with my morning wake-up time and 10 minutes isn’t dramatically more time to sleep, so I didn’t change my alarm time when I moved to Jersey City. This meant every morning I had an extra 10 minutes. The first couple mornings, I just showed up to work really early. The next couple after that, I tried eating breakfast at my apartment, but I felt rushed. I didn’t have a half hour. I only had 10 minutes, so I was shoveling cereal into my mouth at light speed. Then one morning I had an epiphany!

Fucking Dunkin’ fucking Do-motherfucking-nuts! I had been to that particular Dunkin’ Donuts a few times. Usually when there is a birthday, I go to the Dunkin’ Donuts and buy the “Box of Joe” and the variety box of a dozen donuts. Sometimes I would do this when it wasn’t anyone’s birthday. I’m a good guy like that. Also, it is fairly cheap for a ton of stuff – 12 donuts and more than 12 cups of coffee for about $17 I think. So I knew of the place and one morning I decided to go there for selfish reasons: I went to buy breakfast just for myself.

That was in June. It is now April and I’ve been going there ever since. Every morning for months, I go there and get my breakfast and take it to work and eat it at my desk. They started to remember me and recognize it when I would enter each morning. “Hello’s” became “How are you doing” and even escalated to at points “the usual?”. I have about three different orders at Dunkin’ Donuts and they know them:

– bacon, egg and cheese wrap

– bacon, egg and cheese on an everything bagel

– multigrain bagel with cream cheese

All of these are outfitted with a large coffee. As mentioned in a previous post, recently I have switched up on certain days to an iced coffee.

Most days I walk in and I get a hello and a how are you and even sometimes I’m called “boss”. Most days are good days. I walk in and before I even get the words passed my lips they say “large coffee – cream and sugar, right?” And I nod with a wink and a smile. Sometimes maybe a tip of an imaginary fedora I’m wearing, just to class the place up a bit. Maybe I’ll flip them a Kennedy half-dollar and say “if you make it snappy then there’ll be another one of those bad boys heading your way in the future.” Maybe that happens. Maybe it doesn’t. But most days are good days.

I won’t lie to you and say there are no bad days. There have been some bad days. I remember one morning I walked in and one of them, I won’t name names, took it upon themselves to make me a large coffee, but not a large ICED coffee. I wanted an iced coffee. When I reached the cash register, they presented me with the large hot coffee all pleased with themselves.

“Here is your coffee – large, cream and sugar. What would you like for break-

“What is this?” I retorted.

“Your coffee. Just the way you like it.”

“Not today it isn’t. Today I wanted an iced coffee. So, what is this shit?” That is when I back handed the cup spraying hot coffee like shotgun pellets all over them.


“You’re damn right it burns! An iced coffee wouldn’t burn! AN ICED COFFEE WOULDN’T BURN! If you were smart enough to wait for me to order a nicely chilled cup of coffee then your skin would be melting off your face. I guess you learned your lesson, right?”


“Now you’re making sense. I would like a bacon, egg and cheese on an everything bagel toasted. Could I get egg whites? And whenever you have the chance to make me an iced coffee that would be great.”

We have been through a lot together. We have been through the dog days of summer. We have been through feet of snow, ice storms, and torrential rain. We’ve had those few weeks when the left entrance door was broken and only the right door was available for use. Those were some trying times. And we’ve shared laughter and we’ve shared sorrow together and most importantly we’ve shared free donuts together (if you buy a large coffee you get a free donut).

I’m not the only one who goes there every morning at about the same time. I see a lot of the same faces from customers as well. There is the young lady with the long hair and glasses who drives I think an Acura SUV. She is cute and aggressively slender for a woman who eats Dunkin’ Donuts every morning. She is dressed up all corporate like, so she could work for the same company I do for all I know.

There is the bald old man who reads the newspaper. He orders his breakfast and eats it there. The armored car drivers from the near by bank who usually double/triple park their big ass van. There are the construction workers ordering a million different orders for all the million different guys at whatever construction site they work at. There is the middle aged woman who looks like she recently escaped from a mental institution every morning.

