This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #28

June 11, 2010

It is Friday and I’m back. Nothing new to report. Just another week in KSWI City. The World Cup started this morning. So I’ll be distracted a little while watching the South Africa vs. Mexico game. Expect this to be a common occurrence as the World Cup lasts for a month.

I’m not sure who I’m rooting for in this match. Should I blindly root for South Africa because they are the host country? But I have always had an affinity for my neighboring country, Mexico. I know who I’m really rooting for: a GOAL! Fucking score a goal already! AHHHHHH!!!! I’m an American and I don’t understand sports where they don’t score points like every second! AHHHH!!!!!!

YESS!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! SOUTH AFRICA ACTUALLY JUST SCORED AS I WAS WRITING THAT!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!! I’M SO HAPPY!!! I FEEL SO ALIVE! I FEEL SO ALIVE THAT I’M SINGING P.O.D. … which I’ve done before on this blog. Same joke done before, but I still like it.

On with the questions…

So annihilated on a Wednesday night that you’re in no shape to write today?

Uh hunh. That happened.

The short story was a friend of mine from college who moved to the Left coast of America was in town. To celebrate seeing him for the first time in over a year in EST, we got drunk. At first, myself, him and another friend of his I had not met before got dinner at a bar we used to frequent. This was at 6pm. We all got food, but we also all drank around 6 beers each while eating that food. After we finished eating, we were now ready to go to a bar to specifically drink at. Although we were sitting in a bar at the bar and drinking 6 beers – this was our dinner bar. Now we needed our drinking bar.

We went to a second bar with renewed focus to drink there. This eventually lead to Jameson shots besides all the beer. Around mid-point of the Flyers and Blackhawks game, we decided to go to a new bar for the second half of the game where there were friends of my friend’s friend there. When we arrived at that bar, those guys were already doing shots which led to more shots that we all were involved in. When the game ended and the Flyers lost and people got back to not giving a fuck about hockey the way they naturally do every other moment in their lives – we knew we couldn’t stay at this third bar because that bar was just the bar we were at to watch the second half of the hockey game.

At the fourth bar, we were all on the same page: drinking. No more bullshit 3 tier sports to watch. Now we were just going to drink as if we hadn’t been drinking before all this time. Bars close at 2am in Philly, so we were at the fourth bar until closing. From 6pm – 2am out drinking. We all said goodbyes. I was sleeping on the couch of another friend. When I got to his place at after 2am, he was up drinking wine, so I had two glasses of wine as a night cap. And then crammed myself onto a love seat couch for inebriated slumber.

I awoke Thursday morning hung over at 11:58am. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to pull myself together to write anything. So you got what you got.


Question for Friday – if you’re not too loaded* to come back from fuckmyblogville (thank you Susanelle). Does NJ local media really give coverage to that bi**h who wants to become the fattest bi**h in the world??

Short answer: No.

Long answer: No.

I had no idea of it until you mentioned it.

Am I the only one that thinks the crowd at a World Cup game sounds like a massive bee army is constantly circling? It just sounds like BZZZZZZZZZZ the entire game in the background.

who does give a fuck about twilight anymore?

Good question. I don’t. I never did in the first place so my answer is biased. I was into the idea of seeing New Moon. I really don’t have any desire to see Eclipse. I haven’t even watched the trailer. We’ll see though. Who knows, I may end up seeing it.

Question: How hard should I got after my Williamsburg-living lead-singer-I-met-one-time Aussie chick crush? Is that like a dream girl scenario right there?

I’d say go for it. Hard. Real hard. What’s the worst that could happen? She shoots you down? She shoots you down then hires a gang of Korean mafioso to kidnap you, torture you, cut off your man parts for even thinking about them touching her, they leave you on the side of the road neutered? Please say that won’t happen to you. If that will happen to you then I would say DON’T DO IT! But if it is just she shoots you down is the worst case scenario then go for it.

“Dream girl scenario”? Probably. But I have many “dream girl scenario”ssss. I’ve mentioned my infatuation with female athletes where I get to be the supportive cheering husband on the sideline. An Australian chick who is the lead singer of a band would be good too. Hopefully I will remem






What was I saying… oh right.

Hopefully, I will remember to write about this next week, but I recently saw a “dream girl” on OkCupid who was from Australia. That would be crazy if it was the same girl, but I don’t remember her profile saying she was a singer in a band. That’s something someone would mention. Anyway, a few of my friends started OkCupid accounts which made me think about the one I started awhile ago. I hadn’t gone on it in awhile, so I went on. I’ll just save the story for next week.

question for fri even tho i wont c it til sun (sending from phone, can u tell?) – if i marry mr. cledbo then have him cheat on me with a nazi biker broad, will ScarJo pash me on live tv too?

Yes? Or really I should “I hope so”. I’m rooting for you. Tell me how it turns out.

