Do you have a thing for older woman? That’s a little faggoty, isn’t it? – Carrie Fischer in “Shampoo”

Hark! Yes! I see it. It has finally arrived. The sequel to the ever successful “List of 50 Men Over 60”. Today is a truly glorious day! Indeed.

For anyone who is new to these lists of sexually attractive senior citizens, a brief overview. I am a 27 year old man who decided to take on the task of crafting a list of 50 men who are all at least 60 years old who I believe women would still… fuck. Despite their wrinkles and inability to text, these men still have much to offer the female species as a one night fling. With the help of my friend, Dawgz, we published this list in mid-January of this year.

What is insane and funny for the goose is still insane and funny for the gander, so a few months later – Dawgz and I were under our perverted thinking caps yet again. This time it was to find 50 women over 60 that men would want to fuck. In the corresponding video and in the title it says “should” just for aggressiveness’ sake. But why wouldn’t you want to bed these fine ladies? Also, we did not simply want to post the list as before. This time there is a viiiidddddeeeeeooooo (that was the hold up).

As with the previous list of men, the idea isn’t that you would read said list and agree on every single one of these choices. The idea is that we do not believe you can read this list and say “no” to every single one of these women; you will say “yes” to at least a few. At that point, you will have accepted a new level of ridiculousness into your life where you are actively thinking about and agreeing with having sex with women over 60 years old.

In the end, the list speaks for itself. I believe it is a fine assortment of women who have excelled in their chosen careers. There are actors, comedians, writers, politicians, musicians, models and so on. This is not the definitive list. There is room to add others that we have forgotten. And there is room to discuss the chosen few we have mentioned here. Please feel free to suggest other 60+ year old women. Also, feel free to question any on the list for a full explanation.

Without further ado, “how old would you go?” Enjoy.


1. Meryl Streep – 61
2. Susan Sarandon – 63
3. Helen Mirren – 64 – just released nude photos
4. Dolly Parton – 64
5. Nancy Pelosi – 70
6. Goldie Hawn – 64
7. Charlotte Rampling – 64
8. Joanna Lumley – 64
9. Lauren Hutton – 66
10. Sophia Loren – 75
11. Debbie Harry – 64
12. Pam Grier – 61
13. Jessica Lange – 61
14. Sigourney Weaver – 60
15. Susan Lucci – 63
16. Jane Fonda – 72
17. Raquel Welch – 69
18. Suzanne Somers – 63
19. Olivia Newton John – 61
20. Peggy Lipton – 63
21. Diane Sawyer – 64
22. Cheryl Tiegs – 62
23. Jaclyn Smith – 62
24. Barbara Streisand – 68
25. Kate Jackson – 61
26. Diane Keaton – 64
27. Laura Bush – 63
28. Anni-Frid Lyngstad – 64 – from ABBA
29. Agnetha Fältskog – 60 – from ABBA
30. Donna Summer – 61
31. Barbara Walters – 80
32. Ann-Margret – 69
33. Julie Christie – 69
34. Tina Turner – 70
35. Doris Kearns Goodwin – 67
36. Joy Behar – 67
37. Blythe Danner – 67
38. Stevie Nicks – 62
39. Christine McVie – 66
40. Hillary Rodham Clinton – 62
41. Martha Stewart – 68
42. Vera Wang – 61
43. Jess Walton – 61 – turned 61 on June 27th – video was recorded prior to that
44. Phylicia Rashad – 62
45. Diahann Carroll – 74
46. Arianna Huffington – 59 – turns 60 July 15
47. Joan Collins – 77
48. Jackie Collins – 72
49. Catherine Deneuve – 66
50. Cher – 64

*Honorable Mentions:

Priscilla Presley – 65, Shelley Hack – 62, Anna Wintour – 60, Barbara Bach – 62, Olivia Harrison – 62, Bonnie Raitt – 60, Emmylou Harris – 63, Carly Simon – 65, Linda Evans – 67, Bette Midler – 64

Questions and comments? There will be follow-up videos for the list including a “remix”.

Thank you

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So, yesterday I started thinking about a screenplay idea. It was something simple about being single and finding someone et cetera. I started writing it in my head and then I started writing some of it out. This is what I got so far. I didn’t use character names and instead just used actors’ names for the parts that I have envisioned them as in my head.

Just think of it as a lost Judd Apatow production.

———

Seth Rogen is asleep in bed. His room is a tomb to an adult kid: stacks of comic books, piles of laundry, movie posters and little to no furniture.

Seth’s telephone alarm goes off. Seth moans and groans.

Seth Rogen (SR): Uhhh… I don’t want to get up. I hate the morning. I’m so tired…

He reaches over to the phone; the alarm reads 12pm.

SR: Oh shit, I should get up. It isn’t even morning. It is the PM.

Seth gets up and walks around the room, tripping over his laptop charger cord. He goes into the bathroom, pees, and Listerines.

Music (Bob Marley/Allman Brothers… something) is playing somewhere in the apartment.

SR (yelling): Hey man. Morning or good afternoon.

Jason Segel (JS) (yelling back): Yeah, man. Good afternoon to you too. I couldn’t sleep.

SR: Sucks. I’ll be down.

Seth goes back into his room and goes through some laundry to find a Boston Celtics t-shirt and a pair of shorts. He smells the clothes to make sure they don’t stink too bad. He also grabs his laptop.

Seth enters from upstairs.

