Remember Those Friday Questions? I did

October 18, 2010

Today is Monday, but I’m answering Friday questions. Crazy! I hope you can handle all the insanity. To help you through this transition, I thought a pretty face would lend to a calming presence. I have picked Jessica Pare who plays the gorgeous secretary Megan on Mad Men who will also be Don Draper’s new wife in the next season seemingly, as the two of them got engaged in last night’s season finale. Jessica is very pretty and looks like the sexy and impossible love child of Liv Tyler and Anne Hathaway.

I’m not a licensed doctor/scientist, so I’m not sure if Anne Hathaway and Liv Tyler can produce a love child. But I am pretty much an “honorary” doctor/scientist/street car race champion, so I think we should have Anne Hathaway and Liv Tyler try and try and try to produce a love child. We should video tape all these attempts and I will keep those tapes and review them constantly and make suggestions for each next attempt.

Also, if you would like to see Jessica topless (which is rhetorical statement I know) just google pictures/video of Jessica specifically from Hot Tub Time Machine. And she was also naked in another movie called Stardom. Also, also, she is naked in another movie and she might be naked in another movie and she makes out with Piper Perabo in another movie and she might be naked in that as well. Seriously, when is this girl receiving her gold medal for humanity?

I really loved Mad Men this season. They added a lot of more comedy to the show as well as showing a more human/sensitive side to most of the characters. I think one can safely say that one learned a lot about each of the characters this season – especially about their personal life. Hopefully, this new zombie show will be good because I have given up Boardwalk Empire. If anyone is still watching that show and something interesting actually happens on it (like if Nucky Thompson gets super powers) then tell me, but if not then I am glad to not be watching the show anymore.

Bored to Death and Eastbound & Down are still excellent… as well as FOOTBALL!

OH! Friday questions. hmmm let me think…

Do you think the Verizon iPhone is every gonna happen? And if it’s not out by January when my contract is up what smart phone from Verizon should I get?

Yes, I think that the Verizon iPhone is going to happen. I’m viewing this whole “smart phone”/”phone provider” problem much like the video game dilemma of a video game/video game system. There was a period of time when games stayed exclusive for one system like Halo and Xbox. For a long time, the video game companies sided between one system over the others and would keep their games exclusive for that system and stay loyal to that system. But at some point, someone realized that a game can get more exposure and make more money if it was released for both systems. For instance, BioShock was originally just an Xbox game, but if you waited a year then it came out on PS3 as well. I think that’s what will eventually happen with the iPhone. Right now, I think they are just churning up people’s intense interest for the iPhone who are on different service providers than AT&T and when iPhone’s are made available finally for the others, there will be a calculated mass attack on all stores offering cellphones as if Verizon and Sprint customers were the rage zombies in 28 Days Later.

Hmmm… well, I have an iPhone, so I really don’t know about these other “smart phones”. I will say this that I’m sick of calling my phone “smart”. It really seems that we’re throwing that word around pretty loosely these days. I know people with Blackberrys and Droids. I have heard good things and bad things about all of them. If I couldn’t have an iPhone, I would probably get a droid because it does seem very similar. It also seems the cool kids have Droids.

And with that, deciding which kid is cool because of their cellphone means this generations has NO COOL KIDS. Class of ’83 still rules, motherfuckers!

Does that fact that my bffs and I had a totally serious discussion about buying cars, car loans, interest rates, and taxes mean we are finally grown ups?

Does it mean you are finally grown ups? No, not necessarily. It does mean you and your bffs are boring. Hahahahahahah… Like all things in life – the end justifies the means – so if you learned something from the conversation or helped someone else with that conversation than all is good. Also, if the conversation ended and you all agreed to get Four Loko drunk and make bad decisions that would be great stories to laugh about once the police trial was over instead of talking about boring stuff like car insurance than sure that’s ok.

What is you favorite Sesame Street skit of all time?

No idea. Feel free to tell me yours with a youtube clip of it attached. Did you know that muppets were originally a serious of pipes that were painted on in the NBC basement done by Jim Henson and some other illustrators? They had to be the highest on acid. There is no way that a sober employee would venture to the basement, find some exposed pipes, think to themselves “we should paint these as crazy cartoon characters, and then proceed to talk other sober people into doing it, then doing it, then making those creations into workable puppets. That is what druggies do. Again, the end justifies the means.

So the next time you are subject to a drug test at work, turn to your boss and say “Well, you just sealed it now. I’ll never make the next generation of muppets.” And you explain to them you were going to find some old pipes in the basement and paint on them to then create lovable children’s characters that will have an international multi decade following and will teach these kids to read. Then they’ll fire you because even if your piss turns up clean they’ll think you paid someone because you are clearly crazy.

What animal would you most like to receive unexpectedly as a gift, and what animal would you least like to receive?

Same animal: polar bear.

I would love the polar bear like it was a big dog. The polar bear would most likely cover my apartment in its piss, feces, and destructive power. The polar bear may kill me. High probability it would kill someone else. But it would be a fun ride. Literally, a fun ride because I would put a saddle on it and ride it like a slow horse or I would attach a harness to it and it could pull me in a wheeled cart like I was the White Witch in Chronicles of Narnia.

What do you, Jordan, think would be a good food to offer a woman (or man) after a mammogram?


I could see a tray offering chocolate cake with vanilla icing and yellow cake with chocolate icing. This not to say “funfetti” could not be offered as well, but that will be up to the particular doctor and their office to make that decision. Just so this conversation could happen…

“I’m getting my mammogram done at Dr. Sanders’ office.”

“Really? I’ve heard only bad things about Dr. Sanders.”

“They have funfetti over there.”

“Well, then. I guess I’m going to have to schedule a mammogram from Dr. Sanders.”

Dr. Sanders – cold to the touch, the equipment might be out of date, but there is FUNFETTI!

It is impossible to be sad while eating cupcakes.

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

What’s up, motherfuckers? Get excited!


6 Responses to “Remember Those Friday Questions? I did”

  1. susanelle said

    What’s up, motherfuckers? Get excited!

    I got excited there for a moment when I imagined getting drug-tested at work (i.e., negative excited).

    Then I realized I’m in Canada and we don’t drug-test nobody. We even send our athletes to the Olympics stoned and/or juiced.

    Calm again. Ahhhhhh.

  2. kt said

    I’ll be honest, Friday questions on Monday really threw me for a loop.

    This was the best season of Mad Men I think. Last night when he proposed (SPOILER ALERT!) I gasped and then started laughing because it was so out of left field. I stopped watching Boardwalk empire because I got so bored in Episode 4 that I had to turn it off. Can not wait for the zombie show. It looks amazing, even if it is the guy from Love Actually who was in love with Keira Knightly and that seems like strange casting.

    While Snuffleupagus and Grover are my favorite Sesame Street characters I always loved Oscars I Love Trash. Although Grover’s Smell Like a Monster> had me rolling the other day. True Mud is great and Mad Men is awesome if not only for using the word sycophants on a kids show.

  3. kt said

    Also, are those pictures all of the same girl? Cause first I was like that’s Live Tyler then Pretty Megan from Mad Men, then Britta from Community, then Megan again… but then I scrolled up and down the page a few times and they are look alike now. I’m so confused.

  4. I’m excited and I don’t know why.

    I don’t remember any Sesame Street skits from when I was young, but I saw a clip of Will Arnett playing a magician on there recently. That was pretty special.

    I really want some effing cupcakes right now.

  5. Lala said

    That girl really does look like Liv Tyler.

    Anyway, I need cupcakes now.

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