These Are Not The Nerds You Were Looking For

October 4, 2010

First, if you motherfuckers had seen Star Wars… ahem… I mean-

First, I hope you all had a great weekend. Tell everyone about that weekend in the comments section and discuss it. Or discuss this post. Whatevs. But you know, every time a colorful little avatar appears at the bottom of my posts – another child in Africa learns of Kristen Stewart’s want.

Second, if you motherfuckers had seen Star Wars then you would know the title of today’s ramblings is a Star Wars reference with my affectation on it.

Speaking of Star Wars, I think it is an awful idea to re-re-re-release the Star Wars movie (any of them) in 3D. I think it is an awful idea to re-release the original Star Wars trilogy because if you beat and molest memories from our collective childhood this much eventually there may be a bloody bloody George Lucas hanging from the Skywalker Ranch entrance with crazed Star Wars fans wearing crimson soaked Jedi cloaks and all carrying metal baseball bats painted to look like light sabers.

There has yet to be a re-release of the original trilogy that has bettered the original trilogy. The re-release “plus additional footage” was worse than the original. The new footage was stupid and pointless and only made you think “this wasn’t in the original, so why am I watching this now”. I’m not sure if people have noticed, but Star Wars is kind of a big deal. Like there are people who had no hand in the making of the movie that have dedicated the rest of their lives to the sake of the movie as if it was the golden calf worshiping that Moses feared from us. There was no need to alter these movies in the slightest. They tried to update the digital effects and made it more cartoony and worse. Just LEAVE IT ALONE!

The second trilogy should not be re-released for different reasons. I am not worried about “them” fondling the footage of the second trilogy and making it worse because IT CANNOT BE WORSE THAN WHAT IT ALREADY IS!!!! The second Star Wars trilogy is and are torturous to watch. If you decide to see one of them it is torturous, if you decide to see all of them it is torturous. Don’t allow lies to be taken as facts that one is not as bad as another and so it is ok to watch one and not watch the other. If you are caught in a situation and someone is pitching to you to see Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones or Revenge of the Sith – that person is not your friend. That person may be evil and has been harboring a revenge fantasy on you which in part is getting you to agree to mental torture (ie watching a Star Wars film from the second trilogy) or that person is not who you think they are and their body has been taken over by a demon or an alien life form who does intend to do harm to you.

Not only is this re-release of the second trilogy blasphemous in the sense that we are still talking about these aborted fetus films – but what is this re-release about? Making them into 3-D! 3D!!!!! That’s right. They not only want to trick you into seeing these awful films again, but they now want you to wear cheap plastic glasses and this horrible movie will be in your face choking your vision. Needless to say again, I am anti-the re-release.

It is a good idea to re-release the movies if you are George Lucas who is a soulless awful money lusting human equivalent of his second trilogy.

Other NERDS!


I saw it.

I enjoyed the shit piss fuck butt out of this movie. From the reviews I have read, it sounds like those mealy mouthed critics do as well. I was at a sold out screening of it on Friday night and people were laughing when they were supposed to laugh and they all seemed pleased as punch when the movie was over. That is not always the case whether you see a good movie or not. I’ve walked out of movies I thought were great and have heard more often than not “well, that was a waste of time” and I have walked out of movies I did not like and have heard people reminiscing about their favorite scenes. But everyone seemed to be voting pro The Social Network and were all clicking “like it” on their Facebook apps on their iPhones as the final credits rolled.

Why was this movie so fucking good?

Let’s start with the writing. Aaron Sorkin. You may remember Mr. Sorkin best as the man behind The West Wing. That actually sounds like a rapisty horror movie. The Man Behind the West Wing! Watch out Mr. President! When you close your eyes to go to sleep, Aaron Sorkin will be coming for you! Actually, I meant that Aaron Sorkin is known for being the creator and writer of the completely unrealistic, but generally enjoyable West Wing television show that graced NBC for all those years. I remember Aaron best for Sports Night, which is a television show I loved and adored like a high school crush – it feels so long ago you were apart of my life, but I hold you so deer in my mental arms.