It is a two story house/apartment. The whole place looks like something out of a Kevin Smith film. Jason Segel is sitting on the couch with no shirt on. The TV is on with no sound playing tuned to SportsCenter, the music is playing, Jason has his laptop on next to him and he is reading the newspaper.

Seth drops down on the couch next to him and turns on his computer as well.

SR: You were saying you couldn’t sleep. That’s the worst.

JS: Yeah, I don’t know. It was like 1 am and I was flipping through the channels. I saw the Jackson 5 movie was playing on VH1 and the next thing I know it is 5am and I’ve cried, I’ve screamed, I’ve been terrified, I’ve been redeemed and I’m wondering about the future.

SR: I hear you. That movie just sucks you in.

Jason starts packing a bowl for them to smoke.

SR: Really? This early?

JS: Early? “The View” has been over for 2 hours. I’ve had my sober time. You just woke up late.

SR: You’re right.

Both Jason and Seth get high.

A quick montage of them fooling around on their laptops, listening to music, watching TV and taking some phone calls.

SR: I’m going to go grab a sandwich from down the street. Do you want anything?

JS: Get me a drink. Something that sounds nutritious, so I can fool myself into thinking that I sort of worked out today and did something good for my body, but I really didn’t. And not a yogurt drink. Those are always terrible.

SR: Fruit drink, loaded with vitamins. Got it. Anything else?

JS: Chocolate cupcakes with cream filling.

SR: Gotcha.

Seth leaves the apartment. He lives in a brownstone in Jersey City. It is a nice sunny day out. People are walking around, some jogging, mothers pushing babies, school kids running around et cetera.

Seth walks into a family run deli/convenience store that is a block from his place.

Inside the store there is a typical setup of coolers with sodas and different drinks, racks with chips and candy, magazines, single serving of household products and a deli counter.

There are two guys working the store. One running the register is Middle Eastern (Tony) and the deli guy is Mexican (Miguel).

There is a TV in the store that they are transfixed on. When Seth walks in the last few seconds of an episode of “The Wire” is playing. Real intense, real thug, really inappropriate for 2pm in a convenience store.

Tony (T): Whew. That was rough. How could Stringer just kill Wallace like that? He was just a kid.

Miguel (M): The game is the game.

The two look like they’ve been through a car wreck. Tony sees Seth walking in.

T: Hey there, boss. What’s going on?

SR: Hey there, guys. Not much, not much. Was that “The Wire”?

T: Yeah, we got Verizon Fios for the store. It’s on OnDemand. Neither of us have watched it. Have you seen the “The Wire”?

SR: Yeah, it’s a great show. I watched it when it was on and I really-

T: Of course, you watched it: you’re white. All white people have seen this show and they all love it.

SR: Yep, I’m white. Well I-

T: Did you see the game last night?

SR: I did, I did indeed. It was an exciting game. Very close.

Tony is nodding, but not saying anything.

SR: I’m glad the Celtics won in the end. But a good game-

T: It was a shit game.

SR: What? A what game?

M: Shit.

T: Yes, a shit game.

M: A bullshit game.

T: Right exactly. A bullshit game. 80 – 73!?!

SR: It was a defensive game.

T: No, a shit game. What type of garbage score is that? What is this the WNBA?

SR: No, it’s not the WNBA. Not that there is anything wrong with the WNBA. They have great fundamentals. I have seen some good WN-

T: A shit game. That Rajon Rondo, I think he is all hype. And the Big 3? They are older than my grandfather’s dick.

SR: Woah, that’s uncalled for.

M: His grandfather’s dick.

SR: Seriously, twice? C’mon, man. You know I’m a Celtics fan. I’m wearing their t-shirt.

T: Are we in Boston? Are we even in Massachusetts?

M: No.

T: Right, this is New Jersey! I don’t give a shit about your Celtics. Knicks or Nets sure, I’ll give respect, but not this Celtics shit. How do you not root for Knicks or Nets, boss? We grew up on Knicks and Nets.

SR: Aren’t you from Syria?

T: Yeah, whatever. Still, fuck the Celtics.

SR: How about some reverence for the shirt? Bad mouth them on any other day when I’m not wearing their shirt. Fair?

T: Ok. Ok, just because you’re wearing the shirt.

There is a moment of silence as they settle their impromptu beefing.

T: What the hell are you even here for?

SR: A sandwich. A couple drinks. I’m here for commerce. Is that ok?

T: Yeah, sure. Miguel will make you a sandwich. We have drinks. It’s all here. Miguel, sandwich?

M: Put on more “The Wire” and I’ll make the sandwich.

A few minutes later, Seth leaves the store with a bag of groceries. As he is walking back to his apartment his cell phone starts ringing. He picks it up.

SR: Hey, what’s up, Paul?

Paul Rudd (PR): Just calling to see if you wanted to make some money.

SR: I thought I told you I wasn’t prostituting anymore.

PR: Ahhh, funny. That’s what I need. I need you to be funny. You’re so clever. No one is as clever-

SR: What do you want me to write?

Paul is in an office working for a website and dressed casually. He is dressed more or less like he’s going to see The National in concert: jeans, button-up shirt, fashionably thin and colorful tie. The office is set-up like TMZ if they helped make “Where The Wild Things Are” ie hipsters with a 401(k).

PR: It’s a think piece about the rise of German hostility in the decade leading up to World War-

SR: What is it really?

