Nothing Is Worse Than A Monday

December 13, 2010

Seriously, nothing is worse than this continuous nuisance that is Monday.

Hitler was bad. He was easily the evilest man on an entire century and then would easily get a first round bye if there was a tournament in the evilest things in history. But, Monday’s are worse.

Every week, every-fucking-week has a Monday. Every week doesn’t have a Hitler. Unless we are considering Monday being the weekly Hitler then I see what you did there.

I sit near sleepless every Sunday night just knowing that Monday is knocking at the door and it will always be. Mondays are awful.

Think about it. The weekend is the best. The best. And what kills the weekend every week? Monday. It always does. The best Monday is a Monday that is pretending like it is apart of a weekend. The best Monday is not doing its job to kill the weekend. Monday kills the weekend. It ends the weekend by sneaking up on Sunday with a rusty shiv and knifing Sunday in between its ribs.

Monday is evil.

Tuesday isn’t evil. Tuesday is a go-between. It is there just doing its job. Its job sucks, but Tuesday is trying its best. Tuesday is unlikable as well, but you know if there was another job Tuesday could do that didn’t give children and adults alike the frowns then it would.

Tuesday is like Gabe from The Office. No one likes him, but they don’t hate him. They know it’s not his fault, but he is the bringer of bad news.

Wednesday is that woman in the office or on the PTA council or in your local town who really needs to get a hobby that doesn’t involve other people. She is the one who puts together bake sales or team building games or charity events or something that involves you doing something even though you didn’t ask to be involved. She just has a lot of time on her hands and seemingly no interaction with people or hasn’t realized how much of a friend booze can be to defeat loneliness. Instead, she organizes a Spring play for all three elementary school kids to be put on by the parents and now you spend your Wednesdays memorizing lines, sewing costumes and licking up the last of the Irish Whiskey off your kitchen counter.

Wednesday is not evil; Wednesday needs to learn how to socialize.

Thursday is that fun person of authority. It could have been that great Algebra teacher you had in 8th grade or it could have been your parent(s) or it could have been an old boss. They make it fun and they make you laugh, but they’re still tricking you into working. No matter what you are still working for them. They’ll let you get wild with less repercussions, but you’re still doing some trabaja for them.

Friday is an enigma. It can be anything. Same with Saturday. They can be the wildest drunkest insane periods of time ever. Or you could just catch up on being lazy without the looming assholes that are Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

Sunday is a day of relaxing usually. A day of recovery from Friday and Saturday. Or it could be a day of stocking up on laziness knowing that dickhead Monday is only a few hours away.

Fuck you, Monday!

Fuck you, Monday.

My weekend was good.

I went to a punk flea market on Saturday for about 10 minutes. In that period of 10 minutes, I purchased 3 DVDs and one being a delightful film entitled:

ROBOT HOLOCAUST

After that, my friends and I gave up and started drinking.

Eventually, we watched the UFC fights which were quite good. A couple Jersey brothers took home two well deserved victories.

Finally, on Sunday I watched the Steelers spank the Bengals. The offense looked pretty poor throughout most of the game, but the defense came to play. Two excellent pick six touchdowns – Troy Polamalu and LaMarr Woodley.

Then it was time to say goodbye to my friends.

I got in my car and drove for about 40 minutes when my back right tire must’ve picked up a nail or something and went flat instantly. I pulled over to the side of the road. I am a AAA member and I didn’t feel like changing a flat tire in the middle of the rain on the side of a major road, so I called them. I told them where I was and they told me they would be there in 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, I got an automated phone call telling me that they would be there in 20 minutes. I waited that additional 20 minutes and then called AAA back. They told me the driver was 5 minutes away. I waited 10 minutes and called them back. This is when AAA informed me that they did not know where I was.

After an hour of waiting, AAA was no closer to finding me than they were before I even called them and they did not think that was something worth calling me about.

I then over the course of the next one and a half hours argued with up to a dozen different people about where I was in the world at that given moment.

No one believed me.

No one.

Not a single person from AAA believed me that I was where I said I was.

