Analytical Dissection of Jason Derulo’s “Ridin’ Solo”

September 14, 2010

Jason Derulo and I have a lot in common. We are so alike in so many ways, so much so that I have been described as the “White Jason Derulo” or the “Jewish Jason Derulo” or if they are in a rush and not necessarily PC “Jason Jew-rulo”. I have also been mistaken for Jason Derulo on occasion, but to be honest it was pretty dark in that hotel room and it was Jason Derulo’s hotel room and I did sneak into that hotel room through the window and I was responding in a falsetto pitch “Yes, I’m Jason Derulo.”

Nevertheless, Jason Derulo and I share a bond.

I am 100% certain everyone has heard his first single “In My Head”. I can’t even imagine living in a cave would save you from hearing that song. I feel there is a high percentage chance people tracked you down in that cave, roofied your canteen water, held you down and forced you to listen to “In My Head”. The song is everywhere! It will find you! “In My Head” is where I learned about this unspoken kinship between myself and Jason. The long and short of the song, when a pretty girl walks past Jason Derulo at a club – he immediately starts imagining himself fucking said girl in his head. I DO THAT TOO! Isn’t that crazy!?!

Hearing “In My Head” for the first time was like reading Kierkegaard for the first time: other people think this way too! Thank the GD-ing Lord! I instantly felt a connection between Jason and I that we both see a random hot girl in a bar and we start undressing her in our heads and imagine that she is just attacking our wangs like it is the last boss of Contra – fast, hard and constant efficient movement. With that being said, I decided to seek out Jason Derulo’s second single “Ridin’ Solo”.

Much like “In My Head”, this new opus is oddly similar to how I live my life or want to. The lyrics are a poetic masterpiece and the video is a Thanksgiving feast of visual delights. Let’s take this journey together as I examine the lyrical wonder and the fascinating video for Jason Derulo’s “Ridin’ Solo”. The lyrics will be in bold and my keen observations will be in the normal font that looks like everything else so far minus the word bold.

But – before we start – there is a preface to the video that is not in the song. We see Jason sitting at his piano and he is repeating over and over “Love made me blind”. No! Noooo! Derulo is blind! NO!!!! Actually, I believe it is a metaphor. Metaphorically, love has made Jason blind. What love? Or for who?

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Yowzahs! Jason Derulo is not blind because that chick is hot. But I guess the point is that she is a bitch. This hot bitch’s hotness blinded Jason from seeing what a bitch she is for him to have put up with this bitchiness for so long before they finally separated. For her sake, I hope he broke up with her because if she broke up with Jason Derulo then she has got to be kicking herself for that. She threw away a fucking lottery ticket! Unless she moved on and wooed the illegal Justin Bieber, not many artists are more popular right now than Mr. D-E-R-U-L-O. Either way, this hot chick in the picture is out of the picture in terms of Jason Derulo’s personal life. AM I RIGHT!?!

Onto the actual jam…

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Yeeeeeyeeeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I’m feeling like a star, you can’t stop my shine,
I’m loving cloud nine, my head’s in the sky,
I’m solo, I’m riding solo,
I’m riding solo, I’m ridin solo, sooloooo.

Isn’t his voice just magical!?!

Jason is in an upbeat mood to say the least. He is finally free of that bitch who was just draining his life force like a Midgar mako reactor in Final Fantasy VII and now he is excited to be on his own. This is Jason Derulo’s time, you scum sucking bitch! You soft skinned, but cancerous evil hearted vile succubus wench! You pretty faced jizzrag whore of… whew, I need to calm down. I just can’t stand to think she hurt Jason Derulo in anyway. He is a wonderful unique flame in this dark world. I mean seriously- how many young, black, soft singing, auto-tune using, dances like Michael Jackson, and writes pop-dance songs guys can you think of? Like 100 probably, but 100 out of 6 billion people on the planet is a pretty rare commodity statistically speaking.

