Every Ironic TV Celebrity Died Today On A Boat…

April 1, 2011

… Oh wait! No they didn’t!


Hahahahahah… wasn’t that fun? That never gets old! Hahahahah… death. Death is so funny. Especially when the person who died is someone you don’t know, but you remember seeing them when in a few movies when you were a kid and then you stopped thinking about them forever and then someone brings up that person is DEAD and you are worried for a minute like “oh, that sucks for that guy” and then you found out it was a funny joke because getting a whole lot of people to imagine that person is dead when they’re not and they’re really just not famous anymore and people don’t really know for sure if he is dead or alive, well that’s funny.

Today is arguably the dumbest “holiday” of the year. I can’t really in all good reason call it a “holiday” because nothing happens on it. There is no parade, day off from work, special food, history or anything that I know of. There is only a small percentage of the population that even gets involved in it. And those people are called “jerks”. Yep. I don’t want to “offend” anyone into an all out war debate like Monday (actually, there were like 30 responses, so maybe I should more often), but I calling those people “jerks”. J-E-R-K-S – jerks.

There is a smaller percentage of those jerks that I call “douche bag pieces of shit”, but I’ll leave the whole category to be “jerks”.

Unless you’re like the “funny” elementary school teacher then I can’t imagine really playing an April Fool’s joke on anyone.

Anyway… today is Friday. I didn’t ask for any questions nor do I feel like answering any at the moment. I was going to do a write-up for April Movies. That write-up will happen next week. Instead, I will mention the three movies that are coming out today that are worth seeing in my opinion. Even though I haven’t seen any of them I would see each one of them and I suggest you also have fun investigating them yourselves.


I had some trepidation about this movie when I first saw the trailer. Reason being: I though the trailer looked bad. It’s not the easiest to be psyched for something when you think it looks bad. But then a few weeks later something happened – I found out who directed this movie: Duncan Jones. Ahhhh Duncan Jones. I remember thee, Duncan Jones. Duncan directed the 2009 sci-fi movie starring Sam Rockwell entitled Moon. Well, excellent work there Duncan Jones. I follow directors. I see movies that certain directors make regardless of the movie. I trust directors. And I really liked Moon and it was Duncan’s first movie and Source Code is his second and I’m more than willing to see it based on that alone.

Duncan Jones is also the son of David Jones who may or may not be more famously known as David Bowie. Just throwing that out there. Every article and their mother love sharing that tidbit as if they were the ones to uncover it like it was the Ark of the Covenant, so I don’t want to look like the jerk who didn’t know it so… blam! So ch-ch-ch-Changes! was his dad.

The movie itself looks like a white man’s Deja Vu or a less gritty 13 Monkeys (which was white). It’s about a guy played by Jake Gyllenhaal who is apart of some futuristic military project where they can send him back in time to this one particular moment for 8 minutes. They keep sending him back to this particular train ride that features Michelle Monaghan and I believe a bomb on the train. He’s trying to figure out how the bomber is and all sorts of neat-o stuff.

The movie has gotten a whole bunch of good reviews so far and people are just having a fun time fellating it, so there’s that. On top of that, I do like Jake Gyllenhaal. I’m throwing that out there. I like him in a bunch of movies.


More or less this looks like a low-rent Kick Ass and I’m cool with that. Rainn Wilson’s wife or ex-wife Liv Tyler is fucking Kevin Bacon who is a local bad guy. Rainn decides he can’t take it anymore and can’t take being such a lose in life that he makes himself into a superhero. Randomly, Ellen Page gets involved and becomes his sidekick. It’s a dark comedy with some comically brutal violence and so forth. It looks funny, it’s a storyline that never gets old (Kick Ass didn’t start this – if Batman doesn’t need superpowers to fight crime than neither do I – philosophy and make it a comedy), it has a solid group of actors in it and the director James Gunn has written and directed some funny funny stuff – namely, PG Porn, which is an online series.

I’m looking forward to this. It should be at the very least entertaining. I’m not sure if it will be better than Kick Ass, but I’m not looking for it to be. Either way, there is Ellen Page in this…

… which is the most attracted to Ellen Page I’ve ever been.


I’m thoroughly doubting most of you will get the chance to see this movie as I don’t expect it to get a major release through this wild and wonderful country of ours. But this is one of the more intriguing trailers I have seen for a movie this year and I have to mention it because at some point it will be available on Netflix in your lifetime and you should probably see it then. I’m thoroughly excited for the madness and ridiculousness this movie is pitching the world it has within its movie walls.

The story appears to be a rubber tire comes to life and has a telekinetic power to blow up people or thing’s heads. The local police go into manhunt or tirehunt mode and are looking for this tire with its murderous abilities. The movie looks wild and fun. That one scene where they’re burning the tires and it zooms in on the tire watching through the fence. Unreal! So good. It’s so dramatic and it’s a tire! Better acting from that tire than any movie I’ve seen marketed towards “tweens”.

So that’s all for today’s theater exploits.

As for the rest of April, I’ll talk about that next week. I’ll let you in on a little secret though, the rest of April is kind of down hill. Your Highness looks like it will be worth the effort, but the same cannot be said about the majority of the month.

Anyway… too-da-loo

Have a great weekend.


4 Responses to “Every Ironic TV Celebrity Died Today On A Boat…”

  1. How can April be downhill as far as movies are concerned? It has to get better at some point, right? RIGHT?!

    I’m torn about Rubber. I want to see it because it looks hilarious, but at the same time I’m worried it’ll kill some adorable animals and make me sad, or somehow I’ll actually end up legitimately scared at some point. And that’s shameful and embarrassing. I do enough to make a fool out of myself without the help of a movie about a homicidal tire.

  2. PWG said

    I would much, much prefer to see Rubber instead of Source Code. I’m sorry, that premise is fucking ridiculous. Up in the Air chick and James Bond guy can send you back in time and put you into someone eles’s body but with your own memories, and “the science” dictates that it can only take place in the last 8 minutes of someone’s life. No. That hurts my brain, I cannot suspend belief for something so ludicrously specific.

    That reminds me of one of the Harry Potter movies, where Dumbledore says phoenixes can carry extremely heavy things, are the only living creatures immune to the gaze of a basilisk, and have tears with healing powers. Approximately five minutes before all three of those mad magical skills are required by the plot.

    I prefer the utter knowing implausability of a homicidal tire, and I like the way that trailer was shot.

  3. PWG said

    I have to envision Liv Tyler with Rainn Wilson too? Is April just suspension of disbelief month? That’s the exact opposite of the mental state required for April Fool’s Day to work.

    • PWG said

      Suspension of belief, I meant. Suspension of disbelief takes us into Inception territory. Hey, Ellen Page is there, too!

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