The Ultimate Fighter 12 Recap – Special Guest Post

October 21, 2010

Editor’s note: Today, we have a very special guest post concerning one of my favorite topics: the UFC. A good friend of the website is a famous renowned writer and, apparently, a big fan of The Ultimate Fighter. He wanted to try his hand at writing about this passion by recapping last night’s episode.

Episode 6

By Raymond Carver

I know how he is going to win, said Georges. He will win by guillotine.

This happened a few weeks ago, before Cody’s first fight. He did win by guillotine.

Georges pronounced it ‘geeloteen.’ This was a surprise, with him being French and all. You’d think if anyone would say it ‘geeyoteen’, it’d be the people who invented the thing. I didn’t say anything around the house, though, even when we all took turns doing Georges’ accent. I was afraid if I seemed too bookish, I’d wind up with Alex trying to bond with me over The Prophet or something.

Alex made us call him Bruce Leeroy around the house. Jeff said that he’d seen Alex’ intake paperwork and Alex’ real real name is something LA like Ken Levine. I didn’t give it too much credence, since Jeff is mostly full of shit, though one PA in particular was always leaving paperwork and notes around the house where we could find them.

By the time Cody’s fight announcement came, we’d all seen his guillotine. It was impressive, but not the kind of thing any of us would climb to 11-0 on. Most of us figured it was because his fights were up in Alaska, where he was from.

Cody used to work on a fishing boat, which made us call him The Deadliest Catch. I think they left that off the show, because of course you can’t have one reality show refer to a reality show on another network. It would be too meta, or too synergistic.

Cody told us that spending all that time on a stinky freezing boat is why he was so calm around the house. Most of us were stir crazy with no TV and no friends to talk to. The highlight of our day was if that PA happened to leave the sports section out. But Cody would just sit there, calm as could be, doing his terrible sketches and looking like a yoga teacher.

It also made him fearless, apparently. Cody would always make fun of Josh. No one in the house liked Josh, including a lot of his own team, but we all knew enough about him that we’d rather stay off his radar.

Everyone snickered when Josh picked Cody to fight Marc. We all thought Cody would get Sevak. We figured Sevak would still win, and Marc could pick off a bigger threat, like Jonathan. But Cody just grinned, his long hair flopping into his eyes during the staredown. Jesus hair, Alex called it.

After the staredown, Cody reached over and flicked Josh on the face. A few of us winced, but Sevak reacted more than Josh. Josh’s eyes just got big, and then relaxed, like he knew that he was going to have his revenge the next day anyway.

When we analyzed it later by the hot tub, we couldn’t decide who was the biggest loser in the matchup. Some guys said it was Josh, for being so reactionary and wasting his best fighter on a non-threat. Other guys said it was Cody, who was going to get his just desserts for being so rude to Koscheck.

The day of the fight, Cody stalked in, looking determined in that awkward way that tall people have when they try to get serious. Marc looked confident and ready. The rest of us sat around the cage. The room felt tense, probably because we all knew Cody was going to get destroyed. We were all excited to see that, which made us feel uncomfortable.

Josh put on his chapstick, which is what he always did when he was nervous.

“Watch the guillotine” someone yelled.

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