What is keeping you up at night? Is there a body buried somewhere? What have you done that you can’t sleep the sleep of the just or even just the sleep of the sleepy? How long have you been taking Ambien? Can you not just start having a few beers before bedtime? Why do you even have a bedtime if you don’t have to get into work? Why don’t you smoke a lot of pot, like I do (my “problem” is staying awake)? Are you secretly 40 years old and in a mid-life crisis (about how you’re actually gay)?

I’ve been taking Ambien for over two years. I have trouble turning my brain off and just staying still and being comfortable. Drunk sleep is not good sleep. Plus I have a good tolerance for alcohol, so unless I feel like getting smashed every night (which thankfully I don’t) then a few beers wouldn’t matter. I still don’t have any Ambien. I took Simply Sleep again last night. I didn’t get much sleep until early this morning. I did have another great dream. One of those dreams that are so great that when you wake up you are furious your life has not panned out the same way it did in your dream.


Normally that would depress me, but right now I’m just so damn happy seeing GOALS being scored. WORLD CUP! I LOVE YOU!

Until next week… Have a great weekend everybody.


33 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #28”

  1. amanda said

    cyborg. cyborgs are generally portrayed as larger and more muscular (in a robotic sense) than robots but fuck taylor lautner. jamie campbell bower and michael sheen are where its at.

    • PWG said

      I think we exhaustively covered the relative do-ability of Mr. Lautner in his exclusive post and I chimed in as neutral, but if by “where it’s at” you mean “who I’d rather be scantily clad with” I’m going to disagree. Even with my whorish love of accents.

      • MLF said

        I must say I don’t really care for anyone of those three but I agree, I would go with Taylor, for the lone reason that when I look at him I feel like he showers regularly, whereas with the other two I’m not so sure.

      • Pol said

        Yes he showers..but also probably depillates, exfoliates, hydrates and goes for mani/pedis…
        That said he is attractive despite the metro-sexual grooming and shiny-suit wearing.
        I say cyborg.

      • amanda said

        as for showering regularly, taylor probably has got the other two beat. but im attracted to talent rather than muscle, and sure taylor’s martial arts are fantastic and all, but theres just something about jamies unconventional style and persona that i find extremely attractive. and as for michael sheen, even though hes quite a bit older and infinitely less good-looking, i also find my attraction is mostly due to his talent.

  2. Lala said

    You must be a really patient person if you are watching the World Cup. Soccer is extremely boring, I mean the match can end with no goals whatsoever. And I just don’t get why sometimes, when a player finally scores a goal, it doesn’t really count. There’s something about there being too much people in front of him… or not enough people… I don’t know. I don’t think I have ever watched more than five minutes of a match.

    • PWG said

      I’m more of a hockey fan myself, but it’s a sport so I’m contractually obligated by marriage to watch it. US vs. UK tomorrow, I’d better go trash talk my British friends today while I still can. I expect us to lose horribly.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        Pfffft… Lose? We will win. Or tie. We’re not losing.

      • MLF said

        uhmmmm reallyyyy? seriosly? I know basically nothing about sports but I’m pretty confident in saying that the US will most likely lose horribly tomorrow. I mean no one in the US gives a fuck about soccer really, except for maybe twice a year. We play football instead. Conversely, UK plays soccer (football) the way the US plays football (not soccer) sooo yeah.

        I say we bet on it.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        I was right. You both were wrong. What do I win? It better be something worthwhile.

      • Amy D said

        Seattle is fairly big on soccer since we got the Sounders. There is even a soccer bar by my house ??? I personally just read the headlines for it as I read the online news, I won’t watch any of it.

      • campbelld said

        England are insane about Soccer and they still kinda suck. It’s all their horrible food.

      • amanda said

        i agree with campbelled. english food sucks.
        “Vinegar is British ketchup. But how bad does your food have to be that you put vinegar on it to make it taste better?”
        – jim gaffigan. one of my favorite quotes.

  3. Unemployment? More like FUNemployment!

    HEYOOOOO! My jokes are the best. Don’t hate, it’s the best I can come up with in my current state of hungoverness.

    Who thought “OKCupid” was a good name? “I’d like to go on some dates, but I have pretty low expectations and am not looking for anything too awesome. Just something that’s OK would do just fine.”

  4. MLF said

    I detest Anna’s shoes in that picture. no. No, I LOATHE those shoes. I want to find the designer that made those horribly ugly things popular this season and shake my finger shamingly at him. FOR SHAME.