They refused to listen to me. REFUSED. They sent trucks to Pennsylvania, even though I was not in Pennsylvania. They sent trucks to towns in New Jersey I have never heard of because the last place they felt the need to send a truck to look for me was where I said.

I had numerous people not only telling me that I wasn’t where I said I was, that they sent trucks to where I said I was and didn’t find me, and that they knew exactly where I was, but then sent a truck out to not where I was.

Over 2 and a half hours went by before a truck showed up and then promptly by a second truck. The first truck found me because he just kept driving down the road I said I was on and didn’t stop where they had told him to stop. The second driver found me because they finally told him to go to where I told them to tell where to go.

Where was I?

My directions to them was that I was on Rt. 29 South in New Jersey, heading to 195 East. Rt. 29 South becomes 195 East and I was 3.4 miles back on Rt. 29 South from where that happens.

I don’t care where you are in the world or who you work for or any of that. If you can find 195 East in New Jersey on a map, and follow it west to where Rt. 29 South meets up with it, and then follow that rt. 29 South 3.4 miles back and you will see a black Pathfinder on the side of the road with its 4 ways on and a 27 year old guy having a nervous breakdown on his cellphone because no one would fucking listen to me.

Also, it was phenomenally fun meeting numerous AAA employees on the phone telling me to say “such and such” to the driver even though I had never seen what they were referring to nor did I know what that was or where that is. I then would reiterate that I was on rt. 29 South 3.4 miles from where it becomes 195 East and instead of taking me up on that bet they would send a driver to a series of towns North of Trenton, when rt. 29 south is actually South of Trenton.

Mondays are the worst. And AAA is Aids.

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12 Responses to “Nothing Is Worse Than A Monday”

  1. first of all, what did monday ever do to you? maybe it’s not monday’s fault that monday is the way it is? maybe when all of the days of the week got together, monday was actually the nice self sacrificing one that said, it’s ok- I shall bear the burden of being hated? I think you need to give monday another chance because it really isn’t that bad.

    to be honest the day of the week I dislike the most is Sunday. sunday is the real wolf in sheeps clothing because the entire day of sunday what do people do? aside from church, people lay around dreading that monday is coming. so really which day is spent in more misery? for me it’s sunday. anticipation is always either the best or worst part of something, and the anticipation of monday sucks, but it takes place on sunday. monday I can be found doing what I normally do which is..well it’s what I normally do, ahem..anyways, but SUNDAY I am moping all day because rather than enjoying a day off I am already worrying about my next non day off.

    also- I have been a platinum member of AAA for five years now (thanks daddy!) and they have never taken more than thirty minutes to get to me. which is impressive considering my parents home is 20 minutes from the nearest gas station or business that is not a cattle farm or tree nursery. really most places where I spend time at are like that…I think the real problem is the fact that you are in NJ and not FL. The last time I was in NY I had four cab drivers that got lost. I suspect it is a regional issue, because I was always under the impression that cab drivers knew where they were going. this leads me to believe that people in the NE are just absolute shit at directions.

    also why not just give them your latitude and longitude? to me that would have been the obvious answer.

  2. kt said

    I hate Mondays. I was thiiiiiiiiis close to not coming to work today. Like, I had the phone in my hand and my bosses phone number pulled up in my contacts, all I had to do was press send… but I didn’t. I came to work. I sat at my desk. And all I have done is answer 3 phone calls today. UGH.

    Being bored at work is worse than being busy at work. I would rather be so busy that I don’t have time to sit down than being so bored that I run out of internet to read. Then the problem becomes that when you get a little bit of work to do you are so out of it that what should take 20 mins takes 2 hours. I am about to be handed some work to do and it will take me the rest of the day to do it and maybe some time tomorrow and it is not because it takes that long to complete, it is just that I am a office zombie and my brain has been working at 1/16 capacity for 4 hours and now it is ruined for the rest of the day. I don’t hate my job yet, but I feel it might be heading that direction and I don’t know what I am going to do when I reach that point because job searching is worse than working at a job you hate.

    Mondays can suck it.

