Comedians Are The Voice Of The People

November 9, 2010

When we want to question the government – they do it for us.

When we want to spread the word to others – they do it for us.

When we want to talk about poop – they do it for us!

Anyway, I’m watching the David Letterman episode with the Chilean miner Edison Pena. I have had it DVRed and finally have sat down to watch it. It has been good so far and I’m pretty sure he is going to sing at some point. That isn’t some weird sixth sense I have that I can look into the soul of the Chilean people and realize when some will erupt into song and when others won’t. I think I read about him singing on the show and that’s why I DVRed this. I guess I wasn’t too interested in hearing the harrowing story of being trapped 2000 feet under the Earth’s surface with 33 men and surviving for 70 days … BUT if the man will sing then I’m there.

Can we make that into a television show? People who have survived catastrophes will regale us with their singing. People could vote on Twitter.

HE’S SINGING! He’s survived so much, but he’s still singing! Oh the joys of the human spirit! Oh what a wonderful rendition of “Hey Jude”! Oh he’s so… ehh what’s that? Vote for him? Hell no. He was no where as good as the girl who survived Hurricane Katrina and sang Kesha’s “Your Love Is My Drug”. Honestly, were you even paying attention? Pfffttt…

CONAN

I watched it. I watched the shit out of it. It had no shit left when I finished watching it. It was shitless.

It was good. It was back to being what Conan has always been. The beginning was funny. The opening monologue was good. The set looked good. The back and forth with Andy was good. The interviews were good and the Jack White stuff was excellent.

The two best parts of the show:

– Jack White

– Conan Halloween masks

In all honesty, I cannot get enough of Jack White. The only time I criticize something that Jack White is apart of is when I don’t think there is enough of him in it. I love the White Stripes because it is all Jack White. It is the Jack White show. I’ve listened to the Raconteurs and the Dead Weather albums. They’re good, but they definitely have songs that are throwaways to me because they don’t have enough Jack White on them and he is standing RIGHT THERE. The Raconteurs’ songs that focus on Brendan Benson are the songs I couldn’t give a flying fuck about. And the songs piss me off because Jack White is a couple feet from Benson and they’re telling him to take this song off. I HATE THEM! They are keeping me from having more Jack White!

Do you know how great Jack White is? He is in Cold Mountain and he is good in it. And he sings in it. And he sings great in it. And that scene is good too.

CONAN

I am glad that he is back to having a show for 2 reasons:

1. He is a funny man.

2. I want to be a guest on his show, so he’ll need a show for that to happen.

Oh right… there is a third reason:

3. People can stop bitching that Conan doesn’t have a TV show because the amount of people who do bitch that Conan didn’t have a TV show were way too many people and if all those people who supposedly cared whether Conan had a TV show or not had actually watched Conan on NBC then Conan would still have a show on NBC.

Yeah, that’s right. There are a lot of posing motherfuckers out there. Isn’t it so terrible what happened to Conan? Yeah – and you never watched the damn show to begin with so shut the hell up. Oh I “liked” Conan on Facebook and I “followed” him on Twitter. Yeah? Well, if you actually tuned in for the dumbasses TV show then he would have had “ratings” and then NBC would have been forced to keep the show to begin wit. And yes that is “wit” without the “h” because in that sentence that is how I pronounced it in my head. WIT.

I would love to be on Conan’s show. I would love to be on David Letterman’s show. I’ve watched Letterman since I was in first grade. I’ve watched Conan since its first week on TV. I would love to be on The Daily Show or Colbert, but if I had to choose I would take Letterman/Conan because I’ve wasted much more of my life on them. TDS and Colbert haven’t been on nearly as long, plus they are only a half hour and on 4 times a week as opposed to an hour 5x a week. I don’t want to figure out how much of my life has been spent watching Conan and Letterman because that may be the straw that breaks God’s back into smiting me from this Earth. He has spent how much of his life watching late night talk shows!?! Created in my image, my ass!

If I ever do get to be on Conan or Letterman, I am pretty sure I will mention that this episode would be one of those wildly irrelevant and dated episodes looking back on it in a year’s time. Seriously, I had forgotten all about that guy. I can’t believe he was even famous enough to get on one of those shows.

Also, if I ever get the chance to be on those shows a second time – I’ll do the interview through a translator like Edison Pena. And I’ll randomly burst out into an Elvis Presley song like he did. And I’ll spend the whole time talking about my experiences in the Navy. I’ve never been in the Navy. And every time my translator would translate what I said and everyone would look confused, I would berate my translator for improperly translating what I said. Halfway through the interview I would start talking for myself in English. Also, every once in awhile I would look at the translator and shake my head disapprovingly.