    Those awful shoes aside, I guess anna kendrick is pretty. If you say so. Personally she does nothing for me and I would even go on to say I find Dolphin-face-Johannsen more attractive but whatevs. I’m sure both anna and scarlett will go on living their life perfectly comfortable that I’m not attracted to them.

    and who gives a fuck about twilight? …..uhm, ME! at this point I have not seen a decent movie in theaters since….well maybe last week because I see a lot of movies, basically every movie that comes out, therefore I forget about good ones I have seen but I can confidently say this: both Get Him to the Greek AND Prince of Persia were servere let downs. For me anyways- Prince of Persia was thoroughly mediocre and GHttG was downright painful. except for one skit involving a furry wall- that shiz was hilarious. anyhizzle my point is- I NEED Eclipse to be good. I NEED IT. like a junkie needs his next hit. Because going to the movies is one of my favorite things and in the past year I have seen a RIDICULOUSLY HIGH NUMBER OF MOVIES THAT SUCK! I AM SO PISSED BY HOLLYWOODS FAILURES THAT I HAVE TO USE SHOUTY CAPS TO PORTRAY MY FURY!

    so plz plz plzplzplz PLEASE everybody pray that Eclipse doesn’t suck because if it does I may seriously freak out and start clawing apart the movie screen.

    • susanelle said

      Milf, you’re beyond platinum awesome at this point and moving into “can this amazing girl be real?” ::squinty eyes::

    • I hope for your sake that Eclipse is good. But, if we’re being honest here, Twilight and New Moon weren’t, so I think it’s a bit of a long shot. But uh… fingers crossed?

      I’m totally Twi’ed out. I’ll see Eclipse eventually, but I have a feeling that will be the last one. I just saw IMDb tweet something about the last book being split into two movies that won’t be released until the end of 2011/2012. To that I say fuuuuuccckkkk thaaaaaat. They can’t even manage to get the actors’ wigs to look convincing, so I’d like to see them fool everyone into thinking Robert Pattinson is still 17 in another 2 years.

      • campbelld said

        He’s started looking about 30. Actually a little terrifying how fast he’s gone from teenager to full adult.

    • Pol said

      I watch these movies because well… there are good looking people in the movie… I don’t need any other reason.
      I would be an added bonus if Eclipse was good though…

      • PWG said

        Yeah, as long as fake-Edward’s in it, I’ll just keep shoveling money into Stephenie Meyers’ purse. That said, I haven’t seen any of his other movies beyond Harry Potter. I’m sure he’ll sleep better knowing my unhealthy interest is in the fictional character and not the actor. I’m not proud of all this, you know.

  5. Cristalena said

    The World Cup does things in our household, everyone was up early today and we were hanging out in the same room!

    Soccer and beer are the only things that mexicans can bond over.

    Here’s a question (I wish I had submitted it yesterday) Why soccer not popular here in the US? It’s huge everywhere else. It makes me sad.

    • PWG said

      I think Jordan nailed it*. We have the attention spans of fruit flies here, and it’s a low-scoring game. Plus there aren’t a lot of injuries, despite the Academy Award-level faking. If we don’t get constant action, we require the possibility of blood.

    • campbelld said

      It aint all that popular in Australia as well. But we have our own version of Football that no one else plays as well. I’d say it’s sport number four back home, one above here. Australia=Aussie Football, Cricket, Rugby, Soccer.
      USA=American Football, Baseball, Basketball, Hockey, Soccer.

  6. susanelle said

    I have trouble turning my brain off and just staying still and being comfortable.

    Hmmm…. maybe you ought to read this website:

    In fact, when I first started reading KSWI, I thought you might have written that website, too. HA HA. No.

  7. Pol said

    effing vuvuzelas and this effing world cup…. a big old draw…. yayness…big deal SA… we suck.
    My lips are raw from blowing vuvuzelas… effing stupid me succumbing to peer pressure…

    • Who is vuvuzelas?

      Ready… Wait for it… Heeeyyyoooooooo!

      That one was for AlmostAmy. AmyAlmost? I can never remember. Anyway, for Amy.

      Off to google vuvuzelas.

      • Pol said

        It’s a cheap plastic trumpet that sounds like cheap plastic trumpet… not an ‘elephant’ etc as google might lead you to believe.
        The worst ones by far are the mini-ones that sound like goats being violated.

      • MLF said

        a Kazoo!

  8. campbelld said

    By the way-Australia V Germany at the Sheep Station in Park Slope, Brooklyn! Ya’ll are invited…
    As is the lead-singer crush. Who I am talking to on twitter. We’re two exchanged tweets into a conversation.

    This band. AMAZING!

    • MLF said

      damnnnnn son.

      I like em. two thumbs up

    • PWG said

      On your third tweet, I think you should introduce her to the magic of K-Swell. If she likes this site, that’s pretty much all the gatekeeping you need to do, she’s a winner. Plus she’ll find your good taste in web sites very alluring.

      If it all goes to hell in a handbasket and she also proposes marriage to Jordan or HB . . . well, I manage to have a real husband and a fake Internet spouse at the same time. I’m sure she can juggle the two of you as well.

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