PR: What do you think it is? It’s about who the sexiest actresses are in zombie movies and you rank them in order by who you would save from an attacking brain eating mob so she can later mercilessly bang you as a gratuity for being so heroic.

SR: So, it’s like every other post I write for you?

Seth enters his apartment. Jason is smoking again and now watching Rambo.

Seth drops the bag of groceries on the table in front of Jason. Jason rifles through the bag for his drink and treats.

JS: The third Rambo is on TV. The forgotten Rambo. Like the U2 song where the Edge raps; no one talks about it.

PR: Ok, so I never call for you to write the sequel to “The Catcher in the Rye”. I’m sorry. Boo hoo, I’m paying you to write crass jokes and make up lists of hot chicks. Get over it. It’s the internet; people want to be entertained while they’re slaving away at some desk. I know I do. There are plenty of other unemployed writers that would jump at this article or any of the others I specifically offer to you first.

SR: Ok, ok. When is it due by?

PR: Why does that matter? What could you possibly be having going on besides getting stoned that would prevent you from writing this and turning it into me in an hour?

SR: Yes, getting stoned and eating lunch. That takes awhile when you’re stoned.

JS: Is that Paul? Tell him “Rambo III” is on.

PR: What’s Jason saying?

SR: He wants me to tell you that “Rambo III” is on.

PR: Really? No one ever talks about it. It’s like Jeremy Piven being bald for 10 years and then when Entourage started he suddenly had a full head of hair.

JS: What is he saying?

SR: He said “Rambo III” was like Jeremy Piven being bald.

JS: Exactly. He was brought in to play George on the show within a show on “Seinfeld”. Jason Alexander is still bald, but now Piven has a better head of hair than you or I.

PR: Are you writing the article?

SR: Yeah, yeah. Zombie films, sure why not? But I’m getting high and watching Rambo help Afghanistan beat the Ruskies first.

PR: By all means.

SR: I’ll call you back in a few hours when its done.

PR: Thank you, honey. Goodbye and remember, I love you.

Seth hangs up shaking his head.

Paul is laughing to himself at his office. He stands up and clears his throat like he is making an announcement to all the website workers surrounded in their low rising cubicle walls.

PR: I just wanted everyone to be aware that the zombie article is a go!

They all shake their heads or look away in indifference. Paul is giving them two big thumbs up of encouragement.

PR: It’s a go! You’re welcome.

Seth sits on the couch and opens his laptop. He opens the grocery bag and assembles his lunch: sandwich, drink and chips. Jason is eating his cupcakes in a unique fashion: eating them inside out. The opening credits of “Rambo III” is playing on TV.

SR: Do you think you can help look up hot chicks in zombie movies?

JS: Are you asking if I can do two things at once? Split my attention between the movie and doing such highbrow research? Do you think I’m a simpleton or something?

Jason’s face and hands are covered in cream filling and chocolate cupcake crumbs.

SR: You’re right. I was wrong to question you.

90 minutes later and “Rambo III” is in its closing credits.

Jason and Seth have their full attention buried into their laptops with numerous browser windows open to random good looking actresses who have appeared in zombie movies like Asia Argento and Rose Byrne. Seth is furiously typing away.

JS: Did Sarah Polley make the final list?

SR: No.

JS: No? That’s all you have to say is “no”. Why not?

SR: I don’t know. She doesn’t do anything sexy in “Dawn of the Dead”. I just didn’t think of her character in that way. She didn’t have that bang me 5 minutes after a zombie battle vibe.

JS: Why? Because she is a strong beautiful woman? Are you threatened by strong women, Seth? Is that it? Is that where this prejudice against the golden haired Sarah Polley comes from?

SR: No. Her character’s husband and her only daughter become undead flesh eating zombies that morning, so I just don’t picture her in that way. Also, I think you are biased about Sarah Polley. She’s pretty, but I wouldn’t categorize her as the “sexiest” of something.

JS: I’m biased? Have I seen “Go” close to 30 times? Yes. Have I seen the hauntingly beautiful “The Sweet Hereafter” close to 20 times? Yes.

SR: Have you also watched countless times “Away From Her” a story about a senior citizen couple coping with the wife’s battle with Alzheimer’s starring Julie Christie and directed by Sarah Polley?

JS: Point taken. She’s just so talented and beautiful. Where are you, Sarah Polley?

Seth puts his final touches on the article and then sets the laptop on the floor.

SR: You know, you’re right. I have no right to criticize.

JS: It’s your job to criticize. You’re making jokes, coming up with lists.

SR: If I saw Sarah Polley in person, I wouldn’t know what to say. Not because she is somewhat famous, but because she is just a hot girl.

JS: She is hot.

SR: What honestly could I offer her to allow me to have sex with her or simply date her?

JS: Is that how you look at it? Like a reverse dowery?

SR: Yes. Yes that is how I see relationships. As a medieval tradition in reverse. Girls are pretty and smell nice and I’m arguing with sandwich shop guys about the Celtics three days a week. What could I offer them?

JS: You’re funny.

SR: I’m not that funny. I’m not so funny that my funniness should result in sex.

JS: That’s true. How about this? I’ve been dating April for the past few months. What do I offer her?

SR: I don’t know. Your height. You are much taller than her. She probably requires things to be gotten off of high shelves and you can accomplish that for her.

JS: Is that what you think I do when I spend the night at her place in the city? I arrive and immediately begin taking tupperware and spices off the top shelf and hand them to her then later we have sex because of that?

SR: Maybe. I guess not. I have to call, Paul.

