WWWIIINNNNNNIIINNNNGGGGG!!!!! WINNING!

February 28, 2011

So…

Charlie Sheen…

Carlos Estevez…

Is…

UH-MAY-ZUH-EEN-GUH!!!!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/41825237#41825237

Just get to that link and get that in you.

Get it in through your nostrils or boil it up and inject it in your veins or put it on some tinfoil and burn it and inhale that goodness smoke into your lungs or just watch it with your eyeballs and earholes at full attention. The guy is off the charts unbelievable.

I would watch Two and a Half Men if this is what I was tuning in for. Why give him a script? He is so much funnier without a script. Joaquin Phoenix walked around for a year living as a character in a movie as a lunatic version of himself becoming a rapper for I’m Still Here and he is absolutely sublime in it. Where as Chuck Machine over here is just fucking awe inspiring drugged up and crazy and someone better figure out how to make this into a constant movie or television show or podcast that just plays on a loop in my brain cells. He’s so high on drugs I feel like I can’t pass a piss test just listening to him.

Anyway… I won’t really even try to compete with Estevez and his winning because he is too good. Way too good. I really thought the last thing Sheen would have done in his career that concerned me was that cameo he did as himself in Being John Malkovich. It had been awhile since I seen him do something I liked then he does this random cameo that was perfect and then I thought that was it. Thank you for going shit house crazy in public Charlie because now I can appreciated what a “talent” you are again.

Also, I love the F18 dropping ordinance on everyone line because I know that has to be something he got from filming Platoon. Which only makes hope he starts making more wild remarks that slightly reference movies he’s been in.

So…

THE OSCARS

Jennifer Lawrence!

Hands down I think J-Law looked the best. A friend of my joked the dress looked like a Baywatch swimsuit turned into a dress. I agree. I love it. I want more of it.

I didn’t watch all of the Oscars. I watched the second half of it and that was plenty enough to have me depressed. Best director Tom Hooper? Wow. Should there be a little F.A.Q. given to the people of the Academy to explain what a director does for a movie before they get a chance to vote for the sappiest choice each year? I did not like seeing Tom Hooper take that trophy. Which would lead one to assume that I did not at all care for King’s Speech winning best picture. Correct! I did not like seeing that. Sappy shit. Sappy shit wins the best picture. Fuck.

I’m glad Natalie won. She looked great. And yes I’m pretending she is not having prego sex with the dance instructor.

I thought Hailee should have won over Melissa Leo and her table clothe doilies dress. I guess Colin Firth wins, but I would have rather seen Joaquin Phoenix win for I’m Still Here and he wasn’t even nominated.

Christian Bale winning was cool although I really didn’t care for the movie all that much. And I missed seeing Trent Reznor win, but I’m happy for him. I haven’t seen anything about him doing anything noteworthy speech wise, so whatevers.

Scarlett looked great because she looks great. The dress was pretty skin tight, which was excellent. The actual dress? Who cares. If it was a skin tight piece of white spandex with criss crossing hand written sections of Mein Kampf I still would have loved it. The dress doesn’t make the person, it is her sexy body that makes the dress. Anyway, she still makes movies right?

This Geoffrey Rush. He was in movies you’ve seen.

Anyway, let’s play a game.

How old is Geoffrey Rush? aka How ungodly old does Geoffrey Rush look nowadays? aka Is Geoffrey Rush remaking Cocoon? aka Is Geoffrey Rush transforming himself to look older like how Bale loses dramatic weight for his roles? aka They better not be making a Batteries Not Included 3 because the other two are perfect!

So, how old do you think Geoffrey Rush is?

My first guess is 100.

He is right on the button 100 years old.

And your guess is…

I hope you’re making your guess because I’m about to reveal the age.

Geoffrey is actually not 85. He is actually 59 years old.

That’s right.

That is unbelievably right.

Geoffrey Rush is actually too young to be on the 50 over 60 list. And when it is time for him to be eligible for the 50 over 60 list – He won’t be on it.

No ones to fuck what Geoffrey Rush looks like now. His head looks like the Powder kid as a senior citizen. His head looks like the dancing Grandpa from the Six Flags commercials. His head looks a couple less wrinkles away from his own old man junk.

