No Guest Post

December 15, 2010

Some peeps cured HIV and Leukemia…

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/health/fl-stem-cell-hiv-20101215,0,439082.story

Well, that’s good.

I’m not really sure  what the protocol for this is, but I’m inclined to think they should be rewarded with…

ANYTHING OF THEIR CHOOSING…

FOREVER!!!!

It’s just a suggestion.

Also, this may sound like a bad idea, but just listen to me for a second.

It appears that “stem cells” are more or less MAGIC.

Or “stem cells” is like science from movies. Science in real life is pretty lame. Like science gave us Afrin nasal spray. It works I suppose, but it certainly is boring and lame. But science in movies can do all sorts of amazing things like replicate bone and if you got your leg cut off then some science machine could just make bone and put it where your leg was in these little disks and some how that works.

I think the “government” should quarantine an island somewhere. Let’s say in the middle of the Pacific ocean like Fiji.

Take 1000 people or so to that island and then feed them stem cells. Get them thanksgiving stuffed on stem cells. Like I need to unbutton my pants because my stomach is so distended from eating all these delicious stem cells.

After that, let’s wait and see what happens.

I feel like in a matter of a week we will pretty much have created an island of superheroes. Or have killed 1000 people. It’s really a toss up. Either they die from eating stem cells because you are not supposed to be exposed to that many stem cells… or we made the X-Men. I think it is worth a shot. People with wings and can shoot laser beams out of their eyes. Who knows what could happen?

I guess there is also the chance that nothing could happen after feeding these 1000 people stem cells. And in that scenario, I think we just blast them with radiation. Just one good blast of it. Maybe the stem cells need a catalyst like a blast of radiation to get them started on doing that good stuff like giving these people the ability of flight or to be able to bend steel with their mind.

If nothing happens after that then really the only sensible course of action is force feeding them more stem cells for another week followed by another blast of radiation and another week of watching.

After that, we should probably blow up that island and never talk about that experiment again.

Either way, knowing that HIV is cured has really opened up my weekend plans a lot…. A LOT.

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7 Responses to “No Guest Post”

  1. YES.

    But, let’s be honest here… Face/Off needs to happen before I’ll consider real world science “cool”.

  2. PWG said

    Do not go see Love and Other Drugs. Go to http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LoveTropes, where the writers dug up the script, and then Google image search Jake Gyllenhaal. You’ll save yourself some money and sanity.

  3. kristenstewartwantsit said

    I wasn’t really planning on ever seeing “Love and Other Drugs”, but thanks for the heads up.

    I think the reason why I’ve been mentioning that movie a bunch and why I harp on it not looking good is because originally I thought it was going to be good when I read about them making it. A sex and selling drugs with Pharmaceutical reps. I also think Jake Gyllenhaal can be great – I loved “Jarhead” and “Donnie Darko”.

    And then, when the trailer starts and there is that bit with him and Oliver Platt and Jake is being a dick — that looked like a promising romantic comedy. But then the trailer turns into this formulaic mess and she has cancer or something and everything is stupid and sappy.

    • cledbo said

      I hated Jarhead.

      Mainly because it basically takes every good war/army movie ever made, steals their stories and sticks them back together with paperclips after changing the setting to the Middle East. I sat through the whole thing saying “That’s from Apocalypse Now” and “That’s from The Odd Angry Shot“. It was infuriating.

      I can see someone who isn’t a massive war movie nut like me enjoying it, but it was like reading a book consisting of the vomit produced by eating a whole lot of other, better books after they were only partially digested.

    • PWG said

      The acting wasn’t terrible, it was fine. I felt bad for all of them.

      The screenplay, though, Jesus. *Spoiler alert* Ever see a movie where one of the leads realizes what a mistake they’ve made splitting up with the other one? So they get to have a frantic chase scene where they race after the person’s plane/train/automobile? Followed by a public reunion confessing their love and idiocy in front of dozens of bystanders? And the chase-ee is all, “Oh, you! We really ARE meant for each other!” I never want to see that in a movie again.

      How about walking in on your brother jacking off to a sex tape of you and your girlfriend, followed by a discussion of how much of an anaconda he thinks your penis is? A hot chick offering up a threesome with her mute Thai girlfriend because she’s “Thai curious”? Thats some quality fucking writing right there, my friend.

  4. PWG said

    I’m happy for that lucky stem cell dude who went from “you have HIV and leukemia” to, “nah, we’re just fucking with you, you’re fine now.” Science high five!

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