What’s That In The Sky? A Bird? A Plane? NO! It’s The Answer To EVERYTHING!

December 7, 2010

Today’s post is about “stars”.

Now, that I look at “stars” with those “s it looks sarcastic. As if “stars” means celebrities, but I don’t think they are real celebrities like Kate Gosselin and I would call her a “celebrity” or an annoying bitch who I honestly have no right knowing her name. But today’s post is about “stars” like the ones in the sky and I put “s around them to make the word stand out in the sentence and draw your focus to the word, so you would be excited about “stars” and not as excited for about is post Today’s. Got me?

But first…

Did everyone see the New York Jets get their dicks kicked in by the New England Patriots last night? Jeez. It seemed like the last thing any member of the Jets team wanted to do last night was score points and/or beat the Patriots. Anyway, I hope the Jets had their dicks kicked in so badly that it stays inverted for at least two more weeks because they’re traveling to Pittsburgh to battle my beautiful Black and Gold polytheist demi-Gods the Steelers.

Also, if it wouldn’t be too much to ask, God, could someone between now and January literally rip off the dicks of the New England Patriots, so when the Steelers most likely play them in the playoffs they will be dickless? It’s not like I’m asking for “World Peace” or anything. Just rip the dicks off the New England Patriots. You are God and all. I’m pretty sure that would take all of a second to do. I bet it takes me much longer everyday to write these posts for the adoring public – meanwhile you don’t see me complaining. I’ll gladly switch places if you think it is too difficult of a task and the grass is greener and so forth. Anyway, peace God.

Back to the post.


This will not make any sense, but what does these days. Ingrid Pitt. Yep.


So, she died. Sadly. She was 73 and she died recently. I will admit I did not know who Ingrid Pitt was when I saw the name “Ingrid Pitt”. I looked up who she was and I saw she was an actress and a beautiful one at that and a beautiful actress who was in a bunch of movies I’ve seen and others have seen – mainly cult classic horror films from the 60’s and 70’s and she was in Where Eagles Dare, which is a good not as famous Clint Eastwood war movie.

I clicked on a few pictures of her from a particular search engine, I noticed in the background of one picture there seemed to be some really wild ass writing. Writing that looked like the person may or may not be trying to summon Ingrid Pitt back from the grave or maybe they were speaking in tongues through their fingertips.

A sentence like:

Jupiter in Aquarius is a special position for Aries giving much ingenuity, independance, and uniqueness.

That website was Libra Rising.

It turned out this website was written by a nut job. It was also and more politely, a website dedicated to astrological horoscopes… for celebrities. I have not really looked at the rest of the site, but there seems to be some gems about conspiracy theories and one post about “Lucifer planets” which I’ll have to read at some point.

Who ever wrote this website went through an insane amount of effort to write these bios for these celebrities based on when they were born (date and even time if known), where they were born, and then tracking the noon positions of the Moon I believe. Either way, it is a crazy amount of research this person went through, so I had to read it.

Basically, it is a psych profile this person has written about these celebrities because of the stuff happening in space at the time of their birth, which is stup… wonderful.

I will share one person’s profile:

That being…



Seriously? Who didn’t see that coming? That’s what she said.

Let’s talk about Kristen Stewart. What do we know about her?

She wants IT.

Yes, but what else? “What else” is all answered in the stars in this profile.

Before I get to the scribbly bits about where Uranus is in accordance to something else that sounds like Uranus… here is the profile picture:


She wants IT.

And, the person spells Twilight in the most imaginative way possible as Twighlight.

Now the profile:

The cardinal signs dominate Kristen Stewart’s chart making her a doer and accomplisher.

Isn’t this what I’ve been saying? She’s an “accomplisher” like how George W. Bush was a “decider”.

It all begins with the Sun in Aries which is her central driving force and spirit. Arian women don’t waste time going after what they want or letting you know how they feel.

I would suggest not using the term “Arian women” for “women of Aries” because the “Arians” in the grand scheme of things were the Nazis. Nevertheless, Libra Rising is saying that Kristen Stewart wants IT and she is out to get IT.

And I love it.

They are positive and energetic types who like to take life by the horns. Moon in Libra balances the Arian self-centeredness giving Kristen a more reflective and sociable side that likes to do things with others. Mercury in Taurus makes the otherwise impulsive and outspoken Aries more quiet, practical, and patient. They’re also more artistically inclined and have a shrewd evaluative sense.

Maybe if she wasn’t on all that weed we would see some of that energy, but I make jokes. So she really wants to just talk about herself and do everything in her own interest, but this “Mercury in Taurus” (bad name for a band) is keeping her from being a complete bitch.


Venus in Pisces also softens the Arian aggression with compassion, understanding, imagination, and idealism. There is an interest or ability in music, film, or the arts in general with this Venus placement. Mars, the solar ruler, is in inventive, independant, and freedom-loving Aquarius. Mars here likes to be different or unique and can be quite the rebel, fighting for friends, truth and liberty.