He will not be on the 50 over 60 unless he gets his shit together and fast.

WINNING!

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12 Responses to “WWWIIINNNNNNIIINNNNGGGGG!!!!! WINNING!”

  1. PWG said

    I guessed 62 for Mr. Rush.

  2. PWG said

    I Tivo’d the Oscars. I don’t think it was a stellar year, but I fast-forwarded through so much of it that it was more like a half hour sitcom for me.

    James Franco should have passed on the hosting duties if he didn’t want to be there or had planned on being completely baked throughout the whole thing. If he accidentally over-medicated himself I guess I’d give him a pass, but it would have to include a late-night TV show appearance this week making fun of his Ambien/pot coma. Anne Hathaway tried really hard. Reaaallllly hard. I think she started panicking about 15 minutes in when she realized Franco was a no-show and she was really hosting all by her lonesome.

  3. PWG said

    I thought Jennifer Lawrence was Hayden Panattiere the first 3 times they panned over to her. She looked great, I thought the dress was fine. The weirdest dress was Cate Blanchett’s, but everyone else loved it so what do I know.

  4. PWG said

    I’m enjoying Charlie Sheen’s mental breakdown. I also wondered if Casey Affleck was following him around with a video camera. I didn’t get that link you posted to work, but I’ve read quotes from the interview. I predict that Charlie, David Wu and Lindsay Lohan are going to steal a car and drive it over a cliff, Thelma & Louise style.

  5. tiffanized said

    I didn’t watch. My attention span has shortened to exclude the possibility of watching an entire awards show. In fact, I zoned out just watching the recap on Good Morning America today. I did, as I always do, enjoy Colin Firth in a tuxedo. I didn’t really notice anyone else.

    Charlie Sheen is blossoming into a full blown Nick Nolte brand of crazy. Will someone please get him some coke? I’m starting to think the drugs kept him vibrating at normal human frequency and now he’s just broken into superhuman frequency and before long we won’t be able to see or hear him. I love how he’s completely unapologetic and even proud of his ability to do an enormous amount of drugs. And he’s bragging about all the drugs he can do AS HE’S GETTING DRUG TESTED. The fascinating thing is that while it’s a trainwreck, it’s a happy kind of trainwreck, the one where the wreckee still has all his money, fame and two hot girlfriends who totally know about each other and live with him. I don’t feel bad about watching this happen. It’s a nice break from all the real news that’s been bringing us down.

  6. This was the first exposure I had to Charlie Sheen’s total insanity today: 14 Charlie Sheen Quotes Presented By Baby Sloths

    Barely does it justice, but does soften the blow a little bit. Then I watched a few clips from Good Morning America, my favorite of which being the one where he clarifies that he isn’t bi-polar, but rather “bi-winning”. YES. He also refers to other famous partiers (Sinatra, Jagger, etc) as “droopy-eyed, armless children”. GOLD!

  7. kt said

    Charlie Sheen is obviously manic. I don’t think he is bipolar because we never see the depressive side of it. He does all the drugs to self-medicate and it is obvious without them his he manic out of his fucking mind. I don’t think it will be long until he is baker acted probably by his mangers and shit, I get the feeling his family doesn’t care too much which is sad because that shit is hard to deal with and even worse if you don’t have a good support system.

    I think Scarlet was my best dressed. I loved that dress. It is lace and purple which are two of my favorite things. Also I loved that Michelle Williams took Busy Phillips as her date. I said 65 for Geoffrey Rush.

  8. kt said

    Also, I love James Franco and Anne Hathaway separately but fuck that was horrible last night. The only good part of theirs was James as Marilyn Monroe. James was totally baked, which I called as I watched him get interviewed in the green room before the show and Anne was an annoying sycophant “Woo-ing” after every person she introduced. Drove me crazy.

  9. “Chaim Levine” should’ve just stooped to Charlie’s level and called him “Carlos Estevez” and turned this into a full blown race riot. A duel to the death between Jews and Hispanics. And then add it to the list of things I’d watch instead of “Two And A Half Men”.

  10. kristenstewartwantsit said

    I forgot to mention in the post that “The Kids Are Alright” won for best COMEDY(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) at the Golden Globes. All those clips from the movie looked really COMEDIC.

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