Some mornings there is a fellow in a suit and we usually exchange head nods like “Yo bro, we’re in suits.” Some mornings there are cute college coeds there. Some mornings there are hot young milfs who are a few years older than me with 3 or 4 year old kids that they are en route to drop off at school. I look at their hotness and then I get creeped out for a second or two because the kid is standing there looking back at me and then I remember I only have like 10 seconds before she leaves forever, so I go back to gawking at the young milf. Some mornings there are no attractive people there for miles and I wonder what happened – is there a slow leaking gas that has been set off by Cold War Russian communists in New Jersey that only kills good looking people and now me and the rest of the degenerates have to fend for ourselves in some odd post-apocalyptic society of unattractive people where we need to force ourselves to mate in hopes for a much better looking future generation.

In the end, what I’ll remember the most is that I enjoyed my morning routine seeing them and getting coffee from them.

Questions for Friday. Also, if you would like to guest post next week or in the coming weeks please email me. Don’t play coy and make me have to send you an email begging for you to guest post. Because I think we all know I’m stubborn and probably won’t make that first move.


47 Responses to “Tomorrow Will Be My Final Goodbye”

  1. Sadly, you motherfuckers I’m planning on seeing next week.

    I’m so overcome with emotion and warm fuzzies, that I think I need a minute. I’ll be back once I’ve composed myself.

  2. Lala said

    You can’t start your posts with “Tomorrow Will Be My Final Goodbye.” At first I thought you were kidding, but then, for the first five paragraphs, it seemed you were serious and saying goodbye to us!
    Good thing you are planning on seeing us next week.

  3. MLF said

    I wish I loved anything the way you love that Dunkin Donuts crew

  4. Cristalena said

    I don’t even cry, and you were about to make tears come outta my face!

  5. PWG said

    I felt like you were kissing my forehead in the forest for the first few paragraphs, you chalky white bastard.

    Remember that? You watched that one with the sound on, so I’m sure you do.

    Actually I remember the first time you tried to psyche us out with that bullshit, so instead I immediately assumed you were talking about your co-morkers.

    • I assumed co-morkers at first, too. Except I started questioning that assumption when he said something about talking to them. I don’t think Kay Swidge has ever actually told us about a conversation he’s had with a co-morker. So I switched from co-morker to maybe a toll collector or something.

      I was more shocked by the “twist” that he gets his breakfast sandwiches at a Dunkin Donuts. You live in New Jersey, man. Eating DD bagels here is a crime.

      • MLF said

        WHATTTT?! DD bagels are….bad? In FL they are considered a delicacy… depending on what part of FL you are in. South Florida has some really good Jewish bakeries but in general DD is as gourmet as your breakfast options get. Also they have blueberry muffins and everyone knows that blueberry anything is good.

      • I’m a bagel snob. To me, DD bagels are terrible. And the one time I did get a breakfast sandwich there, the egg was still half frozen in the middle. I’d much rather go to one of the billion bagel shops in the area and watch them fry up my ham, egg & cheese on an everything bagel from scratch. I’m drooling just thinking about it.

        If you ever make it up to New Jersey, we will go out and get drunk. I will try my best not to hit on you, but no promises. Then the next morning, if you’re still talking to me and neither of us has died, we will go to one of the local bagel places for greasy egg sandwiches and you will understand.

    • tiffanized said

      I felt like you were kissing my forehead in the forest for the first few paragraphs, you chalky white bastard.

      I snot-snorted when I read this.

  6. PWG said

    When I get fired for insubordination, the people at Thai Basil will be glad to see the back of me. There aren’t a lot of great vegetarian restaurants around my office, so they get to make me tofu in various dressy sauces a few times a week.

    Nothing good can come of tofu, obviously. The cooks in Colorado don’t know what to do with it unless you’re in Boulder. Sometimes they make it crunchy, sometimes soggy, sometimes they bury it in red pepper flakes. I appreciate the effort guys, but I’m not walking into this shit with high expectations.

    • MLF said

      my one of my roomates is a vegetarian and he cooks weird shit all the time. Like Tempeh with hot sauce made in a frying pan. I’m not even gonna talk about how it tasted, but I will say that we had to open every window in our five bedroom two story house so that the rest of us were able to breath again. It felt like I got pepper sprayed in the face.

