The SEQUEL of What’s That In The Sky? A Bird? A Plane? NO! It’s The Answer To EVERYTHING!

December 9, 2010

And we’re LIVE! From the sold out corner of my living room, it is KSWI’s THURSDAY POST! SLEEPING on the green couch is my family’s golden retriever, Gracie, who you should remember seeing in video format nuzzling a red ball before catching it off a bounce toss from myself as well as my family’s miniature dachshund, Lily, who is asleep. That leaves the half awake and staring out the window ready to high pitch bark at any moment, the miniATURE FRENCH POODLE, NOOOOOOOOOOOO-ELLLLLLLLLLLL! And, SITTING in the green reupholstered reclining chair, typing away as fast as he can because realistically he should be getting read for his second interview today is THE REIGNING and UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF ALL KRISTEN STEWART BASED COMBAT ORGANIZATIONS, here is K-S-W-I JOOOOORRRRDANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

If you don’t know, that was me kind of doing an homage to Bruce Buffer’s intros for UFC fighters. Of course, I may be the only one who got that reference, which is entirely OK because I wrote it and today’s post is about me.

Well, “me” and James Belushi.

BAM!

Didn’t see that coming did you?*

That’s right. Come one*, come all* because today’s the day we look at the horoscope of myself and JAMES BELUSHI! It turns out he and I share a birthday. That birthday being June 15th. He is considerably older than I, so the Moon’s of the noon times were up different Uranus’ and in different doors of the Saturn’s something and let’s say Uranus again because it is a planet and it has anus right there in the second half of the word.

But ultimately, I think we are all going to realize is that the stars and planets and their positions mean everything and James Belushi and I are essentially the same person and/or soulmates. Ok? It’s a fact.

Before James and I start wearing matching friendship bracelets, let’s get to know a little about James Belushi, who you may also know as Jim Belushi. See what happened there?

Albanian-American actor, comedian,
and musician best known for his role as
Jim in the TV comedy series According
to Jim (2001-2009) and for his two-year
stay on Saturday Night Live(1983-85).
He has a long line of film credits such as
About Last Night(1986) and Red Heat
(1988), and has done many voice-overs
and even co-produced a music album.

First, I fully believe that not one person on EARTH knew that Jim Belushi was an “Albanian-American” before the movie Wag the Dog. Most probably never saw that movie and are now just reading this SHOCKING information. But Wag the Dog is an excellent movie in the sense that you should be watching it instead of reading this post. In the movie, there is a joke mentioning Belushi is of Albanian ethnicity and I believe that Belushi also found out this because of this movie.

The rest of this profile is whatevs. We all know about the TV show According to Jim which I believe was a comedy/mystery TV show about how the hell a guy looking Jim Belushi could land a chick like Courtney Thorne-Smith as his wife. Also, he was on SNL and a couple of peliculas. Libra Rising does not mention one movie in particular that I always enjoyed, which was Real Men starring the big Belloosh and John Ritter. If you’ve got the time, it is a fun movie. You don’t have to kill yourself looking for it, but if you find yourself with some free time and you want to spend it smiling and chuckling then there you go.

After taking a brief look at Belushi’s resume, I’m fairly confident I could have done his career. One – God, obviously – could easily substitute me for him in any of his acting roles and I think I could have handled myself just as well as he did. Also, he’s in a band and they talk about music, but if all he does is sing and play a harmonica then I could do that right now as well. I love harmonicas because you need little to no skill to play them, they don’t need to be tuned and pretty much if you know how to breathe then it’s make the WANH! noise we all love.

Onto… the horoscope in which James Belushi and I, the charismatic leading men that we are,  switch roles like in John Woo classic Face/Off.

Versatile and productive James Belushi is a Gemini Sun, with hard-working Mars in Capricorn and hard-driving Saturn in Scorpio. Balancing his Gemini Sun is Moon in Sagittarius which adds a sense of morals or ethics to his otherwise clever and conniving solar nature.

Versatile? Definitely. Productive? I think so. I’m also lazy too. I get a lot of stuff done some days and I do absolutely nothing on others. I’m guessing that’s the case for Jim as well. No man with a waist line as similar to ours can be all that productive every day, but more on that later. As for having a sense of morals or ethics – agreed. I’ve heard of those things and I have them. The clever and conniving solar nature seems to be an indirect way that deep down we are big time liars and play games with people’s heads.

True.

This Moon also likes to travel, hunt, play sports, and take a gamble.

Yes, never been, YES, like card game gambling? I like to gamble with things like “my future”, not necessarily who has more Jacks in their hands*.

Of course one of the outstanding things about James’ chart is the heavy Cancer concentration(four planets) which makes him very much a family or home type of guy.

