This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #52

March 25, 2011

Friday! Weekend! Friday! Weekend! Questions! Answers! Friday! Weekend!

Last night, I was in New York City and I saw Donald Glover from Community do an hour and a half of stand-up for his Comedy Central hour special Weirdo, which seemingly should be on TV later this year like in the Summer time.

A few thoughts:

1. If you’re an indie rock girl and you say you don’t want to have sex with Donald Glover then you’re racist… and a lying.

2. Donald Glover is tiny, muscular and shapely. I have eyes.

3. Funny funny dude. Very funny. The special will definitely be a great watch.

4. The theater offered beers for sale, but it also offered small bottles of red and white wine… and Prosecco. Hipsters!

5. If you’re curious, he didn’t do any Childish Gambino stuff.

Friday Question: Tigers rule (clearly). If you could be any predatory animal to attack and kill freely and then lie around sleeping and occasionally having sex, which one would you be?

On the top of the list would be jungle cats. I’m not sure how I can decide between a lion and a tiger and a jaguar and a panther and a cheetah and so forth. It would be like having to choose my favorite between my children. My quadruped, razor sharp claws having, furry, big ass teeth having, an incredible grace and power, and ferociously dangerous children. I feel like lions or tigers may be the most social of the creatures, so that would be cool. Just hanging out in the African plains with some lions and then every once in awhile a Jeep Wrangler will dart me and I’ll wake up a few hours later with my claws clipped, whiskers trimmed, teeth cleaned and a new earring.

I think being a bear would be cool, but it seems like a pretty Thoreau existence. A lot of alone time with my thoughts. Also, it’s kind of a thieving life style as bears root through trash and steal picnic baskets. Lastly, I like fish. I do eat salmon, but all the time? That’s going to get annoying. I need some variety.

Friday Question: Captain America trailer. Thoughts? Did weird skinny CGI Chris Evans creep you out as much as it did me?

I was really down on this whole movie, but I’m kind of turning around on this after seeing this trailer. It looks way better than I was expecting. The 30 second TV spot this movie had on the Super Bowl didn’t show too much footage and I was not excited. But the more footage I see the more I like it. The one thing though is trailers are complete liars. They have made me fall in love with movies that suck so many times. Trailers you break my heart!

But I am excited for the movie now. Right now, I think it looks better than Iron Man. The CGI Chris Evans is creepy, but it is necessary. I think it looks a lot better than Evans wearing an over-sized sweatshirt and baggy pants and trying to pretend like we can’t see his ginormous muscles underneath everything. For instance, in the movie Faster – the way they made The Rock look 10 years younger was put The Rock in a knit cap and zip-up sweatshirt. That was literally it. The Rock with hat on is 10 years younger. The Rock with hat off is 10 years older. Incredible.

The one shot of Chris Evans dressed as Captain America walking into that bad guy hideout and he has the shield and he is shooting a gun and everything and it makes me want to have spoon sex with America… more than I do usual.

Also, Hugo Weaving is the bad guy and he’s great. And the Tommy Lee Jones speech sounds great in the trailer.

I’m allowing myself to get excited for it. Right now, I think it could be better than Iron Man that’s its zenith. But it could suck… who knows? Shit happens.

Here’s your Friday question: What’s the weirdest meat you’ve ever eaten?

I’ve had cow’s tongue. But that isn’t toooooo weird. In Beijing, I did eat some sea slug or something that was the weirdest thing I have ate. It was disgusting and it was in a peanut sauce. It was green and had thorns. It apparently gave me strength, virility and good fortune. Which I’m waiting to cash-in on every-motherfucking-day. WHERE IS MY FORTUNE?!!! Stupid sea slug.

Shouldn’t this post have included actors who would’ve been good in the movie? So I don’t have to think about it myself all day on no-post Wednesday?

I don’t know who I would be OK with outside of that Harrison Ford/Daniel Day Lewis when they were in high school combo. I’ll still say this that Zac Efron should be “Light” if they actually make that Death Note anime/manga into a live-action movie. And I will say if they are going to make a Naruto adaptation then they need to grab Chloe Morentz to play Sakura or some chick. She showed she can handle action scenes in Kick Ass. And if they ever make Bleach into a movie then there is absolutely no one else who should play Rangiku than Diora Baird. That’s a fucking fact and a half.

