It’s the thoughts that count…

September 15, 2010

In honor of the UFC having a free event of fights tonight on SpikeTV, I would like to present what the glorious sport of MMA would look like if it was overrun by gay hipsters.


If you like baked potatoes:

1. Pre-heat oven to 350 degree
2. wash the potato
3. poke holes in the potato with a fork
4. Dip potato in olive oil
5. lightly salt the potato
6. put in oven for an hour
7. wait that hour
8. eat the delicious potato and think of me

Tonight on TV:

UFC Fight Night – 8-10pm

The Ultimate Fighter – season premiere – 10pm
Top Chef – season finale – 10pm
Inside the NFL – 10pm
Terriers – 10pm

I will have to use all of my DVR artistry tonight. Terriers’ first episode last week wasn’t anything special, but I’m willing to give it at least a couple more weeks.

Politics… sort of

There were some primary elections yesterday that you all may or may not voted in. Depending on if you live in Delaware and are a Republican and are wildly conservative, you may have voted for the winner Christine O’Donnell. She has quite a varied career of anything, but politics. I’m somewhat excited she won her primary considering I don’t think she has a shot at winning the general election. Political analysts have had a fun time talking about how wound up the Republican party seems to be and they’re voting in droves. They seem to be wound up because they are starting to tear apart at their own seams and voting every which way, but together. I’m all for this.

A huge part of Christine O’Donnell’s experience in the limelight has been pushing abstinence (fine) and no masturbation (WHAT!?!).

If I were to promote abstinence (which I most certainly am not… don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, amirite!?!), then I would have the greatest masturbatory pro-masturbation campaign on masturbating anyone could imagine. Everything would be whacking off this and jerking off that. I would be getting these unwed horny teenagers all spent gratifying themselves into pools of uninspired lives barely able to get out of their beds if I wanted to stop them from having promiscuous sex. Just saying. Spankwire will help abstinence with its endlessness of graphicness instead of singalongs with boring people.


I’m not afraid of heights, but this video makes me nauseous and gives me a strange cool rush of excitement. People are wild.


Originally, I was going to do a dissection of lyrics and music video on this:

Trey Songz – Say Ahhhh

I don’t know if that would have improved interest, but it couldn’t have made it any worse. I keep seeing Trey Songz everywhere on TV and I didn’t know who the hell he was, so I looked him up and found this video. It is brilliant to say the least. Why even go through the motions or the choreography of talking to a girl and the sweet subtlety of implying she should have another drink to loosen her up? You can just tell the chick to “say ahhhh” and pour half a bottle of vodka or Patrone down her throat. Much more effective, Trey. Also, everything that happens in the video pails in comparison to the enormous Rocky Mountains of cleavage from the girl in the background who seems to be perpetually leaning over. They need to give that girl a record deal or a TV show or my phone number and address and tell her that it is someone’s address and number that she would actually care about.


Here are my picks for who I am rooting for in tonight’s UFC event:

Ross Pearson vs. Cole Miller
I like both of these fighters, but I have to give the nod to Ross Pearson. The Brit spent some of his training camp in the US learning good ole’ American ‘rasslin from UFC Lightweight Champion Frankie Edgar and the Rutgers University wrestling team. Shall I say, J-E-R-S-E-Y! JERSEY! Jersey by way of the UK, but Jersey nonetheless.

Jim Miller vs. Gleison Tibau
Let’s cut the shit here – JERSEY! Jim Miller is born and raised in the great garden state. Plus I’m a fan of his anyway.

Efrain Escudero vs. Charles Oliveira
JERS… actually Efrain doesn’t have anything to do with New Jersey outside of my Jersey ass interviewing him for, which can be found here – – so I’m rooting for him for that and because I’m a fan. Dude rocks a mohawk as well.

Rousimar Palhares vs. Nate Marquardt
I have to go with Rousimar aka “Toquinho” on this one. “Toquinho” supposedly means “tree stump”. I think Rousimar is a very interesting fighter at being squat and built like a brick shit house. Whoever wins this fight will most likely have a shot at the Middleweight belt. The two guys who are currently in line to battle for the Middleweight belt are Chael Sonnen (challenger) and Anderson Silva (champion) in a rematch of their wild 5 round fight from early August. Nate lost to Anderson and Nate lost to Chael. I don’t really care to see him fight either Anderson or Chael again. I’m a lot more interested in seeing how Rousimar can deal with these elite fighters.

Also, when Rousimar walked out to fight Jeremy Horn last year, he was so emotional he was actually crying on his way to the cage. How can you not love that? He’s got a soft side. A soft side beyond his beast outside that man handled Jeremy Horn for 15 minutes.

I think I’m done for today. Can’t wait for the fights.


9 Responses to “It’s the thoughts that count…”

  1. Amy D said

    Agree w/ you on Terriers, I was not impressed at all but will give the second episode a try. On a side note, all I think about when I see Michael Raymond-Jones, is how disappointed I was to find out he was the psycho killer in the first season of True Blood. And that he should have kept his Cajun accent for this series as well.

    Sorry if that was a spoiler alert for any late comers* to that lovely piece of vampire soft-porn.

  2. Those hipster bitches could learn a thing or two from Sammi Sweetheart.

    As far as making potato foods at home: sweet potato fries > baked potatoes. There is no competition.

  3. kt said

    Christine O’Donnell also says we spend to much money on
    AIDS prevention and that condoms won’t stop it from spreading. I hate that stupid people manage to gain even a modicum of popularity or power.

    Also she is not married. By her logic she’s never been laid and never even had a self induced orgasm… I bet there is a correlation between idiocy and lack of orgasms.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      She has admitted to slutting it up at Fairleigh Dickinson (JERSEY!!!!!) when she went to school there, which is one of the reasons why she is so anti-sex. That is bullshit. Everyone should have the chance to make mistakes and have fun doing it. That’s one reason (of many) why I hate Aerosmith. They had their drug, booze, crazy, sex years and then they got sober and stopped, so they tried to stop hair metal bands like Motley Crue from doing the same. They’re a bunch of killjoys.

  4. kt said

    Also, I really love the logic that if you masturbate you have no use for a partner. Especially coming from people that have not experienced either, or at most only sex with a partner.

  5. Lala said

    “Toquinho” would actually be a small tree stump, but it’s not like it matters.
    Anyway, I finally understand something of what you say about UFC, I saw Anderson Silva on Tv on Saturday and I remembered you, Jordan. I mean, I think it was him. He is the one with “The Spider” in the name, right? If that’s him, he doesn’t really look like a fighter.

  6. MLF said

    that Christine lady is an idiot, and an asshole. it’s people like that that make christians look like psychopath’s and morons. you can take anything you read out of context to a certain extent but the bullshit she’s spewing is way beyond that certain extent.

    even all of the (sane) devout christians are in agreement on this one.

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