Because I’m Leaving On A Jet Plane…

July 6, 2010

That’s right. Today is my last day in lovely Las Vegas. My flight is the red eye back to scorching Jersey City, so if you find yourself hanging out in the Las Vegas airport after dinner then come say “hola”. Incidentally, if you find yourself eating a very early breakfast at the Newark airport tomorrow morning then hopefully that breakfast is cocaine because I’m going to need some to drive home in the morning rush hour.

Hold me like you’ll never let me go

‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane…

And my beard is coming with me



Yeah, I’ve still got it. I’m really uncertain when I’ll shave it, but it is growing everyday like the late Manute Bol during puberty. This is a fairly lifeless picture though. C’mon me! Put some energy into it!


Very nice. Subtlety is key. Don’t want to overextend oneself.

I’m a little sick of staring at myself dead on. Me? Can you do something about that?


Ahhhh… regal. Stoic. Hairy.

There is something in my eyes here. What is in your eyes? Oh no. Oh. No. It’s that twinkle. It is that crazy twinkle in your/my eyes that scares me. Don’t do what I think you are about to do it. It is too graphic for …




Phew. We are in control. Stupid beard. I can’t believe I was even nervous for a minute that you or I was not in control of this powerful beast.

Well, now that we have the advantage over it (2 on 1 – you and I vs. it – a devil’s threesome if you will), let’s make it do something!


WAR FACE! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Like a lion. We are using a lot of power. This may backfire against us. I don’t know how much longer we can control this.


Oh no the beard is fighting back! Who will win!?! This is a battle for the ages. This is getting graphic.


Oh the insanity of it all! Fight it! We need to fight it or our identities will be lost forever. It will only be the beard left. Fight man! FIGHT!


Sigh, and we’re back to normal. OR the “normal” that I’m currently living with.

That’s my post for today. My beard.

I won’t be posting tomorrow since I’ll probably be asleep. My flight is supposed to get in at 5:30 am or so. I am not looking forward to this.

So, how is everyone else?


24 Responses to “Because I’m Leaving On A Jet Plane…”

  1. tiffanized said

    I’m printing those out and making a flip book. Old fashionedy entertainment right there.

    Have a safe trip home.

    • susanelle said

      If you scroll up and down really fast, you can create your own little movie… in fact, you can make Jordan seem to say things (in a slow-motion-voice kind of way).

  2. susanelle said

    So, how is everyone else?

    We’re fine, babé!

    The last photo is my fave… that’s a fine-looking nose there… I’m guessing PhotoShop… how do you p’shop on an iPhone???????

  3. brandy said

    i’m getting a distinctly hagar the horrible vibe from the beard pics. holland is totally pwning uruguay’s ass right now. hup hup holland!

  4. kt said

    I like your beard.

    My lease is up soon so I am pretending to pack today. I managed 3 boxes. 2 of books one of dvds. Besides clothes and possibly markers, books are the largest collection of stuff I own. It sucks because they are heavy and a bitch to move. I have moved at least once every year for the past 6 years and everytime I do I am amazed at how much stuff I have. I never think I have a lot, until I have to cram it all into my car… but it pretty much all fits in a Mustang so I guess I really don’t have a lot.

    • tiffanized said

      I couldn’t even fit just my books into a Mustang. I have a Grand Cherokee and even then I think I’d be making three trips at least in books alone. I don’t share your marker problem, though. I’ve got two Sharpies in my house, max.

      • kt said

        I have a whole giant Rubbermaid thing of Pantone markers. There is probably 80-100 in there… then I take into account that those markers are $4 a piece and it makes me a little depressed. Art supplies are expensive. I would have more books but I try and give them to my younger cousin to encourage her to read whenever I can.

  5. Wow. That thing is impressive. But summer-beard sounds like a terrible idea. It is currently 101 degrees in my town, which means it is probably 105 degrees inside my apartment. I don’t imagine hair covering my face would help me stop feeling like I’m about to spontaneously combust.