So she should be cast as Wonder Woman, but Wonder Woman if she went to a liberal arts junior college?

Jupiter in Cancer puts much importance on home and family and the moral or spiritual support derived therefrom.

Home? Family? Watch out Robert, she may be punching holes in those jimmies. Just joshing ya.

This is my favorite sentence of all time up next –

There is also an enjoyment of food and the sea, an appreciation of history and antiques, and an interest in survival-related training or activity.

Can I get a HELL and a YEAH! That sentence is unbelievable! It goes from boring and mundane to batshit crazy in like 8 words! Kristen Stewart likes “food”, which every living thing needs to maintain life, but she also likes the SEA. So, Kristen likes eating and maybe trolling the great arctic north looking for a mythical white whale. Next she likes “history and antiques”, so she likes “things that happened” and “old items”. Those two kind of go together. Liking food goes with all activities and I guess people who man oceanic vessels could enjoy old shit. Lastly, she likes “survival-related training or activity”. I LOVE IT. What the hell does that mean? “Survival-related training or activity”?! Like for a zombie apocalypse or if the Russians invade or if there is a nuclear bomb explosion? I know some people may think “survival-related training or activity” means “camping”, but Libra Rising didn’t write “camping” – Libra Rising wrote “survival-related training or activity”. I’m saying whatever freaky sex I thought Kristen was having with Bobbie just got taken up a notch.

Also, if Rob is searching for a Christmas present for K-Stew – a Swiss Army knife with a compass might be your best bet.

Saturn in in its own sign of Capricorn completes the cardinal element in the chart and gives Kristen much ability for discipline, control, and economy.

Again, this is an odd sentence. It starts off kind of hot if you like being a sub which I’m pretty sure everyone believes Rob is because of the whole British thing. Discipline – kind of hot. Control – kind of hot. Economy? So when she’s got Rob tied up and is spanking him with a ruler, she can also balance his checkbook. Or would he call it his “bill fold”. Hey oh.


It also keeps her trim, serious, and realistic.

The stars keep her slender?

Saturn with Uranus combines the old or traditional with the new or modern and knows just when to hold back or let loose.

So Saturn being in her anus is what keeps Kristen Stewart from killing us all with her WANT. Got it.

Saturn with Neptune realizes one’s dreams or imaginations and can make a fine artist, musician, or film maker. Uranus in Capricorn breaks with tradition and comes up with new ways to build, organize, manage, or achieve success. They have an interest in geology, geophysics, and the concepts of time, number, and space.

That last bit sounds like she needs to be a sidekick in a Nicolas Cage thriller.

Neptune in Capricorn is a psyche absorbed by order, structure, definition, and matter in general. They dream of a one-world or universal government.

Uhhh… that “one-world” or “universal government” better be America or that is treasonous. Also, it sounds like a lot of commie-pinko-bs if you ask me. And it’s probably a clue to what she talks about when she’s high. Ok, I get it, Kristen. It would all be much better if we all had the same currency and we were all just one country called Earth. I get it. Just stop hogging the bong.

Pluto is in its own sign of Scorpio giving Kristen and her generation the pure qualities of this planet and/or sign. These people are extremely focused, intense, and perceptive, and will go to the root of any matter.

Kristen Stewart wants IT. We know.

The next sentence is elegant.

They have a natural or instinctual conmprehension of sex, death, regeneration, and all hidden or occult matters.

Beautiful. So, when you meet Kristen Stewart ask her about any universal philosophical question and she’s got the answer for you because one planet was in the Moon’s path or something. Sex? Death? Regeneration? And all hidden or occult matters? That is a lot of knowledge to be stored in that brain of hers. And she isn’t even legal to drink booze yet.

While the birth time is unknown, there is a strong likelihood of a Sag ascendant or rising sign.

I’ve been saying that this whole time.


I think we’ve learned a lot today.

Kristen Stewart wants IT and the stars said so. Also, she liked to travel the open waters on a catamaran and wouldn’t mind a scenario where she’s stranded on it and needs to use her previous training and knowledge to find her way to safety.

Also, if you enjoy this – then I have another person’s profile I wouldn’t mind going through.


19 Responses to “What’s That In The Sky? A Bird? A Plane? NO! It’s The Answer To EVERYTHING!”

  1. MLF said

    that rocked. definitely do it again*

    I too love the idea of one universal government for the entire world. especially if I’m high I love that idea. can you imagine if we were only one country? there could be no war because…oh wait.

    civil war. frack. It was such a good idea for like thirty seconds.

    • cledbo said

      Three kids accidentally set a house on fire by first setting the couch on their porch on fire two suburbs over from me last night.
      Even without civil war, peace is a bit of an iffy concept. Except when you’re high.

  2. kt said

    Who is the other person?

