THE WANT IS SPREADING! IT IS INFECTING ANIMALS!

May 5, 2011

It’s true.

We can finally put to rest the age old question, can want transfer inter-species?

Yes.

We clearly knew that want can transfer from person to person. Subject A – WANT Queen Lord Kristen Stewart and Subject B – any person who has ever come in contact with her. Remember all those Ashley Greene photos? She wants it. Why? She caught the bug from Kristen Stewart. She passed on her traits through osmosis and diligent instruction and now that chick wants it. Hard.

But could Kristen Stewart’s want have the same effect on any animals? Now, we know the answer is a most affirmative yes.

Example A:

The given.

Kristen Stewart wants IT.

She has cleverly disguised herself on the streets of New York City as James Marsden as Cyclops in X-Men III: The Last Stand. Remember that? Remember when Scott Summers put on the sun glasses and got in that Seattle early 90’s “I listen to Pearl Jam” outfit with the back pack and went off on his motorcycle? Remember how he wasn’t manly at all and he just cried and cried and ran away? Remember how he kept getting his ass kicked by girls in those movies? Boy! Did they hate Cyclops or what? The producers of all three X-Men movies must’ve hated Cyclops because they ruined his character COMPLETELY! Cyclops is supposed to be Captain America without the steroids plus he can shoot eye beams instead of throwing around a shield. Cyclops is the LEADER of the X-Men for a reason. He’s not out in the field making decisions because he baked the best cakes back at the school. No! He was a grade A ass kicker. He fucked dudes up. But I digress…

The WANT… and…

Example B:

AHHHHHHHH!!!! PUPPY!!!! THERE IS A PUPPY IN THE PICTURE!!!!

DO YOU SEE HIM?!!! IT’S A PUPPY!!!! I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!!!!

THE OTHER PICTURE WAS OF JUST THAT WHITE CHICK AND THAT’S IT AND NOW THERE IS THAT WHITE CHICK AGAIN, BUT THERE IS A PUPPY IN THE PICTURE TOO!!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! GIVE ME THAT PUPPY!!!! GIVE IT TO ME!!!

I’M GOING TO PET HIM!!! I’M GOING TO SCRATCH HIS HEAD RIGHT ABOVE HIS EYES IN THE CENTER OF HIS HEAD RIGHT ALONG THAT RIDGE BONE ON HIS SKULL AND WHEN I DO THAT HE IS GOING TO LOOK UP AT ME WITH THIS SATISFYING LOOK LIKE, “YOU’RE SCRATCHING MY BRAIN AND IT FEELS GOOD!” AND I’M LIKE, “I FUCKING KNOW PUPPY”! ALL PUPPIES LIKE WHEN YOU SCRATCH THEM THERE!!! AND THEN THE TWO OF US WILL LAUGH BECAUSE WE’RE BOTH THINKING ABOUT PUPPIES!!!!

…….

…..

….

..

.

Whew… ok.

So, let’s get a better look at “example B”.

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

HE’S STILL A PUPPY!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!! GIVE ME THAT DAMN PUPPY ALREADY!!!!!

….

..

.

That is “Bear” or Bear without the quotes. This puppy is apparently named Bear and he is apparently that British guy Robert Patterson or Pattinsens or Pattington or Pattinson’s dog. I’m sure any of those names are acceptable. I doubt he would correct you especially if you’re American. I mean as an American we did beat the British in the Revolutionary War and then had to bail them out of those little old wars they couldn’t handle themselves in Europe. Isn’t that funny? How we had to help them after we beat them? We’re so swell.

Anyway, Bear and Kristen Stewart were in New York City and these pictures were taken.

Bear wants IT.

Bear wants to run.

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Bear wants to stay.

Bear wants to know what that is over there —–>.

Bear wants love.

Bear wants Kristen Stewart’s shoe.

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Bear really wants Kristen Stewart’s shoe. She’s going to lose that shoe in a minute.

See. A dog’s attention is divided. Their want is scattered. But you can see Bear has picked up some tricks from Kristen Stewart and her wanting power.

I’ll help with some illustrations. Check out this sequence.

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So here is Bear leaving the Bowery hotel.

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Initially, Bear wants everything. This is a rookie mistake.

You can’t go hard with everything you got or you’ll burn yourself out. See Kristen Stewart has an unlimited gas tank of want where as us mere wanting mortals do have a limit. You can hurt yourself. Bear is just a pup, so he first has a misstep.

But cooler heads prevail…

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Here Bear has calmed his want to a more sustainable level. It’s like a C+ level of want that he can keep all day long. It’s a pace of want that he can maintain. Also, with this want he can actually look around and survey what are his wanting options. Here he Bear may even be a little confused by his surroundings. Rob speaks British and then has them staying at a British looking hotel, but they’re in the USA. So, Bear could be thrown off by that. Through the initial want you are more or less just seeing glowing shapes, but now Bear can clearly see that Rob has sought comfort in a British hotel because Brits are anglophiles more so than even the fangirls of Rob, which I’m sure is hard to believe. I bet he has Doctor Who on every TV in that hotel room and a plate of bangers and mash just festering on a table in every room.

Brits.

Anyway…

Bear gathers himself. His head is clear. And now it’s time to show the world what the good lady holding the leash taught him.

BAM! Just want beams right down the street. Clearing traffic. Tail up, eyes forward. Engage the target.

The young padawan has learned well.

But what’s this over his shoulder?

KA BLAMO!

Fucked that dude up! Don’t get too close, son. My want will burn you.

Blue Steel into Magnum is a deadly combo even for a puppy.

So, there you have it.

The dog wants IT.

I think my work here is done.

You’re welcome.

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One Response to “THE WANT IS SPREADING! IT IS INFECTING ANIMALS!”

  1. My friend and I took turns IMing each other with “I FUCKING KNOW, PUPPY” pretty much all day. So congratulations on the new catch phrase.

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