JS: To be continued.

Seth picks up his phone and calls Paul.

SR: I just sent you the article. I didn’t link any pictures. If you want-

PR: No, this is perfect. I can get one of the nerds in the “art department” to search for pictures on Google. Don’t sweat it.

SR: Ok. I’ll let you get back to work then. Nice doing business with you. Transaction completed.

PR: Wait, wait, wait. Janet and I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight. We haven’t seen you in awhile. Or I mean she hasn’t seen you in awhile. Just thought it would be a nice change of pace. Janet’s cooking-

SR: Why? Why does Janet want to cook for me? I thought Janet hated me.

JS: She does.

PR: Hate is a strong word. She just doesn’t know you like I do.

SR: What does that mean? Do you want me to go to a four year college with her and get blind drunk on Everclear every weekend? That’s the only way she would really get to know me like you do. Is this a set-up? Am I dying or something?

PR: Honestly, I asked her if she could hook you up with one of her friends. And she wants to have dinner with you *cough* quiz you *cough* to see which one you’ll be best with.

SR: No. No. Not happening.

PR: Seriously, why not? You’re single. Janet and I are willing to provide a service for you. A service to hopefully get you laid and maybe not die alone. It is a noble effort from both of us.

SR: I don’t want to go, but either way I can’t go. I’m supposed to meet with a couple guys about writing a screenplay for an independent film. So, there’s that.

PR: That’s great. That sucks you can’t come tonight, but it’s great you are hanging out with random dudes… to write for them. You will come over to our place sometime soon. Janet will cook for you, you won’t be a dick to her, she’ll probably give you the number of her least liked friend, but it’ll be good. I swear.

SR: Sure, sure. But not tonight, because I’m busy with the dudes and the screenplay tonight.

PR: Alright, thanks for the article. Love you.

Seth hangs up.

JS: Do you want to go into the city tonight? April and some of her friends are going to Whiskey Town for drinks. I was going to meet them there later. Should be a good time. Do you want to go? Some of her friends can get pretty slutty.

SR: Didn’t you just hear me tell Paul I had plans tonight?

JS: Yeah, but I know those plans are bullshit because I live with you. You don’t converse with random guys about writing screenplays. Just come in the city with me.

SR: I don’t know. “Whiskey Town”? Sounds like too much for a Wednesday night.

JS: You’re unemployed. Wednesday night can be like any night for you.

Seth thinks it over, but looks anti the idea.

SR: You know I’ve been talking-

JS: Here comes the excuse.

SR: I wanted to take my laptop in to get the ram upgraded. And I was thinking about going to the mall to get that done.

JS: Tonight?

SR: Yeah, tonight.

JS: You’ve been talking about that for months without even the slightest inkling of actually doing it and now tonight is the night. The night that you could go into the city, meet some girls and have a good time instead of last night when you sat around watching “Arrested Development” re-runs, drinking a bottle of wine and eating Cheerios. Tonight is the mall, ram upgrade night?

SR: That’s what I’m saying. And you know how long it takes to go to the mall. It turns into a whole thing: traffic, parking, customers. You know how crazy the food court is. I could be gone for hours.

JS: Fine. Whatever you say.

SR: I’m going to take a shower and then go. Wish me luck.

Seth heads up stairs. Jason just shakes his head and turns his attention back to the newspaper, TV, and laptop.

30 minutes later – Seth is driving in his car. Music is playing and their are no cars on the road. All lights are turning green for him. He is in disbelief.

Seth pulls into the mall parking lot.

SR: I think that may have been a world record. I should have videotaped this to show that it is possible to drive to places in a timely manner. Why did I get here so fast?

Seth is walking through the mall. There are people lounging around the mall trying to beat the heat. There are couples and parents with their kids. There are a lot of teenagers walking around being loud. And there are a lot of hot girls at the mall. Seth stares at them without trying to look like he is staring at them as if he was a pickpocket from “Oliver Twist”.

A group of three hot girls who are in mid-conversation walk past Seth without a glance at him. He continues to watch them after they pass as if seeing royalty.

SR: They’re like a different species from me. They’re from the flawless princess angel tribe and I’m from the pig people.

Seth sees the Mac store and walks in.

———-

Feedback and cleavage pictures are appreciated. Per usual.

To address this past weekend in one word: “sucked”. The USA team lost to Ghana in the World Cup and Fedor Emelianenko tapped to a submission for the first time ever in the history of the existence of life itself. So, both of those things sucked. The rest of the weekend activities were fine. Drinking with friends, laughing it up, listening to some tunes and a nice 4 hour workout trying to go Super Saiyan. I think I’m getting closer. Maybe just another month or two of practice. Either way, Fall 2010 will be the Autumn of SSJ Kayswidge-Jizzle.

Also, I’m not one of those soccer fans who will stop watching the World Cup because my team is out of it. Right now, I’m watching the Netherlands play Slovakia. These opening knockout round games have been wild and their pace has increased 10 fold. That makes for some extra entertaining soccer; although I am crying on the inside. Oh great clown Pagliacci!

Moving on. Moving forward. Touching on sweaty bodies, right? Sweat baby sweat.  Or just more text about different topics.

I have arrived late to two trains and I am perfectly fine admitting to it: La Roux and Avatar: The Last Airbender. But now I am on those trains.