    Is it weird that lately I have been finding myself more attracted to KStew? Like I always thought she was pretty and I’ve always been uber jealous of her hair, but lately it’s leaning over to Krisbian territory. I think I spent to much time this weekend watching the Eclipse dvd…

  3. MLF said

    so it’s awfully quiet in here today….poor HB is stuck in a meeting….and PWG…I don’t know where you are BUT YOU’RE SCARING ME!! I still have a residual case of separation anxiety from your last disapearance. kt it looks like you and I will have to hold down the fort until the rest of the wives come back

    • MLF said

      not to discount “trinity and beyond the atomic bomb movie, atomic bomb explosion, Trinity, Beyond, Atomic, Movie, Bomb | atomicbombeffects.com”

      you’re presence is appreciated as well.

    • PWG said

      I’m sorry they made me work today 😦 On many levels.

  4. also since no one is here and paying attention this seems like an opportune time to make an announcement: fellow wives, I have decided to intergrate my twitter and KSWI avi names. It’s gotten too confusing differentiating between my first and middle name, and my initials. therefore mlf is from here on out a thing of the past. I know. I’m kind of sad. but milfie will live on forever in our hearts. also I have gone public and linked my twitter. I think. it if works correctly then you should be able to go to my twitter. why anyone would want to do that I’m not sure but my twitter is now on the table * or something so..yup. for all of the many, many people who read this website- my twitter is now public to you. feel special.

    jordan, I would discourage you from checking out my twitter since I largely use it to talk shit about you to the other wives.

    just kidding.


  5. cledbo said

    So Saturn being in her anus is what keeps Kristen Stewart from killing us all with her WANT. Got it.

    THIS. It must be true, what else can explain how she holds back that apocalyptic power? If we ever wake up to the Combined Flying Snake and Elephant Apocalypse, KStew will surely kick its ass by overcoming what is up hers, holding back her rightful justice.

  6. cledbo said

    Apart from the obvious (that Don Draper’s Want is the Hiroshima to Kristen Stewart’s Nagasaki) I am unable to discern why there’s a trackback to a movie about the Atomic Bomb.
    Though it is narrated by William Shatner. Which is awesome.

    I love Boston Legal

  7. cledbo said

    Oh and next profile away, my good man.

    It looks like I’m just posting heaps to bump up the comment count, but actually it’s an hour earlier in the morning than I’m used to being at work so I’m really just having difficulty remembering things.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      Don’t worry. I’m not complaining.

    • yes, upon first glance it would seem I was doing that also but really….

      well no I actually was doing just that. sorry.

      I imagine jordan at his computer getting these alerts, and every time he thinks it might be some new person who has seen the light and understands the truth of the Want but instead it’s just us assholes who’ve already commented fifty times and now just wont shut the fuck up

      • cledbo said

        He only complains about our comment-vomit when we’re mean to him though.

        As long as we’re complimentary, we get replies like the one above.

    • PWG said

      The truth is revealed, I wandered away for a couple of months so someone could finally catch up to my comment count. Pfffft, right. This is practically my blog, I comment so fucking much. Even with a hiatus.

  8. Confession: I read my horoscope fairly regularly. It’s something I just started doing thing year, and I definitely don’t buy it all… but some of it seems pretty close to truth at times.

    Par exemple, when I was in Edinburgh celebrating New Years, my friends and I all read our horoscopes for 2010. Aside from something about “Saturn transiting my solar Fifth House”, it said the following:
    The big events this year will not so much be a matter of major happenings as they will be things that have been in the works and are slowly revealing themselves. Certainly, your love life and your career will feel the difference, but beyond that you’ll notice things going a lot better in other departments of your life. You may have already noticed some of these changes starting to kick in; the real results start happening around your birthday in 2010.

    Sure, you could be all “you could apply that to anyone/anything!” But some of it’s pretty dead on… Especially that birthday business. My birthday is May 12th, I got my new job May 13th.

    I don’t remember what my point was. My 4 hour meeting ran long and 5 hours later my brain has melted.

    • PWG said

      I’m anti-horoscope. But that gives me an idea for a Friday question. If you were going on a blind date, and you could only know three things about the other person ahead of time, what information would give you the best advance warning of what you’re getting into?

      Last book they read, how many suits/bikinis they own, who they voted for in whatever, religious affiliation, their favorite movie, band, sports team, what? If you could ask anything and get the real answer, not the fake best-foot-forward answer. For the purposes of this experiment, you may assume the person is not a serial killer and has no undisclosed spouses or offspring.

  9. PWG said

    Self-centered, steamrolling, aggressive, impulsive and outspoken. That Libra Rising wizard just called most women born in April controlling bitches. I feel kind of bad that some of those other women might take that as insulting. I was proud, although I don’t ascribe that awesomeness to my birthdate. I’m dead certain I’d be a foul-mouthed Neanderthal no matter when I was born.

    Way to get my hopes up that this was going to be a science-y post, with the “stars” and all. Bastard.

  10. Macbaren said

    After reading this I believed it was really educational. I appreciate a person taking the time to put this web site patch together. I remember when i once again discover personally spending way to enough time each reading through as well as leaving comments. No matter what, it had been still worth it

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