    • AmyAlmost said

      Every city/town needs Thai, Vietnamese, Loatian, Cambodian, Tibetan, Indian & Sri Lankan immigrants who bring authentic (and vegetarian) food to us. And not a Chinese person that makes Thai/Japanese with a “Chinese” flavour to it.

      • cledbo said

        Chinese people running Japanese restaurants is a crime. Hate crime! Koreans do it slightly better, but the premises usually smell overpoweringly like kim-chi, which isn’t the best thing to go with delicate sashimi and miso soup and such.

      • PWG said

        I always look in the kitchen, if I can see it, when I go out to eat. I can’t recall a single restaurant I’ve been to here that didn’t have Hispanic men doing the cooking. Thai food, Indian food, hibachi joints, sushi, whatever. In California you could get any kind of food, cooked by people native to that country, pretty much 24/7. The best we can do in Colorado is microbrewed beer and tons of good breakfast restaurants. And bison. Apparently Colorado is the number one consumer of buffalo or something. Moo?

  7. PWG said

    Thanks to Google’s creepy policy of reading my e-mails and trying to sell me stuff based on them, I got a Dunkin’ Donut coupon banner today. That’s by far the tamest product their bots have tried to peddle to me, so thanks.

  8. Forgetful Lucy said

    You’re such a bastard. And I love you. I haven’t finished reading yet. I just thought you needed to know my first reaction after my initial reaction.

    Yeah, yeah, I’m alive. I know you were concerned. I’ve been lurking though.

  9. campbelld said

    Psssshhhh, didn’t fool me for a second. You wanna know why? Well, I’ll tell you. Becuase I used to write that exact same emo bullshit. I was a filthy little emo kid. Now, I’ve got all the same problems, I just give less of a fuck.
    Did you go through a big old teenage angst phase? Where you sat in your room and wrote awful poetry?
    I love dunkin donuts coffee.

  10. susanelle said

    Ah ha ha ha ha — you totally sucked me in! I fell for that shit!

    This blog has lowered my IQ, I swear it.

    Can you take your flip cam into Dunkin’ Donuts tomorrow and make us a film of your last and final ultimate good-bye with DD?

  11. PWG said

    Oh God, they’ve made a Secretariat movie. The trailer doesn’t bode well; Diane Lane is speaking in a creepy whisper for some reason and it looks like they tarted up the story a bit to make it read like Seabiscuit. But if they haven’t gone too crazy with it I’m going to be a total mess by the end of that movie. My husband and I both got all misty-eyed by the end of the ESPN Sports Century bio on him, and I actually cry when I watch the Belmont Stakes race he won. Seriously, I don’t know why I love that horse so much. Talk me down.

  12. raven said

    I’ve been weaning myself off of your site for the past week to prepare myself for your departure. You talked of guest posts and such, but I knew. I knew it was just a ruse so you could let us all down easy. I read the title of today’s post and almost started crying. Will it really be like you never exsisted, Jordan?

    You got me. I was fooled. I feel stupid now. You may not think you are memorable, but you are. Far more than you realize. I’m too relieved to think of a question this week. See you next week, you emo bastard. I love you.

  13. Kimberly said

    My first and probably last post (though not my last read): Why on earth would I have been so sad that you were waving goodbye to me, your devout secret reader/follower? I was.

    May the Ghost of D.D. (both kinds) haunt you tonight. And may Kristin’s ex-mullet terrorize you each time you write about her. You want it, we know.

  14. MLF said

    Here’s my question: who the eff designed graduation cap and gowns? Who thought, hey you know what we should make people wear to graduations? These terribly ugly caps and gowns! with little tassles on top! Yes! that would be so awesome!!


    I do not understand. The cap is so little, yet the gown is so big. The whole thing is just ugly. It’s like, hey! so many people will take pictures of you today! you should wear this fugly outfit!

    I do not approve and I am not amused, who ever you are, you fashion hating cap and gown designer you.

    I kind of feel like a real men of genius bud light commercial could be made about this tragic outfit designer.

    • MLF said

      also, a follow up question- should I go naked under my “gown?” I’m not gonna lie, I really want to. My school recommended we wear professional dress under our gowns but really, they are floor length and no one will know. Also it is going to be like, ninety degrees on may eighth and I will be packed into an auditorium with thousands of people and have to sit all squashed together- it is going to be hot….