Sorkin wrote the shit out of this script. There is so much dialogue in this movie it was like they paid him by the metaphor. There is so much dialogue in this movie that Armie Hammer used to curl it in between scenes and that’s what got him so jacked. There is so much dialogue in this movie your ears feel like they’ve been orgy solely for the purpose of ear fucking and you hope at least a few of them wore ear word penis condoms. The dialogue is plentiful, it is quick, it is witty, it makes you feel stupid when you try to speak and it is gooder than most scripts’ dialogue.

Now to David Fincher. Our director. I love David Fincher. I love him as a man I have never met, but who has brought great meaning to my life with two films: Alien 3 and Panic Room. Just kidding. The movie Fight Club is my favorite movie ever. The book is arguably my favorite as well. I could not be more satisfied with a movie than with that movie. It is everything I could want from a movie in my opinion. I also love the movie The Game. I can watch that movie everyday if that somehow was written into a contract that I signed. I love that movie. And Se7en is an excellent movie as well. The man can direct. At the same time, I hated Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I was a fan of the original short story and I did not like the choice to not use really any of that story and instead turn the movie into a lame Forrest Gump rip-off.

David Fincher has redeemed himself with The Social Network. It is what I want from a David Fincher movie. It is dark, the characters are unlikeable and at the same time charismatic and you root for them, the acting is top notch and the forced perspective you are given by Fincher is a wild fun ride. Fincher can make the film thrilling with visuals and music and sequences that are not cheap thrills like explosions. And this movie is thrilling. The use of time in this movie is very clever. And everything looks super slick. Nothing he does looks cheap or easy, it looks well constructed and thoughtful. Which is what I want in a director – I want everything to feel thoughtful. These motherfuckers spent millions on making it, so let’s prove that was worth it.

Lastly, the actors. The majority of the movie is Jesse Eisenberg and he is grrr-eight! Many will believe that this young actor who usually portrays an awkward, but likable teen will be playing another awkward likable teen. This is similar to how people believed that Michael Cera would just be Michael Cera in Scott Pilgrim, but these people couldn’t be more wrong! Jesse Eisenberg gives his best performance to date in The Social Network. He is a villainous computer genius who is vindictive and wants people to kneel before his accomplishments. Meanwhile, Michael Cera was a super hero with martial arts skills galore and a better than average bass player who the chicks dug. Give these guys a chance. This year was not the year to believe in pigeon holing these two awkward young men because they gave us two of the best movies BY FAR this year.

The rest of the cast is equally good. Garfield and Timberlake both hold their own in the quick draw sparring sessions with Eisenberg. Timberlake gives a truly great performance which many would find surprising. But the reality is that once given a good script and a good director – it should not be surprising. What is more palpable than anything in this movie is HUNGER. Fincher and Sorking have equipped these young actors with the carnivorous teeth and the scent of fresh meat, but they go out and eat … scene after scene they eat. Timberlake as Napster co-founder Sean Parker is a feeding frenzy every time on screen. He is a predatory animal and he believes he has wounded the establishment with Napster and wants to help Eisenberg finish the kill with Facebook.

And arguably the best performance in the movie is Armie Hammer. Mr. Hammer (unreal that he is probably referred to as Mr. Hammer) plays a set of twins in the movie: The Winklevoss twins. The movie is ostensibly the story of Zuckerberg/Eisenberg making Facebook and he is our protagonist and his antagonist is/are the Winklevoss twins. Without getting into any spoilers, they are Eisenberg’s competition more or less as well as fellow Harvard classmates (Zuckerberg was a sophomore and they were seniors). Besides Armie Hammer playing the role of two people (they used a stand-in and digitally put his face on to the other) he is magnificent in this movie. He does a truly great job playing two twins who are the same, but are not the same. The two have a shared goal, but they argue and in those arguments imagine Smeagol and Gollum, but as Abercrombie & Fitch models.

