Snake Apocalypse – UPDATE or SNAKE APOCALYPSE – update

April 6, 2011

I saw this video yesterday and I absolutely had to share it.

I’ll repeat that I have no idea how the snakes will begin their apocalypse on us. Will it be after or before the Elephant Apocalypse? Will it be in conjunction? Will the two apocalypses off-set each other (best case scenario)? I have no idea. There are simply too many possibilities. But what I do know is that this man will play a key role in the continued existence of the human race if/when the snake apocalypse happens…

Like a fucking boss.

He just throws those snakes around with impunity!

It’s as if mad scientists specifically removed the mitochondria that prompt fear from snakes or fear from impending attacks from snakes, so that he could do this job. He’s like the most superheroic janitor ever. Also, I do believe mitochondria control everything. Why I’m over 6 feet tall? Mitochondria. Why I love peanut butter? Mitochondria. Why I can’t stop watching Kate Upton do the “Dougie” dance? Mitochondria I am your slave!

Clearly, this man, this super man, can be our front line assault on the snakes.

I do worry about 2 things though…

1. He was killed by all those snakes a second after the video stopped and he is actually dead right now.

2. The snakes know of this man and have told each other about him in their snake meetings and he will be the first one to die in a sneak attack immediately prior to the snake apocalypse.

Just food for thought.

He exists.

Our snake apocalypse savior exists.

He fights for us.

He sweeps snake poop for us.

Carry on.

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11 Responses to “Snake Apocalypse – UPDATE or SNAKE APOCALYPSE – update”

  1. PWG said

    I like how after he tosses the snakes they open their hoods all threatening-like at him but stay the hell away. It’s like a bar fight where one guy’s all, “What, you think you’re a tough guy? Come over here and say that!” Then tough dude goes over there and says it. And first guy says, “Well, if I didn’t have a very important meeting first thing in the morning, I’d totally kick your ass!”

    Sorry, cobras, if you’re not actually goes to bite that asshole right in the eyeball for manhandling you and poking at you with a very irritating halfass broom, then you’ve lost the right to posture at him behind his back.

    Also, why does someone have a cobra pit that needs cleaning in the first place? Zoos don’t just pile 500 snakes into a big empty swimming pool and call it an exhibit. Is this a Raiders of the Lost Ark tomb?

  2. tiffanized said

    He does this job in flip flops and capris? I’d need a getup that rivals an astronaut suit to expose myself to that level of snakes and snake detritus.

  3. PWG said

    Everything I know about cobra-wrangling* I learned from watching Rikki Tikki Tavi. I think that’s prepared me to be this guy’s First Lieutenant in the Great Snake Wars. Bang-stick them in the bathroom, or threaten their eggs and chase them into a hole, duh.

    You’re on your own with the elephants.

  4. Just WOW to that whole thing. Especially the way all the cobras are bobbling around in the background like a pack of reptile-y meerkats.

    I’m going to stop bitching about my yob now.

  5. PWG said

    I think this begs the (Friday?) question of who it would be best to be lost in the wild with. I know it depends on which “wild” your Southwest 737 skinless Boeing is going down in, but let’s assume it’s some hellhole full of poisonous plants and ill-tempered venemous animals.

    You have your obvious choices: Bear Grylls, Les Stroud, Chuck Norris, Ripley, Richard Dean Anderson, Aron Ralston, anonymous snake wrangler.

    But feel free to think outside the box: Cat whisperer Mowgli boy, a Chilean rugby team, someone with no survival skill whatsoever who’s really hot so you can have desperate great jungle sex before you’re killed by tarantulas . . .

  6. I have a third and fourth concern:

    #3. He’s already dead in that video, and that’s why he’s not afraid. If there are zombies with cobras for bff’s in this world, I’m just going to off myself. Right after I finish my sandwich.

    #4. He’s actually the one behind the snake apocalypse. I don’t think snakes are all that smart, so I don’t imagine they’re particularly good at plotting and scheming destruction on a large scale (scale! get it? see what I did there? puns!!!).

  7. MyRobbie said

    Fucking flip flops! Flip flops! And I saw that Dougie clip, and hot damn, that made even me want to do her. (And I’m a heterosexual chick – that context is important.)

    Flip flops!!

  8. kristenstewartwantsit said

    Snakes, huh?

  9. cledbo said

    The comments made me want to remember to watch this video at home even more than the article itself written by JorDO did.

    What’s a Dougie when it’s at home? Another question only YouTube can sufficiently answer for me, that will need to wait 5 hours. Damn you mork.

    I wonder if one cobra calls himself Snake Griffin.

    Bear Grylls doesn’t seems as cool when you hear that often his cameraman has to go in shitty places *before* he does. At least his cameraman didn’t have to do the gross water enema first, so some job satisfaction there. Not a lot though.

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