The 300 Pound Elephant In The Room: SNL Sucks

November 16, 2010

Let’s stop bullshitting each other for just a moment. Ok? Can we stop giving each other the bullshit for a moment? We can get back to give each other bullshit for whatever reason that we are doing that, but for just a moment we need to stop it. I am just as fond as everyone else is with this trading of animal feces that we do on the regular, but it needs to stop for a moment. Un momento. Respite. A respite from shit from a bull. Ok?

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE SUCKS!

Like it suuuuuhhhhh—–ccccckkkksssss. Like suh-huh-hucks. Like you say it that way.

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I called this post “The 300 Pound Elephant” because usually the elephant is 800 pounds and people are not talking about it, but people are talking about this sort of. I guess that means I believe the more you talk about the elephant the smaller the elephant gets and then eventually disappears. That sounds idiotic, but that is my rationale for not using the 800 pound instead of the 300 pound. I’m weightist or anything against an 800 elephant. In all honesty, 800 pounds is a lot closer to a healthy elephant than a 300 pound elephant. A 300 pound elephant is like the Mischa Barton of elephants. It really should eat something. Or I mean “they” should really eat something. Mischa should eat something. That elephant could be a new born elephant as well. It could be an anorexic elephant, but it could also be a baby elephant. A cute little baby elephant that you want to play with and put a saddle on and ride like the cutest most adorable piece of transportation ever.

I chose Mischa Barton because she is really skinny. She’s always been pretty skinny, but now she’s doing drugs so she probably needs to eat. Once drugs and skinniness are happening at the same time then food is out of the equation. Originally, I was going to say a “300 pound elephant is like the Paris Hilton of elephants”, but that really doesn’t work that well in my opinion. Paris is skinny, but she doesn’t appear to be malnourished. She seems like she naturally survives on a single calorie a day. This might be because her body looks pretty taut and she has boobs. I’m a scientist and that’s how things work. Plus, when people think of Paris Hilton, people think of the wild lifestyle and the money and not necessarily her ability to be like a bulimic elephant. Paris also does cocaine, but she’s rich. And by that I mean, rich people are allowed to do cocaine.

Saturday Night Live SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

I have heard people say that for awhile. But SNL has never been as bad as it is right now. There are people who think everything past the 70’s sucks, there are people who think everything past Chris Farley sucks, there are people who think everything past Will Ferrell sucks, but SNL has never been this bad. I’ve been watching this dumbass show my whole life and it is just horrendous now. It is horrendous in comparison to how bad it was last year. That’s what I’m talking about – in comparison to recent SNL it is SOOOO bad.

Last year, SNL was worse than any good era of SNL, obviously. SNL has been on a downward trend for the past several years – sure. But it is downright offensively bad nowadays. I’m open to laughing. I’m not trying to compare SNL to the days of Sandler, Hartman, Farley, Spade, MacDonald, Rock and so forth. No, I’m not doing that. I’m comparing it to itself and itself sucks and it sucks. I had to say it sucks twice in that sentence to truly capture the suckiness.

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The first thing to point at is the cast. It is definitely a lean cast, but there are some funny people on this show: Bill Hader, Jason Sudeikis, Kristen Wiig and that’s it. Andy Samberg is debatable. He seems to pull his shit together every once in awhile and makes something good, but it definitely isn’t a weekly thing. Also, I hate Andy Samberg. He looks like an asshole, I bet he is an asshole and just because he makes me laugh every once in awhile doesn’t validate him in my opinion. Listen, I’ve watched an episode or two of Two and a Half Men in my day and it has made me laugh as well, so people are bound to make other people laugh at some point. I find Samberg either funny or highly annoying in sketches and it is about a 30/70 split.

I have never liked Kenan Thompson. Well, as a comedian. I don’t know him as a man, but I didn’t like Kenan and Kel and I don’t like him now. Fred Armisen is on SNL way too much. He is in every skit and he has too big of a role in every skit. This leads me to believe that he is writing these skits, but I could be wrong. Either way, there is too much Fred Armisen on the show. I think Fred can be funny, but not as much as they are putting him in the show. Seth Meyers only does Weekend Update and he is usually ok at it. He was better when he was with Amy Poehler. Last week’s Weekend Update was atrocious and it felt like they cut it short because no one was laughing. Who is left? Bobby the resident overweight guy and Abby the home-wrecker. Neither one does much.