    • I could’ve written this whole thing myself. I’ve had nothing to do for so long at this point, that when I’m given some menial task, I put it off for DAYS. Thank God for gchat and friends who are equally bored with their jobs – it’s the only way I make it through my days anymore.

      • kt said

        I’m a little bit glad that I am not alone. However, I don’t have friends to chat with. Mine all seem to have actual work to do. 😦

      • cledbo said

        I can 100% relate as well kt. I would rather get to rage against the machine because I’m so busy and freaking out, rather than what I’m doing now which is trying to conjure up some motivation to finish the last 2 tasks I have before I go on holiday.

        All I can say is thank god I have not one but TWO Xmas parties which are during the day this week. Otherwise my brain might turn to goo.

        I also agree with MLF – Sunday nights are the pits, when you know what Monday morning brings.

  3. PWG said

    I made lavish use of AAA in 2010. The PWG household consists of four cars. Two of them are 17 years old and one is 11 years old. I ran into an automotive month of figurative Mondays in which every time I turned the key in something 4-wheeled, it started plotting against me. I change the oil, I get new tires and brake pads, otherwise the old-timers wouldn’t have made it 17 years. But what, I’m supposed to check the effing timing belt too?

    My AAA guys were way better than yours though. Except the one dude who had to drive me 30 miles and was going a radically different route than the shortest normal way to the point where I started thinking I might be starring in Breakdown only Kurt Russell would not be looking for me. I have that AAA Plus thing where they have to drive me 100 miles if necessary but this dude clearly wanted a tip. I didn’t have cash and a flash of my breasts is probably not worth a Jackson, buddy.

  4. Sorry to hear about that heinous end to an otherwise enjoyable weekend. I have no clue how to change a tire so would’ve been in the same boat. Except I would’ve broken down and cried for sure. I am a chick, after all, and thus totally incapable of keeping tears out of things. All stressful/tense conversations come with a side of watery eyes (at the very least). This includes conversations in the workplace. It’s great, really.

    Monday’s are the worst. But, if we’re being honest, pretty much any day that isn’t Friday after 5:30pm through 11:59pm on Sunday is dead to me.

    • Oh my dear HB. You have breasts. Knowing how to change a tire is a skill completely wasted on humans w breasts, aka women. And some men. All breast havers need to know is how to stand beside your car looking cute and distressed, and stare at the tire that is busted. Eventually a non-breast-haver will drive by and change it for you. Unless you are in the middle of nowhere and you don’t
      feel like waiting. Despite this I know how to change a tire and have done it before.. I have little faith in my breasts ability to attract non-breast havers. Fortunately It’s actually quite easy to change a tire. I’ll teach you how when I move in w/ you since apparently my AAA won’t work in NJ anyways

      • tiffanized said

        I met one of my favorite past boyfriends when I stopped to change HIS tire. It’s definitely a useful skill. I can also change out a battery, but without all the jacking, nut screwing and pumping, it’s just not as sexy as tire changing. There is the anti-corrosion spray which is very slippery, but I’ve never successfully parlayed that into a sexual relationship.

  5. cledbo said

    I’d rather change a tyre in the rain than the 40 degree heat I last had to change a tyre in.

    RAA (my state’s version of AAA) doesn’t generally make calls out to places only accessible by 4WD, and 40km from the nearest sealed road, let alone the nearest, you know, people.
    That really sucked. As do Mondays. I enjoyed your tirade, but I myself am keeping cautiously optimistic, mainly because I’m on holidays from Friday.

    • ughhh I totally agree. I’m asuming you mean celsius (silly American’s and our non usage of the metric system…) but yeah changing a tire in the heat sucks. I’d rather have the rain. although the rain is NJ is probably pretty cold….

      as I type this it fifty degrees inside my apartment because I am too cheap to turn the heat on therefore at the moment the heat doesn’t sound so bad but the thing about the heat is that it slows you down and wears you out, whereas the cold makes you want to move around and haul ass so in terms of tire changing the cold is probably the lesser of two evils

  6. Royalwe1 said

    I know exactly where you were! Should have called me. I live in Bucks County!

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