So… these pictures are from Twilight, huh?

What the fuck is this movie about again?

I feel like in 10 years, there will be a press conference on TV where all the people who bought into Twilight will apologize to the world – “I’m sorry. We kind of went crazy there for a minute. High school vampires in love. Vampire babies. Vampire honeymoons. And it was written by some gay hating Mormon too. Can you believe that we are sorry? Because we truly are.”

Oh yeah… she wants IT.

Kristen Stewart, she’s on a boat… almost.

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10 Responses to “Comedians Are The Voice Of The People”

  1. kt said

    What scene in Breaking Dawn is that dress for?! Anyone? Bueller? That is sooooo not a dress I ever pictured Bella in.

    2. I will never apologize for being in to Twilight. I also do not apologize for buying an Avril Levigne album. And loving the shit out of it. There are actually very few things I will apologize for and none of them have to do with movies, books or music.

    c. You said on twitter that this would piss me off… it did not.

    iv. I haven’t watched Conan yet, but I did download it while I was sitting here at work. Between all my blog reading/commenting and tv show downloading it is obvious that my new job is going well, no?

    • MLF said

      I don’t know if it’s true to the one described in the book, but bella did change into another dress before they left for the airport- something more comfortable for traveling in

  2. me said

    @kt – The dress is for the trip to Isle Esme…naturally it’s something Alice picked out!

  3. Your number 3 couldn’t be more true. Don’t act all indignant when you couldn’t be bothered to tune into his show to actually support him in his new role. Apparently he had over 4 million viewers last night… hopefully that continues.

    That said, last night was great. Nice to have Conan back. While watching, I’ve decided that you could very well be the love child of Seth Rogen and Conan O’Brien, were they ever able to produce in an Arnold-Schwarzenegger-in-Junior fashion. Or in case Science feels like making a hybrid of the two… Coneth O’Brogen.

    I wouldn’t apologize for liking Twilight as briefly as I did. I wouldn’t be able to explain it either… But I wouldn’t mind an apology for the full-on assault it’s unleashed on my Twitter.*

  4. MLF said

    I like twilight. I will never apologize. also I wouldn’t apologize because I have never done anything wrong. my twilight obsession is firmly in the closet. It is like Ricky Martin in 1998. It is so in the closet it is actually in narnia. My twitter and facebook are twi free. actually, the only somewhat twilight related thing on my facebook is me “liking” KSWI. so if anyone is to blame for me spreading twitardia it’s actually you.

    I absolutely adore bella’s dress in these photos, the only thing is, the scene that they are shooting them for doesn’t exist in the book. which will annoy me. what is it with people making movies adding scenes that never even existed in the book? they do this in Harry Potter all the time which I why I have never watched an entire movie. I went to see three, four, and five in theaters, and ended up walking out of all of them because I was so enraged at what they did to the poor series. those movies are an attrocity. they are like, taking the books and setting them on fire. I am outraged for JK Rowling. I feel like she probably watches the movies and cries about what they have done to her amazing books.

    on the otherhand so far I am down with the twilight movies and I actually thought they did an excellent job on the LOTR movies. but breaking dawn could be the clusterfuck that broke the camels back.

    I shall reserve judgement for after I’ve seen jacksons wig. I feel like even if the entire movie blows hard, if they corrected the dead squirel situation on jacksons head it could still be considered a triumph.

    also- let’s be real here. who even gives a fuck about the movie, really? I mean we all know how it ends. I will be the first to admit I want to see it because I want to see how much of a trainwreck it will be. also I want to watch rob and kristen bang. and if they don’t bang I want to bitch about it. but mainly I like that it is being filmed because now I get these lovely set pictures and I can sit around speculating on rob and kristens relationship. because I am a sad pathetic person. they have a magnet on my fridge. among other couples.

    • MLF said

      oh wait. I was wrong. I walked out of four, five, and six. three I actually stayed for but I wasn’t actually watching the movie I was too busy making out with someone. but I was like fourteen or something sooo…whatever. go ahead and judge.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      I just read on WWTDD that Kristen Stewart will be nude a lot in the next Twilight.

      So, this whole series has been the longest most ridiculous preface to a porn ever? Is that what I’m getting from this?

      • kt said

        Well… in the book its all fade to black cut scene to feathers everywhere and covered in bruises. Then its all implied sex from there.

        I think. I mean I haven’t read that book in like a year.

      • cledbo said

        Hopefully some of that nudity *isn’t* the birth scene.
        Because secretly I think we’re all hoping for a fade to black there. Because, you know, ew. Like, worse than Knocked Up ew.

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