All the new people are all in the “who gives a fuck” territory. The girls are all good looking and that’s cool, but that doesn’t mean they’re funny. The one scraggly looking guy did a decently funny bit a few weeks ago as a sex addict preacher, but outside of that who cares. Jay Pharoah is the new black guy and he does impressions of other black guys. They’re great impressions. The impressions are not necessarily funny in themselves, but they’re perfect impressions. Especially the Denzel Washington impression which he has done twice in the past 4 episodes and both sketches were the only sketches worth watching. Apparently, he can do the voice and mannerisms of any black guy who is famous, but that still means they need to write for him.

The show itself is really just a caricature of itself. Every episode starts with some shitty political sketch as it has for the billion years. This of course means that Fred Armisen’s impression of Barack Obama is the first thing you see each week and that impression is getting really old. Then this is followed by the host coming out and singing. Why? Who the fuck knows? But that is what this show is: shitty political bit then a stupid song.

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So, Who is to blame?

I’m not sure. Everyone? No one? I really don’t know. Is it the special guest hosts? I really don’t think so. I have never worked on SNL, but I’m pretty sure it is the cast and writers who come up with all the sketches, so the host can’t really be blamed. Not week in and week out at least. There have been some bad hosts, but more often than not they have good hosts.

This is the 36th season of Saturday Night Live and these are the hosts they have had thus far:

Amy Poehler, Bryan Cranston, Jane Lynch, Emma Stone, Jon Hamm, and Scarlett Johansson

That is quite a list of talented people. The Poehler episode was hands down the best episode. It wasn’t even that good of an episode, but they were mixing in a lot of former cast members into bits, which made it exciting. So we’ll leave the Miss Poehler episode alone. But… she is funny! Why couldn’t this episode be really funny?! I know she was on SNL, but Poehler is a lot funnier than shitty ass SNL. Parks and Recs is a great show and Upright Citizens Brigade is the greatest show. It should’ve been funnier.

As for Bryan Cranston and Jane Lynch… what the fuck?! These two are extremely talented. Both are great actors and great comedic actors at that. I didn’t laugh at all through these episodes. I was very excited to see Bryan Cranston because he has done a lot of comedy, but also he is a great dramatic actor, which would really open up a lot of possibilities for him in sketches… but that episode sucked. And Jane Lynch is funny in everything she has ever been apart of… except SNL. That show sucked.

Jon Hamm. The HAMMSTER! They had a good/decent episode with him last year or maybe two times or who knows. It feels like he is hosting every other week. Jon Hamm can be good, but he is not becoming their new Alec Baldwin anytime soon if they can’t make a great episode with him. He’s handsome as Don Draper and he is goofy as the Hammster – I get it. Outside of that, I’m not sure he needs to be on SNL every week.

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Lastly, Emma Stone and Scarlett Johansson. It is not there fault. IT IS NOT THERE FAULT! If anything it is completely opposite their fault and it is 100% the other people’s fault. I’m just saying if by any chance Emma Stone or Scarlett Johansson are reading this, it is in no way your fault your episodes were bad. I actually think the cast was jealous of you and was bombing on purpose because of said jealousy. Oh sweet Emma and Scarlett, I would have never done such a travesty as they did to you.

In all seriousness, you have a cast of “professional” “comedians” and they gift wrap you two smoking hot chicks and you can’t make the show interesting. I was bored to tears during the Scarlett episode. That is fucking crazy. I could watch Scarlett Johansson file her taxes and I would be riveted. Hopefully, Scarlett is wearing a sports bra and tiny athletic shorts that say “KSWI” on the ass and she takes breaks every 15 minutes to do jumping jacks, which is then followed by a massage/toweling off…. I blacked out for a minute there. As for Emma, a bit where she models high heels in a bikini would work just fine….. I blacked out again. Have I been drinking?