Yeah, I’m feeling good tonight, finally doing me and it feels so right, oh,
Time to do the things I like,
going to the club everything’s alright, oh,

At first, I won’t lie, I thought he was talking about jerking off. He’s “riding solo”, he’s feeling good, he’s “finally doing me and it feels so right”… “oh”… It is an honest mistake. Maybe she was around his place all the time never giving him a moment’s peace to do some TCOB-ing of himself. I’m just saying it has to be done every so often… every day… every 4-6 hours … but I get he means he is talking about how she made him do all the stupid girly stuff she wanted to do and now he can do all the manly stuff he wants to do: going to a fancy club to get drunk and dance his ass off. And, “ridin’ solo” just sounds like a good euphemism for masturbating.

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No one to answer to,
no one that’s gonna argue, no,
And since I got the hold off me,
I’m living life now that I’m free, yeah,

Until I read the lyrics, I though Derulo said “And since I got the ho off me”. Maybe I was hoping that is what he said. I think if Derulo had the chance to re-record this song he would see that “ho” fits ever better than “hold”. Also, it is just fun to refer to someone as a “ho”. It always puts a smile on your face. Try and call someone a “ho” without smiling. Actually, I dare you to do so. Go out, leave work, go find someone, whatever you have to do and call them a “ho”. Your face will light up with an ear to ear smile. Depending on who you singled out as a “ho”, you might want to start running or get ready for a fist fight because as pleasurable as it is to call someone a “ho”, people don’t take too kindly to being called a “ho”.

Telling me to get my shit together
now I got my shit together, yeah,
Now I made it through the weather
better days are gonna get better

Jason is a little pissed. The “ho” comment seems to fit even better now. Get your shit together, Jason Derulo! Oh I got my shit together! I’m writing pop songs that please the ear holes of billions, you cantankerous ho! I am a little worried about what is Jason’s underlying reason to go out to this club tonight. He is “riding solo”, which means he is going to a bar by himself to do what he wants to do: get drunk and dance. That doesn’t sound too positive. I mean Aretha Franklin sang about getting “respect” where as Derulo may be developing an angry post break-up drinking problem. Hey Jason, how are things? Great, man. I’ve been going out drinking by myself pretty consistently since the relationship ended. Uhhhhh, that’s not what I was hoping to hear. Maybe you should pick up a hobby or learn a new language or better yourself somehow instead of drinking in public. Nope, I got this. I’m drinking and dancing by myself is the only way I’m going to get through this.

I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out I’m moving on,
I’m so sorry but it’s over now,
the pain is goooone,

That pain is only temporarily “goooone” because Jason is self-medicating with the relief of alcoholic intoxication and dancing intoxication. We may need to help Jason set some long term goals. Either way, we can’t stop him now because Jason is going out to the club whether we want him too or not.

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Here is Jason checking himself out in his three mirror set-up. He is not taking a quick peek at how he looks in his “threads” (that’s what the cool kids call “clothes”… in 2003), but he is performing some of his/Usher’s/Michael Jackson’s/You Got Served/Step Up 1,2,3-D dance moves in front of the mirror. This is eerily similar to how I get ready for a night out. If I’m getting the newspaper or going to an underground dance competition, I always practice some of my moves in front of a three section mirror. Let’s get a closer look of what Jason is wearing because it is…

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AMAZING! Holy shit, I want that jacket! It has a ridge of spikes running along his arms like he is a modest member of the Legion of Doom. That is what I call “post-apocalyptic-chic”. I fucking love it. My life would be complete if I had that jacket and the confidence or delusion to wear it. What was thinking behind this jacket? I’m thinking I want a nice light fitting jacket that I can wear to the club and dance in and at the same time be perfectly ready if a street fight turf war breaks out at anytime.

