KSWI Guest Blogger Wednesday: Freya, HeyyyBrother, Sarita Pagita, Tiffanized and Single Strand Edition

May 19, 2010

If you’ve been reading Kristen Stewart Wants It for any length of time, you may have noticed the magical kingdom known as the comments.  Today, we bring those commenters (or common taters, as they refer to themselves) out of the woodwork and into the spotlight!  Led by Freya, HeyyyBrother, Sarita Pagita, Tiffanized and Single Strand share some of their KSWI love and memories.  We talk Jordan, Kristen, and a liger…


Freya:  Let’s start with this pressing question:  How did you get introduced to the gloriousness that is Kristen Stewart Wants It?  I heard about it from Lula! during a video chat with some friends, and we quickly decided to share Jordan in an odd sister wife arrangement.

HeyyyBrother:  It was a dark, lonely night in August and I was just looking for some online company when… Kidding. The one and only Janetrigs is to blame. I wasn’t on le Twatter yet, but she included the link to KSWI in every curse-laden borderline insane comment she left on LTT. So I checked it out and was hooked immediately. I’m pretty simple and easy to entertain, so Kay Swidge’s MS Paint masterpieces did the trick.  (Freya note: Janetrigs was in that chat.)

Single Strand:  Honestly, you and HeyyyBrother were talking about it on Twitter one day and I had to go figure out who this Jordan fellow was.

Freya: Whoo hoo! We converted you.

Tiffanized:  August 17,2009. My fake lesbian (soon to be pseudo polygamous wife) Janetrigs sends me over to a little site called Kristen Stewart Wants It.


Freya:  Did you comment the first time?

Single Strand:  I think I probably did…I wasted soooo much time last year not posting on LTT/LTR. When I finally did, it was like instant friendships so now when I go to a blog, I don’t hesitate. Besides, you KNOW I’m forward. Not every girl will talk anal with the world.

Freya: So true.

HeyyyBrother:  I did comment the first time, but that’s not normal for me.

Tiffanized:  As far as commenting, yes, like a slut on a first date, I did it the first time.

HeyyyBrother:  Other blogs I’ve read, I usually lurk for a while. I think it also helped that KSWI didn’t have a dedicated group of commenters yet, so I didn’t feel like I was butting in. So I just staked my claim to a little corner of the comments and made myself at home. Marked my territory, if you will. No worries, no pissing was involved.

Freya:  Favorite post ever?

HeyyyBrother:  Sorry, my friend just sent me this article called “How to Spot a Masturbator” with the accompanying image: http://i44.tinypic.com/205quxk.jpg.  And it’s not a joke… http://christwire.org/2010/05/how-to-spot-a-masturbator/

Freya:  “How to spot a masturbator: Look at the person standing next to you.”  Why am I cracking up at the line in the article “[they] think more about sex and less about their WORK AT HAND.” Bwahahahaha!  Oh, and SNOOKI’S SEX AIDS ARE MAKING HER ORANGE!  She has a spray tan dildo!

HeyyyBrother:  HAHAHAHAHAHA!  Anyway… favorite post? Jordan’s post.* Get it? Heyoooooo.


Single Strand:  Hmm, it definitely had some Paint artwork maybe with a pimp cane? It hasn’t been all that long ago…first post I remember realizing Jordan was a genius was the New York State of Mind post a few months back. It def encouraged me to check the site more often. His breakdown of the lyrics was genius. (insert inflatable Jordan ego here)

Freya:  So, Single Strand, you are with child…any plans to name it “Kristen” or “Jordan”?

Single Strand:  HAHAHA. OMG I just almost spit out my ice. Umm, no. We are having a girl and will likely name her Charley. Sorry Jordan. I’d consider Jordan but only for a girl. Our boy names are pretty solid.  For some reason Mr. S really likes the name Charley for a girl. He’s said that for a year or more.  I changed the spelling so it wasn’t a baby girl named after Charlie Swan.

Freya:  DUDE!  Charlie Swan FTW!

Single Strand:  We could call her Lil Copstache…

Freya:  Speaking of the copstache…I think it would be a grand idea for Jordan to grow facial hair during his hiatus from mork. Thoughts?

Sarita Pagita:  I think he could pull off a full on mountain man, and even give homage to s/o he suggested admiring – Spencer Pratt (WTF!?) as he seems to have similar coloring. He may need a little bit of a tan, tho

HeyyyBrother:  What a coincidence, I was JUST saying he should do so the other day. I’ve always been jealous of guys because I feel like growing a beard and shaving it into something weird for an afternoon is the ultimate temporary fuck you to societal norms.  Ladies don’t have that option.  I mean, we could not shave our legs but that’s just gross and not at all entertaining.  Dude with a fu manchu?  Hilarious.  But shave it after a day.   And now that Kay Swidge has given up on the whole anonymous thing, we know he looks good with a beard.

Single Strand:  I’m pretty sure Jordan can pull off a good handlebar.

