Happy Birthday Kristen Stewart!!!! – Tomorrow

April 8, 2011

First off, Happy Friday and I hope you all have fun fun fun fun on the weeeek… end!

Secondly off, tomorrow is Kristen Stewart’s birthday.


It is also her 21st birthday.


Good luck to her with that.

I’ve decided to draw up a little picture of how I expect her birthday to go down.

It’s a happy little scene with her and her two male lovers or at least that’s how most people want it to be.

It’s a lovely little time they’re having.

It appears Taylor Lautner is taking today’s special day for a time to indulge in some cocaine.

Nose candy. Booger sugar. Yay yo. Yip. Fresh powder. Colombia’s greatest export. Freud’s best friend.

It also appears that Robert Pattinson is relaxing to the right with some marijuana.

Weed. Sticky icky. Grass. Inspiration. Ganj. Greenbacks. Baseball cards. Chiba. Natural Valley’s really good time.

All three have imbibed much of the infamous XXX brand brown bottle booze that cartoon characters are very fond of.

Kristen is wearing a brilliant diamond tiara, which I can only assume was given to her by rich male benefactor who enjoys her young adult film work…

… or she stole it. They have been soaking their living tissue in alcohol as well as ingesting illegal narcotics.

I wish them all the best where ever this journey takes them. Probably a hotel room with one large bed and a running jacuzzi with champagne flutes, bon bon chocolates, the smell of rose petals tingling the nostril hairs, Barry White’s platinum selling studio album The Man playing in the background stirring up primal sensations in one’s audio canals and loins, and, lastly, a compilation of the greatest love making scenes from hardcore pornography involving two men and one woman playing in a combination of slow motion and sped up like a Zack Snyder movie in every room of the hotel suite causing one to confront their bestial carnal desires and the pleasures they seek in an uncompromising moment of virility and lust and wonderment and exploration and youthful curiosity and rebellion.

The bell boy better run or he’ll find himself bent over faster than a guitar solo on a Metallica record. With that sock in his mouth it is difficult for him to bellow “Robbie” the way he is being instructed to. Completely incapable to resist what is happening as he remains transfixed by the penetrating eyes of the maiden of honor as she whispers “get sleazy” over and over until the bell boy has lost himself in the grip of two men; one more animal than the other.

A birthday they will all never forget.



Your Highness…

And some beverages…

Happy Birthday Kristen Stewart… she wants IT.


11 Responses to “Happy Birthday Kristen Stewart!!!! – Tomorrow”

  1. PWG said

    WHAT?! I get no love on my lost in the wilderness with Brand X question, even though it was possibly the only Friday question asked? You’re only not in trouble because I haven’t finished reading NASA Patch. I was going to start counting how many days in a row the post had no reference whatsoever to Kristen Stewart, but the streak’s broken now.

    I like the Van Dyke on the guy behind Lautner. At first I thought you drew one of those irritating skinny beards on Taylor’s face, but now I see it’s just an elastic band for the party hat. The guy behind Kristen has his eyes shut because of the tiara brilliance.

    What’s in the box on Kristen’s lap? WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!!?

  2. PWG pretty much commented my comment already… I like the background beard and I want to know what’s in the box.*

    However, I will also add that I’m a little turned on. And confused.

    TayTay looks like he learned how to do coke from that Sci-Fi author from that one episode of Party Down.

  3. PWG said

    I bet sometimes Kristen doesn’t want to sit next to either one of those dudes. Sometimes they should do an alphabetical seating chart and then she could chitchat with Patri-

    Holy fuck, I just GIS’d Patrick Stewart for the first time. I did not see that coming.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      THIS should have had a cameo in “Crocodile Dundee”… although now that I think about it it should have been a cameo in EVERYTHING.

  4. starry said

    HAPPPYYYYY B’DAAAAAAAAY 21st to my lovelly actress K-STWW ….. i always pray good luck to you on your career ,love,and everythiiiiiiiing ….. and i always pray you will be a forever couple with you lovelly boyfriend R-patzz ,i always believe you n rob more stronger now even there’s rumoured abaout you n rob broke up… i know that is not true coz you and rob still together now …. ROBSTEN rules !!!

  5. crizo said

    happy b/day Kisten wish for you all the best,in love,wish all your dreams become reality i dont know you personaly only by twiligh and see you on magazines,tv and my computer but i think you are the most beautifull girl in this big world of hollywood you are very talented,and have wonderfull pair of legs hapwish you the bestpy b/day next to the people who love you

  6. PWG said

    Well all the sincere good wishes are making me feel bad now. Happy birthday to you, Kristen Stewart.

    I’m not sorry that Jordan misappropriated your public image and started a blog about you that 68% of the time has nothing to do with you. I think you’ve been treated affectionately here. There are certainly a lot of your pictures on this site, many of them not even MS Painted. Speaking of MS Paint, if this is your first day here you should totally look up the MS Paint gun sex post. If that doesn’t make you proud to be associated with this blog, I don’t know what will. You can come to our KSWI-con someday. There’s going to be drinking.

  7. cledbo said

    What’s in Tay-tay’s pocket? I’m not even going to try to guess because I have no idea.

    Looks like a mad party they’ve had, and the Stew’s first legal alcoholic beverages in the US of A. I’d been drunk on the reg for 3 years by the time I turned 21, Australia rules bitches.

    But no, all the best to the Want, may she keep wanting it forever so J-Swizzle always has inspiration for hilarious words and spectacular MS Paintery.

    I’d blame the schools for the poor spelling of Kristen’s exuberant well-wishers, but T-Pain’s “Buy you a Drank” just came on TV so popular culture has a lot to answer from the English language too.

    You’d have to be high to think that jacket looked good anywhere, let alone at a major awards show. Thanks for making the men in our lives look a million times better in comparison, Rob. Cheers!

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