    Side note: my browser is underlining “combust” in red squiggles as if it’s not a word. It totally is, right? I think Chrome’s just trying to trick me into saying “cumbust”.

    Is mismatched facial hair a common phenomenon? My dad also has red facial hair, but has jet black hair on his head. I’m not sure why I think you would have the answer to this, but I imagine I would do some research were I in your shoes in my early teens and those “changes” I was going through were all rainbowy.

    • cledbo said

      Mr Cledbo has brown hair with an ever increasing amount of grey in it, but when he lets himself go over the holidays his beard has little bits of red/copper in it. It’s weird, and looks like he’s been drinking Jim Beam & Cola premixes.

    • MLF said

      I know I said I wouldn’t do this anymore but…

      (337): summer is not the time to consider going full bush.

      I mean cmon. it doesn’t get more on-topic than that.

  6. cledbo said

    Your beard makes you un-smilely. Or you’re a generally un-smilely person, and the beard seems to accentuate this. Give us a grin, fuzzy-man!

    You were made to be a fan of this band too:
    The Beards

    So kiss me and smile for me, tell me that you’ll wait for me, hold me like you’ll never let me goooooo….

    I’m good, thx for asking. My upper abs hurt really bad and I’m doped up on Panadol Rapid, but other than that and the fact that my yard was covered in frost this morning, I’m awesome.

  7. PWG said

    Frankly you’re freaking me out by how related to me you look. I come from a long line of male cave bears, and they have the multi-colored thing going on, too. Blonde mustache, red beard and brown hair. Cousin Jordan?

    I saw Eclipse and The Last Airbender this weekend. And the Percy Jackson Lightning Thief & some dinosaur movie, and . . . yeah, I just watched movies and cleaned up after an incontinent dog for three days. Plus mini golf. And go-kart racing. And I asked my neighbors to give it up already with the fireworks, which I feel kind of bad about now. But at the time I was angry with the never-ending aerial bombardment.

    • cledbo said

      I want your weekend.

      My weekend involved getting stagger-drunk and having a grandaddy hangover on Sunday. Not that that wasn’t fun, and cleaning up after pets always sucks.

      But mini golf AND go-kart racing? Wicked cool…

      • I hereby formally request that we add mini golf and go-kart racing to the KSWI-Con itinerary. You all can do it in bikinis to keep Kay Swidge over there entertained.

        My weekend involved road tripping it up to Boston, seeing Lady Gaga in concert, going to a gay club where we played “Was He At Lady Gaga or Does He Dress Like That Every Saturday?”, visiting a classy beach, eating fried local seafood, visiting a not so classy beach in New Hampshire, grilled things and booze. It was pretty awesome.

  8. Lala said

    Cool beard.
    And nice of you for asking how we are. I am fine.

  9. MLF said

    so I am finally home and omg. I cannot believe I actually spent the night in Boston RIGHT AFTER HB left. UTTER FUCKERY and fail and whahh whahhhh wahhhhhhhh. I did see three girl Moose(mooses? moosi?) though and one baby Moose which was very cute.

    That’s really all I had to add.

    • Your moose quandry reminds me of this comedian, Brian Regan’s, bit about being stupid in school.

      Had I known your flight would get all fucked up, I would have called out “sick” from work to stay an extra night. But narrowly missing out on all the fun is the story of my life. I would have the most anticlimactic autobiography ever.

  10. cledbo said

    Here’s a question for Friday (if it ever comes; this has to be the longest week in the history of the world relativistically speaking, right here…):

    Is your beard as coarse as it looks in those photos?
    Why is beard hair sometimes more steel-wool like in consistency than head hair? Surely the face and the scalp form a similar skin foundation?

    And of course, the question all us KSWI pervs want to know – does the carpet match the drapes? Or the table coverings?
    (Figure that analogy out, hah!)

  11. amanda said

    quality beard growth right there.

  12. campbelld said

    I had a full, round the chin beard, but I shaved it off earlier this week, so now I just have this douchehat little goatee. I wanna punch myself whenever I look in the mirror, so I guess it’s an improvement from wanting to beat my own face in with a rusty boathook.

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