Freya:  I did a little photoshop work to show the possibilities…



Sarita Pagita:   LOL! Your staches are genius!

HeyyyBrother: I effing love the handlebar!  The amish was great too… they’re all wins.

Sarita Pagita:  The amish is killing it! The pencil thin mustache is also brill. He could be a world dominator with that one.

HeyyyBrother:  “Hi, I’m Jebediah Newmark. I have a horse and carriage. You know what that means? I also have whips.”

Tiffanized:  I’m mobile and therefore don’t have access to my printout of “You and Your Mustache Are Not Alone”, so I’m headed straight for my go-to facial hair arrangement, the Fu Manchu. But I think Jordache owes it to us to experiment with facial hair FOR THE GREATER GOOD.

Freya:  So, Jordan recently added a bunch of common taters on his Twitter. Do you feel privileged? Or was the experience cheapened by his capitulation to follow everyone?

HeyyyBrother: Hilariously enough, I wasn’t wearing pants when I got the notification… I was at the mall in Macy’s in the dressing room.  My phone went off, and I always check it immediately.  Saw the email and had a total wtf moment.  I always knew the day would come when he would give in and follow, I just thought I’d be wearing pants for it.  #nopants represent!

Single Strand:  HA, when I saw the email that he was following me, I thought the end of the world was near. Then I realized he was following everyone he could find and got kinda sad. But then he RT’ed my first tweet after following me saying that it could probably not be topped. I’m pretty sure that excited me. I don’t know why. I’m a nerd.

Freya: It was about anal, yes?

Single Strand: Yes. Anal vs missionary when pregnant.

Freya: So one might say your anus cannot be topped.*

Single Strand: Well, THIS anus is tapped regularly…wait did you say topped or tapped? 😉


Freya:  What will you do if Jordan quits writing KSWI?

Sarita Pagita:  KStew

Oops too quick on the trigger

Freya:  WHAT will you do, not WHO will you do, SP!

HeyyyBrother:  I would only do KStew if Jordan swore to continue writing KSWI for the rest of his natural life. And the alien life he intends to continue in the future, if PWG’s prediction comes true. That’s the only way I’m doing her.  Right. But that wasn’t your question at all…

Single Strand:  I’ll probably harass him on Twitter until he blocks me and then attempt to find his email address through various means I have so I can continue to harass him.

Sarita Pagita:  Ok, so if he stops writing KSWI a- what will he be? what’s his new identity? an unemployed, has been blogger? lame. b – KStews want will go undocumented and my life will no longer be complete. and c – he will no longer have women up in his biz every day. also lame.

HeyyyBrother:  What would I do? Probably get a shit ton more work done. Maybe find another tall, funny, dreamy Jersey dude to harass online. Life will continue… I suppose.


Freya:  HeyyyBrother, you actually segued us quite nicely into my next question: Are you a Krisbian, a Stew hater, or somewhere in between?

Single Strand:  I’m a TOTAL Krisbian.

Sarita Pagita:  I’m def not a hater. But she in no way gives me a lady boner. Ever. I guess I’m Kriscurious.

HeyyyBrother:  I don’t hate her. But I don’t like her. And, no offense to anyone, but the “Krisbians” totally weird me out. Which I guess makes me small-minded and… Krisophobic?  I’m not proud. It’s how I was raised?

Sarita Pagita:  Every time there’s a rainbow a Krisbian sees a new pap pic of Kstew.


Freya:  Recently, Kristen smiled on Oprah.  Do you think that decreases the WANT?

Single Strand:  I think she was still wanting it. I’m pretty sure she always wants it.  To me at least.

HeyyyBrother:  There is only Want. The smile is just a different flavor.

Sarita Pagita:  The want is still there. It’s a new dimension of the want bc she realizes that the bitchface want is a one trick pony. She’s keeping the want fresh.

Tiffanized:  The smile enhances the Want. I think that the Bitchface is a private attempt to dilute the power of the Want.

Freya:  What is your favorite “inside joke” from KSWI?

HeyyyBrother:  The numerous variations of O:F&B are near and dear to my heart, of course.

Tiffanized:  My favorite inside joke has to be ‘*’ instead of “That’s what she said.” Anyone who says anything else is a scoundrel. Unless they say “Eel sex” because that was spectacular.


Freya:  LAST QUESTION!  Kristen Stewart’s WANT vs. a liger. WHO. WOULD. WIN????

Single Strand:  It might be a fight to the death…..but the WANT has it in the bag

Tiffanized:  THE WANT ALWAYS WINS. Use the Want, Luke. One Want to rule them all. The liger never stood a chance.

Sarita Pagita:  It may be blasphemy, but I think that the liger’s got one up on KStew’s WANT. Ligers, as you know, have magical qualities. KStew’s want, while very powerful indeed is not, in fact, magical.

HeyyyBrother:  The Want. But if science ever gets to a point where it can make a KStew/Liger hybrid, we’re all royally fucked.