La Roux

I listen to pop music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could go on and justify listening to pop music because I listen to so much other great and diverse music, but that’s more pretentious than helpful. I will say this about most pop music: it is ice cream. It is sugary sweet and is fun to eat, but you can’t live on it. If that is all you eat – your teeth will rot from cavities, you’ll balloon to Jabba the Hut proportions, lose any muscle integrity and I would imagine your brain would turn to a thin soup. You need to eat a steak, some grilled chicken, a few potatoes, and so forth. You can’t only listen to pop music… or you will DIE! But ice cream is fine every once and awhile.

Similar to how I “found” Temper Trap, I had been hearing the song “Bulletproof” for months now on the radio. They play the song fairly frequently and I really enjoy the hell out of the song. 92.3 NOW (the pop FM station) does a terrible job telling you what you’re listening to, so I’ve never known who sings the song. I was driving around Friday, “Bulletproof” came on, and I make a mental note of it. I got home and looked it up. Ahhhh La Roux, how are you?

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For the next twenty minutes, I sat and watched all of her music videos. The videos themselves are pretty terrible, but the songs were all quite good. It was crystal clear for everyone involved (me, me and me) that I needed to obtain this pop Excalibur album. And it is goooood.

“Bulletproof” is the best song on the album, but the rest of the album is really great. “Colourless Colour” has a great dancy breakdown… actually let me stop myself here. I was about to type out other songs I like off the album and it was pretty much going to be every song from track #3 onward. I’m not a big fan of the first two songs, but they’re decent enough. I will mention how much I like “I’m Not Your Toy”. The chorus is “It’s all false love and affection, you don’t want me, you just like the attention” — oof that just hits to the core, doesn’t it?

Pulling back the curtain for a moment, Dawgz just walked in while I was writing this and we are now listening to La Roux. He is now a fan. The wolfpack grows by one.

Avatar: The Last Airbender

I have been obstinate about watching this TV show for no other reason than I just didn’t feel like getting into it. I watch a lot of anime and cartoons online, but they are usually of the variety that are actually from Japan and are in Japanese and have subtitles. I have gotten so used to watching anime with subtitles and with no sound on that I didn’t want to watch Avatar because it wouldn’t have subtitles and I would have to listen to the dialogue. Ugh what a chore!

A friend of mine is a big big fan of Avatar and has been pushing me to get into the show. We’ve also been talking a lot about how we think the upcoming Avatar movie will be. With the movie set to debut soon, I started watching the damn show yesterday. I watched 12 episodes. So…. I like it. Also, it is a show that will clearly get better when it eventually fully deviates from the children’s show idea. Also, I love that these shows are even pushed as children’s shows because their topics are very adult. Pretty much everyone you meet in Avatar has had their parents murdered in front of them. Hey there, Nickelodeon wait to bum me the motherfuck out.

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So needless to say, the show is good. The show is three seasons of 20 episodes. I’m in the first season and the movie is based off of the first season. Episode to episode, the writers do a great job handling their triumvirate of Aang, Sokka, and Katara. They have a really nice rotating window of each character stepping up to the plate and being the hero while the others may doubt and then come to the proper conclusion that the other one was correct and then they help them. It also likes to flex its philosophical muscles by having side characters epitomize different philosophical archetypes.

For instance, Jet. He is pretty much a “Rufio” character. Charming young male leading a band of misfits in the woods against some evil regime. Jet’s character is a believer in the ends justify the means. He plans to flood a town, which is the home of some civilians, but is also the home of the evil regime (the Fire Nation) in this area of the world. Some civilians will die, but it will also destroy the evil army. Do civilians who are apart of the Fire Nation deserve to die because their army has killed innocents in other nations? I see what you are doing there Avatar and I like it.

As for the movie….. well….. I hate M. Night Shyamalan. I hate all of his movies. And he has made a bunch of movies. He isn’t a one trick pony in my category of hate. He has offered up numerous films that I have hated and I keep seeing because I’m curious if he’ll ever turn the corner. He is a famous director and some people really like him or really like some of his movies and I just don’t, but I’m willing to try because I’m just such a fucking great guy like that. Nevertheless, I fucking abhor his creations.

But but but, the trailer for Avatar doesn’t look bad. It actually looks pretty decent. Film trailers are so deceiving though. I’m still expecting it to be bad. I’m just not confident with his choices and how he has his actors act. The cast for this film is quite interesting as well. Some of you reading this love Jackson Rathbone for unfathomable reasons to me, but that’s fine – I don’t need to love him. Anyway, Jackson is in it playing Sokka. They have an actual martial arts kid playing Aang. Although the martial arts may look good, his acting will probably be terrible since he has never acted before. Dev Patel as Prince Zuko is a good choice, but the scar on Patel’s face isn’t anywhere near as graphic as I think it should be.

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Lastly, Nicola Peltz is Kitara. I have no clue who she is. I also read a thread on the IMDB messageboard where they said she looks like she should play some character named Toph who shows up in the second season more so than Kitara – I looked up that shit because I’m not at the second season yet and that person couldn’t be any more correct. We’ll have to see how she does with Kitara, but maybe they could CGI her in to play Toph as well because she looks like this Toph person.

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Also, I wanted to bring up Nicola Peltz because I can’t stop looking at these two pictures. I think her eyes are actually stealing my soul. Peltz is not a black hole of want like Megan Fox. Nor is she the absolute convex power of want that Kristen Stewart is. But I do believe Nicola Peltz can read minds by staring so deeply into one’s eyes that she can see their thoughts.