I am definitely going to see this movie for a second time in the theaters. It was just a fun experience through and through. At the end of the movie, I was already wishing for a sequel. I don’t think there should be a sequel, but I want to see more of these characters. I want to see spin-offs. I want to see the Winklevoss twins getting into adventures. I want to see them fight crime. I want to see Eisenberg’s version of Mark Zuckerberg hacking the Gibson in Mission Impossible 4. I want to see all the hot Asian girls in this movie in my bedroom. I want more!

In the end, I know a lot of people are concerned with how “truthful” this movie is to what “really” happened. Well, it appears to be about as “truthful” as Remember the Titans or A Beautiful Mind was. It explains what the big pieces of the story are and they definitely take some liberties in other areas. The big story behind Facebook isn’t that great of a story. It isn’t full of dead bodies or child molestation or turning this project into a doomsday weapon. To me the story is that Zuckerberg was approached with an idea because he was the guy who could make that idea into a reality. He decided to take that reality and use it for himself. And since then, he has taken that idea and has worked tirelessly on it for 6 years to create into a world changing website. From the outside, it appears that he was right for the job in a different way than the Winklevoss twins thought, but I think it has worked out for the better that he did go into business for himself.

So, go see it. I’ve been describing it as Rules of Attraction meets Pirates of the Silicon Valley. And I like those two movies as well.


13 Responses to “These Are Not The Nerds You Were Looking For”

  1. MLF said

    nice post. no idea what it was about though since I was too busy staring at the giffs of katy perry’s rack

  2. Yup, still haven’t seen Star Wars. And I had no idea there was such a wealth of Katy Perry gifs out there…

    Two weeks ago, I had little to no interest in seeing The Social Network. And then it started getting really good reviews, and some of the previews started to catch my eye… So somehow I went from not giving a shit about it, to seeing it opening weekend. I’m glad I changed my mind at some point, because it was very good. I just found out today that Armie Hammer (best name ever) played both the Winkelvoss’ (or the “Winkelvi”, which may have been my favorite thing said in the entire movie). Mind: blown. Everyone did a great job, Jesse Eisenberg in particular. He plays a seriously convincing narcissistic douchebag. My only complaint is that I found Andrew Garfield distracting because I couldn’t stop thinking about how much he looked like an elf, but there’s really nothing he can do about that.

  3. kt said

    The Winklevi were one dude!? OMFG. That man deserves an award of some kind for that shit. I bet my mom will freak out when I tell her that. We saw it Saturday night and both loved it. We talked about it all the way home and then talked about it again over dinner on Sunday night. A movie that makes you talk about it that much with your mother has to be good.

    I know that we were supposed to see Zuckerberg as some ruthless asshole, but I honestly did not come away from the movie thinking that. In my opinion, part of having an idea is being able to actually put that idea in place. The Winkelvi couldn’t, Zuckerberg did and made it better than they could. Was it wrong? Yeah. Did they deserve their money? Yeah. But I don’t think that makes him as much of an asshole as implied. I mean intellectual property suits happen like every day against some of the biggest companies in the world and no one talks about that. 3M (for example) isn’t vilified every time that some guy sues and says that he invented their newest product, which happens a lot. I dunno, in the end everyone came out of it as some of the richest assholes ever. So whatever. Maybe I just have no sympathy for your 65 million. And Eduardo Saverin is worth 1.1 billion now and owns 7% of Facebook. If anything in this movie made me think Zuckerberg was a dick, it was that move, but I also think he was caught up in Sean Parker’s bullshit and listened to some bad advice. It’s obvious Zuckerberg desperately wanted to be cool and he saw a opening and took a big misstep. One that he fixed to the best of his ability, kicking Sean Parker out and settling with Saverin for several hundred million and 7% of Facebook. In the movie the part with Rashida Jones makes it look like he gave in because he was gonna lose anyways, but I personally felt/saw a bit of regret and recognition of wrongdoing and he tried to fix it.

