This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #47

January 14, 2011

It’s fucking Friday.

It’s the weekend and unless you work on the weekend then it is time for you to do something selfish and reckless. That is unless you do something selfish and reckless during the week and I think you should switch that around and move that to the weekends. The weekends were built for selfish and reckless moves. It’s a period of two days and two nights that were built for trick shots. The weekend is the bumper bowling of life.

During the week there are no bumpers. You can definitely get a gutter ball or two. You go out drinking on Tuesday to heavily – when you wake up Wednesday hung over for work: gutter ball. On the weekend? No worries. Get drunk Friday night? Wake-up hung over Saturday? Lay in bed all Saturday watching Netflix and snuggling every inch of your comforter? STRIKE! The bumpers always make every throw a strike.

Just take a moment this weekend for yourself.

I’m like Tony Robbins – except I’m cynical most of the time, have better taste in music most likely, and could give you a comprehensive history lesson on Dragon Ball Z.

Anyway… today is Friday.

And today is/was the birth of one of my best friend’s second child. He has a girl and now today he has a boy. I feel like mentioning this because as a general public service announcement I think we will see over the next 20+ years a sharp rise in girls getting their hearts broken by this fella. Just letting the ladies know what they’re in for. It’s going to be like a New Jersey Justin Bieber, but a ton manlier.

As for my movie reviews over the past few days…

I did read a positive review for The Green Hornet and The Dilemma. Although, I did read positive reviews for Tron: Legacy, so who the motherfuck knows what any of that means. You can’t trust anyone’s opinion. Roger Ebert liked Garfield the movie, so what the fuck does he know.

I did see a movie last night that I absolutely loved from this year: I’m Still Here.

I loved this movie.

I know for a fact this movie isn’t for everyone. I know that even the greatest movie of all time isn’t for everyone. It’s just how things are. There are people out there who don’t like the Mona Lisa or who don’t like Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice”. It seems out of control to think so, but it’s the truth.

Anyway, I loved it.

The movie is fake documentary about Joaquin Phoenix losing his mind, quitting acting and deciding to become a rapper. I remember when Joaquin first started appearing on shows and talking about this and I don’t know how people thought this was at all real. It is too insane and it fits too perfectly that his filmmaker brother-in-law is filming it for it to be real. But there were people who thought this was real. Apparently, there were people who even thought it was real after watching the movie… WHICH IS MORE INSANE! If you sit through this movie and think that what is happening is not scripted then you may be more insane than Joaquin Phoenix in this movie.

I hate to say spoiler alert, but to sum this up… a man shits on Joaquin Phoenix in this movie.


Didn’t expect that did ya? That’s completely correct though. At one point, in the hour and 45 minutes of this movie, there is a hu-man who stands over an unsuspecting asleep Joaquin Phoenix and shits on him. It fucking happens. And people thought this was real?! Could you fucking imagine that Joaquin Phoenix would have a man videotape himself getting shit on him, allow that clip to go to the editing room, make the final edit, and go to movie theaters and DVDs? You are out of your mind! Of course, this is fake.

Nevertheless, the fakeness is the brilliance of it. This is all scripted and planned and shows that Joaquin and Casey Affleck are two really funny guys. The movie is nuts. Joaquin is great in it. I try to describe it as what Will Ferrell does in a lot of his movies. It is this character you can imagine Will Ferrell being, but it is the extremist version of him. And that’s what Joaquin is doing. People already think he is a nutjob, so he just lets that roll from there.

The ending of the movie is absolutely priceless and made me laugh uncontrollably to the point that I had to stop the movie to stop my convulsions. The movie is so serious and at the same time so over-the-top ridiculous that it is the perfect mix for me. It is a level of insanity that is wonderful. And even more so, it really plays on people’s preconceived notions that Joaquin Phoenix is a wild nutjob and they would expect his life to be that crazy.

Outside of that…

I started watching A Prophet last night, which I’m expecting to love. It is a French film about a kid who goes to prison and ends up rising through the ranks of the mob that controls the place.

As for this week’s two questions?

What do I do all day?

Things? It depends. Sometimes it is nothing. Sometimes it is something. Sometimes I have to do typical errands and so forth. Sometimes I sit around with my dogs. Sometimes I play videogames. Sometimes I write something for money. Everyday is a gift, am I right?

What’s up with New Jersey?

I love New Jersey. So I might be the worst person to consult on hating New Jersey. As far as I can tell, New Jersey has pretty much everything someone would want. It has all the good and all the bad that all of our fine states in the U. S. of A. offer. There are the rich, there are the poor, there are the liberal elites and the salt of the Earth conservatives, there are gun owners and there are pacifists, there is the mob, there are gangs, there are urban cities and rural farms, there is legalized gambling, there is the KKK, there is every race and nationality and religion represented, there are great schools, there are great sports teams, there is culture, there is Four Loko, there is snow, there is humidity, there is the beach, there is skiing, there is history, there is development, there are malls and mom & pop shops, there is corruption and there is charity and most of all there is a population of people here who just had a new addition in the form of a baby boy that will be another excellent example of this fine state.

Have a great weekend.


4 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #47”

  1. dharv said

    I miss videogames. I miss my… dog.

    (If anyone has half a clue what greatness I’m alluding to with that, FREE MAKEOUTS!)

    I added I’m Still Here to my Netflix queue, though I’m skeptical. The rest of the world seems way less impressed than you with it, seeing as it barely got a 2-star rating…

    I will just pretend someone didn’t trash talk my beloved New Jersey in your comments yesterday.

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