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Now, shit is getting real. Tomorrow is a big day for United States soccer. As great as it was 48 hours ago for the US to beat Algeria in that stoppage time goal, which resulted in the US winning their group, it don’t me shit tomorrow. That’s right, son. It don’t me shit tomorrow. Because the “shit” that it doesn’t mean, that shit is now getting real. So, forget the shit that happened on Wednesday. Even though that shit was tight, it ain’t shit compared to the real shit that will be shitting on Saturday.

Not to belabor this shit, but this shit means all the shit tomorrow. Tomorrow’s shit is the only shit we need to focus on. I’m just saying after the great shit that happened on Wednesday like Landon Donovan scoring that shit and making the kiss gesture or some shit to his ex and now him and her maybe getting their shit together again – that’s all just some bullshit compared to this really real shit that is going down on Saturday. We need to step up in this shit. Stand knee deep in this shit. And get shit done.

Seriously, beat Ghana. Beat them the way God has already chosen to beat the continent of Africa year in and year out. Let’s win. GO! USA! GO!

I’m not sure if all or just part of the above soliloquy is from Billy Shakespeare’s Henry V , so just add quotes where necessary.

QUESTIONS!

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But then quickly thought: suck it up, buddy, cuz you’ve made tons of money and chattels from this…. right?

And by “tons of money and chattels” you mean JACKSHIT then sure, I have made tons of “money and chattels”.

Actually, I have earned a lot from writing this blog. I have earned the fake-marriage to a whole host of women that realistically I’ll never meet because they are real-married and they live God knows where in the world. This fake-marriage is also based on my ability to be hum0rous every week day morning while they are scouring the internet for the newest news about some vampire book/movie series that I have no intention of ever liking.

So, a lot of talking and no sex of any sort. Whooo! Perfect marriage! The only thing that could make this any better would be you all sending me your credit card bills.

Tiffany vs. Debbie Gibson

They seem fairly evenly matched. Only a one year age difference. Both are willing to pose naked for money. Both have music careers in which I can only remember one or two songs from and could do without for the rest of my life. That’s a little harsh, “I think we’re alone now” is a good song.

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What really separates the two? Debbie is from Brookyln and Tiffany is from Dearborn, Michigan. Seemingly, that should be in favor of Debbie being a scrapper. But Brooklyn has some wussy areas with all these hipsters and Michigan is becoming an increasingly rougher state with cities like Flint and Detroit sitting in the top 10 of highest murder rates.

Tiffany has bigger boobs. … … … ? I’m not sure if that is an advantage or disadvantage in a fight. They are usually an advantage in life, but a fist fight – I’m not so sure. My initial instinct would be to say they are a disadvantage. Mobility has to be a key issue. But there are two things that are keeping me from making that decision: 1. I love boobies so much that saying they are a negative in anyway is unfathomable to me. 2. Punching power comes from the ability to transfer your weight properly, so maybe the extra weight with boobs plus any centrifugal force achieved during the rotation of one’s waist to throw the punch which send the boobs whipping around as well….

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I blacked out. Sometimes that happens when I think about the breastesses too much. It is worth it though. Boy is it worth it.

If I had to choose a side, I feel like Debbie Gibson is more desperate and would be more inclined to cut a bitch.

I love soccer, not sure about this ball for the world cup though. Do you think it is good for the game?

I’m not sure if this question is SPAM or not, but I enjoy its thoughtfulness. Do I think it is good for the game? Me? Little ole’ me!?! I think all the squabbling about the ball at the beginning of the World Cup was just childish and it didn’t make too much sense. The players said it was too hard to score a goal with it because of how it moved around and goalkeepers said it was too hard to stop a goal from being scored because of its movements. To me, they cancel each other out.

At the same time, I have not used the ball. It could be difficult to use for all I know. Generally speaking, these guys are professionals and should be able to play soccer at a high level with any soccer ball put in front of them. I really do want to get one or rent it or steal one from an athletic store. I’m very curious what the big deal is with it.

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The Fifa officials must have their reasons for why they chose to use this ball over other soccer balls. I remember not that long ago the NBA instituted a new ball that had a better grip. It was a huge controversy because the NBA (David Stern) made the decision to use this new ball without consulting the players. The players resoundingly disliked the ball even though some were actually playing better with the ball. They ended up ditching the new ball and going back to the old ball a few months later. So who knows?

This answer wasn’t all that funny. Poop. Poooooooohhhhhhoooohohohohoooop

What do you think of the whole extreme body building phenomenon? For or against?

I’m for it. I’m for it in the sense people should be allowed to do it if they want. As mentioned many times on this blog, I am an enormous fan of Pumping Iron the movie. Without bodybuilding there would be no Pumping Iron or Arnold Schwarzenegger. Literally, the man would not exist at all if it was not bodybuilding. Arnold Schwarzenegger was immaculate conceived by the very nature of bodybuilding into a virgin Austrian wife to a former Nazi officer.

I was unsure how I was going to react to the bodybuilding in front of me. But it was wild. The whole experience was simply insane. As crazy as they look on TV, they look even crazier in person. They are just awe-inspiring. I have to give them credit that it is artistic. They are truly sculpting their bodies to look like something never before seen.

At the same time, they are a bunch of freaks and they’re mahogany…. so I still love it.

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As for the women, a surprising amount of them were very attractive. There were two competitions: bikini and fitness. The bikini chicks were all in great shape and muscular, but for the most part they were just a bunch of chicks who look amazing rocking bikinis. The fitness competition got a little dicey because they were all gladiator looking women. I wasn’t so into them.