    I guess to me, I see Zuckerberg as a real big loser who made lots of money and is still a real big loser. He made the mistakes he made in desperation to be popular. He saw an opportunity, took it from people that he recognized were only using him. The Winklevoss twins only wanted him for his coding abilities, they didn’t want to be his friend and he made it clear how much that pissed him off when he said they wouldn’t even let him past the bike room in the club. So he went to his real friends and made the website. Then he was so enamored with Sean Parker and his perceived coolness that he fucked over his real friends. The thing is, most kids make these mistakes and learn from them in high school. I think Zuckerberg was such a loser he didn’t get to have those experiences. His learning curve was set on the backdrop of a multibillion dollar business. It’s just kind of sad to me.

    Also Eduardo Saverin is by far the hottest person in this group of nerds. Casting did a tremendous favor putting Justin Timberlake as Sean Parker.

    That’s a lot of words… oops.

    • MLF said

      I approve of your dissertation.

      I felt similiarly. At no point in the movie did I feel like Zuckerburg was a dick. I didn’t even feel that way when he screwed Saverin out of the company. Maybe I’m a cold hearted ruthless person, but business is business. That’s why you don’t mix business with pleasure. or family, and by extension- friends. and Saverin should have been out in cali with them. If he had been things might have turned out differently for him. Also- every single word out of Parker’s mouth was pretty much the truth- Saverin was pushing so hard for advertising (in the movie anyway- no idea what happened in RL bcz that would require research and I’m too lazy) and honestly advertising is lame. so lame. at that point it would have killed fb. It kinda is killing fb currently.

      and I was bitching about this on twitter last night but omg. When I registered for facebook you HAD to have a college email. they need to bring this back. I’m sorry but I’m sick of all of the little kids. and the parents. AND MY EFFING YOUTH PASTOR. and you know what else? if a college email was required there would be none of this bullshit about employers being able to check out their employees on facebook. Maybe I’m childish and maybe I need to grow up but I want to be able to post all of the pictures from the party last weekend of people doing keg stands and bong rips on facebook. so sue me.

  4. kt said

    Oh hey, so for my weekend… The man I think my mom is having sexual relations with came by my house on Sunday afternoon. It was all kinds of awkward for me. I said hi and then went to my room and didn’t come out til he left. My parents have been divorced for like 8 years or something but my mom and I have this thing were we pretend we are both asexual. I told her once I wouldn’t bring a guy home unless I was planning on marrying him. I like it that way. The last place I need my mom is all up in my sex life and I don’t wanna know about hers either. I don’t really know how to deal with this.

    I am procrastinating on my actual work right now btw.

    • I had a drag queen that looked suspiciously like Ken Jeong grind up against me and shout obscenities at me while I drank from a penis straw on Friday night, and that made me feel less uncomfortable than your comment just did.

      I can sympathize. Empathize? I don’t want to know these things. I didn’t know my dad was seeing someone until they were engaged and living together. While kind of shitty, I think I was ok with it in the end… I mean, I couldn’t even take my mom saying “fuck me shoes” the other day. It was just… wrong.

      • kt said

        Yeah, I would prefer the drag queen too.

      • MLF said

        apparantly my whole family is demented then because my gma, mom, sis and I all actively sit around making bets on whether we think our dad is getting laid or not. I would say it’s probably less weird for my mom because she was once a lay-ee, but honestly at this point I think the thought grosses her out more than my sis and I.

        and my stepdad and my mom…well I know they boink. they are so damned bitchy if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes (which I then had to gouge out later btw) I wouldn’t have believed it.

        *shrugs* in my family- nothing is sacred.

      • MLF said

        errr let me clarify- we are not “apparently” demented. we are for sure demented. it has been a known fact within the family since before I can remember. but we are all cool with it.

  5. MLF said

    I had no idea the winklevi were one person..but it kinda makes me sad to think before I thought there was two of them out there in the world and now there’s only one. it’s like if someone cut off one of katy perry’s tits. I mean yeah one is still really nice but you would be sad for sure, yeah?

  6. I used to be very disenchanted to find out the Winklevi weren’t twins. They appeared exactly alike within the film but on the IMDB pages it is nothing alike.

  7. Updaterank said

    you are so crazy.
    I love it.

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