School Is Hell – Whether You Attend It Or Not

October 21, 2010

No need for an alarm clock this morning. The elementary school across the street is having a charity walk around the school, which includes a stereo system blasting pop music so loud you can hear it for a 6 block radius starting at right across the street from my apartment. It also includes the school principal blasting out my ear drums screaming over her bullhorn about the kids winning an ice cream party and making money for the school. Oh yeah, and the entire Kindergarten through 5th grade is now loose on the streets hopped up on unexplained excitement and dance music (Katy Perry, Black Eyed Peas, The Jackson 5, back to the Black Eyed Peas). I fucking hate school. How is it possible that I can hate school when I’m not even going to it? Because it is terrorist attacking my ear drums! In my whole apartment!

Also, how are they “making money” by walking around the school? Because some group of assholes thought it would be fun to have the kids do a charity walk (instead of learning in a classroom) and not just donate the money like a normal person. That’s an idea where I could sleep in the morning, but currently I’m tired and praying for this to end and Bieber’s “Baby” is BLARING in Jersey City.

Fuck school.

*more developments later… depending if I get sleep

Still haven’t slept. They keep letting these jackals back on the street. And by “jackals”, I mean children. Of all days for it not to rain in New Jersey, why today? Get those stupid kids back in those stupid classrooms to teach them something instead of having them just running around lawlessly. Don’t they have enough time to run around screaming after school? As I wrote that, they started playing the music again outside. There was an interval of time when they weren’t blowing up the streets with “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz. During that period of time, it was simply the pleasant soothing sounds of an entire elementary school screaming. Now, it is kids screaming plus a pounding bass beat. That’s exactly what the random shrieking of children was missing: a catchy hook to harmonize with.

Kids are the worst.

So is school.

It is almost inconceivable that “school” is legal. What’s the worst part of prison? “General Population”. That’s what school is through and through. Although, I did go to public schools my whole life, so I may be biased.

Not that High School wasn’t insane because it was, but really “middle school” was too wild for its own good. From 6th to 8th grade, teachers should have been equipped with stun guns. Why? Because my class was arming themselves.

A fascination started in middle school with brandishing a weapon in school. What weapon? A bic pen turned into a crossbow. Take a bic pen, remove the butt of the pen, pull the top off the pen and remove the ink cartridge/ball point, put the top back on, load the ink cartridge/ball point backwards, lastly – use a rubberband as the ‘drawstring’ and fire the ink cartridge/ball point like a harpoon at a person of relative age with no regard for the consequences.

That was the most sophisticated of weapons. The long range missile or smart bomb of weapons.

There was always just shooting a paper clip at someone with a rubberband like a slingshot. That was the cheap and most effective medium range weapon. Of course, for close combat – shoulder tackle a kid into a locker or literally try your hand at throwing a punch. Kids were fully equipped to fight in some low budget rendition of Lord of the Flies at all times. Not only that, kids were stock piling on the weapons too. Parents would buy their maybe not even into puberty yet child a box of pens, but the kid wouldn’t have anything to write with in class because they had converted the whole box of writing instruments into weapons of death for some unknown reason. It was like a Cold War missile silo in some kids’ backpacks.

I remember once being in English class. In the middle of a lesson – with our hippie teacher who didn’t shave her legs or armpits and regularly told us she wanted to get married in the rain forest naked – a fellow classmate of mine fired one of these contraptions at landed a direct hit on our 30 year old teacher. Luckily for her, she wore glasses because that pen capsule hit her right in the eye. In all honesty, the kid who fired it wasn’t aiming for her. He wasn’t some crackshot sniper. He was mindlessly firing it into his three ring binder which changed the arc of the projectile’s flight path north towards the Heavens and almost into the eye of our teacher. It would have blinded her in that eye.

And I went to a good school! Thank God there were no real guns and just had to deal with the ink zip guns.

Any innovative weapon construction in your schools?

One Response to “School Is Hell – Whether You Attend It Or Not”

  1. Another question is why schools are using their students in fund raising activities FOR the school. Have Jersey City schools become little Chinese style “sweat shops”? It’s one thing for the Girl Scouts to sell cookies or FFA to hold a livestock show. But these organizations aren’t publically funded and the activities are intended to promote personal incentive as well. Schools are for learning. And yes- how does marching around the school like little Maoists (to Jacko’s music!) serve to fund that school in any case? It sounds more political than economic. Personally, my impulse would be to break that bullhorn over the principal’s head!

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