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Yeah, I’m looking good. Good and deadly. A forearm from me and I’ll turn your face into Swiss cheese, motherfucker. I feel like this only adds to my worry about Jason going drinking in the club by himself, now that he is clearly armed with a set of spikes running the length of both arms. Also, he better not trip or he’ll turn his flashy new jacket into an iron maiden.

I’m putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I’m jumpin’ in my ride,
I’m heading out tonight,
I’m solo, I’m riding solo,
I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo.
I’m feeling like a star, you can’t stop my shine,
I’m loving cloud nine, my head’s in the sky.
I’m solo, I’m riding solo,
I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo.

I’m not exactly sure why he needs to “cover up my eyes”. Are his eyes red? Are they red from getting high, crying or filled with murderous rage wearing his street warfare jacket? As far as Jason’s ride goes…

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He likes to keep it affordable with a Honda. It’s nice to see that Jason’s success hasn’t kept him from spending a reasonable amount of money on a sporty, but economic car. Honda’s have a great track record. Probably gets great gas mileage. Although, it is starting to sink in that when he said he is “riding solo” he literally meant it. Jason is driving himself to the club to go get angry drunk and dance. I would rather he have called a car service of some sort because it’s not like bars try and stop you from drunk driving home. Hopefully, Jason is planning on driving over to the club, leaving his car there, and taking a cab home. *fingers crossed*.

Now I’m feeling how I should,
never knew single could feel this good, oh,
Stop playing miss understood,
back in the game, who knew I would, oh,
So flex how I spread my wings, loving myself makes me wanna sing, oh,
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

And loving himself he surely does. Just look at his dance move…

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I’m the best. I’m the best.

I’m starting to get a little worried about our boy Jason Derulo. He is clearly drunk in the club on vodka and cranberry juice or champagne and cognac or whatever Derulo uses as his dancing fuel. He’s drunk, he’s dancing with his thumbs pointed to himself, he is wearing a spiked jacket out of The Warriors.

Telling me to get my shit together
now I got my shit together, yeah,
Now I made it through the weather
better days are gonna get better

Also, he is ruminating over this “getting his shit together”. Jason Derulo may have an OCD because of this break-up. Doesn’t he have any friends he can talk to? Did she take all their friends in the break-up? Because, whatever friends you do make at a dance club, drunk, dancing and wearing a dinner coat more applicable for the Thunderdome are not friends you want to keep.

I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out I’m moving on,
I’m so sorry but it’s over now,
the pain is goooone,

Just keep telling yourself that Jason.

At some point in the video, Jason finds himself at his destination: the club. There are a lot of beautiful young people at the club and everyone looks happy and no one looks disturbed about Jason’s not-so-concealed weapon jacket. But one thing is going on in the club, which is truly frightening…

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THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE! Going to a club and seeing cute chicks with an iPad filling out their PlentyofFish.com profile. Open your damn eyes! There are men in front of you! These online dating websites seem harmless enough, but at the same time will cause the destruction of our society. I will fully admit that I have a dating profile set-up on PlentyofFish’s competitor’s site, OkCupid. In a world where I believe I am liberal and open minded and I voted twice for a black president and I eat falafel and I watch foreign films and I think gay marriage should be legal (if not mandatory in some cases, who do some of these gays think they are having all this fun without worrying about marriage or accidentally knocking some one night stand up), but I have judged people. JUDGED PEOPLE! Thousands upon thousands, I have judged. And they have judged me.

It doesn’t take much. Not only can you easily disregard someone for a shitty profile picture or just a “not perfect” profile picture, but you can completely dismiss them if they haven’t answered what their favorite music is perfectly to your liking. They like Broken Social Scene – good. They like Spoon – good. They like Marcy’s Playground – WHAT THE FUCK!?! Seriously!!!?!??!?!?!!? I mean sure, who doesn’t like “Sex and Candy”, but the rest of the Marcy’s Playground catalog!?! THAT’S INSANITY! No one should like them that much that they would put them on this definitive list of music they like forever and ever!

