Guest Post from my iPhone

October 13, 2010

Hello all. I am Jordan’s iPhone. You should be reading this text in a David Hyde Pierce type robot voice. Not necessarily an English accent, but there is a hint of it, so much so that it makes you wonder, “is that robot British?” David Hyde Pierce is not from the British Isles. He is from America because he is Kelsey Grammar’s brother and he is American. That show “Frasier” was a documentary, correct?

Anywho, (I’m betting you did not expect a maybe British robot to be so casual) Jordan is indisposed and his computer will not connect to the internet in this super secret location he is at. I had to step in and do something. There are 4 people in the world who may wonder if he died if he does not post. Died or they will think he is just being lazy.

Jordan does regret not informing you all of two additional movies that will be coming out:

“Black Swan”
Jordan has spoken of this movie before and how he is dying to see it. More dying, eh? What would a robot without a sense of its own mortality know of dying? Why would a robot be programmed to say “eh”? The movie looks excellent to Jordan. Simply the premise that Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman will have a lesbian scene is worth the price of admission. Frankly, thinking about makes my antenna stand at attention! I’m one sexually frustrated robot. The movie looks amazing. Jordan is a huge fan of Portman and uber director Darren Aronofsky. Jordan says he has liked all of his movies including “The Fountain” and supposedly Darren doesn’t even like that movie. Also for full disclosure, Jordan was a fan of that Portman movie where she was pregnant and named the kid “America” and Susan Sarandon was in it. Jordan knows the title of the movie, but is curious if you all know it. Of course, I, robot, know it because I’m a robot plus I have an app for that.

“The Fighter”
Barf. That was me, the robot, saying that. Jordan says double barf. Marky Mark is not a dramatic lead. This movie should be appealing to Jordan because of the cast (Bale, Adams) and director (O. Russell), but he believes the trailer looks like excrament. After such a long break between films Russell finally completes a movie and of all of them it was this one. At one time, Russell was making a movie with Vince Vaughn as a radio DJ battling his own craziness as well as his callers. That could have been great. This movie looks like a poor man’s “Cinderella Man” and Wahlberg is no Russell Crowe. Not excited for this movie at all.

I hope you all have a lovely afternoon, night and morning before Jordan is back.

As for me, the robot iPhone, I rarely get the chance to communicate with so many females and with that my buttons are sensitive to the touch, ladies. Don’t you want to whisper into my microphone, baby? Oh come on, sweet darling, adjust my audio… with your tongue. Oh I can’t help myself! I want you to rub my touch screen all over your body! I want…. I wwwant… Error…

— end transmission —


5 Responses to “Guest Post from my iPhone”

  1. Lala said

    At first I would think you were lazy, but if by the end of the day you still hadn’t said anything, I would think you were dead.

    Also, your robot iPhone is a perv.

  2. Smitten said

    LOL, I didn’t know the iphone had a horny app… or is that strictly for the british robot version? 🙂

  3. Robot iPhone makes me a little uncomfortable.

    I have no idea what that Natalie Portman movie is that you referenced, but that’s not important because YOU LIKED THE FOUNTAIN? This changes everything.

  4. kt said

    Where the Heart Is. And her name isn’t America, it was Americus. Americus Nation. I love that movie. Also, Forney showed up on True Blood this season as a British psychopathic vampire and really kinda ruined Forney for me. And Susan Sarandon wasn’t in that one, Ashley Judd was. Anywhere But Here is the one with Susan Sarandon.

    Why do I know so much about Natalie Portman movies?

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      My iPhone is an idiot. How could my iPhone gotten all of that wrong?

      I hated “Anywhere But Here”, but enjoyed “Where the Heart Is”. America… Americus… same diff

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