      I am using the heat as an excuse really- I just think it would be hilarious to know that people are naked under their gowns.

      • PWG said

        Yes, definitely yes! Girls Gone Wild graduation edition.

      • cledbo said

        Just whatever you do under your gown, don’t do something stupid to your hair.

        I chose my graduation from uni as the first time to iron my hair completely flat. Not a good look for me, as it turns out. And now it is forever an embarrassing counterpoint to my tassled hat and furred gown (though the fur was pretty cool)

      • MLF said

        I am pretty sure no matter what I do to my hair, I cannot look any dumber than I already look. I’m sorry but there’s just no way to *really* look good wearing a graduation cap. there just isn’t. I won’t be doing anything too adventurous though, don’t worry. I am lazy and rarely do anything with my hair unless it is directly proportional to earning money or getting laid so…although if I am naked under the gown…haha winking face.

        ok. back to studying.

  15. amanda said

    you scared the shit out of me Jordan! for a split second i thought you were ending this blog and i had a brief moment of panic. but all is well.. all is well.

    • MLF said

      ok…amanda did you used to be aneira? or are you different? because I am confused. I’m sorry if I’m being dumb but…my braincells are tired. finals suck.

      • amanda said

        yeah i did. it was a privacy thing. i thought that somehow, by revealing my first name, you all were going to rape me. but after getting to know all of you through this blog, i have come to the conclusion that none of you are physco rapist serial killer clowns. lol

  16. AmyAlmost said

    I read Dunkin Donuts while page was loading and knew you were talking about Dunkin Donuts. I did think maybe you were saying goodbye to the Dunkin Donuts company altogether and not just the one near your work.

    Question: What do you think of the band Eddy Current Suppression Ring? I just had a friend pass them onto me and I can’t get enough of Colour Television. Do you have a favourite ‘the Who’ song? (Mine is ‘I can’t explain’) Do you like loud music when you drive?

  17. Amy D said

    Who’s your pick for the Kentucky Derby? Does your choice have anything to do with the rider, or are you going by stats of the horse only?

    Do you or will you follow Hugo Chavez on Twitter?

    Will you be planning on making the FOOOORRRKKKS trip with the rest of the Twitard Nation in October? You could definitely plan you own F & B operation on that venture….

  18. Amy D said

    Given that you are saying goodbye to DD, would you ever give caffeinated maple bacon lollipops a go as a breakfast supplement?

  19. cledbo said

    So didn’t fool me.
    Though I did get a wistful, slightly mushy, feeling when I thought you were saying you’ve become attached to us.
    Not literally of course – that’s difficult across suburbs and states and Pacific Oceans and such. Also uncomfortable.

    I think you need to get a real fedora to replace your imaginary one. But only to wear while you are in a suit, otherwise you would look like a fuckin’ hipster and no one wants that.

    The chicks at my local coffee supplier don’t remember my order, even though it’s the same every day too (regular skim cappucino). I feel sad that they don’t remember.

    If you could ask some stupidly rich person, say, Bill Gates, to get you a present for your birthday, what would you ask for? Just one thing only, not a whole bunch of things.

  20. So are PWG, Campbell, cledbo and myself the only four that didn’t fall for your trickery? Go team! But what does that say about us? Are we analytical and discerning? Do we “know” you best? Or are we just overly cynical assholes? Funny that the only way you’d actually be able to shock us were if you were to sincerely tell us you loved us. Don’t worry, I won’t hold my breath.

    • MLF said

      I wasn’t worried either. he secretly loves and needs us, trust.

    • cledbo said

      Dude, he wouldn’t keep doing this blog if we didn’t read it.

      And not the amophorous ‘we’ of randos on the interwebz, but the collective yet royal We that are his regular common taters.

      He’s addicted to virtual applause and he knows it.

      It’s OK Jordan, I’m addicted to people replying to my comments or mentioning my name in conversation. I’m just not funny enough to write a whole blog every day.

      Guest post? Maybe. Depends on how exciting my weekend gets. My people will call your people.

  21. cledbo said

    Also, does anyone else have Jeff Buckley’s Last Goodbye stuck in their head?



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