Twenty Seven Years Ago – The World Got A Lot Funnier

June 15, 2010


KSWI Jordan (J): Hello, Kristen. You appear to want it, but are pensive about wanting it.

Kristen Stewart (KS): I do want it, but today is such a boring day. All I’m doing is sitting in front of this red backdrop and answering questions about Taylor and Rob and what it was like kissing Dakota Fanning. I wish something great would happen.

J: Well, I have something to tell you. It might change your thoughts concerning June 15th forever.

KS: What’s that?

J: It’s my birthday.


KS: Your birthday?

J: Yes.

KS: Your birth-day? Your berff-day?

J: Yes. Did you say berff-

KS: Your ber-ber-ber-b-b-b-b-buuuuuuhhhhhh-

J: What is happening?

KS: Ber-ber-ber-ber-bbbbbbbbbb-b-b-b-b-ber-ber-berfff-ffffffffffff-

J: Does someone need to reset her?



KS: How did I not know this?

J: You have not responded to any of my friend requests on Facebook. My many friend requests.

KS: Well, for good reason I have not responded. You remember what transpired in Guadalajara last year. That can never be mentioned of the Eff-Book.


KS: This is just great news! I need to do something for your birthday. A token, a gesture of my appreciation for all that you’ve done for my career and existence on this crazy spinning rock in space.

J: Well, I don’t think you-

KS: But… I WANT to.


KS: Shhhhh… Jordan. I have something to show you. Something to show you on your birthday. Hold on. It takes a second to get ready.







KS: I fucking want IT.


Happy Birthday Everyone!


19 Responses to “Twenty Seven Years Ago – The World Got A Lot Funnier”

  1. PWG said

    Those were some inspired picture choices. Here’s an embedded video of The Cars singing Let’s Go. Imagine Lady Gaga singing it. Are you imagining really, really hard? There you go, then, happy birthday.

  2. Forgetful Lucy said

    Awww, I love this. You can’t quit us- the feeling is mutual. Wishing you a wonderful 27th birthday!

    I was wondering if in the future when you look back at photos of yourself from this very important day in history, what will you remember of the reasoning behind the fact that you are sporting what I assume is a mountain-man/hobo styles beard? Will you have a chuckle to yourself and remember with fondness the summer of unemployment where you decided to grow out your beard all for the entertainment of your lovely/crazy commenters on that crazy/mildly popular blog about how Kristen Stewart WANTs It, which you wrote for basically a whole year of your life? Just curious.

    Have a great one! I guess this mean I need to eat some cake in your honor today, it’s the least I can do, really.

  3. susanelle said

    Jordan, it’s your birthday.
    God bless you this day.
    You gave me the gift of a little …um, mister,
    And I’m proud of you today.

    Jordan, it’s your birthday.
    Happy birthday, Jordan.
    Jordan, it’s your birthday.
    Happy birthday, Jordan.

    I wish you love and good will.
    I wish you peace and joy.
    I wish you better than your heart desires.
    And your first kiss from a… um, moy.

    Jordan, it’s your birthday.
    Happy birthday, Jordan.
    Jordan, it’s your birthday.
    Happy birthday, Jordan.

  4. Lala said

    Happy birthday, KSWI Jordan!

  5. Happy Birthday, handsome. I had lofty dreams of altering photos of people and things as a method of lovingly torturing you on this holiest of holy occasions, but my computer shit out on me last night and all the fun stuff is blocked at work. I guess I could just be nice instead…

    So, have a good one. Kill your liver. Make bad decisions. Be thankful you don’t have to share your day with those greedy dad’s this year. Just Jim Werner… Enjoy your day, you deserve it.

  6. PWG said

    I’ve been over at Gift Ideas For My Man today, trying to pick out the perfect imaginary gift to go along with the cards I’ve been bombarding you with. I think I’ve settled on this perfectly hideous man bag. They have a Worm Works Composter I was eyeing, too. My gift is that I’m not getting you these awful things.

    • cledbo said

      That’s amahhhhzing. I love that we live in a world where someone thought that…thing was worth over 200 pounds. Which I believe is close to $600 in cheapo Australian money. Sheeeesh.

  7. PWG said

    Why hello, Jim Werner. We meet again.

  8. campbelld said

    Happy Birthday J-meist. The Jo-Dog. The J to the orizzle.
    As your present I shall leave the USA. Now are you happy?
    These are some utterly adorable pictures of K-Stew. Been saving them?
    Also here is the Ramones singing Happy Birthday in the Simpsons.
    The Spanish-language version of the Simpsons. It was also in english, but this is funnier.

  9. amanda said

    Happy Birthday!!!!
    omg me asking about this yesterday was such a coincidence! no matter the fact that i couldve just looked it up via facebook (duhhh!) im so simple sometimes. but Happy Birthday man! what are you turning.. 27? hope its an awesome one [:

  10. MLF said

    Happy Birthday!

  11. raven said

    Happy Birthday.

  12. kt said


  13. Amy D said

    Happy Birthday! Loves, hugs and kisses – you can decide on placement. My little gift to you, you’re welcome.

  14. Crystal said

    Happy Birthday Jordan! I liked the post today. Pretty pictures of KS wanting it and imaginary dialogue between the two of you.

    Awesome. Happy Birthday! 🙂

    I can’t believe I forgot you were born exactly one month before me. Are we awesome or what?

  15. cledbo said

    Dude, another year, another candle. You already know my feelings about being in my mid-20s – how does being late-20s compare? Is your stockmarket crashing*?

    I hope KStew’s Want cosmically sends you all the things you wished for blowing out the candles on your ice-cream cake. If you didn’t get an ice-cream cake, why the hell not? Ice-cream rules.

    That mullet is scaring me, I don’t want to look but I can’t turn away.

  16. AmyAlmost said

    Happy Birthday! – so are you planning on surviving your rockstar year?

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