28 Responses to “KSWI Guest Blogger Wednesday: Freya, HeyyyBrother, Sarita Pagita, Tiffanized and Single Strand Edition”

  1. Janetrigs said

    I LOVE ALL YOU BITCHES! Oh and you too J-man.

  2. campbelld said

    That was hilariously awesome. It was like a consderably more focused version of what goes on in the comments. Moustaches were a brillant idea.
    Dammit. Now I’ll have to do one.

  3. tiffanized said

    I would just like to say that I was:

    1. Not at home and therefore not in chat while this was going on, but still managed to comment via Twitter direct message, with one accidental and horrifyingly revealing public Tweet about a threesome with Rob & Kristen.
    2. Drunk for every answer that I submitted.
    3. Naked for all answers that I submitted after the Fu Manchu answer.

    • MLF said

      and that is why we love you! and also for your quick wit. but mainly for your drunken nakedness (or maybe that’s just me)

      • tiffanized said

        “Drunk and naked” is fast becoming my default mode. I noticed over the past few weeks when someone has asked me what I’m doing, the answer often involved the words “drunk” and “naked” or some variation of the same.

      • MLF said

        You know what that means? It means you’re winning at life. I salute you.

  4. Lala said

    It was like a big comment section but funnier. And awesome mustaches.

  5. kt said

    Hilarious. And now I know what it would be like if Kayswidge stopped posting and the common taters just took over.

  6. Brills ladies! Since I am still a sister-wife, I have to come out and support my fellow sister-wives.

    PS, I think the liger wins.

  7. PWG said

    I appreciate the effort it must have taken to avoid Van Dyke jokes.

    • Freya said

      I’m glad you’re on vacation, but I also missed you for this! I’m
      thinking I need to do “Common Taters Revenge pt. II” with you and Zees.

  8. MLF said

    Bravo ladies! Also, I had never heard of the term Krisbian before….I was a Krisbian and I didn’t even know it.

  9. Sorry, I’m not as interesting an interviewee as Kristen Stewart. Perhaps next time we should arrange a tissue-pulling game and film it so Jordan and company can get a glimpse of what our O-faces look like. Oh, no one wants to see that? Never mind, then.

    • MLF said

      uhhh…some of us definitely want to see it. in person.

      • MLF said

        wow. I just creeped MYSELF out. I was refering to O:F&S which is NOT creepy if it’s between two consenting adults. No means no and all that.

  10. kristenstewartwantsit said

    You ladies said some nice things about me. Thank you. I am not saying that all blog guest posts should be about me and why you like me, but it’s a pretty good idea.

  11. SingleStrand said

    So today has been a total shit day but this was THE redeeming quality. I don’t often comment but I always lurk and I will be commenting more often. I played a role in inflating Jordan’s ego today…the least I can do is spend the next few months of comments deflating it again.

  12. amanda said

    kristen stewart looks like jesus in that picture
    also idk if you even enjoy the music i post, but im posting more lol

    they are playing a shamisen and it is from nightmare revised and its awesome. it will blow your mind

  13. cledbo said


    You ladies always deliver the goods*.

    I made the executive decision last night after seeing a Powerball ad, that if I win that $10 million bucks, I’m flying all you bitches (and Jordo of course) to KSWI Con, probably in Sydney. Or Fiji, depending on whether there’s a coup happening or not.

    Quite aside from that, you’re all brilliant and I ❤ your faces. And you guest posted the smart way – as a team. One day soon I will be a proper Twit-maniac and be able to join these conversations. Until then, I live vicariously.

    I too must credit the sexi-drunkiest woman on Earth, @janetrigs, for introducing me to this fixture of my daily schedule.

    Favourite mustache: fu manchu
    KStew or liger: KStew
    Favourite posts: #education
    Favourite common tater: ALL OF YOU! MWAH!

  14. Today was a terrible day to not have computer access…

    Props to Freya for:
    1. Thinking up the idea.
    2. Putting up with our ADD, which is even worse during a chat than it is in the comments section.
    3. Moustaching numerous pictures of our favorite stud.
    4. Making it all work.

    And thanks to Jordan for posting it, even though I suspect a little piece of him died in doing so. Our lunacy has finally spilled over the border into his happy place… *insert evil laugh*

    Thanks to all you sexy bitches for the compliments. I make out with anyone who says nice things to me, fyi…

    • cledbo said

      Do you also pay for their trans-Pacific airfares to make good on your offer of fake-lesbian love, HB? Because that could be an offer I can’t refuse*.

  15. AmyAlmost said

    Oh great post!

    Favourite mustache: I’m out on this one. My Dad has sported the Spinal Tap Derek Smalls look my whole life and I just can’t get into them. But I do love a Beardo.
    KStew or liger: Tough call… Kstew. It’s the Want.
    Favourite posts: That one with the Ashley Greene photos and that strange talk show format stays current in my mind for some reason…
    Favourite common tater: I don’t know, this is sort of like asking ‘what is your favourite ice cream flavour’. Everyone is pretty rad and so is ice cream.

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