Even more, OkCupid, as well as these other sites, don’t even allow this said imaginary Marcy’s Playground loving person to have their own page without reminding this visiting judge there are other people on this site “similar” to this person, but maybe better for you because they are “less kinky” or “more spiritual”. First, how the fuck does OkCupid no who is more or less “kinky”? Is there some formula out there that can take me liking “Talladega Nights”, “The Wire” and “The Pixies” and figure out what level kinkiness I am? If so, I WANT TO SEE IT!

Even more even more, is that OkCupid is constantly reminding you about how many people are out there on this website. 30,000 singles are online right now! Why settle for a person who you have never met or talked to with even one minor discrepancy on their profile. She likes Atonement? That’s it, we would never get along and we could never agree or laugh or talk about anything because that will be the subtext to all of our interactions. I like Italian food too. Yeah, bitch, but you also liked Atonement and that movie sucked! I don’t care that James McAvoy died and you do and we just cannot coexist.

Hmmmm… back to the song.

I’m putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I’m jumpin’ in my ride,
I’m heading out tonight,
I’m solo, I’m riding solo,
I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo.
I’m feeling like a star, you can’t stop my shine,
I’m loving cloud nine, my head’s in the sky.
I’m solo, I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo.
I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo

Restating what we already know – Jason Derulo is high as a kite from smoking marijuana and hash, he’s been crying like a little girl whose Tamagotchi pet died, he’s wearing a weaponized coat, he is planning on drunk driving home from the club, and he is delusional in thinking this break-up is over.

yeah it’s like S… O… L… O…
S… O… L… O… S… O… L… O…
Living my life and got stress no more,

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I’m putting on my shades
to cover up my eyes,
I’m jumpin’ in my ride,
I’m heading out tonight,
I’m solo, I’m riding solo,
I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo.
I’m feeling like a star, you can’t stop my shine,
I’m loving cloud nine, my head’s in the sky.
I’m solo, I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo.
I’m riding solo, I’m riding solo, sooloooo

My huge beef with this song is there is not one Han Solo reference. I can’t think of any song that is more perfect for at least a single one-off reference to the space cowboy extraordinaire, Han Solo. Who hasn’t gotten high while blubbering over your broken heart and taking a sharp weapon with them to a public place to get drunk by yourself? That was a typical Wednesday night in college for me. But not one Han Solo reference!?! It’s deplorable.

I really hope someone makes a spoof video/song of this. “Ridin’ with Han Solo” easily could be the chorus. All the lyrics could be altered to come from Han Solo’s hetero-lifemate/co-pilot Chewbacca’s perspective of ridin’ with Han Solo in the Millennium Falcon. Or it could be from one’s own perspective if one were another lucky member of the ship with Chewbacca, Luke, Leia, R2-D2, C3PO, Lando and, of course, Han Solo.

I’m riding solo, sooloooo,
I’m riding solo, sooloooo.

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Get that man a set of spikes for his jacket and then we’re all “Ridin’ Solo”.

Oh man, I want this spoof video to happen so bad! And I still want a Road Warrior tuxedo jacket.

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5 Responses to “Analytical Dissection of Jason Derulo’s “Ridin’ Solo””

  1. tiffanized said

    I’m glad the moniker “Jason Jew-rulo” is out there so I can openly call you that. It’s been tough keeping it under the radar.

    In addition to the Weird Al song version of “Ridin’ with Han Solo” might I suggest the making of the pornographic film “Ridin’ Han Solo”? I’ve always wanted to see a Wookiee in stripper heels.

  2. MLF said

    you know what they say, if you want something done, do it yourself.

    other than that the only thing I wanted to say was excellent excellent post. two thumbs up from the peanut gallery. .

  3. I hate this song. But your analysis was excellent. News to me that it’s not about rubbing one out.

    Use your Bad Standards connections to get your spoof song/video made, duh.

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