Next week, Anne Hathaway is the host. So another pretty girl. They have failed twice this year with the pretty girl host and I’m not sure why this would be too different.

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But the big difference is that I won’t be watching. I’ve given up on SNL. That is why I’m writing all this besides wanting to post pictures of Scarlett Johansson and Emma Stone. I just have to give up on this show. I have been making a point that if I used to like a show and it starts to get to the point where I simply don’t like it anymore then I need to stop watching it. That sounds simple enough, but once you spend a lot of time watching something you feel like you need to keep watching it. But it is just a waste of your time.

This week I will not be watching, Anne. I’m sorry. I too would love to watch you prance around in some skimpy outfit doing a usually mundane task, but I cannot justify watching SNL anymore. Not until something drastic happens.

I’m just rambling. The musical guests have been good. The girls are beautiful. And the show is less funny than an episode of Law & Order: SVU.

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10 Responses to “The 300 Pound Elephant In The Room: SNL Sucks”

  1. kt said

    Is Misha Barton particularly skinny? I always thought she was pretty average. I mean people (read Perez Hilton) used to make fun of her for being fat and having cellulite. Not that I value his opinion on much of anything, but he did. I would have picked someone like Calista Flockhart or an Olsen twin for an anorexic metaphor. Just my opinion. And we know what they say about that.

  2. Lala said

    I don’t think SNL is that funny, but I’ve always had a crush on Andy Samberg so I love everything he does.

  3. Thanks for explaining the whole 300 pound elephant thing, because you had lost me at first. But I think you’re technically still a little off, since I’m almost certain the saying is “800 pound gorilla in the room”. But if you want it to be an elephant, it can be an elephant. A massive mammal is a massive mammal. I want an 800 pound puppy. Or 800 pound liger. That sounds pretty menacing, what with them being magical and all.

    Right. Anyway, I haven’t made a point of watching SNL in a long time. I was out this past Saturday, so just watched Arcade Fire’s performances on YouTube. Their digital short with Andy Samberg was actually pretty funny…

  4. pissedoffamerican said

    You would need all 3 csi shows to find the funny parts in an SNL episode!

  5. D-dubb said

    SNL is humor for grandparents. It’s the Hungry-Man microwave meal of dinners. It’s the Ford Fiesta of cars. It’s a Domino’s pizza. It’s a vacation in Branson, MO. It’s a college degree from Arizona State. It’s the Canadian Football League of sports. It’s like a court-appointed attorney. It’s the Arbor Day of holidays. It’s the Granada of foreign invasions. It’s the bad part of the hyperbolic comparison. It’s taking the easy way out. SNL has tons of money thrown at it like pricey medication thrown at an old Yorkie. But just like an old Yorkie, it STILL shits in the middle of the living room every single weekend.

  6. NoFNclue said

    is is me or are there animated bugs on this website???

  7. I think SNL is afraid to cross thresholds with its comedy whereas it wasn’t before. I have also noticed that they don’t really mock Obama like other presidents, which is odd to me considering I still remember Dana Carvy doing H.W. Bush and Ross Perot- and it still cracks me up. It’s like SNL is more concerned with image than raw comedy. IDK, I think the show is over…

  8. Stevart said

    The writing is piss poor and it has become a repository of connected children of liberals. PLUS the network is a political shill for Obama. I think also there is a generation change. The writers are now gen xers and not baby boomers. When Tina Fey took over as head writer the comedy died. It became what it is now, smarmy and stupid with absolutely nothing humorous to say. It will only get worse.

  9. Scott said

    What an asshpole Seth Meyers is. Hey dude what’s a p/l ? Duh 40 billion A month?q /e he has no idea what im talking about ,what a tool.

  10. tom said

    SNL used to be edgy holding politicians – especially the pres accountable for huge laughs. Hate to see them kissing his b*&tt all the time. As an independent voter I want them to skewer everyone. I normally would mention this but since its become such a huge part iof the show, I thinks its a big part of the reason.

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