I don’t sit around and watch bodybuilding on TV, but I’m fine with it.

What are they going to play when you take the stage at KSWI-Con?

I have a lot of ideas for this. Right now, I’m siding with “Honey Bee” by Tom Petty. Big dicking guitars, aggressive drums and I stroll out with microphone in hand singing, “C’mon now, give me some sugar. Give me some sugar, little honey bee.”

That or the theme song from Shaft.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

I have some site news. I will be going to Las Vegas this Wednesday. I will be gone ’til Tuesday. I’m not sure what my plan is for KSWI during those days. But if you would like to write a piece, maybe a short piece, maybe a gallery of yourself in a bikini et cetera for next week then send me emails.

Confession #1 – I just finished eating a corn muffin. If one was of a detective nature they would be able to deduce that I ate a corn muffin from several clues in the room. On the coffee table is a small plate with a butter knife and a I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter tub sitting on said plate as well. There are remnants of the previously existing muffin on the plate as well as a few crumbs attached to the “butter” on the butter knife. Also, there are crumbs of the muffin on my shirt. And shorts. And the couch. And the carpet.

What the fuck? I ate the muffin as casually and carefully as possible, but it is everywhere. As if the muffin exploded spontaneously in my hands and then I ate whatever cascaded towards me. No matter how diligently one tries to clean themselves of corn muffin crumbs, there are always more that one missed. It is like sand from a beach or glitter from a stripper. It will stay on your person for weeks post initial contact. How is there corn muffin in my socks?

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Confession #2 – I may have secreted a liquid into my pants when Landon Donovan scored the game winning goal in the 91st minute of yesterday’s USA vs. Algeria game. Dawgz and I met a friend in the city to watch the game, much like we did with game 2 versus Slovenia. This time the bar was in mid-town, two floors and it’s called Tonic. Don’t ever go there. That is unless you find yourself apart of some tour of the life I lead for the year I wrote KSWI. The game was being shown on a myriad of televisions on the second floor and the tables were set up with everyone sitting shoulder to shoulder.

When the three of us got there, we snagged a few seats. We were 10 – 15 minutes early and almost all of the TVs were turned to the upcoming game. A couple minutes later, a middle aged Devil’s Threesome of Brits sat down at the other end of the table. I wasn’t really paying attention to them, but I did notice they were looking for a TV that had the England/Slovenia game on. After a minute, my buddy turns to them and says that he believes they have split the floors with the US game playing on the second floor and the England game playing on the first. They nodded, thanked us and left. Then my friend turns to me and said, “I have no idea if that was true. They were just freaking me out a little. I don’t want anything ruining the US vibe in here.” Brilliant.

Fast forward to the goal. The US had to win. There were scenarios that if Slovenia won or if England and Slovenia tied that the US could tie Algeria and still move on, but England was not tied and in fact they were winning 1-0 with Slovenia making no move to rectify that. The US had a goal stolen from us earlier in the match when the ref called offsides on an onsides Clint Dempsey. Game time was done. The 90 minutes had come to pass with the US clearing dominating the Algerians in this still 0-0 tie. The ref shows 3 minutes of stoppage time and right there it was as plain as day: if the US could not score a goal in these 3 minutes then the US will be eliminated. And then this shit happened (skip to 1:46):

GOAL! GOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLL!

The bar went riotous. Jumping up and down, screaming, high fives, hugging and I wouldn’t be surprised if a few, yes a few, babies were made.

Confession #3 – I have stopped watching the World Cup *gasp* in favor of Wimbledon *GASP* *fart*. I’m sure many of you have seen the article on Yahoo or on a number of other websites, but right now there is a match going on that may never end. Ever. Never. Ever. Never. End. On Tuesday, a regular old early round match started between American John Isner and the Frenchman Nicolas Mahut. On Wednesday, they continued playing their match. And today, being Thursday – these two motherfuckers are still playing this fucking same game.

Isner and Mahut were battling back and forth in a typical evenly matched tennis game that first day on Tuesday. Isner took the first set. Mahut the second. Isner and Mahut went to a tie break in the third set, which Mahut won. This was followed by a fourth set tie break, which Isner won. In Men’s Wimbledon, one needs to win 3 sets. The problem started when Isner and Mahut started their fifth set. The fifth set has different rules, namely there is no tie break. Isner or Mahut must win this set by two points like 6-4 or 7-5 or even 12-10. In essence, one of them has to hold their own serve and win a point on their own serve and then they have to break their opponent’s serve and win that point.

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As I type this sentence, the fifth set is in its 131 st point with these two stubborn bastards tied at 65-65. SIXTY FIVE to SIXTY FIVE! ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY ONE POINTS! On Tuesday, I remember leaving the apartment when this match started. I made a comment to Dawgz that Isner is enormous – he is 6’9″ and he has a rifle for a serve. I also mentioned I had no clue who Mahut was. I watched part of the first set and then we left to go do whatever it is that we had to do. Yesterday, Dawgz and I returned from NYCizzle emotional drained, sweating from the oppressive heat and tired from waking up early, screaming and drinking beers all before noon. I turned on the TV and guess who I see: Isner and Mahut. And they’re still fucking playing. They were in that fifth set with around 30 plus points each. I sat and watched with little to no thought about how Germany and Ghana was unfolding.