I have no idea what any of this means, but if you’re telling me that a guy who is mostly famous for being the suburban house husband on a family friendly network TV show for the better part of a decade is a “family” or “home” guy then … yeah, no shit. Sometimes the people who actors portray can say an awful lot about them and that’s why they are so good at that role. Charlie Sheen plays a womanizing, rich, drunk on Two and a Half Men – SHOCKING.

Mercury, the solar ruler, leads the grouping making James quite knowledgeable about all aspects of home, family life, and security. The mental nature is sensitive and moody and coloured by the feelings or emotions. Mercury is conjuncted by Venus, Jupiter, and Uranus adding resourcefulness, scope, and ingenuity.

So what you’re saying is Jim and I are GD-ing GENIUSES! I accept.

Venus in Cancer has a strong appreciation of home, family, tradition, sentiment, and femininity.

And we both appreciate the ladies,… ladies.

They also love eating and dining and family get-togethers.

There is some extra cushion for the pushin. Whatever. We earned it. We’re so fricking smart it take a lot of food to run these big ass brains of ours.

Venus with Jupiter likes to entertain or have a good time and receives(or gives) many gifts or benefits. Venus conjunct Uranus experiments with the affections and goes through finanancial rollercoasters.

Gifts would be nice. “Financial rollercoasters”? Not so much. Is this hinting at Jim losing all of his money on something? I haven’t really been around long enough for a rollercoaster with my finances.

Mars in Capricorn is shy and cautious but organized and productive, and fights for his job or reputation. Mars here has an earthy or smouldering sexuality.

That’s right ladies – smoldering.

I guess that’s how Jim Belushi got Courtney Thorne-Smith.

I’m Jim Belushi, my sexuality is smoldering. What now, Courtney? What now, indeed.

Jupiter in Cancer is big on home and family and safety and security. They like big spacious houses and lots of food or provisions. They’re also collectors of antiques, paintings, trophies, or anything old or of sentimntal value.

Who doesn’t like shelter and food? Anyway, I’m not big on antiques or anything, but maybe I’m just denying myself of a clear hobby I could undertake. Humorist, cage-fighting reporter and antique collector.

Jupiter with Uranus in Cancer has lots to teach or disseminate about home, family values, roots, or domestic matters in general, and take a very broad or modern approach here. Saturn in Scorpio can be very secretive or forbidding about personal matters, especially concerning sex or any subversive activity.

Generally speaking, if it is “subversive activity” and it involves “s-e-x” then you might want to keep that to yourself. That’s not just my Saturn in Scorpio talking.

They have much emotional control or discipline and make top notch researchers or investigators. They also have a natural interest in the paranoral or occult and may be a member of such a group.

Uhhhh… what?

I’m not a member of a paranormal or occult group.

Although, you can’t trust what I’m saying because I’m also a liar about these types of things.

Also, I feel like Libra Rising could be just anti-semetic and is saying that the Jews are a paranormal or occult group because clear this “James Belushi” is all a big scheme to just talk about Kay-Swidge-izzle.

Uranus in Cancer brings modern views or activities into the home or family sphere. They’re ingeniously intuitive and imaginative but can suffer from emotional instability. Neptune in Libra dreams of universal peace, beauty, justice, and unity, but relationships often prove deceptive or dissapointing.

Started strong and, ended, iffy. Wasn’t too happy to read the “deceptive or disappointing” line. I was kind of hoping for “relationships often prove to be a badass time full of hot mamacitas and margaritas”. But no such luck.

Pluto in Leo people go to extremes in love and play, and often find their niche in the entertainment industry.

I’m entertaining you fine bitches right now, aren’t I?

Well, up until I called you “fine bitches”.

Come on, I already called you “ladies” earlier. I try to mix things up.

I blame the Scorpio in Cancer’s Saturn’s Jupiter for leading me to outbursts.

It wasn’t me, babies. It was the stars that did it.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this. I probably should be getting ready for that interview.

Peace in the Middle East and questions for Fridays post.

SMOLDERING!

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14 Responses to “The SEQUEL of What’s That In The Sky? A Bird? A Plane? NO! It’s The Answer To EVERYTHING!”

  1. Lala said

    Questions for Friday:
    1) How cold is it in New York?
    2) How was the interview?
    3) Will you be my tour guide while I’m in New York next week?
    4) … okay, that was pretty much it.

    • bravo! I laughed. that is quite a feat to make me laugh jordan…it so rarely happens.

      also personally I am fine with being called a fine bitch. I am pretty sure that’s universally flattering, unless you are offended by being called a bitch. in which case it’s a horrible insult. I do feel like bitches is not the same thing as bitch though- for some reason bitches feels more playful and friendly than bitch. probably cuz it’s got that super fun -es sound on the end of it.

      anyways back to my boring ass final paper that I am writing right now which is due tonight. I probably should have started it earlier than noon today.