In all honesty, I hope they don’t make any of these movies live action and I would rather people just learn to appreciate how great anime/manga is instead of waiting for some perverse shitty live action version. Like Naruto Shippuden is fucking inconceivably great at times. It is a great great show and when it’s on it’s on like Donkey Kong. It is so fucking good. Sasuke vs. Itachi?!!! Holy shit that was amazing! I some times try to imagine the show as a live action, but it wouldn’t be half as good. They couldn’t recreate the madness in real life nearly as fluidly as it moves in the animation.

I feel like you might be giving Ke$ha a little too much credit… but I also feel like I don’t care because YOU’RE RIGHT. Does the fact that she may not be aware that she’s the greatest existentialist ever change anything? Or, does it make her even more existential because she doesn’t even bother to take the time to consider herself that?


I’m not saying Kesha is the greatest existentialist mind in popular culture right now. But name one better? That’s what I’m saying.

Like I’m not saying Dave Grohl is the coolest guy walking the Earth, but name 4 better. Name 4 guys cooler than Dave Grohl – I think it is impossible.

And with those philosophical queries…

I bid you adieu…

And have a great weekend!


Shot shot shot shot shot shots!



19 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #52”

  1. PWG said

    The CGI skinny Chris Evans was creepy. But the regular Chris Evans made me feel, um, quite patriotic. Some people should just walk around shirtless and spritzed with water all the time. For the benefit of humankind.

  2. kt said

    I am so fucking jealous you went and saw Donald Glover last night. I have such a huge crush on him.

    I’ve had cow tongue too and I thought it was good. I’m trying to think of weird things I have eaten and nothing really stands out. I feel some things are probably different, but not weird like a slug in peanut sauce. Stuff like crawfish (where I suck the heads*), gator, turtle, frogs, venison, wild boar, gizzards… shit that my crazy redneck/hunting/cajun family consider normal. I do remember being like 7 or 8 and eating sushi with my dad when adult members of my family were gagging watching us. There are very few things I won’t eat/try. Canned tuna is number one on that list. That is just nasty shit.

  3. Yes, jealous. Maybe it’s best I never see Donald Glover in person though. I’d rather not acknowledge the fact that he is miniature. I also just saw him tweet something about Scott Pilgrim, so he really is every hipster girls’ dream boy…

    Weirdest thing I’ve ever eaten? Ummm… prawn-flavored chips (sorry, “crisps”) while in England? I haven’t really been in a position to eat anything too strange. Though I imagine one of the sausages I ate while in Germany could have been pretty questionable…

    That entire paragraph should just be one big that’s what she said.

  4. PWG said

    I don’t know who Donald Glover is. Whatever I know about him comes only from this blog. I’m sorry. I’ll try to get out more.

    Predatory animal? I guess something people don’t eat or shoot for my awesome pelt and aphrodisiacal bones. A Chinese Crested? Oh my fucking God, I cannot stop laughing at those damn pictures. Someone bred those that way on PURPOSE.

    • PWG said

      There’s a link off to the side of those ugly dog pictures, called “How Gecko Farming.” How, indeed?

    • PWG said

      Now I can’t stop looking at stuff on that Chinese Crested dude’s web site:

      “Wild cow’s milk is the best cow’s milk than other cows milk. Do you know what cow’s milk best? It was not just any cow’s milk from cows. Cows that eat the wild grass from the soil, the quality of milk five times better than the cow barn.”

      He must be tag-bombing the Google search algorithm, although I have no idea why.

    • kt said

      Do you not watch Community? You should. It’s hilarious.

  5. I want to be the crazy nastyass honey badger because honey badger don’t care! Honey badger don’t give a shit.

    • kt said

      Omg that might be my absolutely favorite internet video ever. Just reading your comment nearly brought me to tears.

  6. Ann said

    Just wanted to say that I had a great time last night following your suggestion from the earlier meat post. Yes …bad tattoos are hilarious. Would suggest you make a post about that if not worried it would end up being a cock fest. Not really surprised at the number of “find the cock tattoos” but the “I love my vagina” tats made me puke in my mouth a little. One shark eating baby tattoo under an armpit will hunt me in my sleep forever.

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