Mahut just held serve again, so Isner will begin serving the 133 point, which was just started with Isner’s 109th ace. ONE HUNDRED AND NINTH! Meanwhile, Mahut has 103 aces himself. INSANITY. Isner is 25 and Mahut is 28 and I can only imagine that this epic fifth set will in the end have taken 30 years of their life off. I’m not hoping this will happen, but if the two of the keeled over at the end of this match whenever that may be, it will not shock me. They have invested so much into this that it will be astounding to see them even walk away from this match at all.

A normal tennis set is about 10 or so points, this fifth set of this first round of Wimbledon is at the 135th point. Using elementary math, it is over 13x what a normal set is. They played 4 sets to a tie basically. If this fifth set was seen as overtime – could you imagine watching a basketball go into 13+ overtimes? But that doesn’t really do it justice. Each point that is played is a full point and not a tiebreak point. It is the whole 15,30,40-point and the deuce and the love and that sounds weird saying that altogether. But it is really remarkable what these two guys are doing out there.

So fuck Italy and their garbage ass team losing to Slovakia. And fuck Paraguay and New Zealand and their 0-0 tie.

Also, there are some really hot tennis chicks.

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Confession #4 – I hate Twilight. That isn’t much of a confession as really just a given. But that does not stop others from telling me about Twilight or keeping me up to date with what is happening with Twilight, which I never ask about. I get that I started this blog on my own volition and it is about Kristen Stewart and her wanting IT and Kristen is in Twilight, but people have run with that on their own. For instance:

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Not saying anything is wrong with it, but that is the gift wrapping paper used for my birthday presents last week. It’s funny. It makes sense. I’m just saying… I still do not care for this movie and book series. So, last night I called mi padre up to say whaddup and he informs me that Jimmy Kimmel is having some Twilight thing on at 10pm. Again, I never asked about it, but people feel the need to tell me about these things. Again, I get why they do, I’m just saying THAT THEY DO THIS TO ME ALL THE TIME.

After dinner, I watched a great documentary It Might Get Loud. Once over, I turned on the TV. It was about 10:50 pm at this point… and curiosity got the better of me. I turned the fucking Jimmy Kimmel Twilight whatever that was on. I really don’t know what I can say that will be any more embarrassing than what that was already.

OH MY GOD! ISNER WON! HE FUCKING WON! IT’S OVER! THE SOULS OF THE WIMBLEDON DEAD CAN FINALLY REST! SEVENTY TO SIXTY EIGHT! UN-FUCKING-REAL! For a minute there, I was expecting this match to literally go on forever and I would just live my life with it going on in the background. A battle between to titans for the rest of eternity. I love it. They are presenting them with some memento for this match and one of the presenters is Tim Henman – brilliant. There is a soft spot in my heart for Tim Henman and his journeyman trials in Wimbledon being the home town favorite and never winning. He is also handsome, so ladies there could be a soft spot… oh forget it. The match lasted 11 hours and 5 minutes. Phenomenal performance by both men. SPORTS!

After the show was over, I checked my twitter feed because I was curious what the reactions of the public were. My twitter feed is pretty all Twilight and girl gossip randomly mixed with a few UFC fighters and Barack Obama. Thankfully, I was met with quite the red faced and furious 140 character tweets from you Twilight fans hating what was on TV.

Not only did the twitter feed seem to hate it, but so did the cast. Half of them looked like they were trying to pretend like they weren’t there. The other half was Peter Facinelli answering the dumbest questions. Numerous cuts to Kristen just shaking her head, numerous cuts to Rob with eyes glazed over believing he is better than all of this (and sincerely who isn’t), and I didn’t see any of the rest of them speak, blink or breath – they could have been wax sculptures for all I know.

I saw the last three questions and they were atrocious. The one thing I did hear that I liked though was when Kristen Stewart and Ashley Greene (who looked like a supermodel from the Fifth Element) said they don’t have guy fans. Well, I fucking hate those two Twilight movies, so “fan” is an odd term for me. But I know who you two leggy broads are and I’m a fan of that.

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Confession #5 – The list of “50 women over 60 years old” was completed months ago. Finally, I got around to videotaping it. Yes, indeed the list will be apart of a video. I thought just posting the list would be a little boring to do again. So, there will be a video. Now I need to get my lazy Kristen Stewart/Ashley Greene liking ass to edit it. But safe to say, the wheels are in motion.

Questions for Friday.

If you would like to join in, it has an exact similarity to Go! Ninja! Go! Ninja! Go! by the vivacious, virile, vigilant, vexing, vast, voracious, vumulescent (?) Vanilla Ice!

For 27 years, I have had no ill will towards the peoples of Algeria, but tomorrow will be a death match where all morals are vanquished. There is no end to what the grand old flag could do to your nation’s soccer team that I wouldn’t approve to secure victory. I will fully support the use of urine soaked daggers by the stars and stripes on these treasonous foes. Whatever we need to do red, white and blue! We simply have to make it to the knockout round!

We tied the English scallywags. We defeated the Slovenians before that dastardly Mali referee committed a war crime and stole back our winning goal. And now we must claim a resounding victory over Algeria! I am so emphatic about this point that piss soaked knives will be seen as an appropriate means to a much wonderful end!

Let’s fucking win today!

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

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USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

Fun fact – you can actually drink piss. But if you rinse a knife in it and then stab someone with it – that’s pretty much death right there. If anyone gets that reference then you and I are soulmates.

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