      OH WAIT QUESTIONS!

      uhhhhhhhhh……

      Why does the sun go on shining?

      Why does the sea rush to shore?

      Don’t they know it’s the end of the world

      ‘Cause you don’t love me anymore?

      also after you answer those questions can you plz work on getting that shitastic song out of my head? fuck I hate the carpenters! you know what I hate even more? their merry christmas song! oh my fuck is that song depressing!!

      anyways dueces!

  2. PWG said

    Uranus in Cancer brings modern views or activities into the home or family sphere.
    I guess Uranus in Cancer is better than Cancer in Uranus, but just barely.

    There is some extra cushion for the pushin.
    Ever drive bumper cars? When I hear that phrase I think of, I don’t know, some famous athlete attempting entry into the Port of Kim Kardashian. How much less effort you’d have to put into it if you bounced right off into the backstroke, as it were. So when you say you have some extra cushion for the pushin’, I imagine you in a similar scenario enjoying the attentions of the same gentleman. I imagined you gay today, is all I’m saying.

  3. PWG said

    Sometimes the people who actors portray can say an awful lot about them and that’s why they are so good at that role.

    For Friday you can help me think of cases that are the complete opposite of that. So far I have Matt Damon in the Jason Bourne movies. He’s done a few of those, he acquits himself pretty well, but in real life I’m not convinced Matt Damon could kick MY ass, let alone a bunch of trained assassins’ asses. I assume. I just typed a lot of ass.

    Oh dear God, I just IMDB’d Full House to find the name of the guy who plays a nerdy family man dude but in real life is a raunchy adult comic. Bob Saget, by the way. So the good part is, A: I got caught at work Googling “Full House”, and B: I saw this review of the show on IMDB.

    This show is a huge hit with our pop culture . . . It also had major career boosts for John Stamos . . . This is a fun show that I think is an honest classic. It always makes you feel good about yourself and about life.

    Yeah, ol’ John Stamos and his $20 million per picture deals these days. It does make me feel good about life, though. I like to put it on after the news so I stop feeling so bad about the world and all the jackasses in it.

    I’ve wandered away from my point.

  4. Wasn’t too happy to read the “deceptive or disappointing” line. I was kind of hoping for “relationships often prove to be a badass time full of hot mamacitas and margaritas”. But no such luck.

    You only have your deceitful, mind-game-playing self to blame for the deception, my occult-loving friend.

    Also, I can see how a man like Jim Belushi could get a hottie like Courtney Thorne-Smith. That shit happens all the time. Not all women are superficial. Also, you grossly underestimate how many women go for the “teddy bear cute” thing.

    Ugh, now I have to go and try and find a celebrity with my birthday because this has made me curious.

    • PWG said

      E-mail from my boss on my birthday:

      “Sharing your birthday today are famed symphony director Leopold Stokowski and mentally unstable actors James Woods and Eric Roberts!”

      • Apparently I share with Katharine Hepburn. Some highlights:

        – intense and penetrating look.
        – solid, down to earth lady with practical interests and concerns.
        – listen to facts rather than promises.
        – very stubborn, sensual, artistic, and musical.
        – passionate and ardent lady who is not afraid to pursue her love interests.
        – a plodder, someone who perserveres until they achieve what is needed or wanted.
        – naturally caring, nurturing, and highly emotional.
        – emotional with lucid memories and many are addicted to food or eating.

        It’s a weird mix of obsession, addiction, instability, passion, and a desire to be nurturing/compassionate? That’s, like…crazy defined. So, dead on.

  5. amanda said

    Hey, its been awhile since ive commented but mostly because ive been busy creating my own blog. me and my friends started it fairly recently and its going to be about musicians and our thoughts on art music and various topics. it would be great if you guys could visit it and comment. please share your thoughts on anything and everything from the site layout to post content.
    thanks!! http://www.blackambrosiablog.blogspot.com/

  6. amanda said

    jim belushi asked my friends mom out in college.
    lolz

  7. cledbo said

    damn. lost my comment. have now lost will to life and/or form sentences.

    I do remember my questions though.

    1) how were the interviews?
    2) why does deodorant that claims to work all day not actually work all day? It’s 30 degrees out and I’m sweating like a rapist. Damn you and your failure Rexona!

    • the answer to your problem is Dove deodorant: I swear by it. also it smells so fucking good. do they have dove deodorant in australia?

      • cledbo said

        They do. I will take your advice, fair Floridian who knows what it’s like to live in a sauna. If it works, many cyber-based sisterwifely pashes for you. If not…well, I’m sure me and my sweaty pits can think of an appropriate, ironic punishment 😛

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